The Process - Ch.6
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They stayed cuddled on the sofa for some time. Jin finally calmed down sufficiently enough to sit up and ask Jisung for the bathroom. Jisung pointed a finger towards the door and Jin stood up and left to clean his tear-stained face and runny nose.
After a few minutes, Jin returned, looking better than he was, but with pain still visible on his beautiful face. Jisung marvelled at it, he was always drawn to Jin. He grabbed Jin's hand as soon as he sat next to him on the sofa.
-'' Jin look at me.'' - Jin's dark eyes raised to Jisung's, his chin quivering a little. Jisung runs a thumb over it to smooth it out.
-'' Don't cry anymore Jin.'' - He says in the gentlest manner, which is completely opposite from his overall looks. - '' It is hard and terrible what happened, I understand that, but it's in the past now. You can't change it, so you better accept it, as you did before.'' - He smiles. -'' God, you've changed a lot since the last time I saw you. You seem to be like your old self again, full of life and mischief. I missed that young man.'' - Jisung's voice sends shivers down Jin's body and he leans without thinking to kiss Jisung's mouth.
Jisung gasped in surprise but didn't flinch. Instead, he kissed back, enjoying the plumpness of his lips, allowing Jin to kiss him as long as he wants. After a few moments, Jin pulled back, blushing slightly. -'' Thank you.'' - He whispered. - ''That was nice.''
-'' It was.'' - Jisung ran his thumb over Jin's cheekbone. - ''You are welcome to do that and more whenever you want.'' - He said honestly and Jin smiled.
-'' I might actually do that sometime.'' - Jin said and Jisung smiled.
-'' Good.'' - He said.
-'' Good.'' - Jin nods, also smiling, but shyly, and then reaches for their abandoned mugs on the table. -'' What shall we drink to? How about "Second chances?'' - Jin asked and Jisung nodded.
-'' To "Second chances and kisses"! - Jisung adds, raising a glass, and Jin laughed for the first time that night.
-'' Yeah.'' - Jin says with smile. - '' I'll drink to that!'' - They drink.
They fell into silence again. Jin grew solemn, lost in his thoughts, fighting his past and his present, trying to reset the pieces together. The quiet meditation music in the background sent him into a state of complete stillness.
While this serene pause lasted Jisung never looked away from Jin's face. He was studying him, remembering the smallest details he once knew and was surprised at how much he remembered. Every mole, every curve, how long his lashes are, how plump his lips are.
Jisung fought a desire to kiss him again. He knew better though. He knew that Jin would want the rest of the answers and he was bent on helping him as much as he can.
-'' I would ask if I could kiss you again. '' - He spoke softly to break the silence and prompt Jin to speak again. -'' But I'm afraid you are not in the mood for cuddling just now. You have more questions for me, yes?''
Jin was pulled back to reality from deep in his thoughts and nodded. -'' Yes I do, but I will call a rain check about the kisses.''
Jisung nodded satisfactorily. He went to pour more sake into the mugs, but Jin waved him away. -'' No more for me. I want my head clear. I had a lot already.''
Jisung nodded and left the bottle on the table again.
-'' Hyung. What happened after?'' - Jin asked, looking at his hands.
Jisung leans back on the sofa, thinking. -'' Hmmm, well...the scandal was at the rage, and even though you didn't mention Joy and me, the story spread and people we know started to connect the dots. Namjoon was furious at me, and we had a severe fight. He punched me in the face pretty well.''
Jin ran his eyes over Jisung's cheek as if to try to find the bruise on his face. Knowing what he meant, Jisung pointed at his right cheekbone. -'' Right here. It was a good punch. Stayed with me for a while.'' - He says amusingly.
-'' Why did he punch you? Who was this Namjoon?'' - Jin asked, almost angry at the man he couldn't remember and who dared to punch Jisung.
-'' Don't be cross with Namjoon for hitting me. I deserved it.'' - Jisung defended his old friend. - '' He was disappointed with you.'' - Jisung said with a sad smile. - '' But he was furious with me because I knew how much he liked you, and I still pulled you into my ''perverted web'' as he called it.'' - He laughs.
Noticing Jin's confused look, he explained. -'' Namjoon was a "straight" dude.'' - He made quotation marks in the air. - ''But he made a lot of questionable things with you for a straight guy.''
-'' Did anything happen between me and him?'' - Jin asked.
-'' Oh, you should ask yourself that. You never mentioned anything to me.'' - Jisung shook his head and then shrugged his shoulders. -'' Maybe you felt weird talking about it because he and I were good friends once.''
Jisung pauses, chuckling slightly as he leans his head back, as he reminiscent on the past, exposing the tattoo of a rose on his neck in the process. Jin marvelled at it.
-'' The funny thing was...'' - He continues. -'' He had no right being angry at me because of you.'' - He says with a smirk. -'' He knew my preferences and the relationship Joy and I were in, and you certainly weren't the only person we took to our bed, but you were the only one that we wanted to stay with. It was a mutual decision. Joy wanted you as much as I did and you liked us well enough, even though I believe you had your eyes on someone else.''
-'' Who?'' - Jin asked feeling slightly abashed at the straightforwardness of Jisung's words.
-'' Namjoon.''
Jin's eyes grew wide at that. -'' But I thought you said that he was straight? - He asked confused.
-'' He was.'' - Jisung nods.- '' Or at least that's what we all thought, but that did not stop you from trying.'' - He grins at Jin's flabbergast face. - '' You nearly succeeded.'' - Jisung chuckles. -'' But then the bloody scandal broke out and everything went to Hell.''
-'' Ah, if only I kept my mouth shut!'' - Jin growled.
-'' Oh, if...'' - Jisung waved his head dismissively. -'' What if... if I did this, or that, or some other shit, please don't do that. Don't beat yourself up. It's too late now, it's in the past'' - He said every word with conviction. -'' Maybe things would have been different if you did keep your mouth shut, and maybe not. Maybe some other scandal would break out instead that would be even worse, we could never know. Some things are bound to happen if we step on a certain road, and trust me, we were all in it.''
-'' But I put us on this path. I set the life we are leading now.'' - Jin spoke defeatedly.
-'' It was not only your decision, Jin.'' - Jisung said sternly. - '' Joy and I were both adults back then. We knew what we get ourselves into. We accepted our path. If anything, it was we that were supposed to look out for you more, not to stop you, but to make you feel safe and protected from the gossip. Some people from your school teased you, called you names, saying that you talk with yourself and that you are a loner. That and your father's resentment is what pushed you from the edge in the first place. I never believed the word of what people said about you. To me, you were always gorgeous and awesome.''
This ignites a sparkle of recognition in Jin's memory. He remembered the school all too well. Actually, that's the only thing he remembered perfectly. He remembers his classmates being mean to him, teasing him, and calling him names. Him being all alone, but Tae was there... or was it V? Jin was still so confused with that one, so he shook his head.
He felt Jisung's hand on his back, sliding up and down comfortably. It relaxes Jin's muscles since he grew tensed at those memories. He sighs deeply and places a hand on Jisung's knee.
-'' Thank you.''
Jisung just rubbed his back affectionately.
-'' Tell me.'' - Jin said, breaking the silence. - ''How did Namjoon and I meet?''
-'' Hmm...'' - Jisung paused with his ministrations. -'' I don't really know for sure. Joon mentioned something about taking some music classes together in school. So one day he decided to say Hi to you and you start to hang out.''
Jin's face narrowed at that. No one was friendly with him at school. No one. -'' I don't remember that.'' - He said and leans back on the sofa, causing Jisung's hands to move. - ''I don't remember him either.''
Jisung's eyes got lost somewhere in the room for a few moments as he tried to recall the image of Namjoon in his mind. -'' He was tall, good body proportions, nice face.'' - He says. -'' Girls loved his strong body, but I think it was the dimples that swoon them every time. He was one of the best students in the school, the basketball team Captain and the Class President, but he changed when his parents died in a car crash. There was a story about a boy, who committed suicide by jumping from a bridge and onto the road.'' - He says, scratching at his chin, eyes still unfocused. Jin didn't recall any of this. -'' Namjoon's parents happened to drive under it at that moment.'' - Jisung continued. -'' It was all over the news.''
-'' Oh.'' - A soft gasp left Jin's lips as the familiarity of the story came slowly to his memory. It was still distant, though, and he couldn't grasp it properly. - '' What happened? Remind me.''
-'' Hmm, the boy's body fell on their car, causing Namjoon's father to turn harshly. They hit a few cars along the way as they went over the nearby cliff. The silver Hyundai Accent they were driving was destroyed. They died instantly.''
-'' And the boy?''
-'' He died too. I can't remember his name, but he went to the same school as Namjoon, only a few years younger. Do you remember it? How could you not? It was all over the school and neighbourhood for a few years.''
Jin squinted his eyes, trying to force his brain to remember. -'' It's like a very fast memory. It just flies by so fast, that I can't have the proper look at it, no matter how hard I tried.''
-'' But you said you lost your memory from four years ago, but this one was like six or seven.'' - Jisung points out.
-'' I can't remember it clearly. The further past is foggy, I'm not sure what and when it happened. Those memories come and go and they are always so thin and fragile, like a dream. Only these three years are complete darkness, no hopes, no images, no nothing.'' - Jin admits.
-'' Damn, that's bad.''- He touches Jin's hand with his finger, stroking it a few times. -'' I am sorry it happened to you. Do you perhaps have some ideas about the accident that causes all of this?''
Jin shook his head. -'' No, I have these flashbacks, but nothing more.'' - He sighs. -'' Anyway, what happened to Namjoon after that?'' - He wanted to hear more about him.
-'' He went living with his uncle, who was a huge asshole. He made him work after school in his pawn shop, so the bright future Namjoon had was destroyed and he went deeper and deeper into depression.'' - Jisung's voice was sad, borderline with angry.- '' He learned too many dirty tricks, partying too hard, gambling and being a bad boy. We met at the police station.'' - He snorts. - '' I was also an idiot and got arrested for driving under influence of alcohol. He was there for some petty crime. Long story short, we met there, we laughed and he visited me in my tattoo shop two days later. We were friends ever since, well until...''
Jisung stopped for a second, smiling gently as he remembered Namjoon. He loved the man, he was hard-working and smart. Jisung and he would often talk till morning about a lot of different things. Even though he was some years younger than him, Namjoon possessed maturity beyond his years and Jisung respected him for it.
-'' One day he brought a kid with him, telling Joy and me that he found him roaming the streets alone and after his uncle found out that he stashed the kid secretly in his room, he threw the kid out. So, naturally, Namjoon asked if he could stay in the back of the tattoo shop. His name was Jungkook and he was a fifteen-year-old runaway, how could I say no?''
-'' Did you call his parents?'' - Jin asked, wondering where the boy's parents were.
-'' Oh, Kookie was way too smart for divulging that information to us.'' - Jisung laughs, and some recognition of the nickname Kookie flashed in Jin's memory. Jisung didn't notice this, and Jin didn't want to interrupt so he just listen to the story about the boy. - '' He never told us why he ran away from home and after a few times, and vague answers, we stopped asking. He was too resourceful and self-sufficient to be controlled.''
Jisung shakes his head in disbelief as he smiled fondly. -'' He was constantly with us, following us like a lost puppy.'' - He recalls. -'' Joy adored him and he knew exactly how to get under people's skin.'' - He looks at Jin and nods towards him. - '' Just like you do. It's no wonder Jungkook took a liking to you as soon as he laid eyes on you. He idolized you. He was probably the only one that saw right through you, who you really are. That deep painful void you were hiding so well, but he also saw potential. He had a knack for it, our dear Kookie. He loved your charm and how easy it was for you to meet new people and to make them do what you want. I believe Kook saw you as a role model and he strived to be like you.''
-'' But...'' - Jin was utterly confused. - '' I was never good with people. The kids were always teasing me about being awkward.'' - He said.
Jisung raised his eyebrow. -'' Well I don't know what you were like when you were younger, but when I met you were a charming young man with a weird sense of humour, a great sense for business, a gorgeous face and the naughtiest kinky side I have ever met.''
After seeing Jin's wide eyes, he quickly added.
-'' Why do you look so surprised? You are a kinky boy.'' - He smiled mischievously. - '' You drove me crazy during the sex.''
Jin's ears went red. Jisung just grinned wider at that. -'' You were quite a flirt, you know. No wonder Namjoon questioned his sexuality with you. Joy and I even had a bet on whether you will succeed to bend him over.''
He laughed, seeing Jin's flustered face. Clearly, this information wasn't new to him, but it was still embarrassing. Jisung couldn't remember the last time he saw Jin so bashful.
-'' Oh, I laughed every time you do something that made him flustered and shy.'' - Jisung continues laughing. -'' Because Joon was always the manly man, eyes only for the ladies, with all that swag, and yet he always turned red under your gaze and you... you were the worst.'' - He pats Jin's arm in good humour. -'' You knew exactly what effect you have on him and you teased him excessively. The way you looked at him, with so much sexual desire and seduction in one moment, only to pretend to be innocent and sweet in the next... man...if I were in his place, I would bend you over the first flat surface and pound into you until you scream and moan my name.''
A sudden steamy flashback of him and Jisung in bed jolted Jin to the core and left him breathless.
...
- "Yes, yes Hyung...oh right there...oh Hyung...yes."
...
A shiver ran through his entire body as the memory suddenly appeared. He remembered it all too well. He gasped and tensed as the feeling of pleasure hit him hard. He felt too hot all of the sudden.
-'' Jin? Are you alright?'' - Jisung asked seeing the unexpected change in Jin's behaviour. His face went red and he was pressing his legs tightly together, grabbing at his knees.
-'' Oh.'' - Jin gasped, not daring to look Jisung in the eyes. - ''I believe you did that, several times if the flashback I just had was anything to go by.''
-'' Did what?'' - Jisung thought he knew what had happened, but he needed Jin's confirmation.
Jin grew even redder as he bowed his head and murmured. -'' Made me scream and moan your name.''
Jisung smiled wickedly at that. -'' You remembered?''
Jin nods vigorously. - '' Yup, yeah, aha, just know.''
Jisung laughed smugly. He watched Jin's embarrassed face as he leaned back on the sofa, breathing hard. He moved slowly and Jisung followed Jin's hand with his eyes as it went down to brush against the obvious bulge in Jin's pants. Jisung quietly moaned deep in his throat and bit his lower lip. -'' Dammit Jin, I forgot how eager you can get.'' - He says seductively, letting his voice drop down an octave, and leaning forward. Jin stops him with a hand on his chest.
-'' No, I don't want to have sex right now, Hyung.''
-'' Fuck...'' - Jisung ran his hand over his face and his mouth, sighing deeply. -'' Jin, we don't have to, just let me help you with that little problem.'' - He nods towards the bulge in Jin's pants. -'' I'll make you feel good, just the way you like it.'' - He moved his hand up Jin's thigh. - '' We can talk later as long as you want, please.''
Jin tosses his head back at the first touch. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he opened his mouth in pleasure. He was biting his lower lip so much and it drove Jisung insane. It made him horny for Jin. Damn, it always did. He and Joy were the only ones who could bat their eyelashes and make him ready for action. He felt himself going hard fast. God, he had no idea just how much he missed him, needed to have him again.
He leaned on to kiss him, but Jin stopped him again, moving his hand away too. -'' No.''
That made Jisung huff in exasperation, shook his head as he feel the irritation gathering in his chest and he jumped from the seat, grabbing cigarettes in the process as he paced the room like a caged panther. He lighted another one and took a drag of smoke in a long inhale. It came out from his nostrils in a rush, he was so wired up and annoyed with himself.
-'' How come after all this time, you still drive me fucking crazy Jin!'' - Jisung almost yelled in frustration, again at himself. - '' How can I still be so affected?''
Jin was a little taken aback. -'' I guess that's the part of my special charm.'' - He dared to joke.
Jisung turns towards him, the annoyance visible on his face. -'' It's not fucking funny, Jin.'' - He hisses. -'' You can't just look so gorgeous and seducing, making people aroused and then cooling them down.'' - He tosses his hands in the air in frustration. -'' Fuck, of course, you can, it's not your problem.'' - He speaks to himself right now. - '' It's not your problem that you breathe, that you exist.'' - He says in the air, not looking at Jin anymore. - ''It's not your fault that I want you. It's mine. I'm sorry.'' - He said, glancing towards Jin, looking apologetic again.
He took another intake of smoke, exhaling it harshly through a mouth this time. - '' The same thing happened to Namjoon, over and over again, only you intentionally teased him. You wanted him to suffer and question himself around you. You wanted him, and I think I was always a little jealous of that.'' - Jisung admits, still moving across the small room. -'' You will tease him, seduce him and then play all innocent. The guy didn't know what hit him!'' - He chuckles exasperatedly. -'' You even made sure to mess up his potential hookups whenever you got the chance.'' - He huffs a laugh, and shakes his head again. -'' You were always so possessive of him and...'' - He turns to look at Jin. - '' You did nothing but tease! Why?''
Just then, another memory erupted in Jin's brain, harder than ever before. He froze and his eyes became dazed as the images and conversation of the blond man came rushing back to him.
...
A woman walked towards Namjoon and Jin, eyeing them with expertise. They were in front of the store, waiting for Jungkook to buy some snacks. They knew her, she was the local naughty girl, sexy as hell, but Jin didn't like her, especially after she started setting baits for Namjoon.
This time, she came to say hi. She placed her hand on Namjoon's chest and whisper something in his ear while giving him a knowing smile, which made him smirk. Jin felt his insides boil. The possessiveness. Namjoon was his, even though he didn't know it yet.
He stepped in front of Namjoon, hooking the woman's eyes with his deep soul-searching stare. The inner battle was raging between the two for a moment and then her eyes widened slightly and then grew annoyed. She huffed and unwillingly nodded, walking away.
Jin turned to see Namjoon eyeing him closely.
-'' What? ''- Jin asked, raising his head slightly in a challenge.
-'' What was that?'' - Namjoon asks.
-'' What was what?'' - Jin asked innocently.
-'' This face-off that just happened.'' - Namjoon clarified with a raised eyebrow.
-'' I have no idea what you mean. I was just greeting her, that's all.'' - Jin still didn't admit anything.
Namjoon's eyes squinted. - ''Are you into her?''
Jin made a face. - ''No. Are you?''
-'' Maybe.''
-'' What did she whisper in your ear, Joon?'' - Jin was annoyed and it showed.
Namjoon notices, and smirks, his dimple showing. -'' Would you want to know?''
-'' No. Not really.'' - Jin says honestly, and then adds. - '' I don't care what she had to say, only what you answer her.''
They stood face to face now. Jin was openly challenging him, and Namjoon didn't know what to do. Jin was hard to read sometimes.
-'' Why does it matter to you?'' - Namjoon asks, and when Jin didn't answer but moved his gaze away, Namjoon took him by the arm and pulled him closer. - ''Why do you care, Jin?''
Namjoon had doubts about Jin. The boy's playful teasing was sometimes too serious. But whenever Namjoon would press him for answers Jin would find a way to evade them.
This time, it was no different.
-'' I'm gonna see where Kookie is.'' - Jin began to turn to leave but Namjoon yanked him back.
-'' No, you are not going anywhere.'' - Namjoon growls through his teeth, feeling annoyed with this game.
-'' Namjoon, let me go!'' - Jin protested, trying to set his arm free, but Namjoon was stronger. He pulled him even closer so they were chest to chest, closer than ever before and Jin froze. He could smell Namjoon's cologne and it drove Jin crazy.
-'' Why do you care?'' - Namjoon asks again, this time quietly, the words rumbling deeply from his throat. Jin almost whined at the sound.
-'' Do you like me Jin?''
The question sent Jin's mind in a swirl. He felt fear gripping his guts. Yes, he wanted to say, but he dared not. He didn't want to lose him. There's no way Namjoon wants him in the same way. Jin felt attracted to him since the moment he saw him. He refused to think of him in that way at first since Namjoon liked girls. Unfortunately, moments like this, made the struggle impossible.
-'' Answer me.'' - Namjoon moved even closer, his eyes never wavered from Jin's. Jin gasped but was saved from answering by Jungkook who just came from the store.
-'' Hey Namjoon Hyung they didn't have the candy you like, so I...'' - He stops in his tracks when he caught the sight of them standing unnaturally close to one another.
Namjoon released Jin instantly, stepping away and clearing his throat to say something, but Jin spoke first, or better said, yelled at Kook.
-'' It was about time Kook, I had to stop Namjoon from going in search of you.'' - He moved towards a confused boy. - '' Did you buy half of the store? Come on, let's go.'' - He took Jungkook's elbow and lead him away from Namjoon. He could feel Namjoon's eyes at the back of his head, but he failed to see Namjoon's dimpled smirk as he went after them.
...
Jin was back in the present as suddenly as he was yanked away. Blinking rapidly, he saw Jisung watching him intently, as he once more sat next to Jin. - ''Another flashback? - He asked and Jin nodded.
-'' Who?''
-'' Namjoon and Kook.'' - Jin breaths out.
-'' Oh... Well, I guess your memory is improving.'' - Jisung grins.
Jin saw his enthusiasm and he felt the urge to apologize again. -'' I am sorry, Hyung.'' - He know that Jisung would know what he meant by that.
Jisung snorts in a good humor. -'' No, you are not. Not really.'' - He adds matter-of-factly.
Jin feigns annoyance. He was about to protest when Jisung spoke.
-'' Hey, it's alright. I know.'' - He smiles, patting Jin's shoulder. - ''Let us see what else can we dig up from that brain of yours, shall we?''
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Now, this was quite a long chapter, but I had the need to make it so, so I hope you don't mind.
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