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Jin did not know how he survived that night or how he boarded himself on the plane that day. He called his manager and told him he was very sick, which in truth he was and quit his current job, telling him to give the job to someone else at the last minute. Key cursed him, yelling where he was to find another model to send, when they wanted Jin anyway, but Jin didn't care. He needed to escape, to be left alone.

He ignored the calls from Mingyu and Jimin. He sends the message to Mei, telling her that he will be off for a while he needed to think and be alone. She understood and told him to take care of himself and to call her if he wants to talk. He also told her not to mention anything to the rest if they ask. She promised him she won't.

Jin bought a plane ticket to Tokyo. He packed. He boarded in. He flew and entered his hotel room. He didn't unpack. He just took the shower, not bothering to dress up, but went on the balcony to look at the city under him in nothing but a towel around his waist. 

He shut his phone and disconnected from the world. Pouring himself a glass of whiskey he took a sip, allowing the burning liquid to leave a trail of hot lava in his belly.

He went through his file over and over again that night, screaming and crying. He desperately wanted to see V, wanted to prove to himself that he is real, that he wasn't making him up, but V wasn't there.

He remembered the pills he took and he remembered how he felt. It never felt like V abandoned him for good, but more that he is sleeping somewhere in Jin's mind. Jin went through every bit of memory of V in his head. Every word, every touch, every kiss, every movement, every glare and he was confused more than before since some of the memory seemed like V was next to him all the time, while on next he was all alone.

The image of himself grinding on V's bed, watching himself in the mirror as he panted took a breath out of his lungs. He was alone, there was no one there, but in his mind V was on top of him, rolling his hips on his erection. And that kiss and grinding against the wall, it was Jin palming himself off, imagining V. He was watching himself in the mirror again. The bite on his shoulder that V left him that evening, didn't exist. Jin was brushing his bare unmarked shoulder. Everything was in his mind. Jin felt disgusted with himself, utterly ashamed.

You are not ready for the truth Jin! V said angrily back then, raising his voice, eyes blazing ice blue. They were at the hospital, where Jin lay after Yoongi tried to commit suicide. Was V talking about this? That he isn't ready to know that V doesn't exist, except in his mind.

-'' I believe that Seokjin, unable to face all of those horrors that had happened in his life, hid behind the happy memories he had. The loss of his best friend on which he blames himself, forced him to lock himself into a small loop in his memory...in the moments when he was happy and safe.'' - Dr Bhang said to Jin's parents.

Tae was waiting for him at the school gates. Jin greeted him with a wide smile. They were happy to see each other, but the other voices interrupted them before they got a chance to take each other's hand.

-" Look at this weirdo!" – One boy shouted and pointed a finger at Jin. There was laughter and then another voice spoke.

-" Hey Jin! What's Satan telling you to do? Burn down the school"

-" Or he is telling him to jump from the building!" – Some girl added.

-" Maybe he is telling him to kill you, you are annoying." – The first boy spoke to the girl, earning himself a slap on his arm.

-" Just ignore them, Jinnie." – Tae's voice spoke quietly. – "Don't pay attention to them."

-" Why do they ignore you Tae, I mean, I'm glad they don't bully you, but why do they pretend as if you are not here?" – Tae just shrugged as they continue towards home.

-" Do you really think he hears voices in his head?" – One girl whispered loudly to another and they both giggle.

-'' Do you have any idea how hard it was to pretend to be a weak fool?! So innocent and foolish! You have no idea Jin! Why, because you are a dumb sweet fool as well...'' -V yelled at him that night on the rooftop before fireworks began.

V was pretending to be Tae, so he could get near him...that's why no one else could see him. He's been talking to himself, all the time, thinking it was Tae, his Tae...Tae who died.

-'' So how do you feel, Jin?'' – Dr Bhang asked, eyeing Jin carefully, like always. After three months, Jin kept coming to their sessions after he got out of the hospital.

-'' Fine, Doc.''

-'' Your mother told me you made a friend recently.''

-'' Yeah. We met at the park.''

-'' Would you like to talk about him?''

-'' No, not really.''

-'' Why?''

-'' Just so...''

-'' Seokjin do you have headaches?''

-'' I'm not seeing HIM if that's what you are asking.'' – Jin's eyes glared. He didn't saw V ever since he started using his medicines in the hospital.

-'' That's good, Seokjin. I'm glad you are getting better.'' – Dr Bhang said gently. Jin hummed in agreement.

-'' The new friend... is it a boy or a girl?'' – Doctor asked, writing something down in his little notebook.

-'' A boy.''

-'' You finally have someone to play with.'' – Dr Bhang wrote some more.

-'' Yeah, It's not boring all the time.''

-'' What do you usually do for fun?''

-'' Oh, we just play. Fooling around, playing video games, reading comic books...laugh...''

-'' I am glad to hear it. Tell me, do you plan on introducing your friend to your parents?''

-'' No. ''– Jin said quickly. 

Dr Bhang raised an eyebrow. -'' May I ask why?''

-'' They will not like him.''

-'' Why do you think so?''

-'' He will remind them on Tae.  

Silence filled the room and Dr Bhang wrote a few more notes.

-'' What is that boy's name?''

-'' Taehyung... but I know what you are going to say. I'm not making him up. He just happened to have the same name, like Tae's, that's it...'' - Jin said defensively.

-'' Do you take your medications still? ''– Dr Bhang asked and Jin paused for the briefest of seconds. The truth was that Jin stopped taking those pills. They made him sleepy and lazy, but he wasn't crazy enough to admit that, especially since they already cured him of hearing voices.

-'' Seriously Doc, I'm not making him up!''

-'' Okay, I trust you. But try to understand your parents. They are worrying about you. Cut them some slack and introduce them to your friend. They will be happy knowing that you have a friend again, after everything you've been through. That means that you are healing.''

Two years passed since then, Jin remembered. V was with him all the time, pretending to be Tae, but the careful mask V wore, started to slip from time to time due to V's impatience with childish Jin. Jin simply thought that was Tae's moodiness. On his prom night, he went alone. He didn't allow his parents to follow him saying that he will meet his friend at school.

In his mind, he wasn't alone, he was with his Tae and they were having so much fun together.

-"Is he dancing to himself?" – Someone asked. Laughter was heard.

-"It's so sad." – One teacher spoke to another, looking at Jin. Jin could hear them, but he didn't understand what are they saying.– '' He is so beautiful and smart. It's too bad he is not in his right mind."

-"But isn't he like a very good student? All A's?"

-"Yes, he is, but ever since the tragedy, he was never the same. Which is why I feel sad seeing him alone all the time. Other kids tease him and he had no friends. What a pity."

Then the deep rasping voice of V spoke in Jin's ear.

-'' Let me show you the wonders of adult life, my dear, Jinnie.''

V's words echoed in Jin's mind and Jin closed his eyes. He emptied the glass, cold night air made his skin prickle while his blood flared up from whiskey. He was still standing on the balcony, of his hotel room in Tokyo. He went inside, pouring himself another one. He sat on the bed, placing his pillow on the headboard, crossing his ankles as he sipped his drink, before placing it down on the bedside table. He closed his eyes and let the grip of his mind loosen and his thoughts go wild.

-'' Why did you come now?'' – Jin asked V that night on the rooftop, he was crying. – ''What do you want from me?''

-'' Aaaah, Jinnie, I want for you to let go.'' – V told him amusingly.

-'' Let go of what?''

-'' Yourself. This so-called life you are so afraid to let go of, you must. You need to move on, darling.''

-'' Why? ''– Jin asked weakly.

- ''Because it's time.''

-'' For what?'' – Jin started to cry now.

-'' To jump. Grow up.''

V threw his "innocent" mask that night on the rooftop, showing his real face, showing himself in full power, the blond demon of Jin's mind, asking him to let go of his sanity and jump into his clutches.

-'' Give yourself to me...''

That night Jin went home and took his pills again.

During that period he met Hwan. He fell in love and was left heartbroken. He was a crying mess. He went to his favourite spot on the rooftop with the bottle of whiskey. He drank and he cried. He didn't care about anything...and then he heard his voice.

-'' Well hello, Jinnie darling...Long time no see...did you miss me?''

-'' Do you see what happened when you do things without me? You end up broken because you are weak. You need me by your side...always.'' - V was shouting at him. -'' Stop being a darling fool! You need me! Jin, you need me... stop taking those damn pills! You cannot live normally without me! Look at you! You are a mess!''

V came and kneels beside him, taking Jin's face in his arms, ice-cold eyes watching him deeply. 

-'' Don't worry love...no one will ever hurt you again, my dear one...''

That was the night Jin tried to kill himself. He tried to slit his wrists to get away from V. He knew he couldn't kill him, he could only keep him away with his meds, but Jin was so tired of fighting his demons...he was tired of running away from V...he needed things to end, for his own non-existing sanity.

-'' Jin no!!! Jinnie!! What have you done!?? Jinnie!!''

The alarm in his head thundered loudly, waking him up from his state and Jin knew what he had done. The other side of his personality – V's personality screamed at him to cry for help. He used his last strength to yell for help before he passed out. Luckily one of the people that lived on the last floor of that building heard him through the opened window and ran upstairs on the roof to investigate. He found Jin lying in his own blood. The man reached for his phone and called the ambulance, pressing Jin's wrists with his hands to stop the bleeding. 

-'' Hello Seokjin.''– Dr Bhang was standing near his bed, looking at him gently.

-'' Hello, Doc. Fancy seeing you here...''

-'' Can you tell me why did you decide to take your own life, Seokjin?''

-'' It hurts too much, Doc...nothing made sense anymore. I didn't see a way out from darkness...he...he came back...he came back again.''

-'' Why did you stop taking your meds?''

-'' I lost someone....again...s-someone I... I loved.''

Jin got out of the hospital three weeks later. They held him there because of his mental and emotional state. Dr Bhang urged him to stay there for a while. He didn't want him in the mental clinic again.

Jin sat on the bench, looking at the sunset sparkling on the river, colouring it in magnificent colours.

-'' Hi, I'm Namjoon. Can I join you?''

Jin blinked at the young man. He was told and blond and he was smiling, with two adorable dimples on his cheeks. Jin nodded and Namjoon sat.

-'' I see you are getting better.'' - The guy, Namjoon said.

Jin stared at him, but Namjoon pointed at his wrists.

-'' I was the one who found you that night.'' – He said calmly. Jin was speechless.

-'' I don't know why you try to take your own life...it's not my business, but I'm glad you are still alive.'' - Namjoon spoke softly. -'' I usually love to blast my music in my earphones and I don't hear shit, but that night, I don't know why I didn't....well...I'm glad I've heard you calling.'' 

Jin was still staring at him without a word. Namjoon grew uncomfortable. He sighed. - ''Anyway, I'm glad you are getting better. Hope to see you around.''

He rose up to leave when Jin's voice stopped him. -'' No! Stay...please...''

And Namjoon stayed, smiling his dimple smile.

-'' I'm Namjoon by the way, what's your name?''

-'' S-Seokjin, but everyone calls me Jin.''

They hang out a lot. They talked about everything. Namjoon knew it all...about the loss of his best friend, about the hospital, his breakup, and lastly about his attempt to take his own life. Namjoon knew and he didn't judge Jin. He told him about his parents and his uncle...about the hell he lived in...about his dreams for the future that will never happen.

They knew each other's souls and darkness. Jin's soul was naked in front of Namjoon, as his was in front of Jin's. That's why Namjoon's rejection the following day after they finally had sex together, ripped Jin's heart completely.

-'' Whatever happened last night, Hyung...let's just forget about it please, okay?'' –Namjoon said, looking ashamed and nervous.

-'' Don't worry Namjoonie. I'll make sure no one knows about this and you can return to your shitty little life without me interfering with it. Hyung will take care of it.''

Jisung and Joy came to his house that day, they fucked, and were caught by Jin's father. He was thrown out of his family home and all attempts to talk to his father were doomed to fail. He was far too disappointed in his son. His mother tried, she was there, secretly seeing Jin, without her husband knowing. Until one day he drank too much and went on to his father's work, yelling at him, calling him names, and accusing him of being a shitty father.

-'' You are no son of mine! My son died when Taehyung jumped off that bridge!!!'' – His father spat, furiously.

-'' Are you ashamed of me abuji!? Are you ashamed that your son is crazy!? ''– Jin yelled from the bottom of his lungs. His father's co-workers starred in shock and disgust. -'' Tell me! Is it because I'm not the obedient son or because I love fucking men!!!!?''

His father slapped him across his face. Jin fell on the table behind him. There were a few screams, but no one moved, everyone was just staring, their mouth's open in shock. Jin scan them all, he didn't give a shit about them. He didn't care about anything. Suddenly his eyes fell on a tall blond figure, his ice blue eyes glared at him and Jin felt laughter starting to choke out of his throat. He started laughing, loudly, clutching his stomach, while the murmurs started rumbling in the back. Jin didn't stop looking at those eyes when he thought. -"V...you son of a bitch..."

They moved to Japan, the three of them – Jisung, Joy and Jin. Namjoon fought with Jisung and refused to look into Jin's eyes ever again, Jungkook joining them soon after. Then there was a car crash and Kookie was hurt.

-'' Jungkook! No!!!'' – Jin hit the brake too late. The weight of the boy's body hit his hood, hurling into his windshield. Jin was jerked, his car spinning, until it crashed into a near parked car. Jin hit his head hard and lost consciousness for a few minutes. When he opened his eyes, he saw V, staring at him with wide icy blue eyes.

-"Jinnie! Jinnie, are you alright? Are you hurt? Everything is going to be fine."

-'' My head...'' - Jin managed to say.

-'' You bumped your head hard, but there is no bleeding.'' - V says hurriedly. -'' Are you hurt elsewhere? Did you break something?''

-'' N-no...''

-'' Good...Don't worry... I'll take care of it.'' - The blond devil said. 

Jin felt he was gently moved to the passenger seat and heard the click of the safety belt. V called an ambulance anonymously and turned on the ignition, ready to take off.

In truth, he was driving away, while his mind screamed at him. -"V...Wait! J-Jungkookie... we need to help him!"

Jin drove the car down the street, far away from the accident, calling the ambulance in the process. His mind kept screaming at him to turn back, that Kookie is there and he needed help, but V's dominance...Jin's dominant personality knew that he would be in trouble, so he just drove away, saving himself.

V wasn't there with him, only Jin was...alone.

-'' I never meant to hurt you, Kookie.'' - Jin said with sadness in his voice. The accusing eyes of the young man he used to call his brother watched him with such pain and anger. Jin swallows hard and continues. -'' I love you very much. I know it doesn't seem that way, but I always wanted the best for you. I am sorry.''

-'' Hyung...Don't come to see me...I don't want to see you....ever... again.'' - Jungkook said weakly, but with iron determination.

He knew, deep down Jin knew that he was alone. That Tae isn't here and that V doesn't really exist. He knew, but he still held on to it. It was the only thing that kept him safe. How ironic.

Jin gasped. He was clutching his head again, crying and panting from the sudden knowledge, from the pain...from everything he caused, not V...but he...himself.

-'' You were always so easy to manipulate, dear one.'' - Jin jerked his head up and saw V standing at the end of the bed, looking at him.

-'' V!'' – Jin shrieked and jumped to him. He didn't know why. He knew that V wasn't really there, his sanity was telling him that, but his delusions urged him to think otherwise. He wanted to touch him, to see if he was imagining everything, but before he could grab him, V's fingers tapped at his forehead and Jin felt an electric current striking him down. He fell back on his bed and lay unconscious.

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Now everything made sense finally...the memory loss, the pieces of the puzzles are almost collected and the picture is almost complete. Are you surprised? Or did you already imagine something like this happening? I did leave small details during the entire story, up from the very beginning. I hope you like it. There are only a few more chapters till the end and I hope you will stay with me until finish. 💕