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-'' And then, there I was, running from the house to see Tae on the tree, trying to pull you up and you dangling almost two meters from the ground, holding Tae's hand with one of yours and a thick branch with another. I almost died!''  – Mei said, eyes wide, totally into the role, while she told funny moments from their past. Jin was laughing so much that he had tears in his eyes.

-'' I ran to catch you, thinking that you are screaming in fear, but you two devils were screaming from laughter.''  – She added, and Jin howled in laughter, remembering that moment perfectly. 

-'' Oh my God yes... we were laughing so much that we didn't have the strength to do anything.'' - Jin brushed at his eyes, still cackling. -''  Tae was trying to pull me up as I tried to climb. Our hands were sweaty, so I yelled that I'm slipping and that was the trigger. We ended up laughing so much, our stomachs hurt. I couldn't go up as well as jump down.''

Jin's windshield wiper laugh echoed in the small café they were sitting on in the corner, talking about everything. Remembering their pasts and pranks. They were both vast friends again by now.

-'' I was fourteen and I just started to do babysitting and you two decided to make me quit after a few hours!'' - Mei slapped Jin's arm in amusement.

-'' Oh, God, I'm sorry about that, but you were so easy to tease, Noona.'' - Jin admitted with the gentlest of smiles. -'' You were acting so grown up, that we just have to. In my defence, I was ten!'' 

-'' Which means you were older than Tae and yet you were a bigger child than he was back then.'' - She says, slapping Jin's hand playfully, her expression turning soft. -'' You were both so adorable, and I could never be angry for long.'' 

-'' Oh, we knew that...that's why we did half of the things we did.''

She slaps his arm again. -'' Oh, Kim Seokjin! You naughty...''

-'' Are you sure you want to finish that sentence, Noona? Some call me thus on another occasion.'' – Jin asked playfully, causing her to stop talking for a moment before she slapped his arm again.

-'' Aish, this boy...'' - She said embarrassingly, but still laughing. He joined in, giggling with her while watching her admiringly.

-'' You are so beautiful when you laugh, Noona.'' - He says honestly.

-'' Stop it, Jin, you are making me blush!'' – She said, covering her face in her hands and Jin changed the subject, not wanting things to become awkward.

-'' Did I ever tell you when Tae wanted to be a pro skateboarder?''  - Mei raised her face from her hands and looked at Jin expectantly.

-'' No, I haven't heard that one, tell me.''

Jin chuckled. -'' Oh yes, he got this new skateboard for his birthday from his father and was so proud of it. He never went anywhere without it.''

-'' Oh, I remembered he was dragging it all the time, until summer.'' – Mei said giggling. Jin nodded amusingly.

-'' That's the one. Well... he watched tons of Youtube videos and was trying it out. I must say, he had good basic skills, but not near good enough to be an amateur performer, not to mention a pro, but his heart was set and who was I to tell him otherwise?'' 

Mei laughed sweetly. -'' He was such a sweet boy...''

Jin gulped, suddenly feeling some heaviness in his heart. He took a quick deep breath, to push back the knot in his throat he gets every time he remembers his friend before he continued with the story. -'' Well I think it was the last day of school and everyone was happy it was over and Tae thought it would be cool if he left in style. So he put sparklers on both sides of his skateboard and gave someone to film him while skating, to put the video on Youtube.''

-'' Oh, God.'' - Mei placed her forehead in her palm, waiting for but in the story.

-'' Everything went well.'' - Jin continued, with a small smile. -'' He looked so cool and funny at the same time. I can still remember his "badass" face, as he called it.'' – Jin smiled widely at the memory. – '' Up until he crashed into the school principal who was just coming around the corner into the hall.''

-'' Oh, no!'' – Mei choked, while both laughing.

Jin continues. -'' And the principal's pants caught on fire from the sparklers. And everything would be sort of okay if the video wasn't uploaded on social media.''

-'' Oh, poor Tae.''

-'' Since it was the last day of school and literally the last hour of school, he was not punished right away, but was the only student ever who earned the detention before school even started. He spent half of the next school year "helping" the teachers...'' - He made small quotation signs in the air. -''... with their tasks and everything. What's worse, his father forbade him from driving the skateboard for the rest of the summer.'' 

-'' Oh, they've been too harsh. It was just an accident.''

-'' True, but the sparklers caused a small fire, so it was considered dangerous and reckless.''

-'' Yeah, but still...'' - Mei insisted, and Jin just shrugged his shoulders.

-'' Well...Tae thought so too in the beginning until he realized how popular he became after every single kid in school saw the video. He wasn't sorry after that at all.''

Mei laughed again, shaking her head. - '' Oh, that boy... He was such a troublemaker, but so adorable with his boxy smile. I love him dearly.''

Jin smiled gently too. -'' Yeah, he was...he was awesome.''

A sad smile was on Mei's face. 

They both grew silent after that, sipping their beverages and refusing to look at one another, but then Jin broke the silence.

-'' Noona...what...what do you remember from that period?''

She glanced up at him, slightly taken aback to be asked that question all of a sudden. -'' You mean when...Tae...?''

Jin nods. -'' Yeah...''

She sighs, releasing the air through her mouth, and her cheeks got all round up.

-'' I remember my mum told me about what happened to him. I was in shock. I wanted to visit him as soon as I come home, but the news...''

She bends her head down and sniffles, her chin trembling.

-'' Noona if it's too much, we don't have to talk about it...'' - Jin says worryingly. He wasn't keen to talk about this particular subject either, but he just had to know.

She shakes her head and raises her palms up. -'' No. No, it's fine, I can talk about it.'' - She touches her mouth for a second, composing her thoughts before she continues. -'' It makes me so...so sad and so angry...'' - She says through gritted teeth, fingers clenching into fists at the table. -'' I wanted to rip those bastards' dicks off...''  - She covers her mouth with her hands, eyes round in shock. -'' I'm sorry, Jinnie.''

Jin just nods his head that he agrees. -'' You are absolutely right. I would do the same.''

She drew nearer to whisper. – '' I wanted to hurt them, to make them feel tons of pain for what they did to our dear Tae Tae.'' - She leans back, feeling bad for having those hateful thoughts, her chin wobbling. -'' I know I must sound like a terrible person, but...''

Jin grabs her hand. -'' No, Noona.'' - He tilts his head and gave her hand a little squeeze until she meets his gaze. When he had her attention again, he adds. -'' You sound like a normal person. I feel like that too now...but back then... I lost it. I...''  - Jin bit the knuckles of his other hand, to stop choking in his throat.  He took a deep breath, trying to compose his thoughts and not scream.

Mei squeezed his hand reassuringly. -'' I know Jinnie.'' 

-'' Noona...you see...ever since then...my...my mind is in a swirl...'' - Jin confesses carefully. -'' I don't remember most of the things from that time. ''

She looks at him in surprise but didn't interrupt him.

He swallows, eyes fixed on their hands. -'' Do you...do you know something about me?''

She inhaled slowly, trying to settle her thoughts properly, waging what to say.

-'' I only know that you fell into a huge depression after Tae died.'' - She says carefully, and Jin raised his eyes to look at her. -''  Your mother told my mum that you would be pausing one year of high school because you were visiting your relatives in another city, after everything it happened.''

Jin frowns at this. He had no relatives that he remembers.

-'' That's all I know.'' - She says, and then shrugs her shoulders. -'' Then we saw each other a year and a half later, remember?''

He nods slowly, and she continues.-'' But you seemed so calm and withdrawn a bit and I didn't want to remind you of anything that happened, so I just greeted you and talk nonsense.''

He tilts his head slightly. - '' Why didn't you hug me like you always did?'' - He asked confusingly. It's been bugging him for a while. 

She smiles, blushing a bit. -'' Well...'' - She paused. - '' You weren't a little boy anymore... you grew up, Jinnie and it was not appropriate for me to hug you so...'' - She tries to defend herself. It was sweet and funny to Jin, so he began to laugh. She slaps him on the arm playfully once more. - '' Don't laugh. We haven't seen each other for a while and after everything that happened, I wasn't sure how would you react.''

The smile on Jin's face falters a bit but stays on. -'' I was confused about what changed.'' 

-'' Where did you go Jinnie?'' - She asks, suddenly serious. -'' Did you really visit your relatives? I never heard of them before.''

-'' That's because they don't exist, Noona.'' – Jin sighed. –'' I was in a private psychiatric clinic.''

Mei gasped. -'' W-why?''  - She asked.

-'' Because my parents were worried about my lack of emotional response.'' - He says with bitterness in his voice. -'' I did everything they want me to, but I was lifeless, I didn't care for anything. So, after a year they let me go...'' - Jin stopped as the flash of memory surged in his vision.

...

-'' So how do you feel, Seokjin?''– Dr Bhang asked, eyeing Jin carefully, like always. Even after three months, Jin kept coming to their sessions.

-'' Fine Doc.'' - Jin replied without real care.

-'' Your mother told me you made a friend recently.''

-'' Yeah. We met at the park.''

Dr Bang leans slightly forward, intertwining his fingers on the top of the desk. -'' Would you like to talk about him?''

Jin thinks for a few seconds and then shakes his head. -'' No, not really.''

-'' Why?''

He shrugs. -'' Just so...''

...

The memory abruptly ended... it wasn't complete, Jin knew this.

-'' Jinnie. Are you ok? Do you have flashes?'' - Mei asked worryingly. She placed a hand on his forehead to feel his temperature, and then examined his eyes. -'' Does your head hurt? How is your eyesight? Do you see little dots?'' – Her Doctor instinct kicked in and she was already measuring his pulse on his wrist.

-'' I'm fine, Noona...It was just a memory of something, although I don't know what it is still.''

-'' You are sure?'' – She asked observing him carefully.

-'' Yes, it happens before.''

She let it go this time, caressing his palm.

-'' What did you remember?'' – She asked carefully. – '' I mean, if you don't mind me asking...if you do, just tell me to mind my own business and I will... I didn't...''

Jin cut her rambling by squeezing her hand gently. - '' That's alright Noona, I don't mind asking. I remembered my Doctor.'' - He says, squinting his eyes as he tried to picture the man more clearly. -'' He...he was asking me how am I... I guess that's after I got out...after I joined society again...well...school at least. I told him I met a friend...in the park...but that doesn't add up.''

-'' How come?''

-'' Well...'' - He stops, frowning deeper. -'' You see that's where my memory keeps playing tricks on me. Because the friend I met in the park was Tae.''

She looked at him confusingly. – ''But, Jinnie...Tae...''

-'' I know, he died... and yet there he is... maybe I just got him confused with somebody else or maybe it was...V all along...pretending...'' - Jin's words trailed off quietly, so Mei didn't catch the half of them as his mind rushed in all kinds of conclusions.

Well, V told him himself, that he was pretending to be Taehyung for some time. Jin remembered the night of the rooftop...well... both nights of the rooftop actually. First, when V showed his real face...before Jin nearly drowned and found himself in the hotel in Japan, and the second time when he meet V in the hospital...God this is so confusing. He can't trust V, he keeps lying to him all the time... as he did for Kookie...Jin knew V was there, he knew V lied...He then remembered another night at the rooftop...he remembered the fireworks and V'slaughter and the pain on his wrists...as his blood oozed out. The flashback appeared slowly, leading him into another memory.

...

He woke up in the hospital. The sounds of the beeping machine that measured his heart rate was somewhat calming.

-'' Hello, Seokjin. – Dr Bhang was standing near his bed, looking at him softly.

-'' Hello Doc. Fancy seeing you here...''

-'' I can't say I'm as enthusiastic as you, Seokjin.''

-'' Shame...''

-'' Your parents were here some half an hour ago.'' - The doctor says. - '' I will let them know you are awake.''

He turns to leave but Jin grabbed his hand weakly. -'' Don't... not yet.'' - He breathed. -'' I...I don't want to talk to them yet. Please...''

Dr Bhang nodded. He observed Jin's face carefully before asking. -'' How do you feeling?''

-'' Superb.'' – Jin croaked.

-'' Can you tell me why you decided to take your own life, Seokjin?''

Jin took a moment to collect his thoughts, and unnecessary deep breaths to buy himself some time. Dr Bang waited patiently as he always did. Finally, Jin spoke, slowly and honestly.

-'' It hurts too much, Doc...nothing made sense anymore. I didn't see a way out from the darkness...''

-'' Why did you stop taking your meds?''

Jin was silent for a while, looking through the window. He then licked his dry lips and said quietly.

-'' I lost someone....again...s-someone I... I loved.''

He looked Dr Bhang in the eyes.

-'' He... he left me...and that broke my heart.''

-'' He?'' – Dr Bhang raised his eyebrows in slight surprise, but he smiled affectionately. -'' Well... I guess he has no idea how big of a fool he is, leaving you behind.''

The answering smile was wonderful. The tears fell from Jin's eyes. He didn't cry, no...the tears just keep falling on their own.

Dr Bhang placed his hand on Jin's head, stroking his dark curls.

-'' I know I shouldn't have favourites, Seokjin, but...you are mine.'' - The old man said honestly. -''  I really want you to get better. You have so much to learn, to live....please don't do this again, son. Don't take your life like your friend did, please.''

Jin choked a sob at his words. -'' I'll try Doc... I'll try hard.''

Dr Bhang turned to leave, but he halted at the door, looking at a young man on the hospital bed.

-'' Is there anything you need? Anything you wish for?''

Jin nodded, chuckling slightly.

-'' Yeah...there is...I wished I went to that fucking party with him...'' - Jin chokes as he cried. -'' To keep him safe...then, he would still be alive and none of this would happen.''

...

Back in the present time, Jin took a deep breath. His heart was thumping, but otherwise, no one, except Mei, noticed that he was unwell. He shook his head slightly, telling her that he was fine. 

-'' Jinnie, tell me everything you know. Let me help you.'' - She says in concern. They order tea this time and talk for hours after that. He told her everything that was happening to him and she listened to him wide eyes, not interrupting him unless to clarify some things that confused her.

She was most interested in V and asked if she can meet him, but Jin told him that V probably wouldn't want that.

-'' That's the shame. I would want to see Tae's resemblance again.'' – She said quietly. They were out from the café, walking down towards the clinic parking lot. Jin intertwined his hand with hers and she didn't pull back. She kept it there blushing a little.

They walked silently, enjoying each other's company. Once they reach Mei's car, he moved to face her.

-'' I had a great time, Noona, thank you.''

She looked up and smiled at him. He was a lot taller than her so she had to crane her neck to gaze into his eyes. Their fingers were still locked together and she didn't feel any butterflies, any nervousness, but rather the comfortable intimacy of two old friends.  

He probably felt the same because he added. -'' You are the only person from my past that I feel completely safe with. The only person who knows me for what I am...who I can trust with my own life.''

Those words brought warmth to her heart and she smiled gently, nearly squealing when he pressed the affectionate kiss on her forehead. 

-'' Thank you, Noona. Good night.'' – He murmured before moving away from her, letting her hand go. 

She felt like an older sister, not wanting to lose track of her younger brother again.

-'' How about we do this again sometime?'' – She asks. 

He nods enthusiastically. - '' I am up to anything you want...just give me a call... you have my number now.''

She squinted her eyes and smirked. -'' Uh, anything I want? Now, that's dangerous.'' - The mischievous playfulness filled her voice.

He laughs. - '' Yes, Noona, anything you want.'' - He repeats.

She pretends to think hard. -'' And what if I want you to dance in the middle of the clinic dressed as a clown?''  - She teased, but he just smiled wider.

-'' Well... first of all, I would be the most handsome clown you have ever seen and secondly, only if I can be naked underneath it.''

She rolls her eyes and turns to leave. –''  Good night, Jinnie. I'll try to think of something good.'' - She says and starts to walk away.

He giggled, watching her. -'' Good night Noona, sleep well.''

...

Jin drove silently, thinking about Mei. She did make him feel safe and more positive. He has a crush on her forever, but this time he feels more platonic. He wanted her in his life, not as his romantic partner, but as his friend. She was his good luck fairy.

The few hours they spent together were the safest Jin felt in a long while, and he was already missing it. Yoongi and Jimin made him feel good as well, but they were always naturally navigating towards each other and Jin often felt like he was a third wheel.

With Mingyu, however, things were complicated. He knew that Mingyu was in love with him, but Jin... well...Jin had affection for the man, but it was not love.

Jin needed love deep down, but was too much of a coward to let anyone in.

Mingyu's body, on the other hand, was another matter. Jin had no problem with that. The sexual intimacy they shared was easy, light-hearted, and not complicated. Jin enjoyed that, no-strings-attached affair a lot and didn't want to change anything.

The sudden ringing interrupted his thoughts, and he smiled brightly when he saw who it was.  

-'' Hoseok, where are you?'' 

The sound of music and chatter filled his car and Jin hissed when Hoseok's loud voice boomed in. -'' At the club, you got to come.'' -The man says cheerfully. -'' I have a few girls here who are asking me to introduce them to the Worldwide Handsome model. Who am I to say no to them... - Jin could hear giggling in the back and he smirked to himself.

-'' Sure...Mingyu's club?''

-'' Yeah.''

-'' Alright, I'm on my way.'' – He hung up, running a hand through his hair and checking his reflection in the mirror. This night will be fun. He thought.

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This chapter was calmer...I felt the need to ease things up a bit for you...well after all of the darkness and smut... I hope you enjoyed it. 💖💖💖