The Tables Have Turned

Chapter 29

I wasn’t feeling anything.

After what Alex just did, I should feel pain, anger, betrayal, hatred… But I didn’t. I was numb. It was like I wasn’t able to feel.

Maybe I was too shocked, I thought at first, but I knew that wasn’t it. I guess I should’ve expected this. I couldn’t expect Alex to start loving me again after all that I did two years ago.

I wasn’t shocked. It just didn’t sink in yet.

When I start to feel his absence, I will start to feel pain.

I was sitting on my own in that secluded spot in school. I wanted to go back to class after break time. I wasn’t going to skip because being alone won’t do me any good. I was just worried about seeing him in class again.

Would seeing him make me realize what happened? Will I feel the pain when I look into his blue eyes and find hatred instead of love? Will I break down in front of everyone?

No, I told myself. I won’t let him see me break down.

With that in mind, I stood up as soon as the bell rang and went up to class. I felt people gazing at me but I didn’t look at them till I reached my classroom.

Once there, I breathed a sigh of relief. I took my books for the next period out of my cubby and made sure to keep a blank face on.

Ah back to the old days, I thought, acting, blank face, no weaknesses.

I sat in my chair and stared at the door, waiting for the teacher to come in and start a new lesson.

On the outside I probably looked nonchalant but on the inside I was still in the same state of mixed emotions.

Suddenly, two arms were wrapped around my shoulders and I looked up to see Paul looking down at me.

“Hey,” I said, forcing a smile.

“You want to leave?” He asked. “I’ll take you somewhere.”

“Why would I want to leave?” I asked. “I don’t like skipping, anyway.”

He looked uncertain and I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

“You don’t have to act like everything’s okay,” He said. “What Alex did was horrible.”

“What he did was fair,” I replied. Even if it hurt me, it was what I did two years ago to him. Why can I do it and he can’t?

“How is it fair?!” Paul asked incredulously.

“That’s exactly what I did to him two years ago,” I said.

“But that doesn’t give him the right to do it to you. You changed and he knows it,” Paul said and I shook my head.

“As much as I don’t want to admit it, if I were in his place I would’ve done the same thing. That day, I broke his heart, humiliated him, and hurt his pride. I wouldn’t have fully understood what he felt that day if he didn’t just do that to me.”

“But you apologized, you changed, you did your best—”

“Paul,” I cut him off. “Stop throwing the blame on Alex. It wasn’t completely his fault.”

Paul opened his mouth to protest but before he could say anything, Mariah came in, her eyes wide and her steps fast.

“Paul, Hailey!” She called out. “T-They’re going to fight!”

We immediately understood what she was saying and we both ran out of the classroom. Out, in front of the building, Chase and Alex were about to attack each other.

“You’re an a*shole!” Chase yelled as his face turned red.

“You know everything that has happened before and you’re my best friend but you’re still on her side!” Alex yelled back accusingly.

“Of course I’m on her side! That was a d*ck move!” Chase yelled and I was beyond shocked at his language. I have never heard him use such colorful words.

Chase lifted his fist to punch Alex and I ran like my life depended on it and got there just in time to catch his fist and push him back.

“Chase! Please!” I yelled.

He tried to push me away, his eyes full of rage.

“Let me go, Hailey!” He growled and I flinched.

“Damn it, Chase! Please!” I screamed. I was so mad, mad at myself for creating such a huge problem between two best friends. They would’ve been fine without me in the picture. I ruined everything! It’s all my fault. I ruined their friendship.

The guilt was unbearable and seeing Chase so angry and hearing him yell didn’t help at all. That was it, my tears finally escaped.

Instantly, the anger in Chase’s eyes decreased and worry took over his features.

“Hailey?” He said worriedly. “I-I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to scare you I-I…”

“It’s not your fault,” I chocked out. “I-It’s my fault. Look what I’ve done! You’re best friends and you’re fighting because of me.”

I covered my face because I didn’t like people to watch me cry and here I was crying like a baby in front of everyone.

I tried to take a deep breath but it wasn’t working because my tears just wouldn’t stop.

“Please don’t fight,” I whispered to Chase.

“But he—” he started complaining.

“Promise?” I said and he shook his head.

“No,” he replied sternly.

“Please?” I begged. “I don’t want you to fight because of me. I’m not worth it. The whole thing is not worth it. Please, Chase.”

The anger returned to his eyes and he muttered a very colorful sentence.

“You are worth so much more,” he told me. “I’ll kill him if I have to!”

“No!” I exclaimed. “You’ve known me for only a couple of months but you and Alex have been friends for two years. You can’t just throw your friendship away because of a girl. It doesn’t make sense!”

“A girl?! You are not just ‘a girl’ Hailey,” Chase replied and he was about to start yelling but thankfully Paul cut him off.

“Enough!” He yelled. “Just stop.”

He glanced at Mariah and she nodded briskly as she pulled Chase away from us and dragged him up to class with her.

“I’ll take you home,” Paul told me and I shook my head quickly.

“No,” I answered and he frowned at me.

“After all this and you still want to be here?” He asked.

I nodded and he sighed. I didn’t want to leave because I know when I’m alone, the pain will hit me full force. Everything will crash down on me. It will happen sooner or later but I think I’ll keep it for later.

“Fine,” he finally said. “Let’s go back to class, then.”

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as he led me back inside. I saw Alex trailing a few feet behind us and I didn’t miss the anger and pain in his eyes.

I stopped walking and stood in front of Paul, facing him, and making his arm drop from my shoulders.

“You were his friend before you were mine,” I told him in a low voice before turning to leave. Thankfully, Paul got the message, unlike Chase, and walked (reluctantly) with Alex while I walked back to class alone. That’s how it should be.

“Sorry I’m late,” I started telling our biology teacher but he cut me off with a smile.

“It’s okay, I heard there were a few problems,” he said and I smiled at him even though his statement surprised me.

I went back to my seat and concentrated on what he was saying. I ignored all the looks, notes, and calling. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

I took notes in every class even if I hated the class, just to keep my mind off things.

When the final bell rang, I sighed, knowing that my breakdown was nearing. I was almost out of the classroom door when I heard Paul call me.

“You’re not going to say goodbye?” He asked, frowning at me. I never leave without telling him goodbye. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

“I’m sorry,” I said as I walked back to him.

“If I’m friends with him, it doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with you,” Paul said and I knew he was right.

“But you won’t choose me over him, understood?” I said. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t breaking their friendship.

“You are both my best friends and I will treat you the same,” Paul said and I nodded as a genuine smile took over my lips.

“You always know what to say,” I told him as I hugged him tightly.

“That’s why I’m your best friend,” he replied, hugging me back.

“Bye!” I called out as I left the classroom and hurried after Chase and Emily.

We rode back home in silence. No one said anything and I was grateful for that. When we got home, I went straight to my room but before I could go in, Emily spoke.

“I heard about what happened,” She said. “And I know you don’t want to talk now but when you feel like talking my room is right next to yours and if you feel like punching someone, Chase’s room is right here too.”

I chuckled and gave her a thankful smile.

“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

I had no intention of visiting any of their rooms, though. I preferred to keep things to myself and the whole crying thing has to be done when I’m alone in my room.

She smiled and went into her room as I went into mine.

I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts trailed to the first day Alex and I got back together. I replayed every single day and tried to see the little details that show his intentions.

I couldn’t find much. I mean Alex was acting pretty much like himself.

Could someone fake so many things?

You were able to do it, a voice in my head said and I found myself agreeing with it. I did fake a lot of things. I faked my whole life in my old school.

I know I kept on saying that Alex had the right to do that to me and it was completely fair but I couldn’t help that little part of me that got so angry and wanted to punch him and tell him how much of a jerk he was.

I didn’t want this to happen. I was finally feeling happy because our relationship was amazing now and much better than it was two years ago.

My tears started falling, wetting my pillow but I didn’t care.

Why? Why did another horrible thing have to happen? My life has finally started to brighten up and then BAM this happens.

I cried even harder as I thought of all the bad things that happened in the past three months: my parents’ death, new house, new school, the guilt after seeing Alex, and finally the breakup.

I just wish I could run away from everything. I wish I could have a few days of calm and peace.

My tears slowed down and I started rubbing my eyes to ease the pain. I glanced and the Bible lying on my bedside table and I suddenly felt extremely guilty. I haven’t really prayed in a while. Sure, I went to church and prayed everyday but it feels like I’ve been distant with God.

I took the Bible and stared at the picture on it for a while. It was Jesus with little kids around him. I then opened it and started reading. I read passage after passage till I finished the whole Gospel according to Saint Luke. I closed the Bible and put it back on my bedside table. I prayed a bit more and then went to the bathroom and washed my face.

I was feeling better now. Crying helped release some of the pain and anger and praying calmed me down.

Sure, I still felt that pain in my chest but really, I wasn’t sure if it was going to go away any time soon.

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