Writer: weasley20

Reviewer: alexanderusanov

Title (8/10)

It should be noted that the title itself is uncomplicated, though it generates considerable interest precisely because of its simplicity. And the point is, what will ultimately outweigh - the simplicity or something hidden inside the title. Knowing the title, combined with the cover, of course, inside many readers should wake up the desire to open the book and see what's inside. Tales of common people - for sure, they are not quite common as the noticeable letters on the blue background insist.

On the other hand, it seems that inside we would meet stories of completely different people from different backgrounds, professions, and so on, perhaps connected by a common idea or moral values - maybe the main character of the first story is a builder, the second is a baker, the third is a taxi driver, and so on. In this respect, expectations are at odds with reality, which may frighten the reader who thinks in this way. However, after reading the available four chapters, it becomes extremely clear what is meant by common people - they are not builders, not bakers, but, oddly enough, they are just common people, an common family with their own problems and concerns, teenagers with their own difficulties in knowing the intentions of adults, with relatives and the development of family relationships.

In general, the title, avoiding bombast, attracts with its directness, which, however, can be interpreted differently, depending on the mood of the reader. But this title will be clear to any reader and fully corresponds to the genre.

Cover (8/10)

Again, the cover sufficiently reflects what is happening in the book, in this case, in a short story, using the appropriate attributes. An ordinary house implies that the plot develops in an ordinary family, not somewhere on Mars, not in a huge rich mansion or, on the contrary, in a poor neighborhood, but in a simple family, nothing special, which is actually not as ordinary as it may seem at first glance. The cover attracts readers of the teenage age, who want to read stories about their peers, stories imbued with realism and, obviously, having a life basis.This is not some fantasy or science fiction: "This can happen to any of you" the cover says. However, everything is not so rosy.

In artistic terms, it is not complete without ambiguous details. The cover is certainly bright and visually pleasing, and prepares the reader for a calm, relaxed reading.

But if you carefully consider the details of the cover, you get a strange impression. On the one hand, it seems that it would be better to remove the lower and upper parts of the front layer and show the hidden part of the facade, on the other hand-it is not known what such a maneuver would look like. In this regard, it is quite difficult to evaluate the cover as a whole. This design highlights the captions as it should be, otherwise they could merge with the background, for example. There are no complaints about the font of the title itself. But the author's name is slightly out of the picture. Perhaps, if it was made in the same font as the title of the book, there would be no visible disharmony. However, the absence of a pompous font only benefits this cover, it does not create a distracting effect from the central part.

In general, this cover could be placed as the face of a popular book, if you correct the writing of the author's name.

Blurb (5/10)

(Reviewer's note: as a reader, I would put one less point, but given that the blurb can be perceived differently by different people, so...)

Obviously, the first phrase carries a certain philosophical meaning, which for some readers may remain unsolved. In addition, the next paragraph radically changes the philosophical view and begins to seem that either the initial phrase is not appropriate, or the rest is not appropriate. It is also obvious that the first sentence should stick in the eyes of the potential reader, which it did, but the whole effect was lost as soon as the next sentence about the collection of short stories began.

Perhaps you should omit that introductory phrase about colors altogether. It seems alienated from the main part, and catches the eye with negative consequences.

The obvious fact is that almost everyone knows who Dumbledore is, but it is unlikely that you will find such a blurb in a book purchased in a bookstore. However, for the audience for which this collection of short stories is intended, the quote of this book character is quite suitable and even appropriate.

Despite the fact that the aunt never annoyed the author of this review, but the last part creates finally a well-deserved entertainment impulse that will have a beneficial effect on the readers. And the final question is simply brilliant.

Seeing this question, any reader will be eager to answer it in their own way. But to do this, the reader needs to read the story to the end, which he intends to do by reading to the question mark.

It is possible that the last phrase, although short, is superfluous, because you have already motivated the potential reader with the previous question.

Summary: if there was more fluidity and the quotes were more strongly combined with the content of the annotation, or even excluded from it, then it would be perfect. If we are only talking about the current blurb, it is difficult to say that it will attract many people.

Sensory Details (7/10)

In general, the story is quite complex in this regard, but it feels a little strange and uncertain.

In principle, the depth of emotions throughout the four chapters varies quite a lot, swirling around the experiences of the main character. The story begins in such a way that it seems that the narrator leads his story somewhat detached, but at the same time continuously being a window into what is happening. From the very beginning, the narrator gradually immerses us in the story.

The immersion in the story takes place gradually, until we come across a series of memories and then the absolutely inexplicable happens: we are thrown into the inferno of Nidhi's memory - right into the scene of the chase from the aunt. Feelings are about to overflow. Then there is a little sensual altercation and everything calms down. Further, there is the worry of complicity in the search of the aunt's room, the episode in the kitchen, and so on.

Such mood swings, along with short humorous interludes, interspersed with anger, and sadness, serve well to keep readers engaged. However, it is possible that they can scare away, it all depends on each reader. Especially metaphorical images are good, of which the reviewer counted quite a lot.

However, if we follow the course of the story, we can find that some episodes with descriptions of Nidhi's inner experiences are, so to speak, repeated. On the one hand, this is fine: feelings and emotions are just worth focusing on, and it should be, however, the entire sensory range of all the characters, say, opposing the aunt, is reduced to a lack of understanding of her actions and general discontent.

Everything revolves around the hated Aunt Veera. Literally everything. This aunt is some kind of insidious beast. Sometimes it seems that the story is not told by an independent narrator, but by Nidhi herself.

The reviewer felt sorry for the unloved aunt, and due to the peculiarities of the construction of the story, an unexpected effect was caused: instead of empathy for Nidhi, there was a slight dislike of her. These are interesting consequences that were not planned. Reviewer's note: I do not deny that there was one attempt to humanize her aunt.

Naturally, all the feelings of Nidhi herself were revealed and did not remain unrecognized. This is one of the many positive aspects in terms of the feel of the story, and overall, despite some flaws, everything that the characters feel is clear. I would suggest removing some outright hatred of her aunt and making the narrative less subjective. For example, let Nidhi talk to her brother in an attempt not only to condemn, but also to reflect on why her aunt did this. Yes, Nidhi and Arun are fifteen-year-olds, but can teenagers only be angry?

Setting (6/10)

So, the problem with the first four chapters is that if we start imagining where some episodes take place, or even the sequence of changing scenery, it's often simply impossible to do this, because often there is simply nothing to rely on.

For example, in Rajat's first memory, it is unclear where Arun and Nidhi are sitting. We can assume that they are sitting on, say, a bench. (Reviewer's note: I thought so.) But then:

"He was startled to find Nidhi sitting there bawling her eyes out. She was plucking the grass rather furiously and crying at the same time."

I tried to imagine it for a moment, and only then realized that either the grass is tall or she is sitting on the grass and I was distracted. Oops...

Where Nidhi's memory from the third chapter takes place is impossible to determine. Yes, in fact, the remembrance consists of a continuous dialogue, but here it may seem that it is necessary to mention at least the area where it takes place: a park, a house, or somewhere else.

There aren't many such gaps, but we could get lost in them if we wanted to. But, basically, setting does not cause complaints. I would recommend adding more descriptions to the environment in the above scenes, that would be great.

Сharacter Development (6/10)

The most difficult item to evaluate. There are no questions for Arun - a vulnerable boy, for Rajat - a persistent and arrogant young man who shows excellent deduction, and for the Nidhi's family. But to the others...

Nidhi. When she wanted to grab a knife and, in her mind, attack her aunt, and from a romantic girl in an instant, she turned into an unbalanced hysteric. The impact of that scene in the kitchen lasts for a long time, and it seems that when her aunt does something adventurous again, she will stab her.

Aunt Veera, run! You are the worst woman in the world, imposing your will, a forty-year-old woman with the character of a ten-year-old schoolchild and a tyrant.

Perhaps it was intended, perhaps this character fits perfectly into the plot, but the aunt's behavior, in a word, is unrealistic and absurd.

[She glared at him and yelled back "Stop yelling. I am at least 20 years older than you."]

Seriously? Is this an argument put forward by 40-year-old women?

Yes, some adults are infantile, but within reasonable limits. The core of the Veera's character, as I see it , is the desire to look like an authority, acting secretly and meanly. Then I still don't understand why she didn't kick Arun out of the room when he came to talk to her, behaving disrespectfully. There was no trace of this aunt's dictate. It is also not clear whether the aunt really regrets the incident or not. Whether she is genuinely aware of her mistake or not.

Otherwise, the rest of the characters have a distinct shape and are quite believable. In this respect, I want to praise you, all except the aunt - have clear and unambiguous characters. The only advice is to make Nidhi's aunt more mature.

Plot (9/15):

Any great book must beckon its readers and embrace them, so that even if they decide to leave, the embrace guarantees their return. Despite the hints from the narrator, until the beginning of the third chapter, I could not understand how Aunt Veera, whom her niece hates so much, was guilty, and this kept me in great suspense. Then I wanted to know how this conflict will be resolved. According to the general impression, the plot is not very twisted, but also not quite simple. Not even simple at all. The arrival of Arun's family at Nidhi's house was unpredictable, as was the fact that Rajat got drunk on the wedding day and revealed some confidential information. (Reviewer's note: It was a funny moment) The unpredictable was enough to keep me reading. However, something very special also happened. It seemed that these moments can be attributed to the evaluation of the plot.

Let's take the beginning of the story, or rather, the moment where Nidhi hides the book under the bed and pretends to be asleep:

"She quickly shoved the book under the bed and pretended to sleep... (it is obvious that Nidhi is lying on the bed, then there is a description) ...A little makeup, however, and some bitter coffee would save her."

And suddenly:

"She looked out of the open french window near the dining table as she sipped her coffee."

What? What happened?

But we know what it was:

Teleportation!

In fact, speaking without irony, there seems to be something missing between these fragments - two or even one sentence about how Nidhi got out of bed and went to the kitchen.

There are not many such moments, I just gave an example. For the rest, I can only praise you as a scriptwriter.

There are still three unresolved issues that torment me. First: those strange transitions between chapters. Duplicating the last sentence of a chapter at the beginning of the next chapter is unusual and unexpected, but it is likely to be suitable only for TV series.

Second: it is not clear why in the first chapter Nidhi and her brother decided to search her Aunt's room. What was the logical rationale for doing so? Intuition? Divine intervention? This remains a mystery.

Third: the problem of the fourth chapter. The childish and unrealistic behavior of the aunt directly affects the course of the plot, which as a result may seem particularly demanding readers implausible.

No further significant contradictions were found. I didn't expect to be drawn to the book, but the first three chapters convinced me that the plot of the book is worthy of attention.

Grammar and Spelling mistakes (9/10)

I did not find any mistakes in spelling and grammar as such. The only thing I would like to draw your attention to is punctuation in monologues and dialogues.

Overall Impression (9/15)

It is known that the simplest thing is to criticize another person, a film, a book, or a picture. There is always something to find fault with, but it is not so easy to discover the positive aspects of something. I hope that you will find something important in this review.

Until the beginning of the fourth chapter, interest in the storyline is growing significantly and this is a serious source of pleasure even for the sophisticated reader. But the fourth chapter, frankly, breaks the smooth flow of the story. At least, if I were you, I would make considerable adjustments to this chapter. Some problems with the lack of description of the places of action and "teleportations" also negatively affect the perception and overall impression of the book. If you destroy them with a pen or keyboard, your book will become priceless.

The most important thing is that your book, currently presented in four chapters, combines an interesting idea, and excellent execution, emotional tension and good expressiveness. Everything else is easy to edit with no extra effort. It was these characteristics that struck me, even though I'm not a fan of this genre. Please do not take the final score seriously, the critics are all different. I was just being honest with you, and I sincerely hope I didn't offend you in any way. Let all your ideas come to life on the pages of your books.

Mark achieved: 67/100