Author: HayleyLHeureux

Reviewer: BookLoverVenue

Title- 10/10

The title speaks volumes and is avoiding any clique as we can see. I liked your choice of using 'Ronin' other than Assassin and getting lost in the mainstream War story.

Cover-9/10

I say this very less but I loved the cover and it processed a very good book ahead. Everything was almost perfect. The placement and contrast. Except maybe the author name which I is a bit difficult to read. Also the 'The' was a bit on the edge. As a GD myself, I appreciate the white space in a design that is made to create contrast whivh was missing in the cover. I loved how correctly you used the font and everything was perfect.

Blurb-5/10

You revealed too much in your blurb with almost no hook of your story. A blurb should be just 300-400 words long. Some even prefer just 150 words. So yes, make it shorter. The shorter the blurb is, the more readers are attract. But you have to make sure that the things you put on the blurb is correct. Then what is correct?

Your hook. Figure out your hook or inner conflict of the protagonist, in other words. And your blurb will kick ass. And don't try to hint the readers about the world built (which is Xenos in your story). Trust me, your unique world built does nothing to the readers. What your reader really is looking in the story is connection. So give 'em that.

Sensory details-7/10

In the description part, you did a lot of sensory detailing but it was unfortunately not enough. You explained the dancing shadow on the tent or the other tiny stuff but it still lacked. Five sensory organs description. Remember this. Even if you are not explaining all five, try to explain two - Sight and sound. I know that you did add the radio with bad music and the heat but I never got a description of their camp or vehicle or small details like this were majorly missing.

In the narration part, you could have done better at this as well. The trick for that is to ask yourself this, "what did she feel or think about it?". What did she FEEL when the bad music came up? You just described it with Bad Music but what was the experience? Or maybe what did she think about the bad smell of wooden trailer? What was she thinking when she was fighting? Mention that. That's the beauty of writing in first person, you get to live in a character and explain their emotions and feelings. Use that.

For example, when her family was killed, I did not even feel bad in that scene. Because there was no description of emotions. I didn't feel her helplessness. And you do have such a great opputunity for a inner conflict. I can even throw some light onto that if you want but you are not to take in the idea.

She couldn't help her family and she felt helpless that day when they were killed. We get an inner conflict - To lose that which you love. So her fear naturally becomes to feel helplessness. And that gives rise to her dire to have control over things. To know what going on and control it. That's the reason she never revealed to Somer how she felt. To have control and not feel helpless is the cause. And guess what, he dies. Strengthning her misbelief. Voila! Perfect start of a Character Arc.

Setting- 5/10

This wasn't present much in the book. Don't get me wrong, I loved reading your book but they were missing a lot of technical stuff which can improve your writing and make it reach a different level. I honestly don't know what the camp looks like, I know I am repeating. You were explaining clothing and actions but you weren't explaining placed. The truck, for example. You did a good explaining in the fighting scene but there was still no setting at all either.

Character Development- 6/10

The book started with world building and I was really very dissapointed. The whole purpose of character development - of character arc - is to individualize your character and making them change over the course of the story. And how will you do that? By introducing an inner conflict. The inner conflict make your character seem real and not animated. And it comes from the back story. I understand that you want to keep your back story saved and use it as a suspence leverage. But please, reveal her inner conflict, fear and desire. Make her stand out. Or else, she will seem like another soldier who the readers don't care about and loose interest. Don't make her similar to your other characters like Cody or Somer.

Plot-10/15

To be honest, the plot was moving very slow in the first few chapters. The first 3 chapters didn't give any information about the unique world building. It was just the protagonist showing her skills and murdering their way in. It was unessasary as long as something is happening that is important to the plot. Even the skill showing felt very fake. I suggest you to make it more realistic. Also, I just wanted to know why we're they fighting because I was utterly confused as to what was going on. Your story really did start in the 4th chapter where the Xenos showed up. So, I suggest you to speed up the plot uptil then.

Grammar-10/10

I bet that you edited it numerous times. There was no mistakes that I found. It was perfect.

Overall Impression -9/15

It could've been a lot better if you added the inner conflict of the main protagonist and her individuality among the other soldiers. What makes her different? I mean to say, we could have followed maybe Someday and found the same thing been described. You need to explain in your book how a particular thing or situation changes your protagonist or effects them. Because when it affects them, it effects the readers and get them emotional involved. I also want you to explain your romance sub plot. Why was Ronin falling in love with Somer? I didn't notice or perceive any connections between them. Which leads to the author telling us that the protagonist was in love rather than showing us. Show us their connection. Show us why was she afraid to fall in love because she couldn't control it. Why couldn't she control it? Show us that.

Total marks achieved: 71