Writer: AngelMickaella

Reviewer: Bishesbehatin

Title: 10/10 

'The Unexpected Mathematician' fits well with the book's plot so far. It matches well and is very straightforward to what is to expect in the book. It also represents your genre with a massive YA vibe. I honestly can't think of another name for this book, it's literally describing the plot in three words, lmao. Coming up with something more unique would be a bonus. 

Cover: 7/10 

Your cover has a teen fiction vibe, but also the YA vibe which is good. I like the font, but the placement seems off. The picture quality is quite poor, but the people who represent the characters appears quite well. I can definitely imagine the character Nathan as the boy on the cover—even the girl fits! The font placement will really help with how attracting it appears. 

Sensory details and setting: 16/20 

You did this area in a good manner, but you can definitely expand how powerful the effect is by having more powerful adjectives, and by focusing on key events that are supposed to be memorable. 

In chapter one—paragraph five—you have written "my beautiful mother, Sara's honeyed voice coloured the tranquil mood in the air as she popped her head into my room". For one, the start of the sentence does not flow and does not make sense when reading on. When you are describing her voice it's a beautiful description, but the first three words makes the sentence too full. We want to actually imagine her being beautiful, otherwise these are just words. They don't matter. Show us her beauty, don't tell us!  

In paragraph seven, you've written "I mean now Jonathan, not on your own set of time," she added, making me groan in annoyance. "Don't keep him waiting." The door shut behind me, indicating my mom's disappearance."  

               The 'indicating my mother's disappearance' is information not needed.  the readers already              know this since the door shuts behind him.The pacing is also better when removing that small part of the sentence. You tend to add small things that are irrelevant that ruin the mood! 

"When I stepped into the large main room, Mr. Sage's back was facing me as he was talking to my parents about his unnecessary news. That's how I knew him as". The 'that's how I knew him as does not make sense. And you can't feel the true meaning of how the character is feeling at his moment—annoyed and frustrated? I recommend checking this out and making it flow more. 'That's who I knew him as." "Typical of him" really brings out the mood Nathan is in. The rest of this paragraph you are really just stating a lot. 

The first chapter could involve more of a hook. It was interesting, but I wasn't screaming NEXT CHAPTER! NEXT CHAPTER PLEASE! We need to feel more for the character. It's the first chapter, we only just meet Nathan and his parents, and we are hit with HES GOING TO BE A PROFESSOR. Starting off with more of an emotional start would be good. Maybe consider starting off with something like the two parents arguing, and the MC admits they never argue much. The argument between both parents in chapter two would be the hook, so I recommend starting off with that. Theres straight away a problem. Make it more intense the first chapter! Ask yourself with every scene that occurs, 'if I leave this out would it matter?' 'How compelling is this scene?'

can definitely make some areas more powerful.  

Character development: 9/10 

Your MC has a great voice! It's very consistent. I love the way you add more scientific or fancier words in his mind thoughts. It really brings out the smart side of him. He definitely comes across as a smart kid all through the chapters. Although, your MC does act a lot younger than he actually is. If that is your goal, it's a well done! 

The mother seems like a sweet mother who doesn't know who to follow; her child or her husband. She loves them both very much!  

The father is.. SOMETHING. He is absolutely brutal. Straight away there is a lot to dislike about the father, but he is not all that bad. His character development further in the story is going to be wild! He seems to have quite the temper, and seems like a strict dad with his morals. I think the whole decision of him agreeing was far too fast. I didn't really feel him hate the idea and think about it.  

The parent's relationship overall seems toxic, but also healthy. They definitely get out of control when they disagree with each other. The communication between them both seems odd in some cases. Some of the dialogue makes me question how old they are. For instance, when they are arguing about him signing the papers, some dialogue between these characters could be a lot more logical. They focus on things that don't matter that ruins the whole mood of what is occurring. But a lot of the time it's realistic dialogue! It would be nice when they are calmly discussing their son's decision if they talk about him growing out of the anxious stage.  

Spelling and grammar: 7 ½/10

Your spelling and grammar are quite good! It's definitely readable, and you aren't constantly groaning over the lack of editing.  

In the synopsis, there shouldn't be an en dash (—) after him. 'but Millie' sentence should be separate. 

You add extra words to sentences quite often. For instance, 'did someone sense how sad that sounded like?' Like isn't needed. It's good to notice this, it helps the flow of sentences. 

Your semi colons ( ; ) are used wrong in some cases. 'As usual, he is in his suit; his black gray-ish hair is styled richly, still looking thirty again when he is just in his early fifties'. Again isn't needed it's an extra word. 

Basic commas throughout are also used incorrectly in some cases, as well as capital letters.

Also dialogue grammar needs to be gone over. 

'However' isn't a word typically used in creative writing. Depends on the scene and writing style sometimes. Be more creative with your words and make sure you re-read and check extra words aren't added. 

You need to go over your tense as well. 

Plot: 8/10 

The plot is interesting so far. There is a fair bit of scenes I believe you could cut out. Even starting with the hook a bit quicker will boost up how interesting your plot is. Otherwise, the plot is coming along well! There's an excitement to know how he is going to deal with his anxiety makes you want to read more! Also to know how the sister is. When Nathan was worried, she had been hurt again, I was in the awes, tell me! Even the father makes you want to read on. He is a mystery. I want to know if he is actually an alright person! And the urge to know more about his childhood crush melted me. The backstory is WOW. Very unique and can be emotional.  

Overall impression: 11/15 

It's coming along well, and has high potential. It was an enjoyable read, but it needs more! Show, don't tell. Don't make the pace of the scenes too fast. Let us feel the emotions and imagine it like a movie. Readers need to know the MCs feelings to be able to create that bond and even know some of their actions while they are moving around. Really try and make memorable scenes that'll make us remember each character, and don't rush their scene to be over. Not too short, and not too long. It's okay to not introduce all the characters right away! Add some descriptions and characters' feelings that'll keep us on our toes. I suggest really looking into these things, because these things grip readers attention and keep them from skipping pages! 

Marks achieved: 84/100