I was readying my first independent violin EP titled The Commoners for a release on 12.08.2019. The pieces in the EP were Morning Glory, When The Twine Meets, Mirror Images, and Rhyme. It was a Carnatic fusion album on which I collaborated with a pianist, a guitarist, a Veena player, and other musical artists for the accompaniment and the interludes. Each song fell into a different genre viz., R&B, jazz, rock, and folk. Though the album was in the making since 2017, I got to release it only in 2019. The journey I went through in making it possible was unimaginable. I had to leave no stone unturned to release the EP on various streaming platforms. I could write a book about the entire process so that other indie musicians would learn from it.

Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter helped me a lot in spreading the word about my EP. Yes, I created an account on Twitter too at Isabella's insistence. As I was creating posts and tagging my musician group in the posts, many people started showing interest. Though they weren't that much into instrumentals, some melomaniacs loved to listen to elite music and they texted me to keep them updated about the release.

On the morning of the 9th, I updated my WhatsApp status with these words –

Three days to go for the release of The Commoners 🎻

Many of my friends replied with 'hearts'. I didn't expect Faneel to view my status, but I had this wee bit of hope that he would view and reply to it. My apprehension was that he hadn't viewed many of my statuses in the past. I assumed that he wasn't much of a Status-kinda person. But another thought also pricked my mind – that he might not be interested in me and that's why he wasn't viewing my status.

One hour later, I found a message from Faneel. Hurray! I thought and opened it. But he had just forwarded an old SOP for one of the insurance policies. I wanted it a week back, but couldn't get hold of it. Somehow, he has moved mountains to find it and send it to me. Though I felt happy with his actions, I was still disappointed that he hadn't viewed my status. So, I threw the phone on my bed and started to get ready to go to the office.

Another hour later, I was in the steam engine. Since I got a bit late, I missed the last bus. As I was scrolling through my Instagram newsfeed, a WhatsApp message notification popped up. It was from Faneel. I opened it, my hands trembling with excitement. There it was! His reply to my status.

Faneel – Wow! I am eager to listen to this EP. I'll be one of the first listeners. 😊

Me – Thank you so much! It means a lot. You know, I am releasing a special CD edition to gift to a few people who I am close to. I'll give you one of them.

Faneel – Hey, don't waste it, madam. You can give it to someone else, right?

Me – No, I feel like giving it to you too. I don't know whether you have a CD player but you can at least have it as a keepsake.

Faneel – Thanks a lot! I am feeling so honoured now.

Me – Pleasure is mine. By the way, who is your favourite singer-songwriter?

Faneel – I am a huge Post Malone and the Westlife band fan. Then recently Jaymes Young, though he has released only one album. I love the Backstreet Boys too. The female singers I love are Beyoncé, Adele, and Lana Del Ray. I am not that much into listening to Indian music, though I am a fan of A.R.Rahman's Hindi songs. I think he is the only one doing justice to Bollywood music by composing out-of-the-box songs.

Me – OMG, I love A.R.Rahman too. But I love his Tamil songs more than his Hindi ones. I am not a fanatic of his music, though. I treat all musicians equally. Each one becomes a Mozart at least with one of their compositions. If I have to say about International musicians, I love Taylor Swift and Madonna. Recently, I discovered Coldplay as you already know about it.

Faneel – Yeah, Coldplay. I gave the band's music a try, but I couldn't connect with it. As for Taylor Swift, I love many of her songs, but I haven't loved entire albums. I also love an assortment of other English songs from many artists.

Me – Me too. But I am more into Tamil music. And I am a fan of lots of violin instrumentals. I also support Indie artists.

Faneel – Hmmm, which songs of Taylor are your favourites?

Me – Blank Space, Wildest Dreams, You Belong With Me, Today Was A Fairytale, 22, Teardrops On My Guitar, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, Mine, Style, Back To December, Tim Mc Graw, Picture To Burn, Bad Blood, Look What You Made Me Do, I Knew You Were Trouble, Shake It Off, Clean, This Love, Treacherous, Red, I Almost Do, and Starlight.

Faneel – Whoa, whoa, that's a lot to type. I love some of these. I heard she's releasing a new album, right?

Me – Yes, it's titled 'Lover'. I am so excited to listen to it.

Faneel – But I am excited to listen to your EP. Best of luck with it!

I replied with a few smileys. My skin had goosebumps, partly because of the stunning views that the steam engine journey offered, partly because of the chillness, and partly because of my exchange with Faneel.

When I detrained, I had the shock of my life as I almost bumped into Faneel who had disembarked from the next compartment.

'Oh, my God! You were on this train all along and we were chatting through messages instead of talking face-to-face. What an irony!' he bayed.

I laughed a bit but chose not to reply. We started walking on the platform, towards the main road. I felt tender while walking beside him. It was like our steps matched and that we belonged to each other. Maybe, I was exaggerating, but that's how it felt. However, there was silence between us. He didn't attempt to converse. So, I broke the ice.

'Do you take the steam engine every day?' I looked at him while I asked, observing his lovely facial features.

'Yes, I do. I love it. The atmosphere inside is calm. I tried the bus too but too many people were talking rubbish and I couldn't bear to hear them all. Though I can use headphones to drown out the sounds, I still love the serenity that the steam engine provides.'

'Hmmm, but I have to take the bus since my time clashes with the steam engine's schedule. But if I am late, then I have to entrain.'

'Well, that's good. The trains are marvellous.'

That was it. He suddenly became silent with that sentence-stopper. We walked for two more minutes while he was silent all along.

Why doesn't he speak anything? Is it because we are in the public eye? Or is he usually laconic? Not that I have any problem with it. But it's strange. If I love someone, I'd definitely find all the chances to talk to them. So, that means he doesn't seem to like me in the way I like him.

Once we were settled in our seats in the office, my concentration turned to the work in front of me. The previous day I had left some pending work as Malarkodi left home early to attend to her kid's fever. She had dark circles under her eyes when I turned to look at her.

'Good morning, madam. Seems like you haven't slept well,' I said.

'Good morning! Yes, I did not sleep well. My daughter's coughing kept me up for two hours.'

'Why didn't you take a leave today?'

'I could have, but I need to save them for something else. Anyway, my husband is at home today. So, he'll take care of her.'

'Good, good.'

Then, we got busy with our respective work till lunchtime. Just when I was finishing up, I got a call from Harshiv.

'Hey, Chandni, you know what? I'd like to collaborate with you on something.'

'What? What do you mean?' I asked him, enthusiastically.

'Are you composing something right now? Anything new I mean?'

'Yes, I am composing a new piece. I think it'd go into my first feature album,' I replied, remembering the piece I was composing based on my crush on Faneel.

'Okay, I am open to collaborating if you love to.'

'Hey, I'd love to. In fact, I was thinking of incorporating a section of male humming, some konnakol, and an electronic guitar interlude. You'd be the perfect choice for the last one.'

'Then, what are we waiting for? When can I come over?'

'When will you be leaving for Canada again?'

'I'll be here for a month or so. I have got enough time. You have to make time for me now.'

'Hell, I have loads of time for this! Let's have the recording in the last weekend. I'll arrange everything within then. As you know, right now I have to concentrate on spreading the word about my EP.'

'Don't worry. I have already gathered an audience in Canada for you. As soon as the EP releases on all the streaming platforms, I'll share the links with my group. You'll receive most of the plays from them.'

'I am so grateful to you, Harsh. Thanks for all the support.'

'Anything for a good friend, Chandni.'

Then we hung up. I rubbed my palms together in excitement. I felt feverish with a load of good things happening in my life. The only spoilsport was Avinash's presence and his ignorance which would always dampen my good spirits.

*

Somehow, The Commoners made it to the 100 most streamed albums on Spotify of that week in August. It was at the 75th position, but it was a huge thing for me. My friends made it happen by sharing the links to the EP on all their social media profiles. My heart brimmed with gratitude to each one of them. I went on an Instagram Live on the eve of the 17th to thank everyone who had supported me in the journey and made the EP successful. I felt like a mini-celebrity though I hadn't achieved half of what other debut musicians would.

Once the exhilaration settled down, the monotony of my daily life gently pulled me back. I returned to sulking in my office, doing the same work over and over. Often I thought about how exciting it would be if I was a full-time violinist or the owner of a bookshop or a mobile library, which was my long-time dream. Dreaming about the bookshop made me realise that I hadn't read even a single page from Big Magic which I had stalled reading a few days ago. Since there was no customer or pending work, I took out the book from my handbag and placed it on my table. Only then did I realise that Faneel was already approaching my cabin to talk to me about something. His eyes were quick to notice the book.

'Hey, what's that book?' he questioned.

'Sorry, sir, I didn't mean to read it during office hours. I thought to just read a paragraph and keep it inside. I...'

'Chandni madam, relax!'

I stopped and looked at him, confused by his reactions.

'I just asked about the book. I didn't ask you why you were reading during office hours. You have the liberty to do anything you want if you have finished your work and if there is no customer around.'

'Oh, okay, sir. I thought you were going to advise me.'

'I hate unsolicited advice and I hate giving it to someone else. Now, come on, tell me, what's that book?'

'It's Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. The book focuses on how to live a creative life.'

'Sounds interesting. Is it good?'

'So far so good. I have just read twenty pages. Hoping to finish it by next weekend.'

'Good, ma. I love reading books too.'

'Is it? I never knew that.'

'Well, we never discussed our hobbies, right?'

'Yeah, true that. So, what are the genres you love to read, sir?'

'I am all into self-help and philosophical books. Like The Secret, The Laws of Human Nature, Beyond Good And Evil, Men, Women & Worthiness, and Reason for Hope.'

'Oh! I have read The Secret. Not much of a fan. I have never heard of the rest.'

'You should read all these books if you want a philosophical view about our life and the world around us.'

'Sure, I'd give them a read.'

'But, what do you love to read?'

'I am not that crazy about books. Reading is just a hobby, not a passion like playing the violin. But I'd love to make people read. Personally, I prefer popular non-fiction books like the one I'm reading right now, Atomic Habits, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, The 5 Am Club, Man's Search for Meaning, and Sapiens. I also read a lot of memoirs and autobiographies written by women. Above all, I am crazy about crime fiction, the likes of Raymond Chandler, Dorothy L Sayers, Mary Higgins Clarke, Agatha Christie, Lee Child, and Patricia Cornwell. I do read Tamil novels occasionally. Ponniyin Selvan is my favourite.'

'Wow! You tell me you aren't crazy about books but it seems like you are,' chortled Faneel.

'Maybe,' I laughed along with him.

After a pregnant pause, I continued, 'You know, I have this long-time dream of opening a bookshop-cum-café in Tagha or Urivaloor.'

'What? Seriously? But, doesn't Urivaloor have a bookshop already?'

'It does, but what I am planning is something different.'

'Okay, let me hear all about it.'

'It will be a quaint and cosy bookshop attached to a café that sells pastries, short bites, and different beverages. People can just lounge, eat, drink, browse and buy books, and even read them for some time in the café. Writers can come, find a peaceful spot, and write their books. Well, if this business plan doesn't work for a hill town, I might start a mobile library and drive around all the hill towns, selling books and inculcating the habit of reading in children.'

'Oh my God, this sounds so magical. It's a beautiful dream that can come true if you truly work towards it.'

'But it's far-fetched, sir. I am already caught in this rut. It's like a time loop – waking up and facing the same kind of day every day. Bloody Groundhog-ity. I don't know whether I'd be able to break free and work towards this particular dream of mine.'

'It's not as difficult as you say. All you need is a starting point. Also, the idea of a bookshop-cum-café in a hill town sounds super cool.'

'Yeah, it does.'

'Whatever it is, if you open something like that or drive a mobile library, I would love to be employed by you. You will be the boss then and I will be your employee.'

I couldn't control myself as I burst into a bout of guffaws. Malarkodi threw me a nasty look before turning back to her computer.

'Hey, I am not joking, ma. You have to hire me. Do you think I am happy in this career? Not at all. Liberate me, please.'

I laughed some more before I responded, 'Sure, sir. I'll employ you. The pay will be less, okay?'

'I have to get paid, that's what matters. Also, I'd be doing something I love. So, I won't worry about the money.'

'Then I'll take you in.'

'And, if you want someone to take care of the café, I met a home baker recently whose recipes are just mind-blowing. You have to give her a chance.'

'Oh, who is that home baker?' Curiosity peaked in my mind.

Before Faneel could answer my question, a customer came to my counter.

'Hello, I would like to buy a new vehicle insurance policy. Can you let me know the details?' the petite woman asked me.

'Sure, ma'am. Please sit,' I replied with a hospitable smile.

Faneel marched out of my cabin and entered his. Butterflies fluttered throughout my body as I replayed the conversation over and over in my mind for the rest of the day.

*

20.08.2019

'Why is it so busy today?' Malarkodi grumbled.

'I don't know. Maybe it's because of a Monday?'

'Yeah, but we haven't seen a worse Monday than today.'

'Okay, what can we do now?' I didn't mean that question to be snappy, but making small talk with Malarkodi was not my usual time pass.

'Can we have a bar of Magnum ice cream each? Consider it as my treat,' she put forth.

Though I wanted to refuse her offer, her expression was one of insistence. Also, I didn't want an argument. She'd start something like, 'Why aren't you mingling with me properly? I don't want to be treated like an outcast.'

It was her attitude that made us treat her like that in the first place. But she wouldn't understand. She will take it to heart and plan her revenge on us meticulously. So, I accepted the offer of ice cream, but on one condition. I told her I'd go along with Ravi Anna to the nearby supermarket to buy the ice cream. Not wanting to create a scene, Malarkodi reluctantly assented to it. She gave me her debit card, writing the PIN on a piece of paper.

A few yards away from our office was Kani Super Market. Ravi Anna and I entered it and acknowledged the receptionist who was acquainted with us. We then slid the glass door of the ice cream box and picked four Magnum bars from it. Totally, there were two classic almond Magnum bars, one chocolate truffle bar, and one Hazelnut bar. After paying using the debit card, I shredded the piece of paper which had the PIN. Then, we rushed to the office before the ice creams would start to melt.

Though it was Malarkodi's treat, she asked Ravi Anna to distribute the ice creams. I found the perfect chance to interact with Faneel. As Ravi Anna picked one of the bars, I stopped him.

'Anna, mind if I give ice cream to Faneel Sir?' I asked him, knowing very well that he would flash suspicious looks at me.

But he didn't question me anything. He was rather happy to not walk up to Faneel's cabin. So, I took the Hazelnut bar and entered the cabin.

'Sir, ice cream for you,' I handed it to him, smiling from cheek to cheek. Since he already knew about Malarkodi's treat, he didn't question me about the ice cream.

'Hey, thank you!' he bellowed, a wide beam filling up his face.

That was it. That was all it took to make my day. Faneel's beaming face acted as a balm to my stressed soul. But the happiness lasted only for a few minutes.

Avinash's name flashed on my mobile phone and immediately my expression changed to that of guilt.

*

23.08.2019

I had heavy menstrual cramps that even a dose of Meftal-Spas couldn't reduce them. So, I called in sick and stayed home. But resting at home didn't mean I had the right to stalk through Faneel's Instagram profile. He had posted a few photos after he came to Jwalamukh Hills. The first one was a photo of himself standing on a cliff, the sprawling greenery forming the background. The next photo was also of himself, but this time he was in his cricket sportsman costume. When I checked the location he tagged, it was Clover Sports Academy. The name rang a bell inside my mind. Yes, it was the one that Arjun used to frequent during our high school days. I wondered whether he still played cricket and whether he had befriended Faneel by any chance. There was only one way to know. I should coax Faneel into having a conversation about cricket.

The third post had multiple photos in it – all were beautiful scenery of Lakshyam, Kyathavasi, Vandakheri, Tagha, and Urivaloor. The thought that Faneel might have possibly passed by my house during a weekend gave me an unusual gooseflesh. The fourth post also had multiple photos, but this time they were from his recent trip to Coorg in Karnataka. We had a long weekend in July and he had taken off on a trip along with his friends from his previous workplace. There was a man who looked almost like him. On closer scrutiny, I realised that it might be his younger brother.

What is his younger brother doing in this photo? Is he staying with him? My thoughts ran amok. Thankfully, he had tagged his brother. Shalva Basnet? Quite a different name.

Then there was a mid-30s Tamilian woman along with her husband and daughter, and another Tamilian man, also in his 30s. The photos were of themselves having fun at different locations in Coorg. Fearing that I might accidentally like the post, I scrolled down to look at some of his photos from his previous years. I found a pleasing photo of an illuminated hill town. It must be Sanjauli in his hometown Shimla. Under the photo, he had written a caption, 'There's light even in the darkest of times. Just plug into some of Christina Perri's songs, sit on the balcony of your warm house, and look straight at the lights down below.'

Now that was new information. While speaking about his favourite artists, he didn't mention Christina Perri. So, I made a mental note to talk to him about her the next time we converse. I scrolled through some more of his old posts. Nothing interesting. I deduced that he wasn't much of a social media person. He didn't even share that many statuses on WhatsApp. Sometimes a favourite quote, sometimes a line that he loved from the book he was reading, or sometimes the cricket scores.

Bored with incessant social media scrolling, I threw my phone on the bed and picked up Big Magic to continue reading. I used my fluorescent highlighter to highlight some of the lines that got to me. Later, I napped for an hour in the afternoon. When I woke up, I noticed that I had a missed call from Harshiv. I called him back. Surely, it must be about our upcoming recording.

'Hi, Harshiv. Sorry, I have taken a sick leave. I was asleep when you called.'

'That's okay, Chandni. Can we...umm...have the recording on the 25th?'

'Sure, why not?'

'I thought maybe you'd want to do it later now that I have extended my stay.'

'No, Sunday is perfectly fine. You know our recording studio, right? It's in Kyathavasi, above Pulkit's house.'

'Yeah, I'll be there at 10 AM.'

'Okay.'

So, it was all set. Excited would be an understatement to describe my feelings. Since this violin piece was close to my heart, I knew it would turn out very well.

*

At 5 PM, I decided to go for a walk in Flower Park at Vandakheri. I hailed a shared auto-rickshaw and reached the park within ten minutes. I was wearing my favourite sandalwood jumper paired with black tracks. Since I had Bluetooth headphones, I plugged into some music and started walking on the footpath. As I loved to look at other people while walking, I looked at everyone, observed their expressions, and even tried to decode what they spoke on the phone or to the other person walking beside them. As I was doing this, I skillfully bumped into a young lady who was walking along with her son.

'Watch out!' the boy yelled.

'I am sorry,' I mouthed to the boy and then I looked up at the lady. That's when I noticed someone lugging behind me.

'What happened?' That person asked, while my knees wobbled and I almost lost my balance. Because that person was Faneel. He was dressed in a black sleeveless shirt and cobalt-blue tracks. I was quite shocked looking at his well-toned biceps. Since he used to wear full-sleeved formal shirts in the office and looked rather slim, I had pictured his arms to be slender. But here he was, looking suddenly hot. Hot enough to melt me right on the spot. Added to this were the veins on his wrists and at the back of his palms. Though for a passerby he would just be another Nepali man, he looked like a Greek God to me.

'Chandni?' He looked at me quizzically, simultaneously snapping me out of my trance.

'Faneel sir?' I matched his tone. Then I removed my headphones so that I converse with him.

'That's a surprise! How do you feel now?' he asked after my health.

'I am better. I just wanted to take a walk.'

'Alone? Why didn't you call your fiancé?'

'No!' I almost shouted, but then I softened, 'I mean, I love my solitude as much as I love walking along with other people.'

Throughout our conversation, that young lady stood silently, just smiling at us. Her son scampered away to a stone bench to seat himself.

'Oh! I am sorry. Chandni, this is Sheena, my neighbour,' Faneel introduced the woman. She looked radiant with copious amounts of kohl in her doe-shaped eyes, perfectly aligned teeth, and heart-shaped face. I could deduce that she was a Malayali.

'And, Sheena, this is Chandni, my...my colleague in my office...' he kinda dragged.

'Hi, Chandni,' she extended her hand for a shake. I shook it gently while saying, 'Hi, Sheena, nice to meet you.'

'Okay, I'll leave you both to talk. I should take my son to his drawing class,' she excused herself. She then patted Faneel on his shoulder. I felt like puking because even if I wish, I'd never get to pat him on his shoulder like that. I wasn't jealous exactly, but I was rather distressed that I should be crushing on someone who I couldn't have.

As soon as Sheena left, Faneel looked straight into my eyes. I looked back, holding his gaze for a moment. I'd never imagined that I'd meet him outside our office someday.

'Can we sit somewhere?' he asked me.

'Yes, there's a bench behind you,' I pointed it to him.

We settled on it, sitting rather close to each other. Our shoulders almost brushed, but I decided that I should move a bit away if I wanted to keep my sanity intact. We sat there in silence for a few moments, looking at the people walking by and the children playing in the park. I could feel his eyes on me, and I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was. I had imagined this moment a hundred times in my head, but now that it was happening, I didn't know what to say. I presumed that he was still a crush, though two months had passed since meeting him and getting to know his mesmerizing character day by day.

Finally, Faneel broke the silence. 'Chandni, I wanted to talk to you about something.' Yet again, he addressed me without the suffix.

'What is it, sir?' I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

'It's about your engagement,' he said, his eyes still on me. 'I know it's none of my business, but I wanted to make sure that you're happy.'

I felt a sudden surge of hope. Was he saying what I thought he was saying? 'What do you mean?'

'I mean, are you sure you want to go through with it? Sometimes, we make decisions based on what we think is expected of us, or because we're afraid of change. But that doesn't mean we're making the right decision.'

I took a deep breath, my heart racing. Was he saying that he had feelings for me? 'Faneel sir, what are you trying to say?'

He looked away, then back at me. 'I'm saying that if you're not happy, if you have any doubts at all, then maybe you should reconsider. Life is too short to spend it with someone you're not meant to be with. See, I have no intention of interfering in your personal life. I don't even know what kind of person your fiancé is. I just wanted to voice my thoughts out.'

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was he really suggesting that I call off my engagement? He didn't even know anything about Avinash. Did he, by chance, overhear any of the arguments I had with Avinash on the phone while I was at the office?

Or was he trying to tell me that he had feelings for me? My mind was in a whirlwind of confusion and hope.

But before I could respond, my phone rang. It was Harshiv, asking about some props needed for the recording the next day. I quickly answered, trying to compose myself. While I was talking to him, Faneel signalled to me that his time was up and he should leave. Though I wanted him to stay and talk to me some more or let me know his true intentions of speaking about my engagement, I nodded and bid goodbye to him.

After I ended the call, I wiped all the sweat beads that had appeared on my forehead. Though it was jittering cold out there in the park, I felt oddly heated up due to the out-of-the-blue conversation I had with Faneel.

As I walked back to my home, I couldn't help but think about his words. Was he trying to tell me that he had feelings for me? Or was he just concerned about my happiness? I couldn't stop thinking about him, his well-toned arms, his dishevelled hair, and those deep ebony eyes that seemed to look into my soul.

I reached my home and collapsed onto the couch, my mind still racing with thoughts of Faneel. As I closed my eyes, I saw his face, his lips moving but no sound coming out. It was as if he was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't hear him.

I didn't know what the future held, but one thing was for sure. Faneel had stirred something inside me that I couldn't ignore. I knew that I had to confront him and find out what he really meant. I couldn't let this feeling go on any longer.

The next day, I went to the office early, hoping to catch Faneel before anyone else arrived. I saw him at his desk, typing away on his computer. I walked up to him, taking a deep breath.

'Faneel sir, we need to talk,' I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

He looked up at me, his eyes meeting mine. I saw a flicker of something in his gaze, but he quickly composed himself.

'What is it, Chandni madam?' he asked, his tone professional.

'I need to know what you were trying to say to me yesterday. About my engagement,' I said, my heart pounding.

Faneel leaned back in his chair, his expression unreadable. 'I was just concerned about you, Chandni. That's all.'

I felt a pang of disappointment. He had addressed me without the suffix, but still, there was something amiss in his tone. I took a deep breath and consoled myself, Chandni, he's just a crush. Crushes shouldn't be taken seriously. Chill now!