HERMES: I'm terrible at expressing myself.
                SARAH: Don't worry, actions speak louder than words!
                HERMES: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

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☠️.ೃ࿐ CHAPTER TEN .ೃ࿐ 💎
( volume one ) the weight of living
x ⚰️ Lord Hermes Plays The Blame Game
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THEY'RE ABLE TO SCRAMBLE BACK TO THEIR VAN WITHOUT ANY ATTACKS AND SARAH'S GIVEN AN AMBROSIA SQUARE BEFORE SHE CAN EVEN ASK. Thalia shoves one into her mouth in a similar way to how Percy chucked space food into the Nemean Lion's mouth; Sarah nearly chokes on it.

"Is this gonna be a habit for you," Sarah asks Thalia, disgruntled, "Are you always gonna try to choke me with Ambrosia every time I'm mildly injured?"

Thalia had done the same at Westover Hall and while Sarah appreciates the concern, she doesn't appreciate almost dying due to Ambrosia nearly as much.

"I'm sure a broken leg is more than a mild injury," Thalia counters, nearly face-planting into the seat in front of her as Zoe takes an incredibly sharp turn.

Sarah goes to reply but the speed of the turn leaves her feeling queasy and she presses a hand to her mouth, feeling bile burn its way up her throat. Despite no one enjoying how recklessly Zoe is driving, no one tells her to slow down. Not when they're being followed by a bloody helicopter.

Bianca leans into Sarah's side as Zoe takes another turn, the younger girl had turned an almost green colour. No one else was faring any better not even Zoe who's the one driving.

"They know the van, we have to ditch it," Percy points out.

"Gods," Sarah groans, "I hate it but he's right, Zo, we'll have to dump this van and bolt."

Zoe swerves into the fast lane, causing Sarah to lurch forward and groan louder.

"Maybe the military will shoot it down," Grover says hopefully.

"The military probably thinks it's one of theirs," Percy disagrees then turns to Zoe and asks, "How can the General use mortals, anyway?"

"Mercenaries,' Zoë replies bitterly, "It is distasteful, but many mortals will fight for any cause as long as they are paid."

"But don't these mortals see who they're working for?" Percy continues on, curiosity getting the better of him, "Don't they notice all the monsters around them?"

Zoë shakes her head "I do not know how much they see through the Mist. I doubt it would matter to them if they knew the truth. Sometimes mortals can be more horrible than monsters."

A heavy feeling fills the van but maybe that's all in Sarah's head as she mulls over Zoe's words. She's got that right, mortals can be more horrible than the monsters. She remembers her trial how only Giles' uncle was the only one to defend her but even then he had been the one to put her in the cell despite the fact he could have probably kept her out of it. Sarah remembers how quickly everyone had turned on her.

The helicopter keeps coming despite how fast Zoe drives and changes lanes, the helicopter makes a lot better time than the van does through D.C. traffic. They would be screwed if they kept going in the van, Percy is right, they had to ditch it and fast.

Beside Sarah, Thalia closes her eyes and prays hard "Hey, Dad. A lightning bolt would be nice about now. Please?"

But the sky stays grey and snowy. No sign of a helpful thunderstorm.

It's not as though Zeus never helps his kids, he had always been very careful in doing so but Sarah found he had been sloppy with Thalia, his attempts to guide her more obvious, like how Thalia managed to find Sarah because Zeus knew that Sarah would be able to stop the monsters sent after Thalia by Hades.

So Sarah is shocked that nothing happens; not even their electrical system being thrown off. The helicopter remains perfectly fine in the air. However, Thalia looks rather resigned to the fact that she gets nothing from her father.

A lightning bolt would have been too obvious and as the enforcer of those stupid ancient laws, Zeus couldn't do something so obvious to help even if he wanted to and Sarah hopes that he at least listened and wanted to help.

Sarah goes to comfort Thalia when Bianca lets out a loud gasp, startling nearly everyone.

"There!" Bianca exclaims, "That parking lot!"

"We'll be trapped," Zoë says dismissively.

"Trust me," Bianca insists, sounding more confident than anyone had ever heard her before.

Zoë gives her a look then eyes the parking lot before finally shooting across two lanes of traffic and into a mall parking lot on the south bank of the river that Bianca had pointed out.

The group abandons the van and lets Bianca take the lead as they follow her down some steps.

"Subway entrance," Bianca explains as they all scramble down the steps amidst the bustling crowd, "Let's go south. Alexandria."

"Anything," Thalia agrees.

Sarah nods in agreement as well, grinning as she thinks how well Bianca handles the brief leadership. This kid is really growing on her. Sarah turns to look at Zoe, who has a similar expression her face, although her grin not as big, as she lets Bianca lead them for the moment.

The group quickly buys the tickets, practically jumping over the turnstiles, luckily there seemed to be no signs of pursuit but that didn't slow them down. They didn't settle until they were safely aboard a southbound train, riding away from D.C. As the train came above ground, Sarah could see the Helicopter circling the parking lot, seemingly under the impression they were still in the van. As the train moved away from the area, the Helicopter didn't follow.

"Nice job, Bianca, thinking of the subway." Grover praises.

Bianca looks pleased but offers a shy smile as she tries to brush it off "Yeah, well. I remembered that station from when Nico and I came through last summer. I was really surprised to see it, because it wasn't here when we used to live in D.C."

Sarah leans forward, now this is definitely what Sarah needed to hear to confirm that the Di Angelos are much older than they realize.

Grover frowns "New? But that station looked really old."

"I guess," Bianca says with a shrug, the adds in a much firmer tone "But trust me, when we lived here as little kids, there was no subway."

Thalia sits forward, clearing getting to what Sarah figured out long ago "Wait a minute. No subway at all?"

Bianca nods.

"Bianca," Zoë says uncertain, "How long ago . . ."

Her voice falters as the sound of the helicopter approaching could be heard.

"Well, shit." Sarah mumbles.

OVER THE NEXT FEW HOURS AND A COUPLE TRAIN CHANGES LATER, THEY FINALLY MANAGED TO LOSE THE HELICOPTER FOR GOOD. The discussion of Bianca's childhood long forgotten as all they cared about was getting away from those monster military creeps. The group ended up riding the train to the end of the line, when they stumble off it they find themselves in a railway yard surrounded by warehouses and an abundance of snow.

It happens to be much colder wherever they are than it had been in D.C, Sarah had a terrible feeling they were quite far from where she was sure they were meant to go. This felt nothing like California.

They wander around the area looking for another train to get on and maybe find a route that would be useful but the entire place seemed to be abandoned save for one old, lonely homeless man.

He huddles around a trash can fire, looking unassuming but Sarah narrows her eyes. The man doesn't scream monster but he doesn't exactly scream mortal. Why was he the only one, he must be a God of some kind. She'd much rather that over a monster or even a mortal. However he did seem like a normal homeless guy so she could be wrong either way, when he offers to share his roaring fire with them, she doesn't argue. She thinks it's safe enough.

They huddle around, shivering, and Sarah thinks that this is going a lot better than the last quest she shared with Percy. But, she doesn't say it out loud because it would come across as rude and she is trying very hard not to be rude to Percy anymore. She has no reason to hold him at arms length now.

Grover complains that his hooves are frozen which Percy quickly corrects him by saying 'feet' for the sake of the old homeless guy but the man doesn't seem to blink an eye at it. Sarah swears that he almost smiles but she's probably just imagining it.

"You know," The homeless man said in a whimsical tone, "you're never completely without friends."

Sarah eyes him warily, he's definitely a God in disguise because that is the most out of pocket cryptic shit she's ever heard and the God's do love being cryptic. However, what he said doesn't give her even an inkling as to which God he may be.

His face grimy and his beard tangled, but his expression seems kindly "You kids need a train going west?"

"Yes, sir," Percy says conversationally, "You know of any?"

Sarah wonders if Percy suspects the same that she does or if he's just being polite.

The homeless man points one greasy hand, Sarah suddenly notices a freight train that definitely hadn't been there before. It gleams in the soft sunlight of the afternoon, free of snow. It's one of those automobile-carrier trains, with steel mesh curtains and a triple-deck of cars inside. The side of the freight train said SUN WEST LINE.

Sarah's eyes widen and she realizes that they're stand in the presence of Apollo.

"That's . . . Convenient," Thalia says looking pleasantly surprised as she turns to thank the man, "Thanks, uh . . ."

But she stops short, eyes widening and the rest of the group turn to the homeless guy only to find he had vanished. The trashcan in front of them now cold and empty, as if he'd taken the flames with him.

AN HOUR LATER, THEY'RE FINALLY MAKING THEIR WAY WEST. Sarah had explained that she was pretty sure it was Apollo who got them this ride, making sure to use the Hunter's code name 'Sunny D' just so he wouldn't get in trouble with Zeus in case anyone else was watching over them. Thankfully the name was on the obvious side so neither Zoe or Sarah had to explain it to the others.

"That is really obvious," Thalia had pointed out but Zoe had merely shrugged not too concerned by her opinion.

"Still leaves room for deniability," Sarah had replied simply, "Anyway it's safe to say that this ride should be monster-free so let's get some rest while we can."

The group splits up, Bianca and Zoe taking a Lexus on the top of the freight train, Sarah goes with Thalia who picks out a sleek black Mercedes SLK, and Percy goes with Grover who picks a Lamborghini.

Thalia hot wires the car with surprising ease and Sarah isn't sure if she should be proud or concerned on how she could do that. It's not like Sarah could judge as she's hot-wired plenty of cars in the past, so she'll settle on being upset that she wasn't the one to show Thalia how to do it.

A terrible pit forms in her stomach as she thinks about all the things that she wasn't able to show Thalia. How she couldn't save Thalia back then and how she couldn't even keep Thalia safe from the Nemean Lion. She could've saved Thalia then if she had just tried harder.

"You're staring at me like I'm dying," Thalia says as she surfs through the radio channels.

Sarah flushes but she doesn't look away.

"A lot of people look a me like that ⸺ like I'm a ghost," Thalia continues on in a melancholy tone, "You do know that I don't blame you for what happened to me, right?"

Thalia gives up trying to find a radio station, leaving it on a static-filled channel, she leans back in the seat and sighs heavily.

Sarah gasps at the statement, something snaps inside her and it's all too much to handle. She wipes aggressively at her eyes and tears begin to fall.

"How could you not ⸺ how could you ever forgive me for what happened," Sarah begins and she turns to look away from Thalia, "I was the oldest, I was brought to you by divine ordainment, I was supposed to protect all of you and I failed, I let you die ⸺ I let you down ⸺"

"But, you didn't let me down," Thalia says fiercely, "It was my choice, I gave you no other option but to take the others to safety. You couldn't have stayed without risking anyone else and neither of us wanted anyone else to get hurt. You didn't let me down, none of you did. One of us had to stay behind and distract the monsters and I knew I was the better option, you were so fast and strong, even more so than Luke. You were the best option to get everyone else to safety. There is no other way it could've played out. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't anyone's fault but the Gods'. We all made the right choice that night and I wouldn't change it for anything. Even without knowing that I could be brought back, I still wouldn't have changed my mind."

Sarah wipes at her eyes, the feelings in her chest too much for her to handle.

"I could never blame you not when I know you would've taken my place in a heartbeat if you had the chance. It was your father who sent those monsters after me, not you. You were on my side since the moment you laid eyes on me and I know I didn't make it easy."

Sarah snorts as she remembers the first few days when Thalia and Luke had joined her and Annabeth. Luke trusted her easily but Thalia, oh no, Thalia thought she was Hades himself. Sarah didn't pay it any mind because she knew the distrust had more to do with instincts than anything and, of course, Thalia took to Annabeth like a duck to water so Sarah had seen no reason to start anything. They were all just kids trying to get to camp as as Sarah was the oldest of them, she had to be mature about it.

"Believe it or not but your past siblings were way worse than you but eventually they realized I was totally groovy and got over it. Not as quickly as you did though, so technically speaking, you were actually easy."

Thalia grins, wiping at her glossy eyes "Now, that's the first time I've heard that."

Sarah laughs lightly.

Thalia sniffles "I never got to tell you but . . . You were everything to me. You were the mother I always wanted, Gods, I know that sounds weird but it's true. You were like my mother, my sister, and best friend all rolled into one amazing person and I never had anyone like you before. I had . . . Luke, yes, but you were different. And I never got to thank you for that."

Sarah's lower lip wobbles as a myriad of emotions swirl in her chest "You don't have to thank me, it was an honour to be that person for you, Thalia Grace."

"You're still that person, Sarah, you'll always be that person."

"You'll always be my person, Thals."

Thalia laughs, a watery one, as she gives Sarah a bright grin "Gods, Sarah, are you crying? Ugh, you're such a sap!"

Sarah wheezes out a laugh as Thalia punches her shoulder, sitting up in her seat to return to fiddling with the radio.

Neither girls had been good at dealing with mushy gushy shit, they preferred to rip it off like a bandaid and get it over with, Thalia more so than Sarah.

While the conversation did take some weight off her shoulders, it did not resolve everything that Sarah felt about it but she wasn't gonna push to talk about it more. She's more than happy to take a page out of Thalia's book and brush the conversation off for now. She'll bring it up at a later date when they weren't on a quest to save Annabeth and Lady Artemis.

She had more important things to worry about than resolving her guilt like how she was going to change a literal prophecy because she couldn't let Zoe die.

Changing a prophecy is unheard of, probably even impossible but Sarah would be damned if she didn't try. Sarah always had that 'nothing's impossible if you have enough nerve' attitude which usually kicked in during the worst times. It was the same attitude that kicked in when Artemis revealed herself to Sarah back in the Salem jail cell. It's probably more so desperation than stubbornness.

Percy comes knocking on the car door looking to talk with Thalia so Sarah takes that as her queue to leave. She picks a car three spaces down from Thalia's car, not bothering to note the make only that it was a nice forest green before crashing in the backseat.

It did not take long for the Demigod dreams to plague her. Only this time it wasn't orchestrated by Kronos, Sarah isn't cold in fact she's quite warm, and content, and seemingly in control of her own body. She also felt much smaller.

She sat at the edge of a pond, it took her a moment to realize it was a very familiar pond ⸺ Wilkins' Pond, she realizes with a start, she had been swinging her feet, the cool water grazing her heels but she stopped short as she realized she was in Salem.

Beside her sat Lucas Maycott who was preoccupied with his Uncle Abe. Sarah vaguely remembers this, she had to have been twelve at the time, Abe Maycott had returned from a trip overseas and would be staying around for a short amount of time, she remembers he never stayed long and when he did visit he only seemed to be there for Lucas and by extension Sarah, as Lucas and Sarah had been attached at the hip since infancy.

She thinks this is when Abe was trying to teach Lucas how to fish, he had even given Sarah a pole to use but she had no such luck if she remembered correctly. Sarah wonders if that had anything to do with Poseidon being petty. She vaguely remembers giving up easily after Lucas had caught his fifth fish and she hadn't even gotten a bite. Abe had coaxed her back into trying, he had grinned at her and said "Now, now! Don't say it's impossible, Sarah, nothing's impossible if you have enough nerve!".

Only Sarah isn't holding a fishing pole in this dream, Lucas and Abe seem to be just there for decoration, they're talking about something possibly something to do with Abe's travels. Abe is holding a fishing pole, casting a line out waiting for a fish to bite and Lucas leaning into his Uncle's side, watching his every move. They're not frozen but they seem to be moving on a loop.

Sarah takes a look around, in the distance she can see her house. She had nearly forgotten what it looked like, it was merely a fuzzy memory to her but this dream brought it back with a fierce clarity.

"Fates, you used to be so small," A familiar voice blurts out, a strange fondness in their voice, "I remember you being tiny when you first joined Artemis but you were definitely taller than this!"

Sarah turns to find a vaguely familiar man ⸺ well, it had to be a God, leaning against a tree. He had brown skin, black shaggy hair with a five 'o clock shadow that contrasted his baby blue eyes. He had the kind of face that Sarah had seen on screens before, he looked very much like a celebrity, like ⸺

"Alexander Hamilton?" Sarah blurts out, eyebrows scrunching up in confusion. She doesn't mean the actual founding father but the guy who's writing that musical about the founding father and the God seems to understand what she means because his fond expression falls flat.

"No, no, and no!" The God exclaims, shaking his head violently, "How do ⸺ no, I don't look that much like that guy. Apollo and 'Dite are never gonna let me live this down."

Sarah reckons he's right, she'd only really seen that guy in passing when she had free time from the hunt and would go to library to check out new music and pop culture, he had come up on the youtube home page and she had seen the guy on some kind of screen when the Hunt was passing through New York. She had seen the guy's face enough to recognize it but she couldn't argue that the God was wearing the guy's exact face. Also she reckons that the Alexander Hamilton guy wasn't almost seven feet tall.

The God pinches the bridge of his nose "No, I am not the Alexander Hamilton guy, Sarah Willoughby, do I look like Apollo to you?"

"No," Sarah shakes her head, "You look like the Alexander Hamilton guy to me ⸺ wait! Are you telling me that Apollo was the one who wrote Alexander Hamilton's musical biography?!"

The God looks at her in disbelief "What, no! That's not even close to what I ⸺ The musical is gonna be about the revolutionary war more than anything, I wouldn't really call it a biography ⸺ No! This is not what I came here to discuss with you, it's bad enough I have to hear from Apollo about that musical and how amazing it's turning out to be because his prodigal son is writing it. I do not need to hear it from you."

"Actually I haven't heard any of it so I don't know if it's good or not, I do know he apparently performed at the White House so I reckon it's got to be pretty ⸺"

"Sarah Willoughby, will you please focus!" The God snaps, growing taller with his rage.

Sarah flinches even though she wishes she didn't. Suddenly she hears hissing whispers and she realizes with yet another start that it was Lord Hermes standing in front of her. The Hissing whispers belonging to George and Martha, even though she could not hear what they're saying, she knew without a doubt it's them.

"Sorry," Sarah mutters, not feeling particularly sorry about it but his anger did make her nervous so she better not fuel the fire by not apologizing.

While Hermes is quick to anger, he is also quick to forgive, well, for the most part at least. He resumes a normal height, shorter than the seven feet he was just minutes before. Hermes lets out a sigh, looking forlorn as he stares out at the pond.

"I need you to do something for me," Hermes says softly, not even bothering to glance at her.

Sarah frowns, knowing where this is going, her palms seem to grow sweaty so she wipes them on the scratchy blue dress she wears, the one she remembers being her favourite. Even the white fabric of her undergarments suddenly seem scratchy. He wants her to save Luke or something along those lines.

"With all due respect, Lord Hermes," Sarah begins.

Hermes snorts derisively, interrupting her as he cuts in "So, no respect, I presume."

"Well," Sarah says bitingly, forgetting herself as his bitterness makes her angry, "If you don't think you are due any respect then, Lord Hermes, I will tell you that I do not have time to do any favours for you. I have to save Lady Artemis, I have to save Annabeth, and I have to find a way to save my sister! I have to try to save Luke! But, Zoe is going to die, she is going to die because she wants nothing more than to save Artemis from a trap your son helped make! I can't let that happen, I can't let Zoe die because she's my sister! I can't let her die because she doesn't deserve that! I can't let her die when I know that Luke ⸺ the Luke I remember wouldn't want to be a killer. I'm already trying to save your son, you don't have to ask me too. I'm trying to save everyone."

The anger goes as quickly as it had came, Sarah deflates but her chest heaves with every laboured breath. And Hermes is so going to smite her for this, she's never spoken to a God like this before because normally she knows better. Only Hermes doesn't smite her, he just stares at her and he doesn't even look angry.

He certainly doesn't look pleased with her. Sarah reminds herself that it had been a long time since Hermes had killed or cursed a Demigod, so she's probably safe but his unwavering, tired glare unnerves her.

"Perhaps if you had left the Hunt when Luke had asked you to, he would not have sided with the Crooked one," Hermes says coldly, his blue eyes feel like they are burning her skin.

Sarah gasps, freezing as she's unsure whether or not to be angry or upset at the blame. Could this have been avoided if Sarah had just worked through her conflicting feelings and left the hunt to stay at camp with Luke and Annabeth, could she have provided better comfort to Luke and any other Demigod there that Kronos targeted? But then why does she have to be responsible for his actions? She did not tell Luke to listen to Kronos, she did not encourage him to join Kronos. This shouldn't be her fault. She stares back at him, lower lip trembling as she tries not to cry.

"When did I become responsible for your son's actions," Sarah counters, internally cringing at how rude she sounded but she had never been so offended and wounded in her life. It felt like Hermes was just there to rub salt in her wounds.

However, she really did not want to die or get cursed by him so maybe pressing his buttons in return, even if she really didn't mean to, wasn't her wisest choice.

"Genuine question," She adds, trying to look innocent as she speaks softly.

Hermes narrows his eyes, lips curling downward into a snarl. Oh, Gods, she's really done it now.

"You are his s ⸺ you are his equal, Sarah, all those years ago, you chose each other and then you abandoned him, you crushed his heart just because you were scared of change. He needed you and you left him." Hermes all but bellows.

Sarah stares at him, jaw dropping in disbelief. Her entire body feels hot, like the blood in her veins has been replaced with lava.

You're talking to a God, She tells herself but her hands curl into fists anyways, You are talking to a God. She couldn't do anything but take his hits, really, she couldn't but her cheeks burn and her heart beats like a drum in her ears and she wants nothing more than to fight back.

"You want to play the blame game," Sarah finds herself say, her voice a low hiss filled with enough venom to slaughter several small animals, "Fine, Hermes, let's play the blame game."

Sarah swears Hermes recoils but she doubts that she could have that effect on a God. She was nothing compared to them, he could easily turn her to dust, but he doesn't. He just glares at her.

"If anyone were to be responsible for Luke's actions it would be you, the father that abandoned him, the father who visited him at fourteen only to tell him that he shouldn't have come home. And I am willing to bet that you didn't bother checking up on him after his botched quest, which I don't understand why you let him go on in the first place if you wanted him safe at camp!"

She should really shut up but she keeps going, she doesn't know why she doesn't shut up.

"You never told him what was wrong with his mother even though I'm sure you know what it is! I may not have stayed with him but I didn't abandon him, he made the choice to stop talking to me and I respected it, I could have tried harder to be his friend but the blame does not lay on my shoulders alone! You abandoned him first, it ⸺"

Sarah lets out a startled yelp as Hermes lashes out, strong hands wrapping around her neck, easily cutting off her air supply. His grasp feels like an ironing brand against her skin. She kicks her feet and claws at his hands but it does nothing. Tears gather at the corners of her eyes, through blurred vision she can see that Hermes has grown taller than the trees.

Her heart pounds in her chest, she had never angered a God like this, never on purpose at least. She digs her nails around his finger tips, trying to loosen his grasp but all it does is hurt her fingers. Sarah wheezes out, blood rushing through her ears, no longer can she hear the birds in the trees or the sounds of Lucas' and Abe's idle chat, all she can hear is her heartbeat as it slams against her rib cage, threatening to burst.

And then the sound of a lion's roar bursts through the air, so loud that the trees seems to sway against it, Sarah hair whips around wildly, obscuring her vision even more. She can barely see that Hermes has gone incredibly pale, almost rivalling his statues now preserved in museums, his grasp around her throat loosens. Sarah barely has time to catch a breath, instead she lets out a scream as she tumbles through the air.

She barely registers Hermes whispering someone's name in fear, as she tumbles through the sky into a black abyss that was once Wilkins' Pond.

Sarah wakes, a scream falling from her lips, one that turns from fear to pain as her head collides with the roof of the car.

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( nulla ) The Sword Of Damocles Is Swinging
───────── ❝ the author's commentary ❞
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Sprinkled a little foreshadowing in this chapter, wonder if anyone will catch it 👀👀👀. Hermes would definitely not allow anyone to speak to him that way because he's a God, he should be worshipped and respected BUT he also doesn't want to kill Sarah for many reasons and he doesn't want to curse her in a way that could hurt her for those same reasons. So Sarah definitely got to say more than most would but he definitely won't stand for the disrespect and will get back at her definitely in future chapters and what he does may seem petty but I need to stress that he doesn't want to kill/injure Sarah for many reasons thus he can only do so much in retaliation towards her disrespect. If Sarah had said those things to any other God besides maybe her father, she would've been killed on SIGHT, she would not have gotten a whole sentence out.

03/14/24 ⸺ TSODIS is #15 in #LukexOC!!!

Anyways that's all I have to say for this chapter!! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, please don't be shy, let me know what you thought of it in the comments!!!

WORD COUNT ⸺ 5, 261 words