Together with friends new, and old, I danced away the night.  The Vinum and ale flowed, and the dancing grew even more crazy and wild when that happened.  Even so, things never got out of control, and I had to admit that I enjoyed the crazier dances as much as the more put together ones. Redwar withdrew when that started to happen, which I expected, but Valeria and Derrek joined me.

I stumbled away from the last dance with Valeria, holding my arms across my stomach as I gasped for air and laughed.  "I wasn't sure- I could- keep up with that one," I gasped out to Valeria.

She giggled.  "I know."  

I shook my head and stood more upright as I caught my breath.  As I swallowed, I felt the thirst in my throat.  "I think I'll need a drink and a rest before I do anything else."  

My body was wet with sweat from dancing, and as we left the dancing area, a breeze came up that cooled me.  Strands of my hair were hanging out in front of my face and I shoved the bangs back behind an ear as we reached the table set up with refreshments and snacks. 

Valeria let out a sigh as she grabbed a cup.  "Man, if Redwar hadn't had us in training, I'd be even more exhausted than I am right now." 

I paused as I realized that she was right.  Thinking back to a year ago, I remembered how after one such crazy dance, I'd flopped down on a seat and gaped for air like a fish out of water.  This time, I was out of breath, but not that badly.  That'd been just before-

Valeria reached for the dipper for the Vinum. 

I flinched as I looked down at the cup in my hand.  Just before me and Derrek had asked my parents about trying Vinum.  But I had never had the chance to taste it.  

I swallowed hard and turned away towards a nearby bowl of liquid.  Whatever it was, I didn't know, and I didn't care.  So long as it wasn't Vinum.

I wouldn't taste that until my parents were there to see it. 

We retreated to one of the benches that'd been placed outside for dancers to sit on and watched the next dance while sipping on our drinks.  I didn't really taste mine.  My mind couldn't leave the memories.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead.  It seemed I always thinking that I'd let go of this, that I was having a good time, and then-  then something would happen and I'd be remembering, grieving, all over again.  My hand clenched around the cup in my hand.  It was clay, not glass, but still decorated.  Decorated with blue. 

Blue.

Blue glass.  In the ashes.

I shook my head and stood abruptly.  

"Are you alright?  And don't tell me that you are," Valeria said as she stood with me.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath while forcing my fingers to unclench.  "I'm alright, Valeria.  It's just- the memories.  That's all.  They can't help coming back."  

She nodded and placed her hand on my shoulder.  "I'm sorry, Ravine.  I know this time hasn't bee easy for you. I wish there was more I could do..."

I gave her a half smile as I looked over.  "No.  No, you've already done so much for me.  There's nothing more anyone else could do."

I moved over and wrapped my arm around her shoulders.  "You've been the best friend I ever had.  Even in my village, there was no one like you."  Not even Corban.  "No one has ever stood by my side like you have."

"The same to you, Ravine.  The same to you," she murmured as her arm wrapped around me.  We stood there in contemplative silence, sipping from our drinks, watching the dance twirl and step around in time to the music.   And her silent, sympathetic presence eased the pain of the memories.

I'd seen Daxton in the shadows around the celebration.  I wondered if he didn't dare to join in, or if he just didn't want to.  Knowing Daxton, I would guess the latter.  And at first, I was annoyed by him.  Did he always feel the need to just spy on everyone?  When would he start to shed his Ravagerian ways?

He would step out into the light to grab a snack or a drink sometimes before slipping back to watch from the darkness.  Corban, a Ravagerian like him, had hid in the shadows as well, stolen away from the celebration.  But suddenly, I realized that unlike Corban, Daxton wasn't hiding.  

He was being honest.  He was not pretending to celebrate.  He was not pretending that he even wanted to join us.  He was not acting, to being something he didn't want to be just so he could manipulate or betray us to some end.  

No.  He was just being Daxton. 

And I'd rather he be Daxton, then be like Corban and join in the dance he didn't care for at all.

I squeezed Valeria's shoulders before withdrawing my arm.  "I'm going to talk to someone," I murmured.  "If you want, I think Derrek looks ready for another dance."  

She grinned as her eyes landed on Derrek, who was standing by himself and looking slightly lost at the moment.  "Sure, I'll rescue him," she said as she threw me a wink.

I laughed.  "Thanks."

We separated and I went to leave my glass on a table before circling the edge of the gathering to make my way towards where I knew Daxton has last retreated.  I knew he saw me coming.  The question was, would he disappear in the dark, or let me come near him?

I turned the corner and here he was, waiting for me, leaned up against the wall of a building with a cup in his hand.  He raised an eyebrow at me.  "Sword Maiden."

"Daxton."  

He raised an eyebrow along with his cup as he waited.

"There's something I need to say to you."  

"Say it."  He took a sip of his drink.

I looked back towards the ongoing party behind me.  "This day is- painful for me.  It brings up memories.  Memories of what I had, and what I lost, all in one day like this one."  

I glanced back at him.  "And I lost it because of someone like you." 

He didn't flinch, just let down his cup and kept a steady gaze.  I knew that he was not sorry for, or afraid, of what my statement meant.  But that was alright.  I wasn't here to make him feel contrite or to cower before me.

I took a deep breath and looked down.  These words were going to be hard to say.

"I know who you are. I know who Redwar was. And I know that you're both not Corban. I know that it wasn't you who betrayed us. It wasn't Redwar who led them to ravage us."

I looked up. "But you are like Corban was. And I have no reason to let that go. But- But I've forgiven Redwar for who he was. I trust him. And if I'm willing to do that with him, then I think I can do that for you. You did help me get my brother back, after all."

I took another deep breath and looked him right in the eye. "I forgive you, Daxton. Whether you want it, or not. Whether you become my friend, one who stands by me, like Redwar, or whether you end up stabbing me in the back. But if you want it, I'll be your friend, your comrade. I'm not saying I trust you- no, it'll be awhile before I could do that. But I do forgive you, and I'm willing to forget your past."

I look across to where Valeria is spinning around with Derrek in another crazy dance. "I can't speak for Derrek. He still has to make his peace with what happened. He still only trusts Redwar because I do. And I know he's angry, and hurt. But maybe, if you give him time..." I let the sentence trail off, not wanting to promise anything on Derrek's behalf that he might not keep.

Daxton has lowered the cup and his expression hasn't changed, wavered, through my talking. I don't know what his reaction is, or will be. But I do know that said what I had to say. That I've cut a tie of bitterness that binds me to that dark day, and that's all I need. I turn around and start to leave.

"Sword Maiden."

I pause and look back.

He glances away. "You may be willing to forget my past. But what if I can't? What if I don't want to?"

"That's the choice you have to make.  I'm not saying you have to forget your past.  I'm saying that you have a choice to choose a different path than the one your past has given you.  And that I'm here for you, to help you if you'll let me, if you decide on that different path.  And even if you don't, I'm not going to let myself be controlled by bitterness because of other peoples' choices."  

He blinks, then nods once, slowly.  When he doesn't say anything more, I leave him in the shadows along with my own bitterness.

Because I didn't want to be bitter.  Yes, I wanted to mourn and grieve what I'd lost.  But bitterness only robbed me of the fun memories too.  

And of making new memories on this day.