I took a long breath in and breathed out over my pint of Rolling Rock.

It was Friday night, I had the rest of the night off and honestly, I had nowhere else to be.

The more I thought about what Elijah said about me (which replayed in my mind often), the more I wondered if it was really true.

"What's on your mind, Tobias? You've been so far in your head lately." Jude said stepping behind the bar to polish some glasses.

I took a deep breath. "How you're my best friend. Truthfully, I think you've been my only true friend for a long time." I scratched the back of my head.

"That's not true. You've had Elijah." He shrugged.

This made me laugh. "You heard it from the guy himself. He thinks I've 'stolen his life'".

I hardly count us as friends. This thought made me sad. I took a long sip of my beer.

"He just feels that way because he missed you so much back in school. Plus, seeing you here with me probably stirs those feelings up even more." Jude set the glass down and picked up another to polish.

"Maybe so." I sighed. "But I can't shake the feeling that he's at least a little bit right," I said leaning on the bar wood.

"Oh? Are you trying to steal me away?" Jude smirked.

"No. Plus I wouldn't have to try that hard." I laughed, throwing a napkin at him. He laughed as he dodged it. "I just mean... all of my life, I feel like someone has been telling me who I am. What to do. What to like. It's gotten so bad that I don't know if I've ever made a decision for myself before." I swallowed. "I just feel like... maybe Elijah was right in saying I don't have a life of my own. I don't know what my interests are. I barely have any friends."

Jude looked me over and sat down the glass in his hand on the bar.

"My dad always said I was nothing—" I exhaled, looking down at my hands.

"Hey!" Jude snapped. "Don't you ever quote that asshole again. He doesn't deserve the honor. You are not nothing." He shook his finger at me.

I sat up and nodded my head.

"Oh, Jesus." Jude sighed, running his hand through his hair. "I shouldn't have yelled at you there. I just... I see a lot of myself in you."

"You do?" That shocked me. He's never said that to me before.

He smiled softly and nodded. "Yeah. When I was young and got involved with Elijah's mom. I barely knew anything about myself. I was so lost by the time Elijah was born, I had a full on meltdown. Wound up five hours away at a casino, betting my life away. I was drunk and a mess and had no clue what to do."

"Wow, this really makes me feel better."

"The point is. I figured it out. In time, we all always do. We all put so much pressure on knowing everything about ourselves and having it all figured out when in reality everyone is just living every day at a time for the first time." He leaned in. "Life is long, Tobias. You've got time. You want to make a life for yourself? Well, okay then. Time isn't up. You can start learning about yourself right now. You can start making a life for yourself today - right now!" He smacked the wood with his palm which made me jump in excitement.

"Right now?" I smiled, shocked.

"Yeah, right now. What are you into?" He smiled.

"Uh, I like... running." I laughed. This felt silly.

"Running is good. Running is a great hobby. It's healthy and it's good for your mind, that's good. Next, what else?"

"I enjoy listening to music."

"Gotta get specific. What type of music?"

I laughed. "I like alternative/indie, I guess." I shrugged.

"You'll have to show me some of your favorites later." Jude laughed. "What else?"

"I guess I love the horror movies you and Gwen throw on from time to time. Although, I'd prefer it if you guys went a little off mainstream. Tried a little something weird."

"Now we're talking! This is good, Tobias." Jude nodded. "I mean, We definitely won't since Gwen can't stand being too scared but I like where you're headed with these answers. You're forming an opinion which is great. Give me another one."

"Cooking! Every time you make something it makes me really interested to see how you did it. I want to know everything from the recipe, the method, and trying to things to make it even better."

Jude pointed at me. "You're cooking our next dinner at home. I'm holding you to it." He winked.

"You got it." I laughed.

Jude smiled, straightening up his back.

"You're going to be okay, kid. You already have a life. You've just got to learn how to live it." He reached out and patted my arm.

I took a sip of my beer.

"Did I just hear you say you love horror movies? I'm a huge horror fanatic! Did you see the newest Terrifier movie yet?" A man about my age with a couple of his friends crowded the bar waiting to get served. He looked down at me and smiled.

I looked over at Jude who was leaving the bar area as he mouthed "friend" to me from a distance and tilted his head towards the guys standing next to me.

I shook my head and laughed.

☀️☀️☀️

Jude was right. As spring started to unfold, so did uncovering new things about myself.

I leaned into the whole running thing and actually joined a running group in the mornings. It was mostly older people but there were a few younger individuals who I enjoyed chatting with. Some of us even go out to eat for breakfast after it's done which has been really nice.

Jude has been working with me on our off days learning how to cook cool new recipes. Gwen has been loving this new venture since she's been our honorary critic.

I've been happy exploring my hobbies and I've even started watching the movies Elijah has on posters covering his wall. I learned pretty quickly that he has great taste. Although, I'm still pretty confused at the ending of Donnie Darko.

"Where do you want me to put this, Boss?" Jacob, the restaurant's newest bus boy motioned to a box of napkins in his hands.

"Downstairs, in the cage. Make sure you stack it properly and not throw it like last time." I winked.

Jacob smiled and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah yeah." He laughed, prancing off.

I shook my head, looking back to the numbers on the spreadsheet of our orders. Jude has been giving me more responsibility lately when it comes to the way the restaurant works behind the scenes. Truthfully, I've been really enjoying it. The trust, the management, the authority. It all feels so great to be needed.

"I just... I need time to think about this." Jude's voice came around the corner.

"I can't believe this." Gwen whimpered, running her hand below her nose.

I looked up from my paper to watch as Gwen sniffled and basically ran out of the restaurant with Jude following close behind her.

"Gwen!" He called out.

"No." She shook her head, avoiding eye contact with me as she passed through the bar area and out the door.

Jude stopped at the door, watching her through the glass door, get into her car and drive off.

"Jude?..." I asked.

He slowly backed up from the door without turning around.

"Is everything alright?" I dropped my pen and rounded the corner. I don't think he knew I was here that whole time.

"How much did you hear?" He breathed.

"I just... nothing. I barely heard anything, I just saw that she was upset." I shrugged. His shoulders dropped in relief. What didn't he want me to hear?

He turned to look at me over his shoulder. I could see now that he had red, sad eyes. For such a happy guy, this look on him was heartbreaking.

I swallowed hard.

"Should I be worried? Are you two okay?" I asked.

Jude's eyebrows furrowed and his mouth parted as he thought about his answer.

He looked back out the window and squinted. "How about we get away for a while? Summer is right around the corner."

I was shocked by his train of thought. "What about the restaurant?"

"We've got supervisors that can take over for a little while. What's a month away?" He said stepping over to me, throwing his arm around my shoulders and pulling me in. "Come on. We can go to the lake house like we used to do when you guys were little." He smiled.

I thought about this. I really loved the lake house. His grandparents had left it to him when he was younger, he always told me. Up north during the summer, Elijah and I would have such a blast playing games in the water, staying up late, and eating smores by the campfire at night. It was always so much fun getting away from my Dad for so long. I never wanted it to end.

"Life is too short, Tobias. Please," he squeezed my shoulder.

I could see in his eyes how much he wanted me to say yes. "Okay. Let's do it." I smiled.

"That's my boy." He pulled me in for a nice long hug.

I couldn't shake the feeling that I should be worried. 

☀️

Authors Note:

Tobias is growingggg. It's so cute. I love rounding him out as a character and making him come alive. He's so REAL because I've honestly felt that same way before and it suuuucks. 

How do you like Tobias stepping into boss man mode too? He's moving up quickly haha