Alexa's party is today. A mixture of emotions clouds my mind. I don't know what she has planned, but she's been more secretive than usual.

The rain has been coming down hard all morning. She texted me earlier that the party will be indoors now. Great. I'll feel trapped with no way to escape if things get — awkward.

I don't miss getting all dolled up for events and parties. Today I've decided that I'm in the mood to just be me. I throw on old skinny jeans and a maroon tank. It's simple, much easier than going out in Hollywood.

My phone vibrates in my back pocket as I grab my bag to leave. As if my mind didn't have enough things racing through it, Chase has to call. I wait for the pain, but it doesn't come. Contact with him is unavoidable, especially with the premier coming up.

"Hey."

A confidence I'm not expecting radiates through my voice.

"Hey, do you have a minute?"

The reality of it all comes crashing down like a ton of bricks. Hearing him over the phone was something I thought I'd prepared myself for. My knees tremble, and if I don't sit, I might fall over.

"Le — Lennox?"

I take a seat on the edge of my bed and grip the comforter tight. The last time I heard the hesitant tone in his voice was the day he broke it off with me. Chase is an actor, and I've spent enough time with him to know when he's acting and when he's being real. This is real, and I hate the effect it has on me.

"I'm sorry. I'm heading out in a few so I don't have much time to talk," I say.

"Oh."

The disappointment in his tone nearly kills me.

"Well then, I'll cut right to the chase."

He makes a drum noise like his pun was funny. I don't respond.

"I've decided that I'm coming out a few days early. I was kind of hoping that maybe —maybe — can we — I don't know, hang out as friends?"

I stare at the wall straight ahead. This is far from a good idea. I'll see him when I need to for Starlien events, but to hang out like we're friends again? I'm not sure I can handle that.

"I don't' know, Chase."

Chase blows out an even breath. "Will you — will you think about it?"

Does he not realize what this is doing to me? I was having a decent summer, and just started feeling whole again, even at the mention of his name. Now? It feels like he's slowly tearing my heart open repetitively.

"What's this all about anyway?" I ask.

I attempt to sound like his call isn't bothering me. I'm not sure how convincing it is.

"I just... I miss you. It's weird not having you here this summer."

That I understand. It feels like there's a big part of me missing not being in L.A. Being back here has been a huge adjustment, but I'm happy here. I have a new routine and I'm not dealing with the pressure to be perfect.

"I miss you guys too."

It's the truth. I miss the entire cast and my days with them. I thought admitting that would make me want to run back there, but it doesn't. He sighs like he's disappointed because I said, "you guys" instead of just "you".

"Will you think about it?"

I get to my feet. My knees have stopped feeling like Jell-O and I pace around the room.

"Yeah of course, but I should go."

"Right. Okay. It was good to hear your voice again."

I hang up before he can dangle more bait. He's saying those things because he knows its what I want to hear. I send a quick text to Rachael about the weird phone call. She is my go-to girl for all Chase related drama. A nagging suspicion has me second guessing the real meaning behind his call. If he's reaching out to me, I wonder if something happened with Charlotte.

She texts me back saying that shit hit the fan, and she'll call when she has a free moment. That can't be good. I stop at the bottom of the stairs to get my head together. I need to move past this. Past him. It's been a few months since everything went down, and if I'm going to continue to change and grow from the girl, I was in California I need to find a way to move on.

***

Fat heavy drops of rain splatter across my windshield. It takes me less than two minutes to make the drive a few blocks over. Dan's car is already here. I pull in behind him at the curb. Maybe Max came with him.

I take the keys out of the ignition. They clank together in my trembling hands. A car drives up behind me. In the rearview I see that it's Maya. She glances up at the same time I do, and I can already tell she doesn't want me here by the scowl on her face.

The front door of the small white sided house opens and Dan steps outside. He holds onto a large black umbrella. For a few seconds he stands under the overhang watching the rain before opening the umbrella and making his way towards our cars.

"Lennox."

My name is the first out of his mouth. I'm afraid to look back at Maya, but I can already feel her glare. I get out of the car, and he reaches me first, and goes in for a hug. I shy away and pat his shoulder instead.

"Hey, I'm fine. Go check on Maya, okay?"

I lean in slightly so she can't hear me. He says nothing as I step around him and the protection of his umbrella. Halfway to the door, I peek over my shoulder to check on them. They are huddled under the umbrella together, moving forward. Most of his attention is centered on her.

Alexa's house is beautiful and newly renovated. When we were younger it looked different. Her mom still had wallpaper from the 1980's on the living room wall. Now, it's painted off white, with new sofas, and a small flat screen mounted to the wall.

Muffled voices carry from the open basement door down the corridor. Picture frames filled with Alexa's school pictures smile at me as I walk towards the basement stairs. The stairs are right outside the kitchen entryway. I make my way down. The finished basement has never changed. It even has the same thin blue carpeting on the stairs. The voices get louder, as I descend the stairs, and duck under the small beam that runs across the ceiling halfway down.

I don't get all the way down before I feel him watching me. Lifting my gaze his eyes find mine. My heart leaps into my throat. I take a step and lose my footing. Max is across the room faster than I've ever seen anyone move. Somehow, he catches me before I fall. His hands wrap around my waist, and he holds on tight.

My face heats up, and my heart furiously beats hard against my chest. Max helps me stand straight then slips his hand into mine. It's almost too hard to breathe under his intense stare.

"Are you —"

"Let's get this party started!"

Dan's voice interrupts us and Max tugs his hand out of mine. Dan passes by giving Max a weird look before crossing the room towards the food.

Max steps away, but it takes me a few extra seconds to get myself together. When my heart stops doing flips, I finally look around the room. The old blue couches are rearranged so that there's a huge space in the middle of the room. Against the far wall is the table of food that Dan has already attacked.

"What was that?" Alexa's voice in my ear makes me jump.

When did she move in beside me? I shake off my jumbled feelings and turn to her.

"What was what?"

Alexa can see right through me. She always could.

"Um – did you not see the way he looked at you?"

I saw it. Loud and freaking crystal clear in those blue eyes of his. If she saw it, then the rest of the room did too. Was I giving him the same look? Oh god — I probably was. I'm trying not to scan the room for him, but my eyes betray me. He's chatting with Maya and Patty and smiling. Maya laughs at something he says. Dan watches from a few inches away with his hand wrist deep in the Dorito bowl.

"You're delusional," I say, pouring all my attention back to her.

"And you're clearly in denial."

She giggles and rubs her hands together in an evil scientist kind of way. It's just Alexa being Alexa, but why am I suddenly frightened at whatever plan lurks behind those dark eyes of hers?

"Come on you."

She claps her hands and jumps up onto one of the blue couches in the center of the room.

"Okay, now that everyone is here let's play a game."

"Oh, I love games," Dan says.

He wipes red Dorito dust on his khaki shorts, then bumps into Maya. She looks half disgusted and half excited he's giving her attention.

"We are going to play suck and blow. Who's ready?" Alexa jumps down from the couch.

"Oh, hell yes!" Dan says, eyeing me right away.

Maya notices and Max too. His hand gently rests on her shoulder. She doesn't push him away, just accepts his comforting touch. I almost don't understand what Maya sees in Dan, but from what I know they have been friends since they were in elementary school. That still doesn't answer the question of why you would want to be with someone who makes you feel like crap? I've been there and it's not fun.

"Pipe down cowboy," Alexa says.

The room grows quiet. Patty seems to be the only one ready for this. She steps into the center of the room where Alexa already has a piece of paper in hand. She waves it in the air like a victory flag.

"Come on guys, this will be fun. Alright here's where everyone is sitting. It's my house, so I make the rules."

She turns to Dan. "No cheating. Got it?"

"Yes ma'am," he says, straightening his body.

From across the room my eyes meet Max's. He fidgets with the belt loop on his pants, but still manages to give me a half a smile. I return the smile but don't allow my eyes to linger.

"Okay. You!"

Alexa points to Maya, then Dan. She gives them each a spot in front of the couch. He happily obliges and sits. Patty is next, followed by Max, then me and Alexa.

"You want to go first?"

Alexa stops in front of Maya, holding out the paper to her. Her mouth opens, then closes as she hums.

"I guess," she sighs. "Do I really have to play?"

Alexa grins. "It's just a game girlfriend."

"Which way?"

Maya's shoulders fall and I feel bad for her. Alexa nods her head in Dan's direction. They both turn an alarming shade of pink. She swallows hard, then looks at Dan. Their eyes meet and some form of internal communication happens between them. Dan has been so distracted by me, I never noticed that he looks at her like she's his whole world. He just looks at me like I'm a side dish.

Before she sets the paper to her lips he leans in and whispers something only she can hear. Her shoulders relax and without any more hesitation she places the paper to her lips. Dan tilts his head to one side, and Maya follows. Dan's audible gasp carries across the room. Everyone sits in complete silence waiting for the paper to slip, but it doesn't.

Dan moves onto Patty, then Patty leans into Max. I wasn't expecting it to come around so soon. I'm next and in a few seconds Max's lips will be on mine. Well, not technically since there will be something between us, but I can't help the way my heart stutters. The thought of Max's lips anywhere near mine makes my lower belly tingle with anticipation.

He turns to me too fast. Without thinking, I lean in but forget to suck and at the same time Alexa bumps into me. I swear in that moment my entire summer flashes before my eyes.