The hustle and bustle of the carnival crowd made me want to scamper home. Rowdy kids ran around like dogs unleashed. Repugnant smell of sweat and strong perfume. Neon lights blaring like oversized fireflies. Bodies from strangers rub against the fabric of my black hoodie jacket. Unknowing stares. Ramble of amplifiers from gambling tents. Light pollution. Hyper-stimulated senses. It was hellish.

"Gotta breathe some fresh air outside," I told my three other companions. They were busy playing machineries that promised a dose of dopamine. Troy was losing coins to a slot machine. Tina and Larry were dancing in sync to a DDR, oblivious to everyone around. I took my exit and looked for a place to light my cigarillo in peace. When I came back, not much had changed, to my disappointment. They were still at the exact place I left them.

"Where have you been?" Larry asked, wiping the sweats gathered on his forehead. "Outside, smoke." "Do you wanna dance?" I wanna go home, I ought to tell him that but I just said "nah, thanks." "That jacket looks good on you," he complimented. "And thank you for coming, I appreciate it," said he with a dash of his good ol' Golden Retriever smile. We were having some moment of peace that was broken when Tina and Troy came holding two boxes of pop corns and dragged us back into the hellish carnival crowd. Troy wrapped an arm around Larry's shoulder as they casually walked through the crowd like it's a goddamn park. He was whispering something to Larry's ears which made the Golden Retriever laugh. What a flirt. "They look good together," Tina commented. She was holding my hand by the fingers adjusting accordingly when I tried to slip off. Larry was tossing popcorns in the air which Troy caught with his mouth. "Remember the dress I chose at a shop downtown? I'm not quite sold on it. It's too plain, what do you think?" "I think that was perfect." "Really, you think so?" She pressed my fingers lightly. "Yeah, red looks good on you." "That's exactly what I was thinking! You know what? I've been eating low-fat milk and cheese for breakfast, no lunch, just water and diet juice, and some cereals for dinner. I lost five pounds can you believe that?" She dashed in front of me and made an 'S' shape out of her body. "Yeah, you look...thin." She had a funny look in her face and said "That's the kindest thing someone ever told me in weeks," a hint of sadness in her eyes. "How's your parents?" I asked. "Don't even start!" She warned. She was about to cry so I hugged her like she did to me when we were kids after she found out my parents were irrevocably separating. "Come here. You're gonna be alright." I told her. I did not know how or why it happened but Tina and I used to be so close as kids that people often mistook us for twins. Our moms were sort of high school best friends so we spent a lot of time together. Everything changed when mom left, and Tina's family moved to the capital for a short period of time to avoid a scandal his father was involved in, having impregnated a high-schooler. I heard the rumors from nana's lady friends at church. This was before nana had shut the door of our house to the world outside and started talking to the flames every morning. Tina's family were gone for six years. When they got back, the rumor had long died out but Tina's parents were never the same. We had been classmates since junior high but we never really spoke much about the past. The kids we used to be were nothing but shadow figures of some distant past that had been buried by the weight of our own solitude. We were so young to be this sad, but sadness knows no age. While I found peace in isolation, music and books, Tina found hers around people with whom she always longed for constant validation and company.

We rode the Ferris Wheel before calling it a night. There were only two people allowed per carriage so we paired up; Larry and Troy, Tina and I. Larry and Troy's carriage were adjacent to ours so we could still see each other through a tiny window. The cable wires creaked as the Ferris Wheel accelerated and decelerated, making my stomach heave with each turn. I looked at Larry and Troy's cable, they were sitting opposite to each other, talking and laughing about something I could not hear and then they were kissing. When I looked at Troy's face, all I could see was that smirk of disgust I saw when he and his friends mistreated Simon in the lavatory and pissed on him. I wanted to jump off of our carriage and swing at him. He might have fooled Larry but not me. "You really like him, do you?" Tina interrupted my thoughts. "Who?" "You know who." "Non-sense." "Really?" "I'm just concerned about him. You know Troy and the kind of friends he has." "Is this about Simon?" "So, you know?" "Everyone knows," she said, "...he deserve better." The Ferris Wheel gradually stopped and we hung like fruits suspended in wires and metal beams. "He's changed. He never hangs out with Leroy anymore." "What difference does it make? Simon is dead because of the people like him and now he acts like nothing happened." "Are you angry because of what he did to Simon or because he's stealing Larry away from you?" "What the fuck are you talking about?" "Larry, the way you look at him is the same way you looked at me when we were kids. You like him more than friends," she said with so much conviction in her voice. "I'm not gay, Tina." "You don't have to be gay to fall in love, Florante." "What do you even know about love?" I taunted. "Not much." "Then shut up." "When the news broke about Simon's death, Troy severed any connection he has with Leroy and his friends. He's changed a lot. I almost did not even recognize him. It's like he's a totally different person. And then this thing, or whatever it is between him and Larry. I mean, people change and who are we to judge them?" I did not want to argue anymore so I kept quiet and waited for the ride to be over so we could go home.