I grabbed my journal and started focusing my shattered thoughts at the ballpoint of my pen. I plugged my headphones on and played 'Hey Jude' by The Beatles on my Walkman. The music drowned the harrowing silence inside my room.
I started writing.

How long had it been, dad?

I still have your Walkman. The only thing that reminds me that you are still here aside from the familiar sadness which I assumed I inherited from you. You still remember the day mom left? It was raining so hard I was afraid mom would not find her way back? I did not stop crying so you made paper boats for me out of Nana's old magazine. We floated them in the river. Do you remember what you told me back then? You said the paper boats we made would follow the river currents to the sea. You said it's how mom would find me. But you were lying didn't you?

I never stopped making paper boats even after you died. I made paper boats every day until I was thirteen. I floated paper boats down the river, praying mom would find her way back. But she never did. She never did.

I do not know how much of that kid who used to make paper boats is left of me, dad. I don't even know what to believe anymore. I don't know. I don't know.

I need nana back dad, do you understand?

I need her back...