Written by user ariarlyn918

With a wounded heart, I glanced at the way she began to run her fingers through Colton's light brown hair. How her red lips hovered over his ear as she spoke to him and the way Colton rested his hand on her bare thigh and stroked her tanned skin with his fingers. If that blonde-haired girl could feel the aching throb in my heart perhaps she would be keeping her hands to herself. She was oblivious to the fact that she was currently running her fingertips along the squared jaw of the man that I had been in love with for over ten years. She didn't know that a single glance from his sage green eyes ignited my blood and still caused me to feel those fücking butterflies in my stomach after all these years. For a moment I pictured the two holding my bloodied heart in their hands for me to see, clasping it tightly as they kissed and turning it into nothing but dust.

"You all right?" Jace questioned leaning over to me and pulling me from my melodramatic thoughts. His verdant eyes were flooded with concern along with Riley's under her bluntly cut bangs.

I pushed a couple of unruly strands of hair away from my face and smiled. "Yeah I'm just a little tired. I stayed up late last night studying for my psych exam." I twisted my beer bottle by its neck on the surface of the round table and attempted to convey a brave face.

"Ugh I had an exam too, I needed this," Riley said before downing down a shot of tequila.

"I'm sure you both did fine. Maybe we should get going, it's almost one a.m.," Jace said looking down at his oversized watch.

"No, I'm fine. Besides, Colton seems to be having a good time and the four of us always leave together."

"Or five of us," Riley added with a sly smile while looking over at Colton from across the bar.

My face fell and I turned to look at Colton again. I felt my breath get caught in my throat for the thousandth time when I witnessed the way that the blonde was running her lips over his neck inside the collar of his shirt. Colton placed his hand on the small of her back and gathered the fabric of her short, black dress between his fingers as a devious smirk formed on his lips.

"I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Riley left and Jace turned his attention towards me. His face was paler than usual, his thin lips pressed into a tight line.

"You need to get some sleep."

"I know. I just didn't want to be home with Emily. She was having Trevor over and those two screw like you wouldn't believe. I can always hear everything."

Jace laughed before licking his lips as he held on to the neck of his beer bottle and he moved to rest his arm across his chest as he slouched over the table. "You should've accepted my offer to move in with me and Riley."

"Are you kidding? You guys need your privacy."

"Well if you ever decide to move out you'll always have somewhere to go. Riley wouldn't mind. She knows you and I are family."

"I know. But Emily isn't that bad. She's a good friend." For a moment I thought about why Riley would ever agree to have me move into their apartment and I figured that it was probably because she didn't see me as a threat to her relationship with Jace.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Colton kissing the blonde now and I immediately looked away. "You know what? I think I am ready to go." I washed down the last of my beer and loudly placed the empty bottle down and wiped my lips with my hand. I slipped my coat on, hopped off of the wooden bar chair and swung my bag over my shoulders as Riley made her way back from the restroom.

"You ready to go, baby?" Jace questioned looking over at her before downing down the rest of his beer as well.

"Yeah, I guess. I'm driving over to Scranton early tomorrow anyway. My mother begged me to go see her."

Jace gave her a kiss on the cheek and assisted her with slipping into her coat, his green eyes fixated on mine as Riley slipped her arms into the sleeves of her coat.

She turned around and grabbed on to Jace's jaw and smiled widely. "Look at this face! You and your boyish good looks," she said harshly taking Jace's jaw between her fingers and forcing him to face me. She was obviously a little drunk.

"Yeah, yeah I know I look like a child," Jace said removing Riley's hand from his face. "I'll let Colton know that we're leaving. I'll meet you guys outside."

We parted ways with Jace and I immediately felt hot tears brim my eyes but I told myself that I wouldn't cry. This wasn't the first time that I had seen Colton with another woman but I found that the pain never dwindled and it certainly never became any easier.

Riley and I weaved our way through the crowd and stepped out into night. I filled my lungs with the frigid, November air, the iced wind piercing my flesh and fogging my glasses.

"Are you sure you're Okay?" Riley questioned lighting a cigarette, her jade eyes shimmering under the street lights. She crossed one arm in front of her and let out a cloud of smoke into the chilled air.

"Yeah, why?" I asked nonchalantly even though speaking with her terrified me.

"You know I know, Payton."

I panicked but attempted to seem collected. "I don't know what you mean," I said rummaging through my bag for my gloves.

"Sure you don't." She smirked and shook her head as she tossed her cigarette on the sidewalk before turning it off with the sole of her foot.

I fully expected Jace to exit the bar alone but instead I witnessed him and Colton stumbling out, Colton's arm flung over Jace's shoulders in an attempt to maintain his balance.

"You good, Payton?" Colton questioned drunkenly before swinging his other arm over my shoulders as well. His breath was completely saturated with liquor and his green eyes were small and lacking their usual luster. I instinctively leaned into him. His soft cologne was mixed with the blonde's overly sweet perfume and I could feel my stomach turning and my brain scrambling while I practically crumbled under his touch.

"I'm fine. You on the other hand are completely wasted so let's get you home," I replied fretfully.

"Hey, I got her number," Colton replied squeezing my shoulder before letting go of me and Jace. Jace and I looked at each other but quickly turned away and for a moment I wondered if he knew, if he knew that I was in love with his cousin. Colton began sloping over to one side and I quickly slid under his arm and allowed him to lean against me before he toppled over.

"Let's go, I'm f**king freezing," Riley said sticking her hands in her coat pockets while Jace slipped a gray beanie over his light brown hair. His cheeks were beginning to turn pink and he took Riley's hand in his as we made our way down the sidewalk.

"F**k, I'm wasted." Colton said leaning against me as he attempted to zip up his casual, military style jacket. I sighed and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk with his weight on my shoulders and zipped it shut for him.

"Your liver is going to go to shït, Colton. Would it kill you to sit and just have a couple with your cousin instead of going off and making out with some random slut? You're gonna end up catching something," Riley lectured.

"F**k you, Riley," Colton retorted and Riley just threw her head back and laughed.

I slightly elbowed Colton in the ribs while Jace gave Riley a peck on the lips. Jace and Riley decided to part ways with Colton and I since their apartment was just a couple of blocks away. Jace assured Riley that he would catch up with her in a second before moving to stand before Colton and I.

"Will you be all right?" He questioned worriedly as I held on to Colton, my hand pressed firmly against his hard chest.

"She'll be fine, Jacey boy," Colton murmured while repeatedly smacking Jace's cheek causing him to step away. "Go home and f**k your girl. You need to get laid...he needs to get laid, Riley!" Colton shrieked

"F**k you, Colton!" Riley shouted in return.

I laughed lightly. "I'll be fine. Have a good night."

Jace leaned down to give me a kiss on the cheek and caught up with Riley, but not before turning to look back at me with a somber look in his eyes.

"Wanna share a cab?" Colton asked leaning further into me for some warmth.

"Who else is going to get you home?" I replied as I watched Jace and Riley disappear into the night. I honestly did not know if I would be able to handle Colton dangling women in front of me if it wasn't for Jace. Jace had always been the reliable and sensitive one while Colton was a little more thick-skinned and erratic. He wasn't opposed to drinking until he blacked out or getting into a bar fight here and there while Jace always drank responsibly and was usually the one breaking up the fights.

Jace and I met first when were nine years old. My mother had forgotten to pack my lunch one day and Jace must've felt sorry for me during lunch because he offered to share his own. I vividly remembered the way his sandwich was shaped into an apple with a candy worm stemming out of it and the way his grapes had edible eyes on them.

I met Colton soon after at Jace's tenth birthday party. I was instantly sucked in by his intensity, his lush green eyes, messy hair and thin lips. His lips were so red that that was the very first time I had ever thought about kissing a boy. The three of us played together that day and quickly became inseparable, mainly because of the fact that none of us had siblings and lived within walking distance from one another. We also thought it remarkable that our birthdays were each one month apart from one another. Colton was the oldest having been born in September, Jace followed in October and me in November and we had all been born on the eighth. My parents had tried for another baby when I turned ten and they had managed to conceive but seven months into my mother's pregnancy, she went into labor and the baby had been still born. My family had never been the same since.

When things at home felt tense and bleak I buried myself in the company of the Hensley cousins. The three of us would sneak out almost every night, go out to the lake and climb up to an old tree house that was in the backyard of an abandoned house. The wood was aged, moist and close to rotting and thinking about it now almost twelve years later, I realize that we were fortunate that it never collapsed. The three of us would lie on our backs and look up at the stars through the large holes in the ceiling and eat junk food all night. Then, as if overnight, the three of us grew into teenagers and those nights turned into skulking down to the lake with stolen beer, cigarettes and dates. Those were by far the happiest days of my life. I have never laughed, loved or cried harder than I did during those years; we were your normal, hormonal, reckless teenage disasters. If I cried it was only because Colton had a different girlfriend almost every month turning high school into hell for me. Jace began dating Riley our junior year, and the only two relationships that I had throughout high school did not last long because they felt uncomfortable about my friendship with Colton and Jace. Everyone thought that the three of us had some sort of twisted, perverse relationship going on and felt intimidated by them. But I couldn't completely blame my lack of dating on Colton and Jace, I had never been all that attractive to begin with my messy hair, mild acne and large, rimmed glasses.

After a couple of minutes of standing out in the cold, Colton and I finally managed to hail down a cab. Once inside, I asked the driver to take us to his place.

"Why are you so quiet?" Colton asked slightly turning to face me in his seat as we were driven down the streets of Philly.

"I don't know, I guess I'm more exhausted than I thought, I should've just stayed home tonight."

"F**k that, Payton. You need to get out and have some fun. Stop being such a wet blanket. You're finally legal and all you do is work and study. Relax, we're almost done. We can almost see the fucking finish line."

My twenty-first birthday had been last week and he and Jace had thrown an amazing surprise party for me at Colton's place and all of my family and friends had attended.

"I'm not sure it would be wise to start slacking off now," I laughed.

Colton smirked and reached for my gloved hand and intertwined his fingers with mine causing my chest to flutter. He had always been highly affectionate whenever he drank excessively and I always had to force myself to not read too much into it. Not long after, I felt my eyes growing heavy due to the warmth inside the cab and Colton must've noticed since I felt him place his arm around me and pull me to him so that I could rest my head against his warm chest. I instantly became a little more alert but I stayed in place and kept my eyes closed as I inhaled his soft mint and sandalwood scent. I felt his voice vibrating in his chest against my cheek as he spoke to the cab driver and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around his chest and stay with him like this forever. I felt him remove my glasses and move a couple of strands of hair away from my face. My hair was piled on top of my head in a sort of nest, my lips were wind burned and chapped and my skin felt dry so I could only imagine what I looked like but I was truly too exhausted to care.

"You're such a f**king lightweight, your cheeks look like red apples." Colton whispered before lightly running the back of his index finger over my cheek bone. My blood rose ten degrees in my veins and I almost caught fire due to the small gesture. After twelve years I should've been used to his touch but it had never ceased to have an effect on me. Not long after, I became unaware of my surroundings until I felt Colton shifting underneath me.

"Payton, we're here," he said opening the door.

"Hmm?" I was still half asleep and not entirely aware of what was going on around me until I got hit by the thirty degree wind when Colton pushed the door open.

"F**k, Okay, I'm up," I said rubbing my eyes and lazily stepping out of the cab. I needed to help him get into bed even though all I wanted was to have my head make contact with a pillow.

Colton handed me my glasses and slipped his arm around my shoulders again until we entered the lobby of his apartment complex and stepped into the elevator. We both leaned against the wall and I closed my eyes while the whirr of the elevator rang in my ears and filled the silence between us.

"Look at you, you can't even keep your eyes open," he teased.

I giggled feeling the couple of drinks I had consumed circulating in my blood. "Shut up. I'm tired and I had like six beers..." I trailed off while smiling with my eyes closed and resting my temple against the cool, steel wall.

The elevator doors slid open and we both stepped off and I followed behind Colton as he staggered down the hall to his apartment door. He managed to unlock the door, some of the lights were already on and he closed the door behind him before tossing his keys onto the black entry table.

"Do you want another beer?" He asked practically stumbling toward the refrigerator.

I shook my head as I slipped my coat off before throwing my bag on the sofa.

"Don't you think you've had enough tonight, Colton?"

"F**k no, c'mon have another with me."

"No. I'm just here to help you get to up the stairs and into bed and then I'm taking off."

"Payton it's almost two in the f**king morning. Don't go, you can stay in the spare bedroom," he offered removing his jacket after opening his beer.

"No it's fine, I'll just stay on the sofa. I'll even take the floor," I said referring to the bare, concrete floor of his temporary home. His studio apartment had an industrial feel to it with its exposed air conditioning ducts, brick walls and metal furniture. It was a very sleek bachelor pad with two living rooms, two bedrooms and an immense open living room space and kitchen downstairs.

"Payton..."

"Colton..." I uttered frustratingly. I knew he was trying to be polite but there was absolutely no way that I was going to sleep in a bed that countless people used for casual sex whenever he hosted some of his famous parties.

"The sheets are washed," he said as if reading my thoughts.

"Fine," I replied hesitantly.

"Do you want to borrow something to sleep in?" he asked directing his dark green eyes at me and I immediately got excited at the thought of slipping into his clothing.

"Yeah that'd be great, actually."

I followed him up to his bedroom as he teetered up the stairs holding on to the metal and glass railing. His natural scent immediately filled my nostrils as we made our way into his bedroom and began rummaging through his closet drawers in order to find something for me to wear. I settled on one of his white undershirts and a pair of his boxers that he dug out and he handed them to me and smirked before unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it off of his shoulders. My eyes immediately fell upon his light skin and the impeccable lean muscles of his abdomen. I pictured my hands on his broad shoulders, my lips over the lines of his back and his skin brushing against mine before I snapped back to reality when I noticed his face growing pale just before he uttered that he felt sick.

He quickly threw his shirt on the bed and headed into the bathroom and I caught the sound of the toilet seat clashing against the porcelain tank before he began heaving. I made my way inside and kneeled beside him and stroked his back as he emptied the contents of his stomach into the bowl.

"F**k," he managed to say before regurgitating even more. He slammed down the lid when he was done and slid across the bathroom floor in order to lean his back against the wall.

"I'll get you some water, stay put."

I quickly returned with a chilled bottle of water from the small refrigerator that he kept in his bedroom and he drank thirstily before lifting himself up, flushing the toilet and washing his hands.

"You good?"

He nodded and I exited his bedroom after telling him that I was going to change for bed. I made my way down the hall with the clothing that he had lent me and headed into the spare bathroom. I immediately started crying, feeling sick to my stomach due to the smear of red lipstick that I had spotted on the skin of his neck. I closed the door behind me and peered into the mirror above the sink. My gray eyes were pink-rimmed and tired and I realized that I had a bad taste in my mouth from the beers I had consumed.

I pulled my sweater above my head and stepped out of my jeans and tossed them on the floor. I reached over to the edge of the sink to pick up Colton's shirt and jumped when the door flew open.

"Colton get out!" I immediately brought my hands up to shield myself and turned sideways as Colton stood in the doorway completely frozen. His green eyes rapidly skimmed my body before he uttered that he was sorry and rapidly shut the door again.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were changing in the bedroom. Can I just have the toothpaste? There should be some around there somewhere." He questioned behind the door.

I began to look through his cabinets when I finally stumbled upon a brand new tube and I opened the door just enough to hand it to him. He thanked me and I heard him walking off.

In the twelve years that we had known each other nothing like this had ever happened. I had always been extremely diligent when it came to locking doors since I was terrified of him or Jace ever walking in on me whenever we ended up spending the night at each other's places. I leaned against the cold wall and purposely hit the back of my head against it more than once. I felt mortified and I wondered just how much he had actually gotten to see. I peered down at my plain, white bra and mismatched boyshorts and cursed under my breath before I quickly slipped Colton's shirt over my head. I threw my jeans back on and made my way into guest bedroom.

"Payton?"

"Yeah?" I questioned rolling my sweater into a ball and tossing it next to the nightstand in order to avoid looking into his eyes. The apartment was freezing but my cheeks felt warm and I could feel beads of sweat accumulating on my upper lip. Colton nervously smiled at me and I bit the inside of my cheek anxiously waiting on what he had to say.

"I'm sorry. I didn't see anything I swear. I...I ran out of toothpaste," he said timidly. He was actually tripping over his words but I attributed it to the alcohol in his veins.

"It's fine," I replied dryly.

"I didn't---he paused and searched my eyes---I didn't know about that scar on your hip."

My face grew hot and I placed a strand of loose hair behind my ear. "I thought you said you didn't see anything," I replied bitterly.

"I didn't. But c'mon Payton, it's difficult to miss."

I pulled my body further into the bed and began to tie my hair into a bun. "I uhh, I cut myself on a tree branch when Jace and I went up to the tree house one time. I think you were on vacation with your parents."

Colton stared down at me and my eyes landed on the way the plain white shirt that he had thrown on clung to his skin. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his dark wash jeans and bit his lip.

"What?" I asked peering away for a second before meeting his gaze once again.

He folded his arms across his chest. "Nothing."

I could smell the fresh mint emanating from his breath and he seemed somewhat indifferent about the fact that I never told him about the scar. Perhaps it was because he thought he knew everything there was to know about me, even about something as simple as a scar. I practically knew everything about him as well, down to the last useless detail. I knew that he hated eggs in the morning but loved them at night, he had a mild writing disorder and was incredibly temperamental, especially when he was jealous. He had the worst case of road rage that I had ever seen and I absolutely hated driving in a vehicle with him. But knowing all those things mattered not because I wanted to keep my feelings for him deeply buried inside of me. If he ever found out that I was in love with him it would destroy our friendship. I loved what we had as friends and there was no way that I was ever going to purposely place it at risk.

"I'm sorry it's so cold in here, the heater is broken," Colton said making his way toward the door. "Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

We both said goodnight and I immediately fell back on the bed and pulled the sheets out from under me and brought them over my body. I took off my jeans under the blanket and slipped Colton's boxers on. I could smell the freshly scented laundry soap on his clothes and I brought the blanket over my nose in order to lock in the clean scent. I closed my eyes and the image of Colton kissing that woman at the bar immediately filled my brain.

I shook the thought away and I groaned when I realized that I had forgotten to brush my teeth. I climbed off of the bed and made my way up the hall and leaned against the door frame of Colton's bedroom and watched as he stood by his nightstand and texted on his cell phone. He had thrown on his reading glasses and my heart literally ached. He was shirtless again, his long shorts hanging low on his hips.

"Colton?

"Yeah?" He looked up at me and slipped off his glasses. I knew that he had always been embarrassed about them but I thought they looked incredible on him.

"Sorry, I just wanted to ask about the toothpaste since..."

"Yeah, go ahead," he said pointing to his bathroom with his thumb.

I thanked him and I stepped inside, closed the door and began brushing my teeth. I stared at my reflection again with my travel toothbrush in my mouth and noticed the way my long lashes were sticking out in various directions. Fading freckles shaded the bridge of my nose and I had a small scar on my upper lip that I had gotten while playing with my neighbor's nightmare of a cat when I was fourteen. I looked pale and I had heavy bags under my eyes from not sleeping last night and as always, my long hair was a complete mess.

I quickly rinsed out my mouth and made my way back into the guest bedroom again after exchanging goodnights with Colton since he had already climbed into bed. I slipped under my blanket and tried to shake off the embarrassment that I felt about him walking in on me until I finally drifted off to sleep.