Chapter 45 

Ashton

"His vitals are good," someone says as a loud beeping noise causes a dull throb to begin in my head. "His blood alcohol level has come down gradually also, which is a very good sign."

"So why isn't he awake yet?" A very familiar voice asks. Lane.

"He's resting and his body is still weak. I'm sure he'll wake up soon," a woman's voice replies as I struggle to open my eyes.

"We just need to be patient," a voice grumbles. Master Matthias.

What are they doing here? Where is here? What's the damn beeping and why can't I move? My eyelids are so heavy, as if they're being held together. No matter how much I try, I cannot open my eyes. My head begins to spin, the beeping intensifies. The dull throb in my head turns into a hammer pain. Their voices fade in and out before everything goes silent and I let the comfortable blanket of the abyss drag me back under.

"What the hell were you thinking? You could have fucking died," a low voice sighs before a warm hand closes over my own.

I try to open my eyes and they actually cooperate, but the light is blinding so I groan while slamming them shut again. The hand tightens on mine as I groan again. God, my skull is fucking killing me. I turn my head and slowly open my eyes, confused at where the hell I am. The white walls glare back at me and I look over to see an IV stand along with a heart monitor. I frown, looking down at my arm to see myself hooked up to the IV and heart monitor. What the hell? I lick my lips and that's when I notice the mask on my face. I reach up, my arm heavy, to take it off. A hand grabs mine before I can and I look over. I'm thankful that the oxygen mask is still on because I feel as if the air gets sucked out of my lungs when I see who is sitting right next to me.

"You need to keep that on," he whispers as I stare at him.

"What are you doing here?" I ask while pulling my hand out of his grip.

He smiles. "I work here."

"If you haven't noticed, I'm not a kid so your work isn't here. You can leave," I tell him and his smile disappears.

"I got word that you were in here. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." He sighs while reaching for my hand, but I pull it away.

"I'm fine, you can leave," I reply before turning my head to stare at the wall as the stupid heart monitor spikes up.

"Ashton, please," he whispers sadly, but the door opens and a woman in a long white doctor's coat walks in.

"Doctor Callaway, what are you doing here?" she asks surprised before we lock eyes. "Oh you're awake, that's great. You've got all your friends worried out there."

I don't say anything as she goes about checking me over. I refuse to look in his direction even though I feel his gaze burning into me. The doctor checks my reflexes as she asks me random questions like what year it is and what day, how old I am and what's my full name. I got drunk, it's not like I went into a fucking coma. My breath hitches when I remember the feeling before I passed out. My eyes fill with tears as the night's events start coming back to me all at once. All the games, the dancing, the shots. It's as if I'm drowning in the memory of trying to drown my sorrows. Gideon quickly puts the oxygen mask back on me when I struggle to suck in air and the doctor's words are falling on deaf ears as all the songs echo in my head. Dots start to fill my vision as panic rolls in my stomach.

"Calm down, Little One," Gideon whispers in my ear as his arm drapes around my shoulder.

I suck in a deep breath as he continues whispering in my ear. The doctor looks in between us and I push Gideon off before giving him a weak glare. He presses his lips together as I rest my head back against the pillows. I close my eyes, exhaustion hitting me like a truck. The doctor decides she needs to check me over again and I'd complain if I wasn't so tired. I rub my eyes, wiping the tears that begin to spill out the corners of my eyes. Pulling the oxygen mask off, I take a deep breath on my own. It helps me relax a bit. I can breathe on my own.

"Your friends have been worried," the doctor starts, "would you like to see them?"

I quickly shake my head, the burning in my eyes only getting worse at the thought. No. I don't want them to see me like this. Pathetic and weak. I've been so fucking selfish. Not caring about anyone, not even myself. A sob breaks past my weak wall of protection and others quickly follow.

"I d-don't w-want to see a-anyone!" I sob as I continue shaking my head. "D-don't let them in, please!"

"It's fine, I'll tell them that you need to rest. Please, calm down," she says as I start choking on my sobs.

"Get out. GET OUT!" I shout while covering my face with my hands.

"Ashton, calm down," Gideon says worriedly and I roll onto my side so my back is to him

"Get out! Just leave me alone!" I beg him, them, everyone.

A few seconds later, the door opens and closes again. I take a broken breath, my chest aching and my throat burning. My body shakes, my teeth chattering as I try to calm down. I curl my fingers and rub my fists into my eyes as my breathing slowly calms. I hiccup before jumping slightly when I feel a hand on my shoulder. Looking over, I see Gideon standing there. I quickly wipe my face and fall onto my back, but I don't look at him.

"Don't you have work do to? Those kids need you," I repeat his excuse for breaking up with me.

He doesn't say anything.

"Get out," I tell him while staring at the wall as a cold, empty feeling begins to cloak me.

"I'm not leaving," he says so I turn to look at him and he's staring right at me.

"I don't want you here," I reply making his jaw clench, "get out."

"No." He shakes his head then sits down just to piss me off, "I'm not leaving until you're given the all clear to go home."

I stare at him with a tired glare, but the look in his eyes tells me he's not going to move no matter what. My eyes narrow, more out of exhaustion than anger. Now he wants to be here. He probably pities me and feels guilty. I'm sure he thinks I'm here because of him. I started drinking and partying because he broke up with me. I can see in his eyes that he feels guilty. I grit my teeth and look away from him. He doesn't need to feel guilty and if he pities me, I'm going to punch him. I'm an adult so I make my own decisions. I decided to go to those parties and sleep with all those men because I wanted to. It had nothing to do with Gideon. No. I refuse to believe that I'd stoop so low as to act out because of a break up.

My eyes grow heavier as I try to deny the truth, but the weight of it all crushes my attempt. I hate him. I loathe him. He made me weak. The one thing I swore to never do again, allow someone to have the power to hurt me. I gave in with Gideon so easily. Anger simmers inside me as I close my eyes.

Never again.

Payton

"Good news. His blood alcohol level is coming down at a steady rate," Lane says as he walks over after he and Master Matthias went in to see him. Lane is still playing the 'I'm his brother' card and no one has bothered to check into it, which is good.

"Is he awake?" I ask.

"Not yet, but the doctor figures he'll wake up soon. His body is just tired."

"Oh thank God! When can we see him?" Tai asks.

"Not until he wakes up." Lane shrugs his shoulders apologetically.

"Someone should be with him when he wakes up," I say to Lane, since he's the only one who can probably get back in there.

"Master Gideon is with him. He's going to stay until he's awake."

That gets all of our attention fast.

"Master Gideon?" Tai asks, "is that such a good idea?"

"Of course it is," Tommy says. "Ashton needs him right now."

Tommy, always the romantic, but knowing Ashton, I wonder if Tai is right. I keep my mouth shut and go to sit back down as everyone starts talking at once. I'm just too tired to keep up and need space from the crowd surrounding Lane. Master Matthias is standing back leaning against the wall behind Lane with his usual unreadable expression while Tommy, Tai and Chris bicker over what's best for Ashton.

"It's good news Payton," Remy says coming back to sit down next to me.

I nod numbly. I still feel guilty, like I should have done something. The whole reason Lane and I were there was to keep an eye on him and look how poorly that went. I should have insisted he stop playing beer pong, or we should have just left, or I should have made him drink more water. Ashton could have died. That recurring thought sends a chill down my spine and I shiver in response. And then I feel sick so I lean over and take some deep breaths to keep the nausea at bay.

"Hey," Remy soothes, leaning over and rubbing my back. "He's going to be fine little fox. He just needs to sleep."

I nod, knowing if I open my mouth I'll just start blubbering again or repeating my fears and Remy would just tell me it's not true. Even when I know it is. I should have been a better friend. I should have looked out for him like he always does for me.

"You're exhausted, let me take you home. I'll ask Matthias to call me as soon as they hear anything. I'll even bring you back when he wakes up, but you look like you could use a few hours' sleep."

"No...no thank you Sir," I correct when I see his frown, "I don't want to leave. Not until he wakes up and I can see him."

"Payton..."

"I can't," I choke out and then turn, stare at the wall and blink back tears. My jaw is clenched as I try to clear my head and numb my emotions. I don't have the energy to break down. No, I don't have the energy to stop if I do. Remy will make me leave if I fall apart so I shut myself down. I stop thinking and do my best to just shut off every thought and feel nothing. A little trick I perfected over the years when my family got to be too much for me.

"Payton," he repeats. His voice softer. Like he really cares about me. I could so easily fall into his arms right now and let him make everything better. But I can't. I need to be here for Ashton. I need to stay strong for my friend. If he's in there, laying in that hospital bed fighting for his life, I'm not going to be here falling into some guy's arms. Letting him take care of me, when I didn't do that for Ash. It just isn't right.

"I'm fine Sir," I say stiffly. "You don't have to stay, you have to work in the morning, you should go home. I've got to stay here with my friends."

He lets out a big sigh and then rubs his face before replying. "Well I'm not leaving here without you. It's not an option."

"But..."

"Just shush," he says before I can object. Remy leans back in the not so comfortable waiting room seat and pulls me into his broad chest. "Dormez." (sleep)

Tai

"Tai man, what the fuck?"

When I look over Sean is barreling towards me. His hair is sticking up like he's been pulling at it or something and his eyes are wide and wild looking. Sean did always look a little insane. He's like the Wild Boy of Aveyron.

"Hey Sean."

"Where's Ash? Is he okay? What's going on?"

"He's still in there," I say, pointing to the ER doors. "But the doctor said his blood alcohol is coming down and she's pretty sure he's going to be okay."

"Pretty sure? Blood alcohol?! Ash isn't a big drinker. Where's Chris?"

"He's over there," I say, pointing at Chris and Master Clark who seem caught up in an intimate conversation.

"Who the hell is that?" Sean asks.

"His Dom...Dom/boyfriend now."

"Chris? A boyfriend? No way. Okay, let me get this straight, Ashton is drinking himself sick now and Chris has his own Dom slash boyfriend, what.. you guys go off to the city for college and lose your minds?"

"No Sean. It's...complicated."

"Did anyone call his parents? Chris?" he asks as Chris, having heard the commotion, walks over.

"Hey Sean," he says and they give each other the bro 'half-hug'. "I haven't called them yet. Ashton would kill me, he hasn't even told them...um..."

"Told them what?"

When Chris hesitates I pick up where he left off. "That Gideon broke up with him and broke his heart before stomping all over it until all that was left were broken little shards and he's been on a downward spiral ever since. That boy has been making one of my high school moody phases look like a Pharrell video."

"You make no sense," Sean says then looks back at Chris like he's the reasonable one. Jesus Ann Bancroft, Chris? I'm the smart one.

"It's true," Chris sighs. "He's been partying, sleeping around, I mean, a lot of shit's been going on with him."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Sean...you know how Ashton is. If he wanted to talk to you about it, he would have called you himself. He's probably going to be so pissed at me for calling you tonight."

"He can be pissed all he wants, but I'm his best friend, he shoulda fucking called me. I want to see him."

"They won't let any visitors in...family only."

"I am family, I'll go tell them I'm his brother."

"Lane already did that. He's been the only one who's seen him since they brought him in."

"Lane? What the fuck! If anyone's his brother, it's me. Let me find someone in charge." Sean goes stalking off towards the nurse's station and Chris and I just shrug at each other.

"Brother?" Chris says.

"I think not," I reply giving Chris a side glance.

Ashton

When I wake up again, I hear whispered voices.

Gideon, sounds...annoyed, and a voice I don't recognize. I open my eyes and see a handsome man talking to Gideon, a really handsome man. He's also in a white coat. Another doctor. Great.

"Dr. Davis asked me to come speak with him," the doctor says.

"He doesn't need a psych eval, I'll speak with him. I can take care of this," Gideon quietly, but vehemently objects.

"Dr. Davis won't release him unless he has one. Listen, it won't take long. I just want to speak with him for maybe 20 minutes. Dr. Davis said he was very upset earlier. I don't know what your...ah, relationship with Mr. Raines is, but maybe he can benefit from speaking with an objective third party."

"He's sleeping."

They haven't notice me awake yet and I roll my eyes at how obstinate Gideon sounds and it's pissing me off. He doesn't have the right.

"Well I can come back, the bottom-line is, Dr. Davis won't sign his release until after I've spoken with him, so object as you may, I will speak with him."

A slight smirk tugs at my lips, go sexy young doctor!

"Fine, but I'm staying with him."

"I'm sorry Dr. Callaway. I will have to object to that. I won't have your presence influencing or pressuring my patient."

"Oh, he's your patient now?"

"He is while I'm speaking with him and seeing that he's not a child I can assume he's not your patient either. What is your relationship with Mr. Raines, Dr. Callaway?"

"That's none of your business Dr. Ruiz."

"I'll speak with him," I finally blurt out because their bickering is making my head hurt even more than it did before.

They both turn to me with surprised looks. Like what did they expect? I was going to sleep through all that.

"Hello Mr. Raines, my name is Dr. Carlos Ruiz, but you can just call me Carlos."

"You look pretty young to be a Doctor," I observe.

Actually he looks like one of the models Tai and Tommy always drool over, well not so much anymore since they got involved with their Doms. I frown because it reminds me of the other presence in the room who is still scowling at Dr. Ruiz.

"I'm much older than I look," the doctor replies, "I was lucky enough to inherit my mother's good skin and youthful appearance, but I can assure you, I've been doing this for a number of years."

"Your mother must be a knockout."

The more I talk to this sexy doctor, the more I don't have to look at Gideon and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that his growing annoyance didn't make me feel better by the second. I looked down at his left hand. No ring.

"I bet your wife appreciates it too," I say. Going for the win.

The dark haired doctor chuckles, glancing at Gideon before replying. "I'm not married, Mr. Raines."

"You can call me Ashton, Carlos."

"Great. Ashton," he says, giving me a broad smile. Talk about bedside manner.

"Dr. Callaway, I'd like to speak with Ashton now. Would you mind excusing us?"

"I'm not leaving him."

"Dr. Callaway," I say loudly, throwing in a little 'Dom tone'. "I'd like to speak with Carlos privately."

Oh the look he gives me is priceless, but only flashes across his face for a few seconds before his features go soft. Like he knows he has no standing. Regret chafes in my throat, but I hold it back.

Walking over, he leans down until his mouth is next to my ear. "I'll be right outside Little One," he whispers so only I can hear him, before he turns his head and kisses my cheek. A twisting pain rips through my chest, but I refuse to let it show on my face. Encouraging him would only lead to more pain and I've been ripped apart enough for one lifetime.

As Gideon closes the door behind him, Carlos pulls a chair over and sits down next to me. Fuck. My eyes close and I take a deep breath. Talking to a shrink was not top on my list for the day.

"Ashton, why don't we start with what happened last night. Can you tell me about that?"

"Listen Doc, there's not much to tell. I was at a party and I drank too much. It was a dumb thing to do, I'm in college, it happens."

"Alcohol poisoning is a serious matter, it can be deadly."

"Doc. Carlos. I know that. It was stupid and I won't be drinking like that anymore. I learned my lesson. I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid. I'm not going to drink like that anymore. I just lost track, I didn't even feel drunk until it was too late."

"Okay. I know you're not stupid Ashton. I'm sure you will be more careful going forward. Why don't you tell me what's going on with you otherwise. Your relationship with Dr. Callaway to start."

"We don't have a relationship, we used to date, but that's in the past."

"How do you feel about that?"

Holy shit. I'm on a bad episode of Dr. Phil. Didn't that show get cancelled for a reason.

I take a deep breath. The sooner I tell the man what he wants to hear, the sooner he'll leave and then I can leave. "I was upset at first, but got over it. Really Carlos. This is all being blown out of proportion. I'm a normal college guy. I had too much to drink, it won't happen again. I really just want to get out of here and back to my dorm room."

"Ashton."

"Really. I'm not self-destructive. It was just some fun that go out of hand. I've learned my lesson. I'm going to stop going to parties, focus on my classes and finish my semester."

"Okay. I understand. Relationships are difficult. Add college on top of that."

"Sir, I just want to go home. It's been a long night, I just want to go back to my dorm and sleep."

Carlos watches me for a few seconds before he takes in a long breath. "I'll sign off on you, then it's just up to Dr. Davis. She'll probably come in shortly and give you one more check before she releases you. Just do me a favor Ashton."

I raise my eyebrows.

"Your campus has some very good counseling services. I'm going to make a referral with my contact over there, in a few days, once you've had a chance to rest, I want you to go in and talk to someone. They'll call you to set up an appointment."

"Doc, I really..."

"Humor me. One appointment."

"Why don't you meet me for coffee next week instead," I say.

Carlos laughs and then pats my arm. "You flatter me Ashton. Here," he says handing me a card. "Call me after your appointment and let me know how it went.

Hey, you can't blame a guy for trying.

After he leaves my door opens again and a face I recognize very well is standing there.

"Sean."

"Hey Darlin'."

Before I can say another word he rushes over and grabs me. "You scared the fucking shit out of me asshole," he says before his lips find mine and he kisses me like there's no tomorrow.

"Ashton." Gideon calls from the doorway and Sean slowly breaks the kiss.

"Get lost douchbag," Sean growls and I mentally groan as the two glare at each other in some kind of standoff.

Ahhh, fuck my entire life.