I don't know why. Everything just feels weird and wrong. Memories feel hazy, like they're not mine, but they are. Days seem to flash by in an instant, but feel agonisingly long at the same time.

I don't feel like myself.

I think back to a time when I was happy, I was genuinely happy. I didn't realise it, but I was happy. Yes I had the odd anxiety moment but I was happy. But this?
This is hell.

I feel like I'm stuck in a limbo. The only time I'm happy is if I'm hyper focused on something else so much I forget I exist. Then I don't have to worry about anything else. As soon as I come out, I come into my body again, and I feel terrible.

I don't like to get into it, cause it sends me spiralling into the darkest thoughts, but..... the world is fucked up. On so many levels. It's so fucked up. And it makes me so depressed when I see how fucked up the world is.

I don't want to be an activist. I don't want to be forced to understand and speak on topics I don't understand and don't want to understand. I speak on the topics I'm passionate about. There's no point trying to talk to me about anything else. I refuse.

I want to be a writer, not a fucking politician.

I miss being happy. I miss being me.