Scott's Perspective-

Hey guys! Before we jump into this chapter, I just wanna let you know, this one's a bit much. It talks about cutting, bad thoughts, and includes the f slur (only once, don't worry). If any of this bothers you, then click off. But if you do read it, please tell me what you think.

Later that night, Scott went to bed, feeling exhausted.

But he couldn't sleep.

He tossed and turned, he even took melatonin, but nothing worked.

Until eventually,

Finally,

He fell asleep.

-

"We know you're gay!"

"You want to be a GIRL, don't you? You wore a dress to the party, only girls wear dresses!"

"Faggot!"

"You deserve to die."

"You should just leave."

"No one will care!"

"No one likes you!"

"Not Katherine, not Jimmy, not Owen! They all hate you!"

"Honestly, why are you even here?!"

"No one will miss you."

"No one loves you."

"Your parents want you to live on the streets!"

"If only you were straight!"

"If only you liked girls!"

"You're a disappointment!"

-

Scott shot up, terrified.

He felt as though he had just run a marathon.

He looked at his hands which were pale.

He just sat there...shaking.

Until eventually, he got up.

He ran into the kitchen and carefully grabbed one of the knives.

He ducked behind the tall counter so then if someone walked into the kitchen, they wouldn't see him.

The Next Day (and switch to 1st Person bc iNtEnSiTy)

I don't know why I did it.

I never really do.

But I can't help it.

It's like a different part of me takes over.

And before I know it, I'm doing it.

I can't stop.

I think the thing that scares me is that...I don't hate it.

It almost feels... good?

I'm scared to say that.

I know I need to stop.

I know I shouldn't do it.

I know it's bad.

I know, I know, I know.

But I can't stop.

There are too many voices telling me different things.

Some are voices like my father. Telling me I should be straight and that I should like girls.

Another voice tells me that I should be who I am (it's a very small one).

One voice (which normally takes control) tells me that I should just die.

And leave.

It's hard to stop when you don't love yourself.

Everyone who tries to help me don't know what it's like!

Katherine doesn't know what it's like to hate yourself and constantly want to die. She loves herself! She has a perfect life! Her family loves her!

She doesn't know what it feels like when I do it.

She doesn't know that a part of me is telling me not to, but I just can't stop.

It's too late.

It's hard to stop when it seems as though the only solution is to end it.

I just want to feel happy.

Katherine makes it seem so easy.

But each time I think I'm happy, I get knocked down.

I was so happy at that party, but I got rejected by Owen.

I thought I could turn to Jimmy, but he wasn't there, and he's been acting weird!

It's all too much.

It's not fair.

How can people be so happy?

Meanwhile I'm over here having everything go against me and have basically nothing work out for me!

It's just- it's not fair.

I wish I could be happy.

I just want to be happy.

That's it.

That's all I want.

Just a simple need.

Is that so much to ask for?

...I guess so.