– Thursday, May 31st, 2018 –

"You want to raise the child." I repeat his words, pushing him away from me, to look at him. "You want to raise a child with Emma, who forced you to sleep with her."

"Yes, no, no." Finnley shakes his head. "I want to raise a child, by myself if I have to, that wouldn't exist if Jeff wouldn't have gotten in Emma's mind."

"Who the hell is Jeff anyway!?" I cry out. "I thought she helped Sydney to sell you, not a guy named Jeff."

"Jeff was involved too..." Finnley sighs deeply and he seems a bit defeated. I think he just lost his energy to fight, and I'm not sure why. "I just wish you would remember everything..."

"Yeah, me too, but that's not happening." I grumble, crossing my arms.

"First things first, Cris. Because I can't give you your memory back. I'm trying to help you, but I can't work magic. But I want to raise the child, because for more then a year, I wasn't able to live with my parents, and for a long time, that was all I wanted; live at home, with my own parents who'd love me. I can't put this child up for adoption and have her wonder who her real parents are and why they gave her up for adoption."

"You're in college," I deadpan. "You have no money, you have no job, no nothing to raise a child. And it's not a child you wanted in the first place."

"And now that she's on her way, I do want her." Finnley shrugs, staring down. He seems depressed, defeated, and all I really want is to hug him and tell him it's okay. But it isn't okay, and I have too many questions to just sit here and accept everything.

"Let's just go home... I need to process this."

"Yeah... sure..." Finnley whispers sadly, leaning against the door of the car, staring out of the window as we reach the highway.

"Finn, I'm not angry, I'm just... shocked, okay?" I lean towards him. "And I don't know how to feel about you raising a child with Emma..."

"It's not withEmma, Cris." He sighs, turning his head to send me a look. "Your mom is helping me to get full custody. Emma will sign away her rights."

"What, mom knows? And she agrees?"

"She eh... offered to help." He mumbles, fiddling with his hoodie nervously. "So did your dad, and Oliver..."

I swallow away a lump staring at him in disbelief. "They'll help..." I allow the idea to sink in a bit, still not knowing what to feel right now.

"My parents wanted to help, but well... yeah..." He shrugs a bit. "Your parents and I even talked about them adopting her, but I just... I can't."

"I'm not sure if I can... I mean... I'm not even sure if I ever want kids."

"I know." Finnley takes in a deep breath. "But I'm doing this... even if you wouldn't be there by my side."

* * * * *

"Cris?" Sam is leaning on the kitchen counter, playing around with the keys to his car. My conversation with Finnley did not go well, and when we got home, he called Nathan to pick him up, telling me he needed some space.

I tried to stop him, to get him to talk, but he smiled, and told me more talking would probably only result in fighting. According to him, we both needed time to cool off and let everything sink in.

"Yes?" I turn to look at him, still feeling weird to have him here with me. Mom had to leave for work, and dad had some sort of emergency meeting, and mom asked Sam to stay with me until either one was home.

"You love him, don't you?" Sam casually asks, feigning a careless attitude, but I see he's nervous to talk with me about this.

"I do, why?"

"Because we have had tons of conversations in the past months, and I know how you responded the first time you find out about the baby."

"And how was that?"

"You agreed with Emma to visit her more often, she'd tell you the gender, keep you updated about the kid and everything. And you did agree, because you knew Finn would want to keep the child."

"But I don't want any children, I think."

"And when you found out there's gonna be a mini-Finn, you turned into a sappy loser who wanted to push that idea aside and be involved in the child at least a little."

"I can't imagine."

"Maybe because along with all your memories, you also forgot what it feels like to let Finnley walk away. To lose him."

I stare at Sam, cocking my head. He's got a decent point there. Not just my memories vanished. It's the feelings that come with the memories, the experiences, the actions I took, the way I responded to things.

"You nearly allowed him to disappear from your life once, before we met. You and Finn met again after months not seeing or talking to each other, on the same night we first talked."

I think back about the faint memory that came back when we stood outside Club Seven, knowing that had been the first meeting in months. "What about that night?"

"I saw you two together, and I could tell you wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but you didn't. And over the course of a couple of weeks, we got to know each other better and along with that, I got to know how much you missed him when you weren't friends, and seriously, when you two got together it was as if you were flying. You want Finn, and I know you'd do everything for him."

"Like raising a child that isn't mine?"

"Oh, Cris." Sam chuckles, leaning his head down while doing so, before he looks at me amused. "You know, if you ever marry him, and you do decide to raise children, you can't naturally make a baby with him, right? You'll have to adopt or whatever. But either way, a child will never be from the both of you, naturally."

"So?"

"At least this kid is his. And Emma will sign away her rights to him after birth. The child will know no better than having two daddies, if you stick by Finn."

"Off course I'll stick by his side!" I cry out in annoyance. "I'm not leaving him."

"Well, then suck it up, because the only times we really see him scared or lonely lately, is when he thinks he will have to give up the child. You know, pick between you and the baby. He wants this, and he wants you to do it with him."

I swallow away a lump and try to ignore the stirring in my stomach that is caused by his words. Somehow, thinking about Finnley wanting to raise a child with me, makes me feel a bit possessive.

"You'll do it. I know you will. You just have to get used to the idea again." Sam got up, pats my shoulder and grins at me.

"Sam?" I call out as he left the kitchen and me behind. I trail after him into the living room, where he grabs the keys to his car. "You're leaving?"

"I'm going to take you to Finn."

"He wanted space."

"And Oliver and I think it's good for you to see the real Finn for once."

"The real Finn?" I cock my head again, a bit confused. "He isn't real with me?"

"Tell me, Cris, how does he behave around you?"

I shrug, following him outside nonetheless, and to his car, thinking about his question. Finnley is mostly either reading, sleeping, or trying to help me regain memories by taking me places, making me listen to songs, taste certain flavours, smell scents. But he's mostly smiling a lot, repeatedly telling me he loves me and how happy is to be with me again. "I don't know, normal?"

"Define normal."

"Calm, collective..." I shrug again. "Just like he always was..."

"Really?" Sam sends me a look that tells me he wants me to think harder about my answer. We might have only met this morning, I feel as if I've known him for years. I trust him, for some reason, and I feel comfortable around him.

"Real-,"

"No, Cris." Sam sighs deeply. "I can't believe how oblivious you're being right now." He revs up the car, driving backwards out of the driveway, as his phone lights up with a text from Oliver which says 'sandpit, always'. "Your last memories, what are they? What was happening?"

"Finn was missing, I was figuring out what happened with Stan, sometimes Julia, and struggling with my feelings for Finn and Stan." I sum up the last remaining memories I have that are vivid and strong, as if they happened not too long ago.

"And what did you find out about Finn?"

"That he kept a lot of secrets." Where is he going with this? "What's the point?"

"How did he behave in the time he kept those memories?"

"Calm... collective..." I slump down in the seat a bit, casting my eyes from Sam towards the road, suddenly feeling really shitty since he is behaving the same as he was when he was keeping all those things hidden from me. "Is he hiding things from me?"

"It's aren't really secrets." I see Sam smile in the corners of my eyes, focussing on the road still. "But he is hiding how he's doing right now."

"And how is he doing right now?" I know I can act oblivious, but in the past days I've asked Finnley about his wellbeing multiple times. He kept reassuring he's doing okay, not great, but okay.

Sam shrugs, and points forwards, where the playground in the town centre became visible. "See for yourself."

Finnley and Nathan are seated, side by side, on the edge of the sandpit, in the middle of the playground. Finnley is covering his face with his hands, his shoulders shocking, while Nathan is trying to sooth him by caressing his back with an awkward look on his face.

Oliver is waiting on the side of the road, waving as soon as he noticed us coming their way. There's a tired smile on his face as I get out of the car.

"He doesn't know Sam brought you here, but we think it's best if you know how bad he really is doing. We know he's hiding it from you because he doesn't want to burden you with his troubled mind while you're recovering." Oliver pushes me slightly towards Finnley's direction, and I nod in agreement.

Let's be honest, I've been dying to have Finnley open up to me for real, but I don't want to push him to do so and end up in a fight with him.

"Go, fool." Sam chuckles, waving me off, leaning against the fence next to Oliver. "We'll be close by."

I walk over to Finnley, hearing his sobs from meters away, while Nathan sends me a sad smile, whispering something to Finnley. Instead of looking up, or answering, he's only starting to cry more, and it breaks my heart a little.

Nathan gets up, pats my shoulder, and leaves the two of us behind.

"Finny..." I whisper, slumping down next to him. "Please, talk to me."

He still doesn't say anything, but thank god, as soon as I put my arm around his shoulder, he buries his face in the croak of my neck, allowing me to hold him tightly.

"I know this isn't just about the baby..." I whisper, pecking a kiss on his cheek gently.

"I can't... I'm not... I wish you'd remember so I could..."

"Screw what they said, Finn." I groan, cupping his face to force him to look at me. "If you need to vent, vent. I don't care if you tell me things I'm not supposed to know. I didn't know what happened to you prior to the accident either, did I?"

He shrugs, nods and shakes his head in the same time, staring at me while tears keep escaping his red eyes, rolling down his cheeks, to the corner of his sad lips. "It's best not to tell until you at least remember what happened to you the night they abducted me in November, okay?" His voice is broken, cracking with emotions.

"Then why aren't we focusing on those events, instead of what happened two years ago?"

"Because it's the most shocking of all." Finnley sighs, wiping his tears away with little to no avail. "I don't want to do anything that might worsen your mental state because I can't handle myself."

"Finn, it can't possibly be as bad as what happened to you, and you're still standing. I know now that you're doing anything but okay, but you're alive. So, the memories won't kill me, okay? We can do it together, process it, fight together..."

He huffs, suddenly shaking my arms off him, starting to draw things in the sand by his feet. "You won't even think about raising a kid with me. Let alone fight my demons."

"I never said I wasn't planning on helping you. I just said I don't think it's the best idea."

"I need her, okay?" He whispers. "The thought of having a baby girl, depending on me, it'll give me purpose. It'll give me a reason to fight the demons, the past, the bad guys. It'll give me a reason to live."

"There's plenty of other reasons, Finn."

He shakes his head and sighs. "I'm going to be a living timebomb for the rest of my life. I'll need a new kidney within a few years, that'll only last for 10 to 15 years anyway. I'll always be ill, always fighting, always being reminded of what happened. The only thing that kept me from giving up before I got home, was you. Because I needed to see you, let you know what happened. But it isn't enough. I know you would eventually be able to live on without me..."

"No, Finn..." I cry out in desperation. "I don't want to live without you."

"But you could." Finnley sighs. "And if I would raise my kid, I would at least have someone who loves me no matter what."

"Even that isn't a guarantee. Look at you. You hate your parents..."

"I don't hate them, Cris." He huffs again, rolling his eyes. "I love them to death. I just wish they would've realised they don't care I'm gay, they just were scared because they truly believed I was going to hell. They should've been there to fight with me, instead of fighting against me. But I love them, still. Because they're my parents and they raised me with tons of love for years."

"But you're not talking to them."

He rolls his eyes again, before he smirks. "Oblivious much, huh?" he mutters before he let's out a deep breath. "It's not the point. I love that kid, even though I didn't plan for it. And it makes me proud to think it'll be mine, and I want to raise her with the best of my abilities, and cherish her, and love her." He turns towards me, grabbing my hands. "I already love her more, then I ever loved anyone else. Even you, and that's saying something, because my heart breaks whenever I think about losing you."

"So, we'll raise her..." I speak slowly, letting that thought sink in, squeezing his hands. "But if we do this together, you will have to open up. You will have to let me into that head of yours and let me fight your demons with you. We need to focus on trying to get me to remember what happened. I need to understand."

He takes in a deep breath, and holds it in for a while, nodding eventually. "I promise."

"And, since I never did ask to confirm this, it's a girl, huh? You'll have a daughter?"

"We'll have a daughter."

"Right... we'll have a daughter."