
8
*WARNING! This chapter is.. a lot. A lot of everything, so Imma call out a MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING TO ERTHING YALL MAY BE TRIGGERED TO! But enjoy! Please no kill us! It will make sense and happen for a reason! Blow up them comments too!*
-Zeffie, Grace and Aaliyah!
Peeta's Point of View
~Peeta Mellark's Diary~
Hey Diary... It's not a good day. I think.. I messed up. It was so easy to see. Things were too good. The day was too nice. My family and friends were having too much of a good time. I am going to lose her. I was too blind with the stupid petty intentions of the world. And now she is slipping away from me. It was a good day.. A good day. Then it turned into a 180. Just pray things work out for me.
Alright, have to go.
-Peeta
~
Looking back, it was obvious.
Something was clearly wrong, but I was too stupid to realize it.
Instead, I watched Christmas specials on TV while Katniss lay dying only twenty feet away.
*****
~Many hours before~
"Peeta!" Annie yelled. "Hurry up! Finnick and I are waiting for you!"
I rolled my eyes and tried to tie my clunky winter boots faster. At last, I finished, and clambered out the door, where Finnick and Annie stood next to each other, holding hands. I raised my eyebrows, but I could already sort of already tell. The little things, such as their extensive lunch dates nearly every day, the way Finnick looked at Annie when she laughed, and the way Annie acted around Finnick: happier. I smiled to myself, and made a mental note to ask him about it later.
"C'mon, Roody!" Annie called, grabbing his leash off it's hook on the wall. The excited dog came bounding out of the kitchen and jumped up, licking Annie's face. She laughed and hugged Roody. "You're gonna get certified, puppy!" she told him, gently petting his nose. "Aren't you excited?" He barked in response, and with that, we climbed into Finnick's car and took off.
Annie made me sit in the backseat, so I settled in next to Roody, who would not stop jumping around.
"How much longer to the vet?" I asked desperately. "Roody is jumping all over me."
Annie chuckled and said, "Only about ten minutes, you can make it."
Finally, we reached the veterinarian' and pulled up in the parking lot. Roody bounded out, but I grabbed tight to his leash and said, "Roody, listen. you have to be very calm inside, OK? You have to show them that you are capable of being a good service dog."
It was as if he understood me, because immediately, he calmed right down. His tail still thumped on the ground.
Finnick pushed the swinging doors open, and we walked inside, where several other to-be service dogs lay waiting patiently. At last, they called out our names and we all filed inside a long hallway.
After several questions regarding his behavior and tendencies, he was given a few simple obedience tests, which he passed with flying colors. Then, we were given a clipboard full of very official-looking documents and at last, the vet brought out the certificate. It was donned with golden ribbons and said Official Service Dog: "Roody"
We all grinned in delight as the vet carefully placed the iconic blue service dog vest on Roody, who sat patiently, tail wagging ferociously.
"Congratulations to Roody!" she said, smiling. "Roody is now verified as a Special Services dog and can be taken almost everywhere. Remember that the vest should be washed at least once a week. Feel free to turn people down if they ask to pet him."
"Thank you very much," I told the vet, smiling. My smile widened at the thought of Katniss's huge grin when she learned that she could take him nearly anywhere.
"Anyone want lunch?" Finnick asked.
"Count me in!"
"Yeah!"
"Woof!"
The four of us walked into the restaurant, Roody proudly strutting ahead. We sat down at a booth and placed our orders.
"Anything for the puppy?" the waitress asked, smiling at the dog.
"No thanks," I told her, grinning. "We'll feed him At home."
We finished our meal, chatting amicably. At last, I brought the topic to relationships.
"So are you too like... official?" I asked, taking a sip of the chocolate milkshake I ordered.
Annie and Finnick looked at each other, hesitating.
"It's okay," I said. "You can tell me."
"Well we would, but I'm not sure if we know, even," Annie said slowly. "I think we would love to, and being open would be so nice, but there are just so many other factors that prevent us from enjoying ourselves if we did decide to be official."
"I understand," I said. "Completely. I think you guys should do whatever you feel comfortable with. I know that Katniss and I will.support you, no matter what."
"Thanks, mate," Finicky said appreciatively. "We'll let you know if we make a decision."
"But what about you and Katniss?" Annie asked, leaning closer. "You guys are pretty open. but do you have any plans?"
"Well, I don't know about plans," I said. Well, actually, we did have a very big plan, coming into effect in about nine months. I wasn't sure if Katniss would be okay with dispersing the information, but I decided to tell them. They would know soon, anyway.
"Yeah, actually. Um. she's pregnant."
Finnick spit out the sip of lemonade he just took and, eyes wide, said "Really?"
Annie let a shrill squawk and clapped her hands to her mouth. "Ahhhh! I knew it! Prom and I had been talking about it for months! I'm gonna be an aunt! Ahhh! Do you know the gender? What are your name ideas? Can I be the godmother or just the aunt?"
I chuckled and said, "We don't know a lot yet. We only found out last a few weeks ago. Katniss can tell you more, though."
Before I even finished my sentence, Annie already was calling Katniss. Finnick grinned and said, "Congrats, mate! You both will make fantastic parents." But something in his eyes told me he was unsure about it all, and that I understood completely. "We'll talk later, okay?" I added in a low voice. "Don't worry about it."
"Katniss isn't picking up," Annie said, frowning. "She usually answers her phone."
"That's weird," I said, frowning. "How many times did you call?"
"Five or so!" Annie said. "It's probably fine though, she's likely sleeping. Gotta get rest for her and a little one now!"
I nodded, but couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. The sky was already turning purple, blanketing the town in a chilly darkness.
"Let me just try to call her," I said, pulling out my phone. Finnick shrugged as I dialed her number. no response. I called four more times, but the line was dead.
Hi, this is Katniss Everdeen. Please leave a message and I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks!
Leave a message at the tone.
I hung up, frustrated and worried. "Maybe we should head back now," I suggested. "We still got a forty five minute ride ahead of us."
Annie and Finnick nodded, and we clambered into the car, Roody at our heels. The entire time, I kept thinking about Katniss and how she wasn't responding. The ride seemed to go by much faster than I remembered, and I was sick with worry by the time Finnick unlocked the front door. Roody dashed down the hallway and went straight to Katniss's room.
"Hello?" I called. The lights were on, and we heard the faint buzzing of the television in the living room. Prim lay on the couch, eating popcorn, while watching WGN News At Nine.
"Hey," I said breathlessly. "Do you know where Katniss is?"
"I think she's in her room," Prim said.
"Peeta, just leave her be," Annie said, plopping down on the couch next to Prim. "She's probably just tired."
I sighed. "Fine. I'll just go peek in her room. if she's sleeping, I'll let her be."
"All right," Annie said, rolling her eyes.
I was just about to head down the hallway when a very familiar face caught my eye, followed by a news lady saying something about New Capitol.
Confused, I turned around to face the television, and my jaw dropped. Gale Hawthorne, the Gale we knew and grew up with, was standing on a stage, raising a microphone, and had a ridiculous grin on his face. Although the clip of him was silent, he appeared to be giving a speech.
The news lady said in her monotone voice, "Gale Hawthorne, member of the popular boy band, New Capitol, has just announced that the band has split up."
Split up? Who decided this? When did we decide this?
Did we decide this?
To confirm my doubts, I glanced at Finnick, who shared an identical look of mingled shock, horror, disgust, and anger. His eyebrows contracted when the news lady continued with her story.
"But to all those loyal New Capitol fans out there, don't fret! Hawthorne has announced that the group will continue to tour, produce music, and grow, but simply as a one-manned band instead." A clip of Gale talking onstage. was enlarged, and we could hear everything he said.
"It was a hard decision to make," Gale said. I had forgotten how low and seductive his voice was. He had also grown a goatee since the last I saw him. There was also a strange look in his eye- an unfamiliar one at that- that told me something was off. You could see the selfish and greed written all over his face if you looked hard enough. "Me and the boys have been together for so long. It broke my heart to make this decision." With that, he wiped away a tear and cleared his throat. The crowd groaned and wailed in response to this "heartfelt" proclamation. But I knew him well enough to know that the tear was fake, and it was all a show. It was all for publicity now, wasn't it?
"But," he continued. "Something was off for a little while. I felt like they weren't contributing to the band as a whole. There were periods of time when they left entirely, leaving all the work up to me. There was definitely a dynamic of mistrust." In response to his entirely untrue statements, the crowd hissed and booed. Hissed and booed at Finnick and I, I thought.
After that clip, the news lady appeared back on screen again. "There has been no response to Hawthorne's heartbreaking news reveal yet from either Peeta Mellark or Finnick Odair. In fact, we have heard very little from the two former members of New Capitol. Alex, would you like to take over?"
Alex nodded and thanked the previous news lady. She continued in that same, monotone, almost robot-like voice that all news announcers use and said, "After their concert in Coalsville, the band decided to take a break. Many fans speculate that the split has something to do with a female love interest after a recording of the trio arguing was released last Saturday. In this clip, you can clearly hear them arguing about a girl whose identity is unknown, but there are several rumors that suggest Odair and Mellark are currently living with this girl." Alex cracked a smile and looked over at the first news lady. "Imagine that!" she said.
The first news lady let out a rare chuckle and said, "Fans and theorists across the globe will certainly have a good time calculating and speculating this one."
Alex looked directly at the camera and said, "More on New Capitol drama and other celebrity news after a brief commercial break. Stay tuned!"
With that, the screen flashed to a commercial for what appeared to be dog food.
"Does your dog refuse to eat generic food? If so, we have the perfect product for you."
I was frozen. I could not move. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Prim and Annie glance and Finnick and I in horror. Prim's eyes narrowed, as though she suspected everything Gale said was true.
My blood ran cold, then hot, then frigid, then burning again. At last, I found the will to move my neck and stare at Finnick, who had an identical reaction.
"Introducing Slurp: the perfect solution to picky dogs!"
I felt a combination of shock, fury, disgust, sadness, horror, and shame.
But it was mostly shock.
"Slurp utilizes all of the vitamins and nutrition from basic dog food brands, and combines it all into one spoonful!"
"He lied, didn't he?" Annie asked in a quiet voice, breaking the silence.
"If your dog doesn't eat normal-sized portions, or refuses to eat anything, then Slurp is the thing for you! Feed your dog just one tablespoon of this once every day, and that's all he'll have to eat for 24 hours!"
For a moment, nobody said anything. Then-
"Of course he did that little fucker he's an attention-wanting, idiotic, selfish, lying fucking swine I swear to God I am going to call him right now and tell him I swear this bullshit is fake and I'm going to expose you and blackmail you because I know some shit that even you don't, Gale Hawthorne, yes you, aaaaAAARGGHHH FUCK!" Finnick said, all in one breath. Chest heaving, he turned to face me. His eyes were alight with malice and rage.
I felt something explode inside me, and soon, I was hollering too. Rage so powerful that I was lost for words was coursing through my veins, consuming me, until I was an unrecognizable monster.
"This product is backed by reliable, scientific sources! Pet owners across the world are raving about this miraculous product!"
" 'Something was off for a little while. I felt like they weren't contributing to the band as a whole. There were periods of time when they left entirely, leaving all the work up to me. There was definitely a dynamic of mistrust,' " I mocked savagely, waving my hands in the air because at that point, I had absolutely lost my shit.
"What do we expose him for?" I asked, heart thudding. My mind was racing with endless possibilities without even thinking twice about the abundance of consequences it could bring.
Finnick's eyes lit up. I saw a side of him I'd only seen a handful of times before. "I don't know! There's so much. We could do the time he stole the passport, or manipulated that girl on the bus, or-" He gasped. "What about when he took his father's money?"
My eyes widened and I nodded furiously. "And how- how- he would always go out with several girls at night, and fuck each of them and he would pay them to keep a secret."
Annie let out a muffled yelp and glanced at Prim who stared at me in horror.
I opened my mouth to respond, but just then, Roody came bolting in the living room, barking ferociously. He tugged at the hem of my shirt and yelped, but I paid him no mind. I was still too furious about the Gale situation.
Finnick was also ignoring the dog, and was scrolling through his phone at lightning speed. "Should I post it on Twitter?" he asked, eyes alight with a crazed energy.
"Yeah," I said, with an equally psycho look. "You have the most followers there, right?"
"Oh, for sure," Finnick said, typing away. Roody continued to bark and tug at my sleeves madly, like a wild dog. Whatever he was angry about had to come second to this betrayal.
Eventually, my patience snapped and rounded Roody and shouted, "WHAT?! What do you want? Roody, sit. Back off. GO AWAY! SHOO!" I hollered, when he did not relent.
"How's this?" Finnick asked, handing me the phone to read over his exposure tweet. Before I could even read it, Roody jumped up and knocked the phone out of my hand, sending it crashing to the floor. Incensed, I bent down to pick it up, but Roody took advantage of my position and knocked me to the floor. I scrambled back up, and opened my mouth to scream at the dog, but Prim butted in and said, "Peeta, clearly something is wrong. Just go see what he wants and then he'll stop bugging you."
I scowled at Prim, then glared at Roody, who gnashed his teeth in response. Fed up, I followed him down the hall, until he reached Katniss's door. He nudged it open and barked twice: loud, and fearful.
When I saw Katniss and the state of her room, my jaw dropped, along with Finnick's phone that I had from before. I let out a strangled cry, and my blood ran cold.
The room was dark, but just enough light pouring in from the hallway was enough to point out that something was wrong. Very wrong.
Katniss had collapsed on her soft white rug, taking in raspy, shallow breaths. Her right arm twitched unnaturally with every exhale. Her extended arms revealed several cuts, bruises, and scrapes. Now that I looked closer, I saw many larger bruises, cuts and scrapes. There was a particularly nasty looking one on her left leg: it was swollen, puffy, and droplets of blood rolled from the gash in her flesh each time she inhaled.
But that was not the worst part.
She was encircled in a pool of dark liquid, and when I turned the lights on with trembling fingers, confirmed itself as blood. It stained her purple pajama pants, and when I noticed the abundance of it, I knew instantly that something was wrong. Very wrong.
That's when I saw the empty bottle of Bacardi, twinkling innocently at me in the reflection of the lamp. And next to it lay a package of Marlboro Lights, just as empty as the alcohol.
I swallowed back the bile that had risen in my throat and clutched Katniss's side table to prevent my falling. I felt dizzy from the horror, shame, and regret. I had been so busy dealing with my own, petty problems, that I had neglected Katniss's life-threatening one.
I crawled across the floor and took her hand in mine. It was cold, and oh, so pale. I knew she couldn't be dead- I had seen and heard her breathing a minute ago- but I also knew that if we didn't get her the medical help she needed soon, we'd lose her forever.
"Katniss?" I croaked, brushing the hair from her face. Her forehead was sweaty, but also unusually cold.
Just then, the door banged open, and Prim, who was quickly followed by Annie, rushed into her room. Annie screamed a terrible scream, the ones you often hear when a loved one is dying.
Prim rushed to my side, shoved me out of the way and grabbed Katniss's other hand. First, she placed her hand on Katniss's chest, and looked relieved after she must have felt a heartbeat. Next, she placed a hand on Katniss's forehead, and looked her up and down. After a few seconds that felt like hours, she withdrew her hand and looked directly into my eyes. With an expressionless look, she said, "Alcohol poisoning and blood loss. I'm not sure what caused the blood loss, but-"
"-Underneath her," I whispered. "Blood."
Prim's face whitened and she backed away instantly. Katniss's blood had already stained her purple pajama pants. "Oh no," Prim said, fear making itself evident on her face for the first time. "Oh no no no."
Annie, who I had forgotten about until now, crawled next to Prim, curled up in a ball and rocked back and forth. "Tell me when it's over," she whimpered. "Oh, God, please let Katniss be alright. Please, God, please..." Annie continued to rock back and forth, eyes screwed shut, and whispered phrases I couldn't understand.
Finnick, who I also hadn't noticed, slumped down next to me and, eyes wide, said two words: "The baby."
My blood ran cold: far colder than when I heard Gale's lies. Finnick's words unlocked a new emotion that I never knew I had. No, this was a new feeling. One so strong, I lost sense of myself, and my arms twitched. This feeling was as though I had one job, one job, and that was to protect my Katniss and the baby, but I had failed. This feeling was as if someone plunged a white-hot dagger into my heart, then twisted it.
Not only was the love of my life- my soulmate, my destiny, my lover, my split-apart- laying nearly dead inches away from me, but the baby, the child, our child was more than likely in the small pool of blood that encircled Katniss.
While I was out, eating dinner and in blissful ignorance, Katniss was at home dying. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't my fault, but in every way, it was. I shrugged off her odd mood today, neglected her, stayed out far too late, ignored Roody's warnings, so in every way, this was my fault.
"Baby?" Prim asked. Then, it appeared as though she put two and two together. The appointment. The mood swings. The headaches. Me leaving, and then coming back. The blood.
The blood.
"Fuck," Prim whispered. I was too overcome by the foreign feeling from earlier to even raise an eyebrow at her choice of words.
"DO SOMETHING!" Annie wailed. "Call 911! Please!"
I blinked, and reality came crashing down upon me once more. I pulled out my phone as fast as physics could allow, and dialed 911.
After the paramedics arrived and whisked her away, we sat in the dark waiting room of the hospital. Annie was curled up on a chair, shaking with silent sobs, while Finnick held her, and buried his face into her long, red hair. Prim could not sit still, and kept asking the nurse if she could see her sister Every time she was denied access. So she contented herself in pacing: pacing all around the room muttering unintelligible phrases under her breath. She would disappear for an hour, informing us that she walked the length of the hospital and back.
As for me? Well, I sat rigid in my seat.
For the entire eight hours (or perhaps it was eight years) that we were in that waiting room, I sat only in the one chair on the far left side, facing the doors. For the entire eight years, (or perhaps it was eight decades), I sat in that straight-backed, wooden chair, and tried not to let the dark thoughts that ran my mind take over because I knew that if it did, I was screwed.
The rest of the night was a blur. I don't remember much. I only remembered small, irrelevant details, like how the nurse wore purple Nike Air Jordan's, and how the clock on the left waiting room walls was exactly seventeen seconds faster than the clock on the right wall.
Tick, tock.
Tick, tock.
My life is a clock.
Round and around.
It never stops.
Tick, tock.
And I thought.
I sat in that hard, wooden chair, and I thought. I thought mostly about clocks with only fifty percent of my brain, because the other fifty percent was trying to prevent the horrendous, dark thoughts from intruding. I thought about how clocks had so much stability, had such an incredible rhythm that humans could never find. Second after minute after hour after day, they kept ticking. And at that same rate, too. Clocks never stopped. They just kept on going, and going, and going, and going, until time stopped.
Would time stop?
Could time stop?
Who decided the time anyway?
How much time is left until time is gone?
How much time is left until Katniss is gone?
I shook my head to clear away the dark thoughts that had finally escaped, and continued my pondering, until time itself had lost meaning.
And then I understood that time could only stop when one has no regard or use for it anymore.
*Few Hours Later*
At last, at five sixteen in the morning, the doctor called us in the room. I tripped on my feet four times while trying to follow her down the hallway. She led us down a long hallway to Katniss's room, where she lay on the bed, sleeping, with several IV's stuck in her arms. A monitor beep, beep, beeped, at us from overhead.
"You are Katniss Everdeen's family and close friends, right?" the doctor asked. She had a cool voice, that, for whatever odd reason, made me feel a whole lot calmer.
All four of us nodded wordlessly, and the doctor said, "Very good. Now, have any of you heard of the condition called Preeclampsia?"
To my surprise, Prim nodded. "Doesn't it make you have high blood pressure?"
The doctor nodded. "Exactly right. Preeclampsia is an uncommon, and potentially dangerous pregnancy complication characterized by high blood pressure. It usually begins after roughly 20 weeks of pregnancy in a woman whose blood pressure had previously been normal. It can lead to serious, even fatal, complications for both mother and baby. " she said gravely.
My heart skipped a beat, and I glanced over at Katniss's sleeping body, trying not to think that that might be the last time I'll ever see her.
"However," the doctor continued. "Pre-eclampsia can often be managed with oral or IV medications until the baby is sufficiently mature to be delivered. This often requires weighing the risks of early delivery versus the risks of continued preeclampsia symptoms. I think that, as long as we are careful and cautious, Ms. Everdeen will be quite all right."
"I have a question," Annie broke in. "Why was she so white and bloody then, if it was just preeclampsia?"
"She was so pale because of blood loss, which likely caused her to lose consciousness as well. The bleeding was caused by preeclampsia. Ah, yes, that reminds me of the second point I was going to make," the doctor said, nodding. Then, she looked directly at me. "Did you know that she was pregnant with not one, but two children?" she asked.
Two children? Twins?
I gaped at her wordlessly, then remembered to shake my head, which I did slowly. My world was spinning.
"Did you know that she was pregnant with not one, but two children?"
Was pregnant.
What had happened?
The doctor sighed and said, "It appears that she lost one of them while knocked out, due to the combination of lack of oxygen and physical exertion. Whatever happened about an hour before triggered some major complications in her body. Looking at the other wounds on her body, the team came to the conclusion that she was in a fight, or a car accident. We don't know any of the details, but her injuries are plentiful."
"I think I know," Prim said in a small voice. "When we were out for dress-shopping, she disappeared for a while. When she came back, she had many cuts on her arm. Although she tried to cover them and hide them from me, I could still tell. And then, I just now remembered seeing Cato in the shop, and them disappearing at the same time. I think... he may have hurt her."
"That's illegal," Finnick said suddenly. "If he hurt her that bad, it could be attempted murder. Plus she's pregnant. We need to press charges. We can't just let him go around the streets after nearly killing Katniss."
"That may be true," the doctor interrupted. "But what we're most concerned about is the alcohol poisoning and her lung state. Did you see anything that may have caused this?"
"Yes," Annie said softly. "An entire pack of Marlboro Lights and a bottle of Bacardi were empty next to her."
The doctor looked surprised, then said, "Well, that explains it. I don't understand why she would drink and smoke that heavily during a pregnancy. More complications will likely arise because of that." She sighed, and shook her head. "Despite this rather careless behavior, I'm sure there was an ulterior motive and I cannot bring myself to blame her if the circumstances under which this happened are indeed true. I promise all of you, she will be alright eventually.
"I will have the intern nurse come to check in on Katniss occasionally. In the meantime, I would suggest going home, resting, and getting some food. I understand it will be difficult, but it's vital for you four to stay healthy and strong, too. Do you have any questions?"
For a moment, nobody answered. Then, I asked a question I had been itching to ask since the beginning. Putting my fear and hesitancy aside, I asked, "Doctor? Wh-what are the chances of both her and the baby making it out alive?"
With her hand on the doorknob, she said quietly, "Lower than ideal. But higher than many who also have preeclampsia." With that, she shut the door and left us under the fluorescent light, next to Katniss, who still hadn't moved a muscle.
Out of the blue, Prim yawned, who was followed by Annie, then Finnick, and eventually me. And in the light, I could confidently say that all three of us looked horrible. Prim's hair was damp with sweat, unruly, and resembled a rat's nest. There were dark circles under each other's eyes, and they all looked pale. Traces of Katniss's blood still lingered on Prim's pants. I knew I couldn't look any better, so perhaps that was why I suggested we all go home and follow the doctor's advice.
"Call Johanna," Prim said. "She can wait here with Katniss while we're at home, in case she wakes up while we're gone."
So several minutes later, a rare, solemn Johanna walked through the door and plopped down on the recently vacated chairs. She told us to not worry, and she would call if Katniss ever woke up. We walked out of the hospital, feet dragging and minds wandering. The drive home was silent. Breakfast was silent. Roody didn't even bark when he saw us pull up in the driveway. At about ten am, everyone went off to their beds to go to sleep. But I knew that I could never fall asleep in the same bed that Katniss had almost died on, especially with her blood still on the floor. I crept into our room, and my eyes landed on her desk. That's when I remembered her project, which was her original reason for leaving the house.
Although I knew nothing about microbiology, I was confident that we could fix this for her. So while everyone else was asleep, I pulled out her laptop, paper, pens, and glue, and got to work in the living room. I searched through her drive, but couldn't find the document that had been her essay.
That's when I remembered she had shared it with me, so that I could revise it. Heart racing, I opened my account and sure enough, her essay was at the top. I clicked it, and read it four times because it took me forever to understand, and it was written beautifully. I admired her skills. The way she would talk about one topic, then seamlessly transition into another one was perfect. Perhaps this skill would also help her write songs, I thought, mind wandering to a reality where me and her could write songs together. I gave myself a little shake and started taking notes.
Overall, the instructions were simple and the criteria was clear. I understood what I had to do now, but making it would be the hard part. Fortunately, Finnick woke up and decided to help me. Together, we pieced a model of what the rubric called for: a diagram of an acellular organism, a multicellular organism, and a unicellular organism. By the time Prim and Annie woke up, we had the acellular and multicellular organisms down. Her sisters got down on the floor next to us and decided they would help too.
So, four hours later, her project was complete. I explained to Finnick and the girls how I had managed to dig up her file, and that's how we got all the information.
"Great job," Finnick said, impressed. "I think this will really help her out. Give her a little boost, and take away some of that stress."
"I still can't believe her professor wouldn't let her have an extension," Prim said, shaking her head. "That's ridiculous."
"I know!" Annie chimed in. "which is exactly why I do not want to go to college."
"You'll do fine," Finnick told her, smiling.
Just then, the front door flew open, and Effie and Haymitch walked in, fear written all over their faces.
"Where's Katniss?" Effie demanded, voice shaking. "What happened? Is she okay? IS she going to survive this? Who did this, Peeta, did you know?"
"Whoa, whoa whoa," I said, standing up. "Calm down, Effie. Why don't you and Haymitch sit down and I'll explain?"
So I did. I told them every detail, every last thing, relevant to the story or not. Effie shrieked out loud when I got to the part about finding Katniss on the ground, drenched in blood. When I gravely explained Katniss's condition, both of their faces went white.
"Is she gonna... die?" Effie asked timidly.
I sighed. "The doctor was too vague. We don't know. But we're gonna remain optimists, right guys?" I said, gesturing at Finnick and the girls, who nodded.
"Hold up," Haymitch said. "But what caused all those cuts and bruises you were talking about?"
I looked at the floor. I was hoping he wouldn't catch on because then I'd have to tell about Cato, and I knew that Haymitch would probably murder him. "Well," I began. "There was an incident with Cato. And things got pretty awful."
"So you're saying Cato gave her those injuries and probably made her loose one of the babies?" Haymitch said, eyebrows contracting.
"Well..." I said, hesitating. "Yeah."
Haymitch stood up faster than I'd ever seen anyone stand up. His eyes were alight with a fierce rage, and I backed away. "Haymitch, calm down," I said quickly. "We're gonna press charges. But don't get in trouble for doing something stupid like fighting him."
"When are you pressing charges?" Haymitch demanded, clenching his fists.
"As soon as Katniss leaves the hospital," I said. "Johanna is there right now. She'll call us when she wakes up."
Haymitch scowled, but sat back down.
The rest of the night passed by quickly. Although the atmosphere was still tense and anxious, it was quite nice to have Effie and Haymitch there. Since Katniss was recovering, they decided to stay with us for longer, sort of as guardians. They took Katniss's parents' old bedroom.
And finally, the next morning at five am, Johanna called, in a weary voice, and said that Katniss had finally woken up.
Everyone was thrilled, but we decided that if we all went, it might overwhelm her, so I ended up going with just Prim. Effie and Haymitch had sort of taken over as parents. I was so grateful for the support that I nearly started crying when Haymitch made dinner for us all.
"It's gonna be all right now," Haymitch had said. "I know it's hard for everyone. But everything is gonna turn out fine."
So every time I felt anxious or worried or scared, I would remember that mantra. Everything is gonna turn out fine. And I believed it.
At last, we reached the hospital. And when I caught sight of Katniss's face, I broke down into tears, right in front of Johanna, Prim, and the rude-looking nurse, whose name-tag read Clove, who shot me a disgusted look.
"I w-would hug you," I said shakily, wiping my face. "But I'm afraid to hurt you."
Katniss smiled. "A gentle one is fine."
She looked... not quite right. She was still slightly pale, and her skin looked sort of waxy. But her eyes were the most different. They were usually a sharp, eagle gray, but this time, they had faded to sort of a brownish-gray. I brushed the hair out of her face and softly kissed her forehead.
"How has she been doing?" I asked Clove the nurse.
She gave me a reproachful look and said, "Not too well. Her blood pressure has been going dangerously low." Clove smacked on her gum and added, "She'll probably be in here for a while."
I frowned. "But that's not what the doctor said! The doctor said she'd probably be out of the hospital in a couple days!"
"I wish everyone would stop arguing with me," Clove said loudly. "I'm the professional here. Please, just stop talking."
I was taken aback, but said quietly, "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to argue with you."
Clove rolled her eyes and left, shutting the door loudly behind her.
"Geez," I said. "Someone is in a bad mood."
"She's... not in a bad mood," Prim said quietly. "That's Clove. She was with Cato and his sister the other day, in the dress shop. I saw her come in after them, but she followed Cato around like a saint. I think maybe they're dating."
My heart sunk. The universe seems bent on making our lives as complicated as possible.
Johanna scowled at the spot that Clove had just vacated. "If I get so much of a hint that that woman has messed with Katniss, I will pound her skull."
Everyone smiled, feeling a bit reassured. But still, I felt as though something was wrong.
Very wrong.
Katniss's P.O.V.
Although I've only been here for two days, It seems like forever since I've been home. I miss everything about it. I miss my family the most, but even the little things are starting to make me sad now, too. Small details that I never thought that I'd miss, like when you serve dinner Roody will stand right next to you, looking eagerly at the plates full of food. And that one cabinet that always went "squeeeeek" when you opened it, which made midnight snack-foraging a lot more difficult.
But for now, I am stuck in this tiny hospital room with nothing to do, except watch competitive tractor racing on the little TV above me. I sighed, and wished someone could be here with me. Today's the last day you're here, I reminded myself.
But in all honesty, I haven't felt any better. Just more lousy and tired and sickly. I'm not bleeding or dying anymore, but I still feel... off.
Just then, I heard footsteps rapidly approaching the door. Clove, I thought, and closed my eyes, feigning sleep.
I had taken to pretending to be asleep every time that Clove came by, for every time she saw me awake, she would always make snide comments, or creepy warnings about how Cato was going to "get me again, and he'd finish the job this time."
Thus my awkward position.
I heard the door open and the familiar sound of Clove's keys jingling rang throughout the room. I opened my eyes the tiniest bit and saw her scowl at my "sleeping" body before checking to make sure no one was coming down the hall. She lazily checked my blood pressure and monitor, but then pulled out an unfamiliar, tiny glass bottle. It said, "A trooper ballerina."
No, wait I was reading it wrong. It said, "Atropa ballerdonna."
That wasn't even a word! I squinted and opened my eyes as much as possible, and that's when I saw it.
Atropa belladonna.
I recognized that name, but I don't remember where I've heard it. It was definitely at nursing school, but it wasn't microbiology.
Whatever this was, Clove put several drops into my IV tube, screwed the lid back on, and shoved it in her shoe. She then said, "Sleep well, Katniss," before shutting the door and leaving me alone again.
I scowled, but focused all my energy on remembering what atropa belladonna was. Luckily, solitary, quiet rooms are perfect for that. I racked my brains, and decided that I learned about it in school, and it wasn't microbiology or general health. It wasn't bone structure or even basic psychology.
That's when I remembered.
I had learned about this in my "poisons and antidotes" class.
Atropa belladonna, commonly known as belladonna or deadly nightshade, is a poisonous perennial herbaceous plant in the nightshade family Solanaceae.
How could I have forgotten this? I had done a report on it, for Christ's sake.
My heart started pounding irregularly, and for a second, I thought I was dying, but realized it was probably just out of fear. I was paranoid now. Anything, anything could be a symptom, and then the next day, I could wind up dead on the floor. I needed help. I needed to call someone. I pushed the emergency aid button on the side of my chair and tried not to remember the effects of atropa belladonna, because I knew that would only stress me out more.
Sure enough, a nurse came dashing into my room, looking terrified, but I said, "Hey, it's okay. I'm not dying or anything, I just really really need to call someone."
The nurse looked relieved and said, "Okay, phew. Sure, who is it?"
"Peet- I mean Rowen Smith. He's my boyfriend. Phone number is 605-475-6968."
"Got it," she said. "Thanks." After a minute, she returned. "Here's the phone."
I grasped the old, rectangular phone with trembling hands and said, "Peeta?"
"Katniss?! Is that you?"
"Yeah. Hey, listen, I need you to come to the hospital as soon as possible-"
I broke off, and caught someone outside my window. There was a large figure with spiky blonde hair, tromping up the sidewalk and into the hospital. I recognized that blue coat he wore.
Cato.
"Katniss?" Peeta asked worriedly. "Are you there?"
"Yeah," I said grimly. "Sorry. When you come, can you bring Finnick and Johanna?"
"Sure, sure, but are you okay?"
"For now," I said. That's when I started to feel the effects of the poison: they came in huge, crashing waves. I felt weak and shaky, almost as if the life in me was being siphoned away.
"Hurry, Peeta," I whispered. I hung up, afraid of his reaction.
I set my phone down and took a deep breath. I could feel the effects of atropa belladonna, and it was slowly making me lifeless.
But I was most worried about the child inside me. I had lost one, and I was not going to lose another at the hands of Cato. I was determined, but I knew that my strength was limited by the poison and my state was too weak to fend off anyone, especially Cato.
I peeked out the window, and Cato was gone. I knew it was only a matter of time before he stormed into my room and opened the door.
Which he did, a second later, Clove at his heels. His face was lit with a stormy rage, and I cowered into my hospital bed. Hurry, Peeta, I urged silently.
Clove smirked, and said, "You have a visitor, Ms. Everdeen."
"Apparently," I muttered.
"I'll step out and give you two some space," she said, grinning. She stepped out and the door clicked behind her.
Cato approached me, smirking. "Long time no see," he said.
"You'll get caught!" I said, in a desperate attempt to distract and delay him.
"I would, without Clove. She shut down the camera in this room... and your emergency button. Clever girl," he said. "Now there's nothing to stop me finishing my job."
He reached out and yanked the plug to my ventilator, heart monitor, and IV tube. All my support, gone.
The effects of atropa belladonna strengthened. I could feel my vision blurring, because all of a sudden, the lights felt way too bright. Had Cato done something to those, too?
Please hurry, Peeta, I pleaded silently. Please.
Cato looked around him but there was no one in sight. He smirked. "Looks like it's time to finish the job that we started."
There was nothing I could do. I was too weak to stand up and fight back, and my vision was blurring, and the world was spinning. In short, I was probably going to die. So I screwed my eyes shut, prayed one last time for Peeta to hurry up, and tensed myself for the first blow.
And when it came, it came hard. A powerful punch, straight to my gut. But I refused to cry or scream, or show any sign of weakness. Pain rocketed up my body, only worsening the symptoms of atropa belladonna.
Then, I heard barking. Familiar barking.
Roody?
No, I told myself. You're hearing things. It is another side effect of the poisoning.
Cato raised his fist again, and I braced myself.
But Roody's barking got louder and louder and louder until- BAM! Peeta, Roody, Finnick, and Johanna burst through the door. I've never seen them so angry. Finnicks face was white with fury, and Peeta was trembling with rage. Johanna scowled and clutched at her pocket, which I knew hid a knife.
"Back off, now," Johanna said, gritting her teeth. Roody snarled and watched Cato menacingly.
Cato stopped mid-punch and dropped his hand. He slowly turned around to face Peeta, Finnick, and Johanna.
"Good boy," Johanna hissed. "Now, tell me, what did you do to her?"
"I didn't do anything," Cato said, with a superior look on his face.
"Who did then?"
"I don't have to tell you that," he said, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.
"Unlike you, we are not stupid," Peeta said loudly. "Clearly, you ripped out her equipment and God knows what else."
"Ho ho ho," Cato said, trying to act unaffected. But I knew him better than anyone in the room, and it was then that I knew that he was scared. For the first time since meeting him so many years ago, he was scared. Perhaps he knew that he had it coming for him.
"Listen, you fucking bastard," Peeta hissed, shoving Cato against the wall. "You beat me bloody, then knocked out Katniss twice and you killed our child. So if I were you, I'd tell us everything because we are already charging you with abuse. That's a good ten years in jail for you." Roody growled and barked at him.
Cato blanched, then scowled. "Fine. A dropper ballerina," he said dully. "Clove."
"What?"
"I dunno! Some poison thing. Clove done it, not me."
So, he was willing to throw even his girlfriend under the bus, if that meant escaping punishment. Typical.
"Poison?!"
"Nothin deadly, I don't think," Cato said offhandedly. Roody snarled. "Can you get this damn dog away from me?"
"I think not," Finnick said in a lofty voice. "He's not doing any harm, is he?"
"Tell us more about this poison," Johanna said. "She is clearly knocked out, so whatever it was, can't have been so harmless, right?"
"Well, even if it is, I don't give a shit," Cato said.
Just then, Roody let out a ferocious bark and latched onto Cato's leg, who let out a howl. Cato pried the dog off of him and threw him to the floor with such force that the ground shook. Finnick yelped, but it was Johanna who charged at Cato, punching him directly in the face. Cato froze for a second, before turning to face Johanna.
"I remember you," Cato growled. "You were that one slut from that party that tried to hook up with everyone."
"Must be mistaking me for Clove," Johanna said lightly, fiddling with her pocket, the one that hid the knife.
Cato's eyebrows contracted. Then, he punched Johanna with astonishing power. She collapsed to the floor, clutching her cheek, which was already leaking blood.
Finnick and Peeta jumped on top of Cato and pinned him to the floor, holding him down. Peeta threw a punch at his face, but Cato barely flinched.
"You're going to get in trouble for this," Finnick hissed. "And I mean big trouble. Legal trouble." With that, Finnick punched him in the jaw. Peeta punched him again, and together, the two of them beat Cato bloody. Johanna called 911, and when Cato tried to stand up, shoved him to the ground again, pressing her knife to his throat.
"Get off me, bitch," Cato grunted, and tried to shove Johanna off him. Blood was dripping down her face at an alarming rate.
"You want to die today?" she hissed. "Keep this shit up and I will kill you right here." The blood from her wound dripped down and formed a tiny pool on Cato's face. He scowled, but made no move.
"Okay, I think that's good," Peeta said, stepping back. "He's learned his lesson."
"No he hasn't," Finnick growled, still throwing punches at Cato. Cato groaned.
"Just, stop it," Peeta said loudly. "He's already bleeding."
"Only his nose is," Finnick hissed. "He killed your daughter and hurt Katniss beyond repair twice."
"Finnick," Peeta said, grabbing his arm. "Just stop. Katniss wouldn't want him to be hurt too badly."
Finnick scowled, spat on Cato's face, but stopped reluctantly.
Just then, the doors crashed open, and three cops rushed in. Shiny handcuffs dangled from their belts, and they all scowled. "Cato?" one of them demanded. "Where is he?"
"Right there, sir," Johanna said, panting. She gestured towards his body, and then to her cheek. "How long do you think he'll be locked up for?"
"If he is guilty for all three charges, then I'd say a good ten years or so," one of them replied. "C'mon. Get up," he told Cato.
"You know," another police officer said, grabbing Cato's arm and locking them together behind his back. "We've been looking for you for a while now. We've gotten several reports about you from lots of girls. Abuser, huh?"
Cato growled. As the cops dragged him out of the room, he uttered one last thing. "Your fake names are bullshit. Peeta. Finnick," he spat.
Everyone froze.
The door slammed, and I was left alone with my friends. And for the first time in a very long time, I felt at peace. Cato was gone. Gone. There was no way he'd pass as innocent in his trial. He had hurt too many people. I felt as though a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
It must have been louder than I thought, because three heads snapped my way. Finnick's eyes widened, and Peeta had tears in his eyes.
"Oh my god, Katniss," Peeta cried, hugging me best he could from this awkward angle. I clung to him, wishing to never let go. "Oh, Katniss, Katniss, Katniss. I am so, so sorry."
"Don't be sorry," I whispered, brushing a tear from his cheek. "You did nothing wrong."
At this, Johanna elbowed Finnick in the ribs and tugged him out of the room. I thanked her silently.
"I left you," he choked. "I left you when you needed me most. I should have gone with you, I should have paid more attention, I should have stayed with you all this time in the hospital, I should have-"
I cut him off with a kiss. His lips were warm and soft, just how I remembered them. The kiss was gentle and heartfelt, emotional and passionate. He cupped my face with his hands and pulled me closer. At last, we broke apart, foreheads touching.
"It's not your fault," I repeated softly. "I distanced myself from all of you. I promise that next time, I'll do better."
"Katniss-"
"Peeta. Don't apologize to me."
"I-I wasn't," he said, smiling slightly. "Before I was rudely interrupted, I was going to say that we fixed your project."
"Wh-what?" I stammered. "That's impossible! How?"
"Magic," he said. When I poked him, he laughed and said, "I'm kidding. I found your essay from a lost file, and we re-created your model. It's not as good as your original one, but I think it'll do."
"Oh, Peeta," I said, eyes watering. "Thank you so much. You have no idea how much that means to me. Ahh! I was dreading having to redo that. Thank you, Peeta, thank you."
"It was no problem," he said, touching my cheek. "Now, let's say we get you home, yeah? You can chill out there, and then it'll be Christmas!"
"Okay," I said. "As long as you're with me."
*******
Peeta's P.O.V
~Christmas Eve~
The smell of cinnamon woke me up that morning. I rolled over, and noticed that Katniss's side of the bed was empty. I heard faint, undistinguished voices coming from the kitchen, so I hopped out of bed and walked into the kitchen, where Annie was making cinnamon rolls with Finnick, while Prim and Katniss chopped strawberries and sang Jingle Bells. I grinned at this merry sight.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," Katniss said. "Took you awhile."
I glanced at the clock, and to my surprise, it said 10:27am. "Oh, I am up late."
"No worries," Katniss said. "It's the least I can do. You finished my project, after all." It was true. A few nights ago, when she first came home, I showed her the final result. She burst into tears and held me for the rest of the night. She was so grateful. I was just happy to see her smile again.
"What are you guys making?"
"Cinnamon rolls," Annie butted in. "They're for tomorrow. But today, we're gonna prep food and then just chill out."
"Sounds like this day was made for me then," I said, grinning. "How can I help?"
"Make the frosting," Annie ordered. "Don't forget the vanilla extract."
Chuckling, I pulled out the ingredients from the shelf and said, "Remind me: who's the expert here?"
"It won't be you if you forget the vanilla extract!" Annie jested.
I smiled, and poured in three cups of powdered sugar, some butter, salt, and vanilla extract into a bowl and started whisking.
"Hurry up and pour the frosting on the cinnamon rolls!" Annie ordered.
"Annie," I said. "You don't bake the frosting."
"Yes, you do," she replied.
"No," I said exasperatedly. "You drizzle it on after it's baked."
"No, you put it on before," she said stubbornly.
"No, you do not-"
"Just drop it," Prim said, shaking her head. "Annie, you're not supposed to put frosting until after they're baked."
"Well, I think it would be good if you put it on before! That way it would be eXtRa cRuNcHy."
I sighed and shook my head. "Fine. You can put frosting on half of the cinnamon rolls."
Annie grinned and drizzled the frosting all over the cinnamon rolls, and said, "This is gonna be amazing."
I rolled my eyes. "It's gonna be crunchy and burnt."
"It'll add texture," she said, as though it was obvious.
Alas, Annie got her way. Katniss pushed a tray of half pre-frosted cinnamon rolls, half regular into the oven, smiling.
"Well! What should we do now?" Prim asked. "They bake for 45 minutes."
"Well, Annie and I were gonna go out and get some stuff," Finnick explained. "Prim did you want to come?"
"Sure!" Prim said excitedly. "What are you getting?"
"It's a surprise," he said, winking. "C'mon!"
And after we promised Annie that we would not burn the cinnamon rolls, the three of them walked out, talking loudly and excitedly about tomorrow. Katniss sighed, and reclined on the couch. I sat down next to her.
You didn't have to be an amazing therapist to figure out that something was off. Although Katniss had been mostly happy all day, there was something holding her back from being completely happy. It was as though a dark shadow was cast around her, which prevented her from being entirely joyful. I realized grimly that it probably had something to do with the events of this weekend.
"What's up?" I asked. I didn't even bother to ask if she was okay because I knew she wasn't.
"Just... stuff," she said, looking up at the ceiling. Her eyes were lacking their usual sparkle, and even her hair seemed limp.
"You can tell me, you know," I said, putting an arm around her. She leaned into my shoulder.
"I know," she whispered. "I love you."
"I love you too," I replied, smiling, and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Now tell me what's wrong."
"So much. Peeta, I don't even know where to start. I've been getting emails from Cato's friends and family, saying how they're going to 'make me pay' for what I did to him. One even threatened to hurt me, or poison me again. They're all anonymous, so I don't even know who is sending me all of these. I can't track them down or even find their IP addresses. They're all using a proxy. I'm scared, Peeta, I'm scared," she choked. I held her tighter. "I'm scared they're going to come for me again and do exactly what Cato did, but worse. I'm scared they're going to kill my other baby, and if they don't do that, they're gonna beat me up so bad that I either can't have this child, or I'll just die. And I'm scared that if Cato doesn't kill me, this preeclampsia will. Everyday I look out the windows to make sure they haven't followed me. I triple-check the locks on every single window and door and I watch all the footage from the security camera. Every day, my stomach is in knots. Will this be the day that I die? Will they get me today, or will I be spared one more day? I have to constantly be in fear of my life. I'm so scared. Scared that soon, I'll have my head banged down on the sidewalk and as our unborn child dies inside of me. And next time, I'll be beyond repair." At this point, tears were dripping down her cheeks. My heart ached for her. I wish that everything would right itself, that the universe would give us a fucking break. What had we done to deserve all this?
She buried her face into my neck while I rocked her back and forth. I tried, but couldn't think of any words to comfort her. All of her concerns were totally valid. I hated watching her break down, but I knew that even the strongest of people needed a time to confess everything that was holding them down. Even the bravest of people have moments of despair. At last, I said softly, "Katniss. Look at me."
When she didn't, I tilted her face up towards mine. Her skin was blotchy and her eyes were red. It hurt to see her like this, but I swallowed and continued.
"Listen to me," I said firmly. "You have been through so much. Too much for someone as young as you. But everything that has happened, it's made you you, right? Everything happens for a reason. And I know sometimes something happens that leaves you wondering why the hell that needed to happen. But really, each moment of difficulty, each trial you face, each obstacle you overcome makes you stronger. It makes you the Katniss that I know. The Katniss that I know is brave. She is strong and beautiful and kind and smart. She is graceful and elegant and strong and proud. The Katniss I know has a special connection with nature and animals. She comes alive in the woods and cherishes moments tucked away in time. The Katniss I know will protect her family at any cost. The Katniss I know is loyal, stubborn and gorgeous. Your eyes have a glow to them like I've never seen before. When you laugh... god, it makes me go crazy. Your whole face lights up and you're happy and it's as though you don't have a care in the world. The Katniss I know has become a part of my life now. I simply cannot imagine life without her," I concluded quietly. Only once I finished did I realize how many personal details I gave away. I felt a blush creeping up my cheeks, but I urged it back down. I had told nothing but the truth.
I looked back at Katniss, hesitantly at first. I was surprised to see a tear rolling down her other cheek. But this time, I knew, it wasn't from sadness and angst.
"Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you thank you thank you. Peeta, I-... I honestly don't know where I would be without you. Nowhere good, that's for sure. I love you. I love you so much, you don't even know."
"I love you more," I said, gently stroking her cheek.
"Impossible," she said, leaning into me. "Impossible."
For a moment, we just sat there, curled up on the couch, enveloped in our love so strong that it felt bullet-proof. As long as Katniss held me, I was safe.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
I jolted upwards and blinked, suddenly remembering who I was and where I was. "The cinnamon rolls!"
"Hurry and get them out of the oven or else Annie will kill you!"
I grinned and walked over to the kitchen, where I pulled the steaming pans out of the oven. They had turned out good!
Well, half of them had turned out good. The other half were sort of crusty and looked crunchy. Those were the ones that Annie had pre-frosted. I shook my head and set them out to cool.
When I walked back to Katniss, I saw her scrolling through her phone.
"Whatcha lookin' at?" I asked.
"Just ideas," she replied.
"Ideas?"
"For the baby! Name ideas," she corrected.
I smiled, and felt my heart expand. That's right, I told myself. We really are doing this. "Which ones do you like so far?"
"Well, there are a lot," Katniss said, turning off her phone and turning to face me. "I like the names Raine, Belle, Willow, and Rose.
"I like the nature theme," I commented, smiling.
"Thanks," she said, grinning. "What were your ideas?"
"Well," I began. "My grandma's name was Ariya. I thought that it was just such a beautiful name. And my grandma was strong, brave, and beautiful. She taught me many things, and she's part of the reason why I am who I am today."
Katniss's eyes widened. smiled. "I actually really love that name. Like, I really love it."
"It is a nice name," I said.
"Peeta, I'm being for real. I really like it," she said seriously. "Like, I think it would be a great name for our baby."
"Really?" I asked, smiling so wide that it almost hurt. Ever since my grandmother passed, I had always wanted to name my child Ariya, in hope that she too would carry the legacy and beauty, courage, and power. And by Katniss loving the name as much as I did nearly made my heart melt. "I've always adored that name," I said softly. "Always. It actually means a lot that you love it too. I have always wanted to name my baby that."
Katniss put her hand on my arm and smiled. "Ariya Rose," she said quietly.
"Ariya Rose," I repeated. Our child was going to be named Ariya Rose. Ariya Rose. For whatever reason, this brought tears to my eyes, and when I looked at Katniss, hers were sparkling too. We were both smiling too hard, and the love was filling us up so much that we had to let it out somehow. So we did; in the form of glittery tears. I held Katniss and she said softly, "I love you. I love you so much. You don't even know."
With my face buried into her hair, I tried to answer the best I could and said, "No. I love you more. I can't even effing think straight when I'm around you sometimes."
"Oh shush," Katniss said, and we broke apart. "I still love you more."
"No," I said firmly.
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"NO!"
"YESS!!"
And then, we just sort of looked at each other and burst out laughing. I think that, in that moment, our heads were fuzzy because of all that damn love for each other, and, for the first time in a very long time, things had actually gone right.
"Ohhh," Katniss said, wiping her eyes. "I can't even."
"Are we gonna tell anyone?" I asked.
"That's a good question, actually," Katniss said. "Probably just close friends and family. Then I suppose I'll need to tell my boss at some point."
"Okay," I said. "So were you thinking Finnick, Annie, Prim, Effie, Haymitch, Madge, and Johanna?"
"Yeah," she answered, nodding. "But I don't want like a huge party or anything. Maybe just a little gathering."
"Probably for the best," I said seriously. "Don't wanna burn down half of California."
"Ha ha ha," Katniss replied sarcastically. "Do you know when Finnick and the girls get back?"
"I think in just a few minutes, actually."
And for the remaining time we were alone, we just talked. Talked about the baby, about the room, about the food, about the clothes, and about the diapers, which Katniss was not excited about. We speculated about Annie and Finnick and although we agreed that their relationship was cute, there was a rather large age gap between the two of them. I said Annie should go for it, but Katniss was more hesitant. Just as our conversation was about to shift from Fannie (we decided that was their ship name) to whether or not it would be smart to buy a bigger house, the front door burst open. Annie and Prim dashed inside, cheeks red from the snow, holding very large, sparkly gift bags. They squealed when they saw us and ran down the hallway, tracking snow everywhere, and slammed their bedroom door behind them. Finnick stumbled in, moments later, holding eight or nine gift bags. I burst out laughing, but walked over to help.
"Good lord, what did you buy?" I asked incredulously.
"A lot," Finnick said, dropping all the bags on the floor with an almighty CRASH!
"Were you supposed to do that? There could be some breakable stuff in there," Katniss pointed out.
"Trust me, it's all okay," Finnick said. He sighed and removed his hat. "Dear god. If there's something I'll never do again, it's going to the mall with two crazed teenage girls who asked me to buy just about everything."
"Well considering that you're in a relationship with one of those girls, maybe don't say that," Katniss said snidely.
"Oh, shut up, Everdeen," Finnick said, rolling his eyes. "I'd like to see you try."
"What did you all buy anyway?" Peeta asked, peering into one of the huge bags.
"The girls have the presents. Here are all the decorations."
"All decorations??!"
"Yup."
"Why on Earth did you let them buy this stuff?!" Katniss wailed. She threw a pillow at Finnick.
"Well, because they were being cute! Annie said that they never really got to get Christmas decorations before this because they couldn't afford them and it wasn't a necessity anyway. Prim gave me these adorable puppy eyes and said all she wanted was for Christmas to be great this year, and she knew it would be with Peeta and I so I said alright you can go buy some stuff."
"Dear god," Katniss said, rubbing her forehead. "How much did you give them?"
"Well..." Finnick said, shifting uncomfortably. "I thought I gave them just fifty dollars. Uh, it turns out that I actually gave them three fifty dollar bills somehow and so they got $150."
"How on earth do you 'accidentally' give someone and extra hundred dollars?!"
"I don't know!!!"
"So you spent a hundred and fifty dollars on... what exactly?"
"Ask the girls," Finnick said, shrugging. "Lots of garlands and ornaments. And little lights."
Katniss shook her head exasperatedly, but I just laughed.
"On the plus side, we'll probably never have to buy Christmas decorations again," I remarked, laughing.
"Dear god," Katniss said.
Just then, Annie and Prim emerged from their room, looking flushed and excited. "Nobody is allowed in our room from now on!" Prim declared. "Or you don't get a present!"
"I swear that I will not enter your room, madam," Katniss said, bowing.
"Good," Annie said in a lofty voice. Then, she turned to me and asked, "How did the cinnamon rolls turn out?"
"Well," I began. "The ones that already had frosting on them are very... crunchy. But the rest are good."
"Hmm," Annie said, taking a bite out of one. "You were right. We probably should have iced them after baking them."
"We? This was all you," I reminded her.
"Yeah, whatever. But you did do a good job icing the remaining ones."
"Thanks," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Guys! It's snowing again!" Prim said, pointing out the window. And it was indeed. Light flakes of fluffy snow were drifting to the ground, where they piled into heaps. Someone had already built a snowman in the park adjacent to our house. It looked like a winter wonderland.
"Oh, wow!" Katniss said, rushing towards the window. She smiled. "It's beautiful."
"Can we go out there? Please? To the woods for a Christmas walk? It'll be so pretty," Prim begged.
I glanced at Katniss, unsure of whether or not a "snow walk" would harm her condition or put strain on her. She nodded, conveying that she would be okay.
"I think that's a great idea," Katniss said. "Let's go!"
So off we went. The five (six, including Ariya!) of us tramped through the snow and into the woods. Luckily, there wasn't much snow in the woods; there was just a light dusting. But there was enough to still keep the pristine beauty of it all. Everything is so much quieter when there's snow. The wind in the treetops can barely be heard. It's as if the blanket of snow that covers everything also mutes everything as well. And that, I didn't mind at all.
For the longest time, it was just us walking. We were all in awe; talking just felt out of place. A red cardinal danced from one bare tree to the next, knocking off a layer of snow and leaving tiny, triangle-shaped tracks.
"This is so pretty," Annie breathed. "The woods seem so much more magical when there's snow everywhere."
"This could totally be from a movie," Prim agreed.
"Then it would be the most peaceful movie I have ever seen."
At last, we reached the tiny cabin in the woods. Katniss went to check on the horses (Haymitch had been taking good care of them: their feeding troughs were full) and Finnick inspected the door.
"Are you sure this is secure?" he asked, wiggling the doorknob.
"Pretty sure," Katniss called.
"'Cause it seems pretty jiggly to me."
"Two things. One: jiggly is not a word. Two: nobody even ever comes out here anyway. Technically, it's private property owned by Haymitch, but he lets us use it," Katniss informed him.
"Oh, okay," Finnick sighed. "I believe you. But if someone breaks into this place, it isn't my fault."
"Noted," Katniss said. "Shall we, then? If we head back now, then we'll be able to finish Home Alone if we get started right away."
There was collective agreement, and we all headed back along the path. It was the same as before: little talking, and much wondering. And I agreed with Prim: this place really did feel like something out of a movie. The woods were a place of reflection and devotion. Perhaps that is why my thoughts drifted far away from Christmas Eve, and towards Katniss and dear, baby Ariya. As if she could tell what I was thinking about, Katniss grabbed my hand and whispered so only I could hear, "Let's tell them tonight."
And in that moment, I knew that, even though I hadn't met this baby yet, I would do anything for little Ariya Rose Mellark.
*****
"Katniss," Finnick said, stopping abruptly. "Are those your parents?"
"What?" Katniss asked incredulously. She squinted. We were about half a block away from the house, but it was clear that there were two figures standing outside the house. And parked in front of it was a fancy silver Lexus. Mary and Liam's car.
"No," she hissed, glancing back at Prim and Annie who hadn't noticed anything yet. "What are they doing here? They're not supposed to be here!"
"Katniss, calm down," I said, grabbing her arm. "Let's just see what they want. If they're here for a bad intent, then we ask them to leave. If they're here just to say Merry Christmas or something, we can just let them. It'll be okay."
She shot me a desperate look. "I just don't want them messing everything up again."
"They won't," I assured her softly. "I'll make sure of it."
She nodded, and sure enough, we heard "Annie! Prim! Merry Christmas!!"
Annie and Prim looked up. Their reactions were identical: doubt. "Hello," Annie said cautiously.
Mary pulled Prim and Annie into a tight hug and whispered something we could not hear into their ears. Then, she smiled and backed away. "Girls," she said. "Liam and I have something very special for you. We decided that you two, being our daughters, get to spend Christmas with us!!"
For a moment, there was silence. Annie and Prim looked at each other, and then the ground. At last, Annie said in a small voice, "That's very kind of you to invite us, but we already have plans." Prim nodded feverishly in agreement.
"Oh! Well," Mary said, blinking. "That's okay! I'm sure those plans can wait, or you can postpone them. So come along! Into the car!"
"Whoa whoa whoa," Finnick said, stepping in between Mary and Annie. "She just told you that she's busy. She can't come to your house tomorrow."
"Oh, I know that she thinks she has other, as I quote, 'plans.' But I really would appreciate it if she came with us!"
"No, I think Annie has made it quite clear that she can't come tomorrow," Finnick stated, crossing his arms.
"Who are you anyway?" Liam demanded, scowling at Finnick.
"I'm Merrick. And I'm a good friend of Katniss and her sisters. So please, why don't you go back to your house now. Surely you have better things to do than try and kidnap two little girls."
Mary gasped, but regained her composure quickly. "They will come with me," she said loudly. "Seeing as I am their mother."
Katniss made an angry movement beside me, but I held her back. She squeezed my hand tightly.
"Oh, there's no doubt about that," Finnick said lightly. "You are their biological mother, that's true. But there's a difference between a biological mother and a guardian. Here, let me break it down for you. A guardian is someone who takes care of the abandoned kids and treats them like their own. Annie and Prim are lucky to have Katniss as their guardian, even if Annie is technically an adult. You are their biological mother, which means yes, you are their mother, but you have no legal rights over them, seeing as you left them when they were babies."
Mary opened her mouth, then closed it again. Her face was pale. Liam shifted angrily beside her.
"Who do you think you are to say such things?" she whispered. "You have no right to tell me who I am the mother of. You've known my daughters for mere months."
"Yet I haven't left them yet, have I?" Finnick asked snidely.
"Oh, but you will," Marry hissed, gathering her bags as Liam started the car. "The agreement was that you would stay till the New Year. Then you have, as I quote, 'more important things' to be doing. And then we'll see who is loyal then." Before Finnick could even open his mouth to respond, she hopped inside the car and Liam drove off.
Annie and Prim looked at Katniss, then rushed inside. Finnick sighed and stared after them.
For a moment, there was only silence.
"Thank you, Finnick," Katniss said quietly.
Finnick turned around, as if he had forgotten we were there. He smiled. "Of course. I'm sorry they are so troubling to you."
Katniss looked down. "They're gone now, I think. Gone for a while, at least."
"I didn't mean to be too harsh," Finnick said quickly. "I'm sorry if I was. I just really hated the way they were talking to Annie."
"You were fine," Katniss said, grinning. "More than fine, actually. You gave them what they deserved."
And although, everyone pretended to be fine as we walked back inside, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. I just couldn't place my finger on it.
Katniss's P.O.V
"We sort of need a place to stay... for the night," Peeta had said in a rushed voice, as though trying the get the worst over with.
"And, uh, maybe for a little while too," Finnick had added.
"Yeah. Like, um... three months," Peeta had said in a small voice.
"Yeah. And then after that, I promise we'll leave and get out of your hair," Finnick had assured me.
At the time, I thought three months was long. The thought of having them stay for three entire months was impossibly difficult.
And yet, three months had never passed so quickly in my entire life.
I could not imagine life without him now. I could not imagine life without both of them now. But I had to face the bitter reality that they would have to leave, whether they liked it or not.
Really, it was all my fault. I was the one who got too attached to him, who fell in love so hard and fast that it felt more like flying. If only I had just stayed normal and under control, perhaps spilling wouldn't be too hard.
But in all truth, I had been thinking about this for the longest time. Ever since December began, I kept reminding myself that time was running short. Make good use of it. And the time that was supposed to be spent enjoying ourselves was spent in the goddamn hospital.
I covered my face with my hands and choked back the sobs. I tried not to think about Ariya. I knew what I had to do now. And in no way would it be easy. But I knew it was what I had to do.
To make the goodbyes less painful, I had to separate myself. I had to start now. The way I saw it, it hurt less if you were in pain now. That way, when they actually leave, I'll already be numb to the pain. Numb to it all.
And I would start now.
So when we got back inside, instead of plopping down on the couch next to my sisters, or cuddling up to Peeta, I went straight to my room and locked the door, and started crying.
Peeta's P.O.V.
"Katniss?" I asked, knocking softly. "Can I come in?"
I heard a muffled, "Not now. I just need a little bit."
It was another one of those moments where I knew clear as day that something wasn't right, but I knew I'd make it a whole lot worse if I tried anything. So I sat down against the door and waited.
It wasn't long before the sound of her silent sobs made their way through the crack in the closed door. I knew those sobs anywhere. They were the quiet tears that Katniss tried to hide from everyone. The tears that let her bottled emotions out.
"Kat?" No response. I felt a little hurt and all- that she was suddenly pushing me away again. "Kitty?" I had heard people use that nickname for her before, but it was my first time trying it. Again there was no response, and I can't say I was happy.
"Peeta?" She finally said. I let loose a puff of air I didn't know I had been holding in, and pressed my body up against the door. My fingers fiddled with the doorknob, and when I turned it, I got a sharp "No" from Katniss. I knew forcing my way in would continue to do no good, so I stood up to leave.
"I love you," I said through the door before I walked away.
"Peeta? Will you stay with me?" She clearly needed me, but didn't want to accept it.
"Always," I whispered, not knowing if she had heard me. I pressed my cheek up against the cold door and leaned my body against it, staying there for a good while. Keeping my promise.
It actually wasn't very long until I heard her steadied, sleepy breaths on the other side of the door. It calmed me, but something inside me made me feel like I had only made her emotions worse. She was very good at hiding it, but she budged easily. I had only pushed a little bit, but I knew from experience that the littlest of things could offset and upset her.
I actually felt terrible. My precious good mood had shifted, and I got up from my spot on the floor.
I desperately needed something to lighten my spirits, and as if on cue, Roody bounded down the hallway. His excited barks were silent, as if he knew Katniss was asleep, which he probably did.
"Hey Peeta," Prim said as I came into the living area. "How's it going?"
"Somethings up with Katniss. She was perfectly fine earlier." I had practically ignored Prim's thoughtful question, although Katniss not doing good explained how it was going for me just fine.
"It was probably just our parents," she said, switching the channel on the television. "You didn't do anything wrong."
"I know," I said. But did I? I thought. I had recently taken the liberty upon myself to blame all of Katniss's crap upon me. I knew I had never done anything wrong to begin with, but something continued to stir inside of me, telling me I was a failure and her misery was my fault.
Her misery had become my misery, too.
That's how much I loved her.
Roody let out a small bark and jumped up on the couch, snuggling next to Prim. He tucked himself underneath her outstretched arm arm and her fingers took to his ears. He grinned, his tail thumping against the couch cushions. Finally, after a satisfied yelp, Prim stopped and he rolled into a ball. His snores filled the room in an instant.
"What are you watching?" I asked her, dropping onto the chair in the corner of the room.
"Another "New Capitol" report broadcast thing." She put the band's- or former band's- name in parentheses, mocking Gale's recent lies. "Gale is up to some fishy stuff again."
I let out something between a sigh and a scoff. "That scumbag," I mutter, leaning forward in the chair, placing my elbows on my knees.
"He is kind of a bitch," she mutters. I can't help but laugh.
"I agree. Try living with him! He takes advantage of everything and morphs it into one big, fat, easily believable lie."
"He must be an extremely good liar."
"He is! I mean, you saw the report the other day." I lean back. "He didn't say a single true word on that stage and everyone believed him."
"Except us," she says through a smile.
"Except us," I repeat. Prim gets up off the couch, waking Roody, and switches the channel again. Behind the couch, snug in her crate, Almond jumps up at the sight of Prim. Prim opens the door and Almond scurries out.
After letting out a relieved stretch, Almond flops to the floor and Prim picks her up. She sets her on the couch next to Roody, and the dog sniffs her thoroughly before going back to sleep.
Time seemed to crawl by. My thoughts were plagued with images of Katniss, bloody and lifeless, knowing it was all my fault. I think I must have dozed off into a fitful sleep, because the next thing I knew, Prim was shaking my shoulder.
"Peeta," she whispered. "Get up!!"
"Wha..." I said groggily.
"Please wake up! We need to go somewhere fast!"
"What?" I said, rubbing the sleepiness from my eyes. "Prim, it's eleven thirty."
"Exactly," she said, still tugging at my arm. "Half an hour until stores close for Christmas. We need to hurry!"
"But what do you need me for?" I asked, confused. My mind was still half-asleep.
"I need you to drive me to Macy's so that I can buy something for Katniss," she said.
"Can't you just get it another time?" I asked, laying back down.
"No!" Prim said exasperatedly, tugging at my arm again. "Hurry up! We're on a time crunch!"
"Fine, fine, fine," I said, sighing. "Get in the car. Try to be quiet though, let everyone get good sleep."
"Yess!" she squealed, hugging me. "Thank you thank you thank you! I promise it'll be quick."
I couldn't help but smile. "You're welcome. Now let's go!"
With that, I locked the door, and together, we ran outside, into the cold. We dashed inside the car, where we turned the heat up high and hit the road.
"Faster," Prim urged me.
"If I go any faster, I'll break the law," I reminded her.
"Well break that law then!" she said. "Full throttle!! Goooo!"
I chuckled, but shook my head. "I'll go as fast as I can without getting arrested, how about that?"
"I suppose that's all right."
I grinned, and accelerated to sixty five. We were actually making good time. The roads were practically empty, seeing as it passed eleven thirty on Christmas Eve. Prim didn't make bad company, either. We talked about Katniss, Roody, Almond, and how we both shipped Odesta. Soon enough, we pulled into the Macy's parking lot, and we ran out. Luckily, the doors were still unlocked, so we sprinted inside. The store was mostly empty, spare a few late-night shoppers and tired looking employees
"Okay. So I'm going to go to the baby section and you go do whatever you need. I'll meet you back here at 11:55, which is in ten minutes, okay?"
"All right," I said, grinning.
Prim and I headed in opposite directions. I was searching for the perfect gift, but I couldn't seem to find one. Everything that I found so far had not been good enough. I needed something perfect, something almost as beautiful as Katniss herself.
And that's when I found it.
Nestled in the very back of the glass box sat a golden, circular medallion. Engraved on it was a bird of some sort, with an arrow in its mouth. I looked closer, and realized it was a mockingjay. The ultimate symbol of bravery and courage. I couldn't think of anything that encapsulated Katniss more than that shining, nearly glowing medallion.
I picked it up and held it close to my heart. I hoped that in the time we would have to spend apart, she would have this to remind her of me. Of the nights we spent on the roof; of the simple joys. I also hoped it would remind Katniss of her accomplishments, her courage, and her love.
"Peeta!" a voice said from behind me. "There you are!"
"Here I am," I repeated, smiling. "That was fast. Did you get everything?"
"Yup," she said, showing me three adorable baby onesies with little trees patterned over them.
I took a step back and gasped. "How'd you know?" I asked incredulously.
Prim ginned. "It was obvious. Her cravings, her frequent bathroom usage, and I could start to see her stomach bulge."
"You are too smart for your own good," I said, shaking my head. "Well, now you know."
"I do!" she said, smiling. "But don't tell me the name or gender. I want it to be a surprise."
"Okay," I said, laughing. "Ready?"
"Did you get her that necklace?" Prim asked, pointing to a gorgeous, iridescent pearl necklace hanging near the counter. It shimmered in a way I didn't know was possible.
"Oh, wow..." I said, entranced by its beauty. "Well, I am going to buy it for her now."
Prim laughed. "You're welcome!"
We walked over to the cashier and paid for our gifts for Katniss. I tried to hold the necklace and medallion very carefully, but kept tripping because I was too concentrated on not destroying her presents.
"Be careful out there," the cashier told us, handing us our bags. "The snow makes driving difficult."
"We will," I said, and thanked her.
The air outside of Macy's was frigid. Snow was falling gently from the sky, and blanketed the earth. I sighed, and watched my breath form clouds of vapor in the air.
"So pretty," Prim said admiringly.
Once we were in the car with the heat blasted up high, Prim said, "Thank you for taking me Peeta."
"You're welcome!" I said. "I actually needed to go too. And it was kind of fun."
"It was fun," she agreed.
For a moment, there was silence. I entered the highway, squinting. The darkness and snow made driving conditions difficult.
"Peeta," Prim said after a while. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," I said, raising an eyebrow. "Katniss is going to love our gifts."
"No, not that," Prim said. I glanced at her, but she was looking out the window. "I mean for coming."
"Well," I said. "It was Katniss who let me stay."
"Thank you for staying and being so kind. You honestly do not know how much happier you've made Katniss. Before, she was still quite fun and loving. But after you came... I don't even know. She's like a different person. You've helped her through so much. And for that, I can never thank you enough."
I wiped away a tear that had dripped from my eye and said softly, "Of course, Prim. Of course. Did you-"
"PEETA!" Prim shrieked, pointing somewhere to my left. I whipped around, and my hands flew off the steering wheel.
I never got to see whatever she pointed to, because the world went dark only two seconds later.
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