Katniss's P.O.V

THE SUPER SECRET DIARY OF KATNISS EVERDEEN- THE GODDESS ON FIRE hell yeah

 It feels as though it's been years since my "parents" (if you can even call them that) have been here. And even longer since Pinnick and Feeta have been here. Since that one day at that concert, my world has turned upside down. The world turned upsiiiide dooooooowwwwwn DOOOOWWWN DOOOWWWWWN DOWN DOWN FREEDOM FOR AMERICA FREEDOM FOR FRANCEEEE

Sorry about that, I have been SUPER into Hamilton recently. Prim tells me I'm not good at singing, but I know in my heart that I am. I can sing Helpless almost perfectly. Then Peeta made fun of me for singing in the shower, which really hurt my self-esteem but I just love Hamilton. They came to Panem for the first time last year but I spent my money on New Capitol tickets instead of Hamilton.

But as I was saying, my parents have no right or control over this situation. THey leave for years, are hardly present in my or my sister's lives, then suddenly one day, the appear and act like they've always been there. My mom especially, has no right to be here. Ever since our father died when we were small, she was thrown into a terrible depression while I was left to practically raise my sisters.

And now she barges in, acts just like she was here all the time, and pretends to be a caring mother with her new husband. Her new husband. If there was one thing that pissed me off the most about her, it was the fact that she remarried. It felt like betrayal. And I don't trust her at all.

Part of me wants to welcome her back (because deep inside, I do love her and know she cares) but the other, stubborn part of me knows better. I don't want to become attached to her, only to have her ditch us and leave again.

And I never thought I'd be saying this, but Peeta is being really helpful and supportive.

Yes.

Peeta Mellark, lead singer of New Capitol is helping me out. A month ago I never would have thought those words would escape my lips, but here I am. And, ever since that kiss on the rooftop, he's been acting... different. More tense. And I don't know what to make of it.

OK Prim and Annie are having a water gun fight and I wanna play too ttyl.

~

Katniss's P.O.V.

"Prim," my mother called in a fake, cheery voice. "It's time for your dance class!"

I look up, see her face, and immediately anger starts to claw its way up my stomach. Ever since Prim was small, I would always be the one to take her to dance class. It was sort of our thing: our rare alone time when we would talk and goof around in the car. And afterwards, I'd always take her out to dinner.

"Ummm," Prim said, looking down. "Okay." It's obvious that she felt the rising tension in the room and walked out a little too quickly to pass for normal.

"Mother," I started, as respectfully as I could. "I can take Prim to dance class. You stay here and... um... rest."

"Oh it's okay, sweetie," she said, flashing me another fake smile. "I don't mind. In fact, I would like to see a little more around the city and spend some time with darling Prim."

"No," I said, a little more forcefully. "I want to. It's sort of like our thing."

My mother raised an eyebrow and said, "Oh. I'm sure you must tire of doing it all the time anyway, so it's really okay, I'll just do it."

Before I could open my mouth to respond, Prim walked into the living room with her bag and dance clothes on. "Prim, darling!" my mother said. "Come along now, I'm taking you to dance class!"

I was hit with a fresh wave of fury at her lies. She would not take Prim away from me and I didn't care what I'd have to do or say to make that happen.

"Mother," I said loudly. "I told you already, I can take her."

"Katniss," she replied, equally as loud. "Your car will fall apart if you use it one more time."

Anger surged through me, and I walked closer to her. "Yeah, well, you know what? It's the best that I can do, ever since you left us. I've been trying real hard, and the car is working and that's what matters. What have you been doing while-"

"BUTTERCUP!" Prim interrupted.

"What?" my mother and I said simultaneously.

"Buttercup!" she continued, somewhat nervously. "I can't find him."

"You can't find Buttercup?" I asked incredulously.

"No!" Prim said in a shrill voice. I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out if this was all a trick to divert my attention from my mother, or if she actually couldn't find the cat.

When her eyes grew watery, I realized that it was the latter.

"Okay," I said, walking over to her. "What if I take you to dance class, and then we come back and look for him?"

"No!" she cried. "I'm not leaving without him!"

"Darling, I'm sure it will all be okay," my mother said in her sickly sweet, fake voice. "Katniss probably just forgot to put him away."

"Mother," I said through gritted teeth. "Stay out of it."

But then, I looked at my younger sister's desperate and anxious face. A surge of sorrow and regret rushed through my body. I reminded myself that I would always put her needs above mine. No matter what.

"Prim," I said, and looked her straight in the eye. "It will be okay. I will look for Buttercup. He's just hiding like he always does. Why don't you go to dance class now?"

"B-but who will drive me?" she asked tearfully.

I sighed before responding. "She will," I said, motioning toward my mother, who beamed a fake smile and waved her hands.

"A-are you sure?" Prim asked hesitantly. I know she could tell how uncomfortable I was with this, but I had already made up my mind.

"Yes," I said tightly. "Now go!"

Prim hugged me and dashed off, bag swinging at her feet. I sighed and watched her go.

Now all I had to do was find that damn cat.

*****

It was about thirty minutes later and I had not yet found Buttercup. I had to admit that I was getting a little worried, since he usually pops up by now, but I told myself that he was around here somewhere.

"Hey, Annie!" a deep voice called. I rolled my eyes and knew at once that it was Liam, but continued searching under the couch for that missing cat.

"Yeah?" Annie said, voice laced with doubt and a little uncertainty.

"How'd you like to grab some lunch with me?" he asked.

I froze mid-search and tried to ignore the fury rushing through my body.

"Sure?" Annie said, glancing at me. I could tell she was a bit uncomfortable since she had known this Liam for about two days, but I knew she could never turn down a good meal.

"Great!" he said, A little too happily. "Let's hit the road then!"

"Katniss-?" Annie asked hesitantly. "Um, it is okay-"

"Yeah," I said tightly. "Just go."

"Are you sure? I can ask if you can come-"

"No," I said a little too loudly. "Go."

"Okay... Bye!"

And with that, the pair of them we're gone.

I was beyond furious at that moment. I knew exactly what those two bastards were doing. They were trying to take Prim and Annie away from me. And although I would never let that happen, I'll admit that they had the upper hand. They had money, they were older, and were technically their parents too. I swore to myself that I would never let that happen.

Little did I know, life was about to be completely flipped.

*****

Fifteen minutes remained until Prim returned home and Buttercup was still lost. At this point, I was panicking. I had checked everywhere and still couldn't find the damn cat.

All of a sudden, I realized I hadn't checked in the back yard. I rushed to the door and flung it open, scanning the yard for any sign of the cat. That's when I saw him.

And, because life couldn't get any harder, he was dead.

My heart sank when I saw his still, lifeless figure. It appeared that he had died... in his sleep? Then it came to me that he was indeed a very old cat. I had been too caught up in my own worries to acknowledge his passing. Part of me felt sick and ashamed, but the other part of me knew this was coming anyway.

But how to tell Prim?

She loved this cat so dearly and just imagining her reaction was painful. But I had to do something. I grabbed a shovel from the garage and dug a shallow hole in the corner of the yard, making sure it was just the right size for poor old Buttercup. I laid him in the ditch and whispered, "Goodbye, Buttercup. Thank you for bringing us so much joy. We loved you."

And just as I finished burying him, I heard Prim's cheery voice from inside, signaling her return home.

"Hey, Prim!" I called, trying to remain normal as possible. But I knew she would soon be able to see right through me.

"Oh hey Katniss!" she said, giving me a hug. In the midst of this situation, I couldn't resist smiling at Prim. I don't know what I'd do without her.

"Oooh, I have to show you something," she said, digging through her bag. I grinned and asked, "What do you have?"

"A new toy for Buttercup!" she exclaimed, waggling a small toy mouse with little bells on it in front of my face. My heart dropped and I tried to look pleased.

"Very nice, Prim!" I said, in a fake cheery voice, almost identical to the one I despised of my mother's.

"Yeah," she said beaming. "Where is he? I want to give him the new toy!"

"Oh!" I said, internally face palming myself for not planning this scenario out. I also felt a stab of guilt, trying to lie to my sister like this. It's for her own good. "Well... maybe you could give it to him in a little bit."

"Why?" Prim asked suspiciously.

"Oh, he's out in the woods like he always is," I lied. Katniss, STOP, a voice inside my head urged. You'll only make it worse!

"Oh, so you found him?" Prim asked delightedly. "That's great!"

"You found the cat!" my mother said, beaming. "Oh, how wonderful. What a pesky little creature he is!"

Was, I think. I'm hit with another fresh stab of guilt.

Just tell her the truth, my conscience hissed angrily. You're only making it worse by lying.

I took a deep breath and was right about to tell Prim the truth, but then Liam and Annie walked in. From what I could tell by looking at her face, she had a good time. That threw me off.

"What happened?" Annie asked, gathering near the small group.

"She found Buttercup!" squealed Prim.

"Really?" Annie asked. "Yayyyyyy!"

"Where is he now, then?" Liam asked.

"In the... woods," I repeated, avoiding eye contact.

"Is he still there?"

"Please will you go get him?" Prim begged. "I want him to see his new toy!"

Another stab right in the heart. I was beginning to feel nauseous, and was it just me or did the world just start to spin?

"We'll, I'm going to go get him," she announced.

"I'll come too!" said Annie.

"Me too!" my mother said, clapping her perfectly manicured hands together.

"Count me in!" said Liam in his deep voice that annoyed me so.

"No," I said, in sort of a strangled cry. "Not now."

"Why, Katniss?" demanded Prim. "You're acting weird! Just let us go!"

"Yeah, we want to see him."

"Please, Katniss?"

"Pleeeaaase?"

And in that moment, something hit me. Perhaps it was the guilt and shame, or maybe it was the peer pressure. But whatever it was, it made me snap.

"You can't," I screeched. "He's dead!!"

There was a silence. For a second, nobody moved. Then, Prim burst into tears which made me burst into tears because dammit, I have a lot of valid reasons to cry. I think at that moment, my swirling mix of emotions finally let loose. I let forth a wail and tried to find my way out of this .

In my desperation to escape the situation, I stumbled out of the room as fast as I could and tried not to crash into anything. Annie called my name and reached out to me, but by that point, I was long gone. I ran as fast as I could, still sobbing, to my refuge, the place I returned to in the midst of a crisis: the woods.

I heard Prim's sobbing growing louder as I ran from my problems. My mother was muttering to Liam, most likely about how insane I was, but I was not in any state to argue. I stumbled across the yard and threw open the gate, tears still streaming down my face. When I finally reached the woods, I sank down onto the soft, green earth and sobbed.

I don't know why I always feel this way. Why can't I be tough? I'm weak. I deserve pain. I slip off my shoe and lift up the tongue. I always keep something for times like this on me. I take off my sweater and roll up my sleeves. The mountains of scars on my arms are feeling the heat. They almost burn whenever I feel the need. I need to get the release. I am almost running out of space. But I couldn't care less. I need to. I start slow then the pain takes over. I go until I can only see red on my arms. I put my sweater back on and gently try to keep the material from rubbing on the open wounds. I head to the only place I know where I can let go. Have somebody who really cares. The only place to let myself feel without being judged.

~Effie and Haymitch's House~

"Katniss!" Effie cried, pulling me inside. "Oh my god. Are you okay? Katniss, why would you do this to yourself?"

I can't bring myself to answer, but then Haymitch walked in with a concerned look on his face.

"Sweetheart!" he said, using his stupid but not endearing nickname for me.

"Hey," I said weakly.

"Don't 'hey' him!" Effie demanded. "Come here. We need to talk."

So ten minutes later, my arms were covered in thick, cotton bandages and the throbbing had subsided. I was sitting in a soft chair near the fireplace, across from Haymitch and Effie who were sharing the love seat. Both had wore a concerned frown on their faces, and for some odd reason, a rush of gratitude crashed through me. In that moment, I knew that no matter how tough life could get, they would always be there for me. They felt like my aunt and uncle that I had never known. They were the parents I never had.

"What's going on, Katniss?" Effie asked softly.

I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. What's going on? What kind of question is that? There is so much going on, too much going on. Where would I even start?

"Well..." I began. "Kind of a lot."

"Tell us everything, sweetheart," Haymitch said. "We love a good story."

In the midst of this awful situation, I managed to smile. "Okay. Well if you're up for it."

And so I did. I told them everything. And I mean everything. Even the smallest, most minor details came tumbling out of my mouth. Everything from the stupid New Capitol concert, to the way Cato was talking to me, to how they rolled on in the the restaurant and asked if they could live with us. Then, how weird Peeta was acting, and then how we kissed at Cato's party, and then things went down. I rambled on and on about how my mother came back with her new husband, Liam, and how I felt like they were trying to take Prim and Annie away, and then how Buttercup died, and I lied and felt so guilty and ashamed and dirty and discouraged about everything in life.

"So now I'm here," I ended in a croaky voice, wiping my eyes. "Fucked up as always."

There was a silence, broken only by my occasional, pitiful sniffs as I stared at the ground. But as strange thing happened. I realized that as I was talking, it felt as though a heavy weight was being lifted off my shoulders. I was finally able to get this all off my chest, to vent it all out and talk. I realized that I should have done this a lot sooner.

"Well, you know what they say," Haymitch said eventually. "Nothing like a good smoke to wash away your worries." And with that, he handed me a cigarette.

"HAYMITCH!" Effie scolded, slapping his hand away. "Did you not hear anything the girl just said? How unsympathetic!"

"Looks like you need one, too," he said smirking. I laughed and tried to picture Effie smoking.

"Haymitch!" she exclaimed again. But there was no mistaking the smile on her face.

"All right," I said, grinning. Haymitch smiled like a proud father, and Effie rolled her eyes.

"First off," Haymitch said, lighting his cigarette. "Tell me about this," he paused to take a drag, "Peeta."

"What do you want to know?" I asked slyly.

"What does he look like? Is he cute? Is he kind and caring and everything a man should be? Does he sing well? How much money does he have? How long is he going to stay with you for? When is his birthday?" Effie rushed. "Oh, Katniss! Imagine if you two actually ended up together!"

"Imagine," I said sarcastically.

"Answer my questions," she demanded, a maniac gleam in her eyes.

"Okay," I said, smiling. "He has blonde hair and beautiful, ocean blue eyes. He is cute, I guess. I think he's more handsome, though. He is very kind and caring and everything a man should be. He's made me smile more times than I can count. Obviously Peeta sings very well, he is literally in a world-famous band! I don't know how much money he has. Probably a lot. His birthday September 21st. He's going to stay with us until the new year. Then he'll go back on tour. But having him around has been so much fun. I guess you could say that he's made my life happier. In a way." I was too lost in describing Peeta and all his glory that I didn't pay attention to Haymitch's smirk and Effie's dreamy smile.

"Perfect!" Effie said at last, grounding me back to reality. "You're a Taurus and he's a Virgo! Those two are meant to be. You have dark hair, and he is blonde! It's perfect."

"Effie, I-"

"I think blue would go really well with your wedding. It would match his eyes. Oooh, I know! Blue and green! You look stunning and green and the blue would look gorgeous on him," Effie said, in nearly a squeal.

"WEDDING?!"

"Oh, shush," she said, placing a ginger on her lips. "You two are soulmates. Split-aparts. Meant-to-be's."

"Oh my god," I said, beyond embarrassed. "Please stop, Effie."

Effie opened her mouth to respond, but Haymitch said, "Effie, if you're gonna continue, she'll turn into a tomato."

"Oh, she already is!" Effie said brightly. "She's blushing so hard that she looks like she had an allergic reaction to toxic shrimp!"

"What?" Haymitch and I exclaimed simultaneously.

Effie burst out into a round of laughter. "Oh, Katniss. I'm just so glad you've found someone."

I scowled at her, but deep down, I agreed.

Effie sighed, the last trace of a smile still lingering on her lips.

The rest of the afternoon passed far too quickly. We played a game of Monopoly, and Haymitch upended the game board when he lost. Effie brought out a tray of fancy-looking cookies, that I ate several of. Haymitch and I went outside for a walk to smoke, while Effie chastised us about lung cancer and early death.

And by the end of my visit, I was feeling much better. All I had to do was face my family now. That couldn't be too hard... right?

So it was with a cheery, almost opposite attitude that I walked out of Effie and Haymitch's home, waving and promising my return.

But the happiness swelling inside me soon diminished as soon as I climbed the steps into my house. I could hear low voices talking in the living room. I caught phrases such as "too long," "too young," "can't care for them both," and "moving in." I heard Prim's young voice full of doubt, and although I couldn't understand what they were saying, knew she was scared. I didn't need to pretend to know what they were talking about.

It seemed that, in my absence, my mother and her husband had tried to persuade my sisters to leave me and come with them.

And that nearly made me lose it all over again. Because if there was one thing I hated more than New Capitol's first album, it was intrusion. That was why I had been so hesitant to allow Peeta and Finnick to stay. Although I am glad I did, it was certainly a step out of my comfort zone.

But these people? Barging unexpectedly into our lives like this? And then purposely making me upset, pushing my limits, and then trying to take my sisters away? No. Fuck no. Because you can't just completely abandon your children, get married to a total douchebag, come back to your children five years and take them away from the person who raised them. Which was none other than yours truly.

So it was with a wave of furious energy that I yanked open the door and slammed it shut. My mother, Liam, Prim, and Annie all jumped. My mother put on a fake smile and said, "Katniss, my dear! Welcome home!"

I ignored her exclamations and got straight to the point. "I heard you talking."

Prim and Annie looked at each other desperately and I didn't know what to think. I couldn't tell whether or not they were frustrated, disappointed, scared, or worried. Or maybe all three.

My mother just smiled and said, "We were actually just going to have a little chat!"

"A little chat about trying to take my sisters away?"

Liam looked startled, then down. My mother stared at me for a solid ten seconds before answering. "Darling," she began in a quiet voice. "Before I continue, I would like to apologize."

Oh here we go again, I thought angrily. Pity play. Well, good think it doesn't work on me.

"I would like to say sorry for everything I've done. How I've left you, then get remarried and didn't come back for such a long time. I really was struggling and children were the opposite of what I needed. By leaving, I was only doing the best for myself. So I am sorry for leaving you, but I am back now."

"That was THE worst apology I've ever heard," I stated.

A blank look passed over my mother's face, followed by shock and anger. "Excuse me?" she asked, every trace of honey gone.

"You didn't take accountability. You were too absorbed in your own difficulties to even own up to your shit. You made excuses, lame excuses," I said loudly. Prim and Annie looked at me, then at our mother then dashed out of the room. Liam sat frowning in a chair, nodding at everything my mother said.

"You should be lucky that I'm here!" she said in a shrill voice. "Liam and I are giving up valuable time and spending our money on you!"

"Lucky?!" I shrieked. "How should I be lucky? I wanted you dead for about five years. YOU should be lucky that I even let you in my house!"

My mother gasped and took a step back. But I was far from finished.

"You left us! You abandoned us, and left me to raise two little girls by myself, provide income for the family, pay for expenses, and feed all of us! Do you know what that does to a person?! Clearly not! Then you come strolling back with your new husband, fancy cars, and name-brand purses. Then you EXPECT ME TO WELCOME YOU?!" My voice had risen to a scream. "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I'VE BEEN THROUGH? HOW MUCH I'VE HAD TO SUFFER BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR SELFISH, ABANDONING, HEARTLESS-"

"You might not want to finish that sentence," my mother said, in a strangely calm voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked harshly. "I can say whatever the fuck I want to and-"

"No, no. No, this is for your own sake now," she said, with a twisted smile. "You see, I've been recording this entire conversation. And I don't think Child Protective Services would approve of all this. Especially considering your young age and mental unsuitability."

"What?"

"What she's saying," interrupted Liam. "Is that you need to get your shit together. This qualifies as an unstable home, and if it weren't for your mother's kindness, Prim and Annie would be in foster care right now."

"We think it's time that Prim and Annie live in a better home," my mother concluded. "Unless you can prove that you are responsible and can take good care of my children."

I opened my mouth to reply, but closed it after a second thought. And although I hated, hated to admit it, they had the upper hand here. I couldn't afford to screw anything up or even talk back. Because there was now way in hell, nothing you could let me have to give up my sisters.

My mother grinned in a rather cruel manner, flashing white, pointed teeth that I hadn't noticed before. "We know what happened, Katniss," she said softly. "We know that you have mental issues. And if we don't see a change by the time we leave, Prim and Annie are coming with us."

You know when something feels so cold that it's hot?

That's what I felt.

So furious, livid, and beyond comprehensible angry that I simply smiled and said, "I understand."

They didn't offer to help me. They knew I was suicidal, and did they decide to help? Nope. They threatened me, and told me that I would lose something of incomparable value if I didn't "get my shit together."

"Good," Liam said. "Because we would hate to take them away from you."

"And I'm sure you've done the best you could," my mother said, fake sweet voice returning. "Although it doesn't look like it, I'm sure you did."

I smile once more, then back out of the room before I explode and lose all control. I am still shaking from a deadly combination of fury, hurt, and pain. This is what you've done, Mom, I think to myself before collapsing onto my bed, hope draining away until I wake up again.

***

Knock, knock.

Something knocked softly on my door... but it was most likely a figment of my imagination, the remains of a dream.

Knock, knock.

I rolled around in my bed, bringing the pillow over my head in hopes of muffling the noise.

Knock, knock.

It was slightly louder that time, but I knew that if someone actually needed me, they would shove my door open. So I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep. And I nearly do, but-

"Katniss," a voice whispered. "Are you awake?" I recognized the voice immediately, and sat bolt upright. I glanced at my clock, which informed me that it was half past one in the morning.

"Not anymore," I said, just loud enough for Peeta to hear me from outside my room. I walked across my bedroom, nearly tripped over a pair of boots, and slowly opened the door.

I raised an eyebrow, and shred every last bit of dignity I had. I was fully aware that my hair was a rat's nest, my eyes were puffy and sleepy, and I was wearing an oversize t-shirt that said, "I offered the moon pizza, but it was full."

But for some reason unknown to me, Peeta clearly didn't care. "Hey," he said, smiling.

"Hey," I said, voice cracking from lack of use. "Uh. Is something wrong or did you just feel like banging on my door at one in the morning?"

"The latter," he said, grinning.

"Well, you can leave now," I stated. "I was having a nice dream about chocolate flavored bubblegum."

"That sounds gross."

"It's not gross!'

"Yeah it is."

"You're gross."

"You're weird."

"You're stupid."

"Did you just call me stupid?" Peeta asked incredulously.

"I don't know!" I said wearily. "I'm half asleep. For real though, do you actually need something?"

"Yes," Peeta said. "I was wondering if we could talk."

"We are right now."

"You know what I mean."

"I'm down to talk to you, but why at one in the morning?"

"Finn and I just got back now and I wanted to talk to you as soon as possible. And preferably when no one is around."

"You sure got back late," I commented, rubbing my eyes.

"Long road trip. But that's a tale for another time. Can we go outside?" he asked.

"I don't think so. They made a law forbidding people to go outside yesterday," I said, still delirious.

Peeta rolled his eyes and then grabbed my arm. "C'mon. Guess we're going to jail then."

We went outside and somehow I managed to not fall off the balcony in my half-asleep state. I wanted to just sit there, but Peeta had other plans. He dragged me up some stairs to the roof, I REPEAT, ROOF, and there we sat, staring at the vast City-Scape in front of us. Even I had to admit, it was a little magical.

And even when we sat down, Peeta didn't remove his hand from mine. Instead, he squeezed tighter.

"So," I said at last. "What was it that you wanted to talk about?"

Peeta sighed. "There's a lot, Katniss. A lot you haven't told me, and a lot I still don't know. I want to hear everything. I want you to vent to me, and get this weight off your chest."

I glanced at him, surprised. "Everything?"

"Everything," he assured me.

"Then we're gonna be up here for a while," I warned him.

"I don't mind," he said softly. I smiled at him.

"Well, I guess it all started when I was 6." Peeta squeezed my hand again, signaling for me to continue.

And so I did.

I told him everything. Everything from my mother, to Liam, to how kids would make fun of me, to how I met Cato and our toxic relationship, to lack of money, and how we were just barely scraping by. I confessed even my deepest, most personal feelings that I hadn't even shared with Effie or Haymitch. Something about the way he was... made me trust him. Minutes flew by, and my voice grew hoarse with talking. Still, he clung to every word I said.

"And sometimes, I just feel like there isn't really a place for me," I said at last, voice raspy. "The way people see me is the opposite of who I'm trying to be. They see me as someone who's weak, when I try to be brave. They see me as someone desperate and timid, but I try to be bold. It's hard, I guess," I concluded, looking down.

For a minute, there was a silence. Then, Peeta broke it by saying, "I think that you're one of the bravest people I know. Not to mention kind, smart, and incredibly hot," he added. I smiled, looking down.

"Thank you," I said softly.

"You're such a nice, giving, caring human being. And... it's not fair for you to have to... experience things... and be with someone that isn't fully there for you," he said, gazing out at the tall buildings in the distance. "Cato. You parents. Your friends."

I was quite touched by his kindness and empathy. So I looked down at our joined hands and gave his a gentle squeeze.

"You're so brave... and kind and bold and smart. If I were you, I would have given up a long time ago," he said quietly.

"No," I said. "I think you would have held out too. You can touch people, get to know them, and connect with them in a way that I've never seen before. I don't know how so much kindness can fit into one person."

Peeta smiled, and said, "I do. She's sitting right in front of me."

I grinned, but quickly denied it. "No. Kindness if your thing."

"No," he protested. "You're great!"

"I know," I said in a mockingly arrogant tone, flipping my hair. Peeta laughed and said, "I really like you, Katniss."

We were three inches away. I closed my eyes as the gap between us diminished, until his soft lips were on mine.

I kissed him and it was nice.

Then we stopped kissing.

"Katniss?" he asked quietly, once we broke apart. We sat facing each other, and he held both my hands in his.

"Peeta."

He smiled, then said, "Do you... mind me staying here?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, bewildered.

He sighed, and looked down. "I don't know. You've had a lot going on in your life... a lot that wasn't good and a lot that was. I feel like I'm intruding on something. And I don't want to be. I don't want to restrain you from doing what you want to do. I don't want to be a burden."

"Peeta," I said, looking deep into his ocean blue eyes. "You are not a burden. You never will be. I... am honestly so grateful that you came because you have changed my life in so many wonderful and strange ways. Even though I've only known you for about almost a month. I feel as though I've known you forever."

Peeta gave me the most warm, genuine, love-filled smile I had ever seen and said, "Me too, Katniss. Me too."

The rest of the night was filled with cuddles, chatting, kissing, and sleeping. I lay in his lap while he braided my hair and we talked about... everything.

"Have you ever heard of split-aparts?" he asked finally.

"I might have once. But if I did, I've forgotten," I replied, gazing at the purple, star-speckled sky.

"Well, some people say that long before humans existed, there were instead sort of like, joined people, I guess. They shared the same soul. But then one day, something terrible happened, and the soul-sharers split apart. So the idea is that, since that time, the two halves have been forever searching for one another in order to join together and regain their sense of original wholeness," Peeta explained quietly, running his finger through my almost certainly knotted, underbrush hair.

I marveled at the nature of such a wild yet believable and wonderful idea. It made so much sense, yet left me with so many questions. "So are you saying that everyone has a... split-apart?" I asked.

"Everyone does," Peeta said. "And it's very rare for someone to actually find them."

I smiled and said softly, "I think I found mine."

Peeta kissed me on the forehead and whispered, "Me too."

Peeta's P.O.V.

She peeks up at me and I'm so busy watching her pink tongue slide across her bottom lip that I hardly notice her eyes closing and her inky lashes falling against her cheek. Our lips meet, then part. She takes my bottom lip between her own, and I sigh in relief. I was parched and she is the rain I've been longing for. My hands weave into her hair, cupping her head in my hands, as she clutches at my shirt while our mouths press and cling; as we gasp for air and dive back in.

This is the kiss I've been longing for my entire life, the one I thought I'd experienced before I came to this small town. Now that I know what it means to kiss someone for real, no contrived kiss in front of the crowds with random girls will ever be enough. I slip a hand from her hair to bring it around her back, holding her tighter than I ever have before.

I turn us so she's pressed down into the roof shingles, our bodies align. Hands slide and explore. The curve of her waist is the perfect resting place for my palm. Katniss's fingers feel like tongues of fire as they glide over my back and flex at my hips. Her breath falls in short, jerky pants in my ear as my mouth journeys along her neck and dips into the collar of her sweater. I tuck my shirt up out of my pants, silently begging for her to touch my overheated skin. I feel her hands trace downward, slipping under the hem of my shirt, her fingertips skating along the sensitive flesh just above my pants.

A whimper of longing slipped from my lips, and I dared not breathe in case she changed her mind. I can feel the moment of her decision, when she gives in to the urge to touch me, and then the flat of her hand roams upward along my bare skin, skimming over the muscles of my back. A groan sounds from some primal place inside me and I buck against her. She gasps and grasps my hips.

I'm harder than I've ever been in my life. I wait, lifting my head to watch her reaction carefully. Her face is flushed, her pupils are wide, but she is not pulling away. Instead, she bites her lip, reaching up to brush a lock of hair from my face. And then she rubs herself against my iron-hard cock.

"Unf. Peeta," she whispers, gyrating upwards again. I met her this time, grinding down into her softness. She tugs at her sweater where it's jammed between us, pulling it up so the soft skin of our bellies is touching.

Fuck. The feeling of her flesh against mine is almost enough to send me spiraling into oblivion, but I'm curious, so curious about what she feels like, what she looks like under that sweater. I swallow her gasp the next time our centers collide, reaching up underneath the wool as my hands explore her slender form beneath the bulky fabric, my thumbs tracing along the elastic of her bra and then brushing over the lace covered mounds.

She tears away from my lips as a startled 'oh' escapes from hers when my hands close over her breasts and then tweak the sensitive tips.

"Did you like that?" I murmur.

She nods frantically, whipping the sweater over her head and tossing it behind us. My shirt soon follows. Her skin is flushed, a red path meanders down her neck, ending between her breasts, her nipples have hardened into nubs, poking out under the bra. The urge to draw them into my mouth overwhelms me and I lower my head to suck one between my lips through the lace.

She hisses and threads her fingers through my hair to hold me there, even as our hips continue to move in tandem. I claw at her bra strap, freeing her breast from its hold, only to cup it in my own hands and tease the tight dark peak with my tongue. Her hands move to my lower back to press me against her. It feels so good. Too good.

"Katniss?" I'm afraid to ask her where this is going in case she tells me to stop. But I ask her anyway, and her already flushed cheeks get even redder. I cup her face in my right hand and stroke the blush that continues to spread.

"I- don't know," she stammers. "Not.... I'm not..." she shakes her head. "But, I don't want to stop, either. Can we just... this? You know?"

I do know. I nod and kiss the tip of her nose, her chin, her jaw, the hollow of her throat before returning to her lips. She parts her legs to cradle me against her, entwining her legs in mine, drawing me closer.

We both heave a deep breath at the contact. My hand returns to her breast and we move together, sucking down a tunnel of mindless need. Lips tangle, teeth clash while I plunder her mouth, seeking pleasure. Giving it. She arches beneath me, clutching me to her, nibbling my jaw, leaving and sucking the hollow beneath my ear. Her sharp pants send shivers down my spine and my balls tighten.

"Unf! Don't stop," she begs. "I need... I mean, I'm almost... I don't know," she groans in frustration.

I wonder what it would feel like to slide my hands inside her pants and touch her. Was she wet? Slick with need for me? A familiar tingle begins at the base of my spine and I surge forward.

"Ah," she grinds out. "Peeta!"

That does it. I press into her - hard - again and again, as I am overtaken by the power of my climax. She moans and writhes against me, her back arching in surrender.

Her body is still shuddering when I bury my face in her neck, trying to grasp at the wispy ends of my senses. It takes a few tries. Katniss is still lying limply beneath me when I finally stir.

"Katniss?"

"Mmm?"

"We should get up, go to bed, probably." I sit up, realizing my underwear is a sticky mess. I've got a spot on my pants, but it doesn't appear to have soaked through onto Katniss's jeans. I can be grateful for that at least. I stand and pull her to her feet, in a hurry to get back inside before she notices the state I'm in. "C'mon. I've got to, ah, get cleaned up."

She still seems a little dazed as we climb back into the house. "Time for bed, Sweetheart." She lays her head on my shoulder and wraps her arm through mine. We climb down the stairs in the dark, stopping at the end of the hallway, outside her room.

I kiss her forehead. "Goodnight, Katniss."

I turn to head to the bathroom. She grabs onto my arm. She pulls me back, her head crashing into my chest. She holds me tight. I feel myself getting all riled up again.

"Stay with me?" She asks barely above a whisper.

"Always." I say.

*****

Katniss's P.O.V.

It felt as though only ten minutes had passed when I woke up the next morning. I kept my eyes closed and tried to block out the morning light by rolling onto the other side of my bed, but ended up crashing into another human body. And that was when all the events of last night flooded my memories.

"Ahhh!"

I sat bolt upright and found myself face-to-face with a shirtless Peeta. I blushed and scrambled out of bed, but didn't look behind me. So I fell off the bed and onto the floor with an almighty crash, still tangled in my thick white comforter.

"Katniss!" Peeta yelped, and reached down to lift me up. I gratefully accepted his help and untangled from the sheets.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

"Yeah..." I said. For some inexplicable reason, I felt quite uncomfortable. I had no clue why I would feel this way, especially since I spent about two hours making out with Peeta last night.

"Uhh," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry to wake you. I was trying to change but sort of forgot you were in here."

"You're fine," I said embarrassingly.

"I guess I should really get cleaned up now." Peeta says.

"Sure, just..hurry back." I say quietly.

He smiles at me and comes closer. He plants a kiss on my lips. "I will." he says.