"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Ibiki asked Kakashi, taking a nervous glance towards me. "Remember what happened last time? She practically disowned me."

I raised my eyebrow. What in the world was he talking about? I had... Relations to these people? Important enough that I could... Disown them?

I had been placed against the dungeon wall, chained by my wrists and ankles so that I was immobilized. I could feel a cough rise in the back of my throat but pushed it down, refusing to show the weakness.

"Get over it, Ibiki. The safety of the village comes first, and who knows what the Rising Phoenix got out of Cashile," Kakashi said, unsympathetically. "She's our student; it's our responsibility to do what we can to help her."

Ibiki's eyes hardened, and he stood in front of me with another man, a tall blonde one. "Ready when you are, Yamanako." Two unnamed men put their hands on Yamanako and Ibiki's shoulders, ready to lend them chakra at any given moment. Yamanako rubbed his hands together and firmly planted them on either side of my head.

I glared at him, irritated with the physical contact, then flinched before I pushed the irritation back inside me.

"You will not divulge any information from me. I am well trained," I warned just before everything went black.

***

An uncomfortable feeling had settled in Ibiki's chest. Being in Cashile's head again...

He shook away the sensitive thoughts. This was necessary for the safety of Konoha.

"Wow, it's changed in here." Yamanako whistled.

He was right. Before, Cashile's head had been organized so profoundly, creativity jumping out of each corner, traps lying in wait in the places you'd least expect them.

Now, it was completely bland. No stairs that continued on into each other forever, no brightly lit corridors; it looked as though the place had been ransacked. Glass littered the floor, the lights were either flickering or dead, doors were either shattered or chained shut, the walls were crumbling...

What had happened here? What destroyed Cashile's mind?

There was one corridor, presenting all the doors available. Each door was sealed shut. Even the doors that hadn't been sealed during Ibiki's first trip.

Had Cashile sealed them to avoid another incident like the last?

Was that even possible? For someone to seal their own memories?

"Over there!" Yamanako said.

Ibiki followed him down the hall, right to a door. Not just an ordinary door. It was the door that had been chained tightly the first trip around. Now, it's seal looks shattered, clinging on to the edges of the door for dear life. 

It was one of the only doors that wasn't shut.

Right next to it was another door, which Ibiki didn't remember seeing the first time around; it was chained shut, and simply had an "I" and a "V" scratched into it. Ibiki ignored it, focusing on the oddity of the shattered door.

"Well," Yamanako coughed. "I'll give you the honors."

"Thanks," Ibiki grunted, stepping past Yamanako, and pulling the door open, pushing down any hesitance.

Immediately, spiders swarmed out, covering Ibiki. He let out a shocked shout, batting at the tiny creatures.

Cashile appeared, flickering into being right behind Ibiki. "They were guards!" Yamanaka shouted, "Cashile's cracked open a pathway into her mind. I need to fight her out!"

"Just do it!" Ibiki shouted. There was a sudden flash of light and darkness then light again and everything went quiet.

Ibiki sat up, the spiders gone. "Thanks," he breathed. Then his eyes narrowed. "You let me go first!"

Yamanako smiled sheepishly. "Of course... heh..."

Ibiki picked himself up roughly and yanked open the door, tired of mind games. Literally, mind games.

And what was inside the door, he couldn't believe.

***

I gasped awake, coughing from exhaustion. The blonde one looked the same way as I felt. We had battled our chakras, and he had won because I was weak.

It was unacceptable.

Ibiki gasped in horror. "They know... Everything."

"Elaborate?" Tsunade invited.

I lost track of their conversation as another coughing fit gripped me, too weak to suppress it any longer. I spasmed weakly, a small stream of blood dripping from the corner of my mouth. I collapsed, allowing my weight to hang from the shackles. My head lolled to the side as pain gripped my lungs and throat. I tried to catch my breath, gasps coming fast and shallow.

Kakashi was the first to notice something was wrong when I started to shake, teeth chattering. "She's coughing up blood, Tsunade!" He shouted, alarmed.

Tsunade placed two fingers on my throat. "Her heart is racing," she mumbled, "And she's running a fever." She inspected the blood that ran from my mouth. "Not just blood," she announced, "It's mucus, tinged with blood."

"What's wrong with her, Lady Tsunade?" Ibiki asks.

"Fairly easy diagnosis," Tsunade declared, "It's pneumonia."

"You can heal her?" Kakashi questioned.

"Simple treatment: antibiotics taken once daily. I also want to rehydrate her, get some fluids into her. She needs a meal, preferably a broth, some water and a roll to start. Keep it simple."

"Yes, Lady Tsunade," Kakashi and Ibiki said in unison.

"Tsunade?" Kakashi hesitated before swallowing and hurriedly asking, "The antibiotics... The drugs... Are they... Addictive?"

"Unless she enjoys possible stomach aches and nausea, no," Tsunade responded.

I grimaced in my pained state. Why was he so worried if the drugs were addictive or not? Was he worried I would turn into a drug addict? I almost laugh at the thought, but I should feel nothing so I don't feel anything.

Pain racked my body and I tried to conceal it this time, but I seized up again.

"Let's treat her before we proceed with our interrogation." Kakashi suggested, shooting a worried glance in my direction. Ibiki's glance hardened towards me but he didn't argue.

Half an hour passed before a woman in white scrubs and a mask came into the holding area. "From Lady Tsunade," she announced, handing Kakashi an orange bottle full of tablets, and a bottle of water. "One every day. And here." She handed him a plastic bag. "Broth and a roll for today."

"Thank you." Kakashi said appreciatively.

The woman nodded. Even half dead I could see that she was intimidated by Kakashi of the Sharingan.

She left, blushing and stumbling over herself.

"Okay Cashile, you don't want to die? Take this." He put one capsule in my mouth and unscrewed the cap of the bottle, slowly tilting down so that small drops of water spilled into my mouth without making a mess.

I swallowed the tablet and guzzled down the water that I so desperately needed to keep my body functioning, to keep my usefulness as a tool.

"She should rest," Kakashi said to Ibiki.

"No, the village is at risk. She'll be fine, she's a tough nut," Ibiki argued.

I could feel the strength seeping back into me as Kakashi fed me the broth and the roll. Why were they helping me? A tool of the Phoenix, their enemy. Hours ago I had tried to kill this Kakashi of the Sharingan.

Now he was feeding me broth and rolls.

What was wrong with these people?!

***

"Cashile, you need to be brave."

I stared straight ahead, heart pounding violently. "If the Rising Phoenix has hidden something from me it is for a reason. I do not wish to open doors that should remain shut."

"You mean you don't want to experience the pain that comes with remembering," Ibiki snapped at me.

I looked up at him. He was right too, of course. The pain that accompanied these... These memories was the only pain that affected me so greatly now.

I had to make a decision; be loyal to the Phoenix, and die. Die a tool, as my destiny was set to be.

Or help these people, become a traitor, a free spirit, the next Claw's target-- and have a fair chance at survival.

The choice was surprisingly easy; I'd choose survival, going against every bone in my body, every instinct and feeling, which told me that I lived only to serve for and die for The Rising Phoenix.

They had underestimated my desire to survive.

The hesitance before my final decision played into my mind before I asked, "What do I have to do?"

Ibiki smirked, "Now we're talking Cashile. You have blocks set up in your mind. It's impossible for you to remember anything without the pain associated with it. In other words, you've been forcefully brainwashed. You had a life before being The Claw. You had friends, people who care about you."

The words sparked confused feelings inside my chest. So that's why I couldn't remember anything. I... Had a life before the Phoenix?

"I'll make you a deal, Cashile. I'll tell you something about yourself, something you don't know, If you do this for us and for yourself. In fact, the knowledge will come to you automatically if you succeed."

An old feeling stirred inside my stomach.

Knowledge... Is power... Power...

I clenched my teeth and held my breath, battling the pain in exchange for the old, familiar feeling.

Three seconds later I gasped, unable to do it.

"I cannot," I said.

He grabbed my shoulders roughly. "Fight it, Cashile. Fight it."

"Fine, I will do it," I snapped back. Something about Ibiki Morino irritated me.

I pushed down the pain associated with feeling the irritation, feeling anything at all. This was only one tenth of the pain I would have to deal with soon enough.

"Could you at least unchain me?" I asked. "And maybe have a medic nin to ease some of the pain?"

"We can arrange that," Kakashi affirmed. "Anything else?" He asked.

"Do you both need to be in here?"

I would be at my weakest, most... Most vulnerable.

"No one will be in here but us and Lady Tsunade," He assured me.

As if on cue, Lady Tsunade walked into the room.

I hesitated yet again. "I... Okay, I guess."

"Alright Cashile, this will be painful, but there's an eye of the storm of sorts. At the center of your mind is a kind of core memory, something that will keep you grounded as you begin remembering, that will keep you... Well, you," Tsunade explained.

"Okay."

"Here we go," she said grimly.

***

They disappeared from my sight. What replaced them was not pleasant, at all.

The white, hot pain increased each moment as I was nearly forced from my own mind. I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes, walking blindly through my mind palace, focusing on anything but the pain. I was so close, I knew it.

Suddenly everything fell away, and I stood in a golden glow.

"Are you there?" I heard Ibiki's voice ask.

"...yeah..." I murmured, soaking it all in. So this was the very core of the memories I thought for years were non existent.

"What is it?" Kakashi asked, from somewhere above.

"It is... It is a tree on top of a hill. On a spring day. It is peaceful."

Something flashed around me. An image of a boy. A boy with strain in his eye and a look much beyond his age. He smiled down at me, playing with strands of my hair.

This... Happened?

Impossible.

"Good," Kakashi sounded relieved, "You've found a memory. Are you in pain right now?"

I suddenly realized that I am not. "No..." I said slowly. I did feel something.

Perhaps a fondness, a longing for this place unknown to me. Nostalgia.

"Okay. This memory is your safe spot; whenever the pain gets too bad or you're having a particularly hard time with a memory, return here. This will provide you healing and protection. Alright?" Tsunade walked me through the process.

"Okay," I agreed quietly.

"Let's get started then," Ibiki said.

I took a deep breath and stepped away from the golden glow and plunged back into the swirling black storm. I struggled through, directly myself towards the first door I spot. With just a touch, the seal melts away and the door springs open.

"I touched it and it opened," I said through clenched teeth, the onslaught of pain nearly overcoming me.

"Some doors will be easier to open than others," Ibiki told me.

"Go inside," Kakashi urged.

I stepped inside and it overcomes me. I cry out in bitter pain. Unable to withstand for even a mere five seconds, I turned and ran away from the memory, running back to the safety of the tree on top of the hill.

"It hurt!" I gasped, "I was poisoned!"

"Must've been the spiders," Kakashi muttered to Ibiki, "What was that, two and a half years ago?"

"Closer to three," Ibiki responded.

"Poisoned by spiders?" I asked.

I could hear them in conference. "She opened the door, but she didn't remember the entire memory, Tsunade," Kakashi said.

"From what I can tell she'll just get glimpses from the past, until she sees something that will jolt her out of her entire brainwashed state," Tsunade inferred.

The peaceful scenery greeted me, healing all the blistering and burning pain and putting my soul at ease. I had the urge to just lie down...

Kakashi brought be out of my thoughts. "Cashile, are you ready for the next door?"

"Not really," I groaned. None the less, I leapt through the darkness full of suffering, and opened the next door.

I had gone through several more doors, receiving snapshots of feeling and thought but no concrete memories. I let out a pained breath I stepped through the door and felt pure relief when no hurt greeted me.

Curiosity settled over me, as I viewed another me. I proceeded to watch and observe myself.

I'm sitting on the park bench of Konoha.

And as I sat, I learned.

The man with the younger woman has a tan line in his left ring finger. Obviously having an affair.

The man walking along with his girlfriend was obviously gay. The girlfriend obviously wasn't aware.

The woman in the expensive kimono and jewelry didn't know that her husband has just lost all their money and fortune, probably from gambling.

That person was in love with that person, that woman hated that man, two best friends secretly loved each other, that person was broke, that person was rich, he was failing school, she was skipping... It didn't matter what it was; eventually I learned to see the truth just from watching.

I was good at it. I knew people. I knew how they acted, what they wanted, what they hated, what they loved, how they responded to certain stimuli, what made them tick...

My eyes flew open and I gasped, choking on the flood of memories that were completely overwhelming my mind.

I grasped my head, pain swarming, spreading. There was no warmth, no peaceful memory to escape to. Only pain.

It was all I knew right now. It would never stop. It was all I was ever going to know. I shouldn't have crossed the Phoenix. What use am I invalid, even if I have my memories?

I was nothing. I was a tool of the Phoenix. I rethought these two sentences over and again in my mind, hoping that relief and the comfort of being nothing would follow. I started muttering the words out loud.

Kakashi lashed his arms towards me, and on instinct I reached for my weapons which had been confiscated.

It wasn't till after his arms were around me that I realized he was holding me in an embrace. He was hugging me. Irritation replaced my panic, and the pain dulled.

And suddenly, now, when I looked at Kakashi, I could see. I could see his motivation and his worries and his stress and what each twitch from him meant.

I could see him, Ibiki, and Lady Tsunade.  I could see that I was not a tool. I was not nothing.

I could see that I was brilliant.

I could see that I was Cashile Kuroki.

__________________________

A/N

Do you hate us yet? Do you love us yet? Tell me how you feeeeeeel!!!! Okay, okay so most of you feel a deep desire to stab us for basically... Destroying Cashile. But you don't because you want is alive to write the next chapter.

UNDERSTANDABLE.

Don't worry guys, Cashile's a bitch, I know. Terrible things are happening to her, I know. But that's her suckish life and most of the outcomes were results of her own selfish decisions (which we also are to blame for, no sugar coating.)

But hey, it'll get better. Then worse, then better and worse. It's a cycle, this life, that's realism. No promises though.

Anyways! I sincerely hope you enjoy this chapter and want more! I'm SO SORE! I worked out so my.

My ass is numb and it hurts to sit.

Help.

Anyways, comment, vote, fan :-) thanks for the support guys!

-S

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