Thudding reached my ears first. It was regular, four crashes then a pause, then four more. Like a wave retreating and advancing on a shore; or so I had been told once. I had never seen the sea, one day I would. It was like a heartbeat, strong and purposeful. Willing me to wake up. Then I started swaying; in time with the pulses. Normally I would have fallen from such a movement, at last while in this state. Straining slightly, I regained control of my eyes, peeling them open as if seeing for the first time. Everything was moving so quickly shades of brown and green rushing past me like a river. Looking forward, a brilliant white shone, like a slice of silver, parting the river. Something heavy was tied around my middle, keeping me in place; a rope perhaps? As my eyes drifted into focus, the silver blade thickened and rounded off, glisteningly white ears protruded out from spun silk. A soft sigh sounded from it. What was it? Where was I? Where was Radagast? Like a bow string, my mind snapped back into the present. I was on a horse. And I was not in control of the horse. Trees and leaves zipped past us as we teared through the surroundings. The rope. I reached towards it and tried to remove it, but it tightened around my waist. It was thicker than a rope. It was an arm. I gasped, breaking through the confusion of my hazed mind, sucking in air as if I had been choking. My neck was still sore from the ordeal which I expected, but my chin, my jaw. I did not anticipate the searing pain that ripped through me as I inhaled.

"Steady yourself," A deep voice spoke from behind me. It was soft and kind; full of concern, "you suffered a fall last night and you have been asleep since."

Memories assaulted my mind; Legolas struggling against a hideous orc, my dagger twirling in the air, something pulling me down.

"Where are we?" I barely uttered the words without wincing.

"We are heading back to Laketown." His voice filled with sorrow. I sensed that was only half of the truth. I would know soon, so I refrained from prying.

***

The first sign of our destination came in the form of a tower of smoke, it was vast and reached up into the sky as high as the mountains dared to. I had heard rumours of Smaug when I was following the company through Mirkwood. Dread pooled in my stomach, this couldn't be.

We rounded the final corner and our destination was in full view. An ink stain that had frozen mid splatter. Some of what used to be still stood, blackened and charred, but most had collapsed into the heap which laid on the lake, silent as the dead themselves. There was no sign of survivors amongst the wreckage. A whole civilisation. Desolate and destroyed. I scanned the shoreline for any signs of refuge. "There." I pointed to a small brown splodge on the pale-yellow stone shore. The horse sprung into a canter once more as we raced to reach the survivors. Did they make it? Is Tauriel safe? Suspense shook us both, like an aggressive slap to the face. Neither of us uttered another word, anxious for our friends.

***

What was once a scene of tranquillity, was now desecrated with despair. Light had barely broken through the smoke left behind from the last night's affairs. In the place of bird chirps were children shrieking for their mothers, instead of pale white beach stretching endlessly, there was jagged brown daggers and harrowing scenes of wreck and ruin. Evil had escaped, and it was angry, lashing out like a spoilt child, too strong for its own good. In my head I knew they could have survived, but my heart had already erupted with shards of ice. Bodies washed up, face down, onto the shore. Too large to be a dwarf. My spirit lifted before plummeting into darkness. The waves cruelly shoved it towards me. He was small, long brown hair curled around pale, swollen skin. Dread poured into my heart, splintering the shards of ice. I practically fell off of the horse and waded through the wreckage. I reached out with a cold, solemn hand. The leather of the coat was stiff and waterlogged. As I grasped at it, waster ran through my fingers, I pulled the body over.

A child lay before me, fear had been set on his face, bulging, blind eyes stared back at me.

"Alrek!" A screech sounded from behind me, I could hear the stones of the shore shifting beneath her feet as she ran to us, "my boy!"

I stood from the corpse as she sank to her knees beside it. Only a mother could cry like that, I couldn't bare it, I turned to walk away, too much death surrounded me. The scene felt familiar somehow.

"Steady lads!" A familiar voice! I searched for its origin. There they were; Oin, Bofur, Fili and Kili, and to make things better, Tauriel. I couldn't believe my luck. They were hauling a boat into the water, readying to depart while Tauriel was talking to Kili. I fetched Legolas and we made our way over to them, Tauriel and Kili seemed to be in an intense conversation, judging by Legolas' stern expression, he didn't approve. Kili reached out to Tauriel and grabbed her arm, Tauriel lowered her head. My eyebrows dipped in confusion, had I missed something. Kili uttered something to her causing her head to snap up. We were nearing them now, just out of earshot. A smile crept onto Kili's face and Tauriel began to lean closer to him. Legolas stopped on top of a mound, I was stood at his flank, Tauriel suddenly stiffened away from Kili.

"Hîr nín, Legolas." Her voice shook, we had disrupted a very intense moment.

{"My Lord, Legolas."

Kili sneered up at Legolas, clearly unhappy to see him. I turned to Legolas, unsure of the course of action to be taken.

Three words and it was clear.

"Maewado i Naug."

{"Take your leave of the Dwarf."

"Boe i nadh egeno." He elaborated coldly. Pain was not an emotion Legolas was willing to give away freely

{"You are needed elsewhere."

She had already turned from duty once, it was unlikely she would be forgiven a second time. She realised this too, and began to turn away from Kili's pleading eyes. Defeated, he turned away too and began to return to the other dwarves' sides but paused mid stride. This was a moment too personal for my prying eyes to watch. I turned back to Legolas once more, His could eyes flickered down to me and then straight back to Tauriel. His sense of decency was not the same as mine, it seemed.

The sound of stone pebbles colliding sounded in the air once more, I had to go with them. I chased after Kili. He reached the boat as I caught up to him, "I should go with you all, surely." I started hesitantly, not quite sure of my standing.

"No," Kili sighed, "Stay with your kin, you could learn a lot from them."

"But I have a duty of ca-"

He silenced me with one word, "go." I paused, torn between two paths. This was a point of no return. But It was still my decision.

I looked to Legolas for answers, I was still his prisoner in some ways. His face was a stone as the day we had met. I nodded solemnly to the company, wishing them well before re-joining Legolas.

I understood that Thorin had ordered Kili to stay behind while the others advanced. He was simply deflecting this on to me, trying to reclaim what little authority he had left. But I still recognised my promise. I would find a way back to their side. But I had to help them in other ways now. If only Radagast could have seen me now. Would he have been proud?

Tauriel peered down at her hands before staring longingly after Kili and he reciprocated. My eyes narrowed. Bouncing back and forth between the pair's gazes. Tauriel's heart was no longer her own. This may not end well. Radagast had lectured me on the perils of love before. A marriage between elf and any other race would end in despair for their lives are so short, the grief would simply cause an elf to perish. That being said, with dedication and commitment, it was a love that could survive the pain of loss. Until now I had seen a certain beauty int the mortality of love like theirs, now it filled me with sorrow. The fact that they were so fleeting no longer made the moment more precious. It was more tragic.

***

The people of Laketown were still gathering supplies and readying to leave. A man propped himself on a rock and guided the others off of the beach, he was a tall man with dark ringlets and facial hair to match. Dressed in different furs and leathers, he was well prepared for the winter months. A leader had emerged from the chaos. "Take only what you need. We have a long march ahead," he called out. Too humble to even desire to be a leader.

"Where will you go?" Legolas was still carved in stone, reserved and unwilling to show weakness.

The leader looked across the lake, "there is only one place."

Another man joined the conversation, much to the other's distaste, "The mountain! You are a genius, sire. We can take refuge inside the mountain. It might smell a bit of dragon - The women can clean up. It will be safe and warm and dry, and full of stores, bedding, clothing...the odd bit of gold." He was a weasel, a vile man, not to be trusted. He hunched over within scrappy clothes to match his wiry frame.

"What gold is in that mountain is cursed. We will take only what was promised to us" the leader resisted the temptation, "only what we need to rebuild our lives." He dumped a bundle of sticks into the weasel's hands and walked off.

When he was no longer in view, the wiry creature dumped the sticks into the hands of a poor old woman who was already burdened with a load of sticks. "Here - pull your weight!"

She spat him a sour look and trudged off before I could offer any assistance.

Instead, I followed behind Legolas, "News of the death of Smaug will have spread through the lands." I warned.

"Aye."

Legolas resumed his conversation, indifferent to my interjection "Others will now look to the mountain - for its wealth, or its position."

"What is it you know?" his eyes narrowed and I listened in, fearing ignorance.

"Nothing for certain," Legolas delayed; hesitant, "It's what I fear may come." Looking concerned, his eyes drifter off into the distance. Snapping out of his reverie, he sauntered off to find Tauriel.

"I do not believe we have properly met," I began hesitantly, this leader of sorts was an intense man, serious and strong willed. "What is your name?"

"Bard." He shot back bluntly, "and what do I call you?"

It had felt like an age since I had heard my own name, I spat the word out, no longer feeling attached to it, "Caladhiel."

"Well Caladhiel," forcing the words out, he tried to make conversation, "how did you get into this mess?"

It had been over five months now since that fateful day in the forest I once called home. "I gave my word to a friend," I spared the details, "I promised to aid the dwarves in reclaiming their home and now I am here."

"why are you not with them now?" the question cut deep.

"Despite the stubbornness of dwarves, the arrogance, the pig headedness, I found redeeming qualities in each," I defended them, "Nori had a healthy appetite; and plenty to say about it. Ori possessed a childlike wonder, capturing beautiful drawings and poetry but what surprised me most was how effective he was with Dwalin's Warhammer."

Bard hummed, intrigued.

"Dori was quite the pessimist but that meant he was prepared for the worst, loyal to a fault in protecting his own. Fili was reckless, to say the least, chasing after adventure wherever possible which drew for an interesting few stories, I recollected catching him from a tree he was ever so determined to summit. And where would he be without Kili. Kili was so determined to make his mark on the world but he extended his pride to his family and further beyond."

Bard smiled at that, perhaps Kili reminded him of himself.

I carried on, "Oin was very inquisitive despite his age, and an inventor of sorts; he is developing a topical balm that had proven useful before. Glóin was not afraid to have his voice heard, he spoke often of his son who I sensed he had great expectations of for the future. Bombur was quiet, simply didn't fell he had much to say but was a surprisingly efficient fighter and woe betide anyone who made him late for dinner! Bofur was a character, though endearing and optimistic, he had a disastrous tendency to blurt things out without thinking. The best part about him was the fact he joined the company partly to seek his fortune – and partly because he was told the beer was free."

I managed to tease a chuckle from the bowman's lips.

"I must be boring you," I begun to realise just how much I had missed them, "Surely you have more important work to do than waste time entertaining my reminiscences."

"No!" He answered to quickly to be anything but genuine, I had noticed a few others begun to pause and listen too, "do continue"

I sighed, "Bifur is still a mystery to me, I believe he suffered a head injury that left him inarticulate for he only communicated with hand gestures and what I can only assume was Khuzdul. He still has a bit of an orcish axe stuck in his forehead. Balin was as sharp as the very arrows in my quiver, not even a mouse could escape his eagle eyes. I suspect despite wanting a peaceful life, he had been forced to live a life fraught with war. I hope he finds rest soon, he is weary for it."

My accumulated audience muttered to each other before pausing to hear the rest.

"Dwalin spoke his mind plainly and was not one to suffer fools lightly. Fiercely loyal, to Thorin and all those he considered family, a great warrior and the best ally you could have hoped for. And finally, Thorin." I paused with deep regret, I could have tried harder to make him trust me, "Thorin was smart, proud, brave, intelligent, yet vengeful and a bit stubborn. With good reason, I must add. But he valued very nearly every individual of any status and highly respected by his company."

The crowd filed away, resuming their tasks but Bard stayed. He watched me, a calculating stare amongst the chatter.

"Why do you talk about them like that?" He asked. I sent him a confused glance in return. He elaborated, "Like they are far away, never to return. You will see them again, won't you?"

"I don't know if I can." The little boat had already disappeared from view, "They are far away. Distant. Some cannot forgive for they cannot forget." He was so quick to judge; would I ever gain the trust he held in such high regard?

"It takes commitment," Bard offered solace, "We all forgive in time."

I nodded, trying to reassure him, "You must go, your people need someone like you." I left before he could protest. As much as he tried to deny it, he was a perfect leader; perhaps, someday, a king.

***

As I strolled back over to Tauriel and Legolas, who appeared to be deep in conversation, I caught the sound of hooves racing towards them, I peeked over my shoulders. My eyes widened.

An elf from Mirkwood had been dispatched. I ducked behind some nearby wooden ruins and hid. He rode up to Legolas and addressed him.

"Hîr nín, Legolas. Celin 'winiath o adar lín." He began, "Cân i hi danwenidh na le."

{"My Lord Legolas, I bring word from your Father. You are to return to him immediately."

Legolas nodded, "Tolo, Tauriel."

{"Come, Tauriel."

The messenger bowed his head, "Hîr nín. Edlennen Tauriel."

{"My Lord, Tauriel is banished."

"Edlennen?" he questioned in disbelief.

Both Legolas and Tauriel were surprised.

"Athon, ten' leithian usina en' gadorphen, inya edhel essa Caladhiel"

{"yes, for aiding the escape of a prisoner, a female elf by the name of Caladhiel."

Legolas flared with quiet rage, barely holding back, he retorted, "You may tell my father: If there is no place for Tauriel, there is no place for me."

"Legolas. It is your King's command" muttered Tauriel in disbelief.

"Naw aran nín, mal ú-gân innas nín."

{"Yes, he is my King. But he does not command my heart."

The messenger turned to return to Mirkwood; his task was complete, but not in the way Thranduil intended it.

Legolas waited patiently for both the elf to ride out of earshot, and myself to emerge from my hiding spot, "I ride north. Will you come with me?" he declared, inviting us both. It was an optional request. I was free to go wherever I wished. A weight I had forgotten about was lifted from my soul.

"To where?" Tauriel was as eager as ever, not sensing the gravity of his request in the same way as I did.

"To Gundabad." He turned to me, "and you?"

I stopped. This was a difficult choice, I wanted to find Gandalf, find Bilbo, and ultimately the others. But I wasn't welcome last time.

"yes, I will come too." I uttered with uncertainty.