TW: ACTS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

Alex's POV

30 mins later

"ARGH SHIT" I screeched, throwing the razor onto the tiles, cracking them a bit.

I was leaning against the cupboard under the sink in Vanessa's bathroom, my face cupped in my hands and tears dripping into the lines between her white tiled floor. She had given me spare keys and she was staying with her friends in Australia for the month.

As I felt blood trickle down my wrist, I couldn't get the idea out of my had that John was doing the same thing at home and It made me want to scream thinking about him doing that to himself and I wanted more than anything to get up and run back to him but I wasn't able to get up, I felt physically and mentally incapable of it and all that would happen was I would cry more.

I looked out of the window when I heard the quiet sound of rain but all I could see was my reflection in the window glass and pitch black darkness behind it. Suddenly I heard thunder crash and tears started to fall faster and my breath began to quicken and The thunder echoed from outside and tears stained my red cheeks.

"I should be dead, like the rest of my family" the storm was getting louder and I started to hyperventilate until I ran the razor up my arm and sunk it deeper into my skin, when everything went black.

John's POV

It's been half an hour since Alex left.

"What've I done, what've I done?" I mumbled, pacing around the living room holding a knife to my wrist. "God Alex, if you're doing what I'm doing right now I'll murder you" I sobbed aloud like I was taking to him.

"JESUS CHRIST JOHN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" I heard someone shriek from behind me. Peggy slammed the door shut and yanked the knife out of my grip, pulling my left wrist up, to look at it.

"John, Hun, no" Peggy threw the knife on the floor and ran to wet a paper towel. "John don't do this to yourself" she scolded and I winced at the pain caused by Peggy wrapping the wet towel around my wrist.

"H-have you seen how Alex is doing?" I stuttered through the tears.

"I would but I don't know where he is and he won't pick up his phone, now John, you can't say that stuff to him! I know you've had your family struggles but it's worse to not have a family to struggle with, I don't mean to compare your problems but the people you have problems with, aren't alive for him anymore and one of your struggles is your mother dying, right? Well imagine that and multiply it by three and add on a couple more because Alex had other siblings than just his brother but they died before he was born. Now what does that give you? It gives you a shit life. You can not let things like that escape from your mouth like that!" Peggy glared, putting bandaids on my cuts.

"Peggy I know-"

"NO, John. You don't! " Peggy was livid, tears forming in her eyes before spinning around and calling Eliza.

"Get the group over to John's. NOW" she ended the call before Eliza could reply and the door burst open, the group rushing in.

"Did you find Alex!?" Laf asked, glancing around the apartment.

"No, dumbass that's what you're all here for" Peggy retorted. No one questioned her rudeness and just accepted it because they knew she was stressed.

"The cinema?" Hercules asked

"Nope, he would know we'd check there" I said replied.

"Oh god it's storming" Angelica muttered.

I turned to the window to see flashes of lighting and rain drops.

Shit

I ran to the door at the realisation.

"John where are you-?"

"VANESSA'S" I screamed and the group ran out the door behind me.

-

"ALEX!?" rushing past the unlocked door of Vanessa's apartment I raced through her home and snapped the handle of her bathroom door open to see my husband curled up on the floor, the tiles wet with rain from the open window and blood seeping into it from his wrist, Which was covered in cuts and blood and slightly outstretched in front of his tear stained face.

"Baby, no, no Alex" I picked him up and laid his head in on my lap, expecting a response.

"Alex? Wake up. Alex?" I shook his shoulders slightly, Turning my head and looking up at the group who had just entered and tears spilled from my eyes, As I felt for Alex's heart beat.

"He's alive get him to the fucking hospital!" Eliza shrieked, letting go of his wrist and I picked him up and carried him to the car.

-

"Alexander Hamilton" I almost shouted at the front desk lady at the hospital while she wrote his name down on a clipboard. I felt Alex be lifted out of my arms and saw him being placed onto a flimsy, metal rolling bed by nurses. I tried Screaming and reaching out for him but Hercules and Eliza pulled me back, though I still tried to fight my way out of their grips.

"Um, I'm going to have to ask you to sit in the waiting room. I was about to scream and plead to go see Alex before Angelica dragged me away from the front desk and took me to the waiting room.

"You know, it's funny, he might be dying the same day he was born" A familiar voice said from across the room.

I got up to jump at them when I noticed it was was Jefferson. "What the fuck are you doing here Jefferson?" I snarled, definitely not in the mood for his smart ass remarks.

Peggy was about to go up to Jefferson and punch him but Eliza glared at her and motioned for her to sit back down.

"Hello, does Alexander Hamilton have a family member or close friend here? Or a wife?" Two nurses walked in. One was young and chirpy and the other looked like she was literally dead inside and outside.

"Husband" I said, standing up. "Is he alright?"

One of the nurses took a step back away from me and scrunched up her face like she just watched a dog take a shit. "This way" she rolled her eyes and made way for me to walk past.

"Don't think about her, she's an asshole" the second nurse whispered in my ear and smiled. "Just to let you know, I'm not gay but I support you and your husband, don't let her bitchy attitude make you feel any worse"

I flashed a genuine smile at the nurse for a quick second before she led me to a hospital room. All I could think about his how none of this would have happened if I hadn't said all that shit, I know what Alex went through, why am I still such an asshole. I don't deserve him.

"Babygirl, please be ok, I'm so sorry" I muttered, the only other sound was his heart monitor beeping.

"He's lost consciousness because of loss of blood, he should be good to go by tomorrow" the doctor smiled. She closed the door and I let out a sigh of relief, my grip on Alex's hand loosening just a little bit.

"You're adorable when you sleep but I prefer it when you are asleep and didn't bleed yourself out of consciousness" I laughed, trying to make the mood a little less stressful for myself.
-

I woke up back in the waiting room next to Peggy swirling a single McDonald's fry in the sauce, and her other hand poking me in the face.

"I had to pull you out here while you were asleep and wake you up now because Alex is ready to leave" Peggy smiled, the bags under her eyes large, she'd been up all night from the looks of it.

I jolted up and ran into his hospital room to see Alex tightening a bandage around his wrist. He looked up at me and stared, smiling a bit.

"Alex"

"John"

"I'm so sorry" I lunged forward, embracing him and wrapping my arms around his waist. He hesitantly did the same, resting his cheek on my shoulder.

"Let's go, we have a child to adopt" he mumbled into the side of my head. Shocked, I faced him.

"But wha-?"

I was interrupted by the screams of joy escaping Peggy and Alex's mouths as they squeezed each other tightly.

"Alex I thought-?"

"WE HAVE TO GO GET A CHILD LAURENS HURRY UP" he kissed me again before I could respond, his body weight leaning onto mine and his arms around my shoulders. He ran to Peggy, grabbing the keys from her hand and rushing to the elevator.

"And to think he was unconscious just an hour ago" Peggy laughed.

"That's my husband, I guess. He's non stop"

•

I was gonna leave you on a cliffhanger where you're all like "oH is ALeX dEad!?!?1!1!?11!?1" but I felt bad bc ily guys. And IMPORTANT CHAPTER NEXT WOO