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CHAPTER NINE

  



Later that night Edward had offered to drive her home. Of course, Jasper was quick to object but the bronze haired vampire had insisted. Hesitantly, Jasper agrees only after feeling his overwhelming emotions engulf him.

Sadness, grief, worry, and fright. He doesn't know what has his adoptive brother so scared but he figured that it must've been important. He also doesn't know exactly how far this protector bond goes.

So here Olivia was, sitting in the passenger seat of the familiar Silver Volvo in a tense silence. She watches as Edward's pale skin, as if it was even possible, turn whiter as he grips the steering wheel. "You're going to break the steering wheel." She states.

He doesn't respond. He appeats to be concentrated on the dark road, but he was really trying to read Olivia's thoughts again.

"You obviously had something to say." She continues when she notices he was making no indication of responding. "Otherwise Jasper would be the one taking me home."

"You know what we are." He states as a fact.

"I do." She says with indifference.

"You know what I can do." He continues with furrowed brows.

"I know that you can't read my mind." She finishes for him with a shrug. But as she studies the way he tenses she turns her head towards the window with a small frown. "From the way your whole body just tensed I'm guessing Jasper lied." Her heart drops to her stomach.

"He didn't lie." Edward is quick to comment. "I can't read your mind... I couldn't."

"Past tense." She internally winces, her face turning cold and her guard automatically coming up.

"It was only for a split second." Edward replies, his voice croaky. "I'm guessing I was only able to read your thoughts because you were in a such a... vulnerable state."

"What did you see?" She questions after a moment of silence, unsure if she really wants to know. 

"Blood." He whispers, his eyes growing darker in anger. "Blood, tears, and I could hear screaming, crying."

Olivia doesn't reply as she tries so hard to push those thoughts away. She knew exactly what he was talking about. And she was angry, not particularly at him. But at herself for unknowingly allowing someone to know her past.

"Ho-how did you get through it?" He suddenly questions. Genuinely confused.

"Sometimes you just have to let go." She whispers, almost inaudibly.

"That!" Edward exclaims. "That saying, 'let me go' and 'let it go' was replayed in your mind like a mantra. Why?"

"Because... I let it all go a long time ago." She responds with a shrug, as if it didn't mean anything. "I had to let go in order to live."

"But you aren't living." Edward counters. "You're just breathing. Barely. You rarely feel anything, yet you're always sad and angry. You don't let anyone in. It's hard for you to even keep breathing Olivia!"

Allowing the man to calm himself down Olivia surprises them both. "Thank you."

"For what?" He questions confused as he pulls into the Swan residence.

"I'm still here. But I know what you did. I guess I'm saying thank you for letting me go. Even if it was only for a few seconds." She struggles to choke out.

"I.. it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my many years of living." He admits. "But after witnessing your memories.... I just couldn't picture living everyday with that much pain. I just want to tell you that I don't think I'd be able to do it again."

"Let me go?" She confirms, gaining a small nod from him.

She slowly nods her head and leaves the car without another word.

Walking into the house she's met with an exhausted Bella sleeping on the couch and a barely awake Charlie.

Charlie shoots out of his chair the second he hears the door open. "Where in the hell were you Olivia?! I was worried sick when I realized you were never in your room."

Olivia stares at him blankly for a few moments before suddenly launching herself at the man, surprising him immensely.

When he hears her quiet sniffles he slowly brings Olivia back to see her face wet with tears. "Baby what's wrong?" He questions his eldest daughter in worry.

Though a part of him was slightly relived that after a year she was finally showing some type of emotion. "I-I just wanted to die." She confesses with a small cry.

Charlie's whole body tenses and his eyes widen. "Olivia What are you talking about? Tell me what happened?"

But she immediately starts frantically shaking her head. "Please, please don't make me talk about it."

Charlie hesitantly nods once he sees how worked up his daughter was getting over the mention of whatever happened. Bringing her back into a hug he notices Bella slowly waking up.

Staring at the pair in concern she relaxes back into the couch when Charlie sends her a small shake of the head. She wonders what made her sister this way, what broke her so badly. And she wondered if she'd ever really find out.

The three of them sat there for a while. Just Olivia crying and Bella and Charlie's hearts slowly breaking. It wasn't until Olivias soft snores filled the room that Bella broke the silence.

"Do you think she'll ever be okay again?" Bella hesitantly questions. Scared of the answer.

"Truthfully..." Charlie sighs into his daughters hair. "I don't know. I don't think she'll ever be the same." He admits. "But she's finally showing some sort of emotion after a year, so I'd say that's progress."

Bella nods her head wordlessly and hesitantly leaves the room to go to bed after Charlie assures her Nothing will happen while she slept.



Edward walks back into the home only to be met with his brother, Jasper.

"Why did you insist on bringing her home? And why do your emotions feel so overwhelming?" Jasper immediately accuses. The family all come towards the entry way Incase anything were to happen. Jaspers eyes suddenly light in rage. "And why would you not save my mate?!"

Jasper shoves Edward into the wall and snarls in his face. Edward doesn't react, simply staring at his brother in sympathy. "She didn't want to live." Edward says simply.

Jasper punches the wall beside Edwards head as he tries to control his rage. " Nothing should've stopped you from saving her! What kind of protector are you?"

"A protector protects their protected from whatever they have to!" Edward begins to fume. "Even if it's from theirselves."

"And what is that supposed to mean!" Jasper raises his voice.

Carlisle takes a step forward with his hands raised. "Boys enough."

"It means that she's in so much pain and self hatred that I made a last minute decision to let her go!" Edward shouts. "She's in so much pain that she's numb! I could read her thoughts, while she was falling." He mumbles after a tense moment.

"What was it?" Jasper visibly stumbles back, after feeling the intense emotions emitting from his brother.

"Nothing that should ever be spoken out loud." Edward shakes his head.

'Is it like what happened to me?' Rosalie softly questions in her head knowing Edward would hear.

He looks towards her for a moment before mumbling. "Worse. A hundred times worse. Except she was still living afterwards."

And with that he walks away to go wallow in despair in his room. Leaving the rest of the Cullens in deep thought.

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