It was a calm day. Well calm enough to hear yourself think. I was under a tree chewing on a pencil wonder of what to be. Nothing sinister has happened to me back then. I had friends, a lover, a family. They all liked me too, I never knew what I could do without them. I still don't. Anyway I was doing my homework I was 16 at this time, my final happy year. I was turning 17 next month. I didn't understand the lesson but it made more sense then life. I finally gave up on it put it in my back pack and thought.

I thought of happy things getting married, and unicorns. My mind was fresh like a newborn nothing bad. I heard my friends in the distance it was Josh, Mike, and my b.f.f Kate. I then saw them running up the hill that I was on. A cold breeze came across the leaves blowing them done in front of me and hitting my friends. This wasn't a dream even though now it seems to fake. They talked to me and asked me if I wanted to play golf with them. I was in a rich school so golf was fun, however I feel it is weird for an Asian to play golf. But that didn't matter to me I was glad they liked me. I honestly hate golf. We ran down the hill into town, this was 4 hours before the storm.

The streets were booming with people, screaming and yelling there hearts out. I pranced around all happy. Something I haven't done in awhile. I want to say five years but, everyday now seems like a year. Like I'm in a cell banging on the bars yelling there's a mistake. But the prison has been abandoned. Not even a cell mate just the thoughts that make you tie the rope. The thoughts that make you give up hope. All alone forgotten.

We got to the course all was well I was losing by a lot. Just like when I try to fight the thoughts. My friend josh, my secret crush showed me how to golf correctly. The feeling of his tiny whiskers on my neck. His warm hands on my cold trembling ones. His strong arms keeping me in place, protecting me. I wish they would be able to protect me for what was to come. He told me how to do it, I made it in the hole, the day was magical. Later I had to tell him how I felt I waited for him to finish the game then I would pull him in a corner and let him know how I felt.

I grabbed his wrist and tugged gently. We were under this rock looking thing. It was slouched just enough for us to stand. I grabbed his two hands and pulled them up to my face "Josh I lo.." then that's when I heard it. The lightning strike, the bomb. I'll never forget the sound of the screams of my friends, the cracking of metal. My friend mike was the one to run over and tell us what had happened. Kate had been hit by a drunk driver and..and..and. I can't remember much after that until I saw Kate smashed into a wall. Blood all over the cars front. The windshield broke open. Kate's lifeless blue eyes. They always said that when you die you seem peaceful. This was anything but. She looked like she was still in pain. Like she's living the scene in an endless loop. Every time she died it's more pain but, soon the pain stopped having feeling because she finally died. I'm waiting for this day currently the day I either die or am strong enough to stop the pain.

The hurtling sound of the cop car rang in my ears. Like a flash bang went off. The ringing would never stop every dream I'll ever had related to this one the day my best friend was taken from me. If I was there I could have done something instead of Trying to get with a guy. The cops started to question us. But my mind was blank and endless like the ring in my ear. I was in a void of disbelief...of denial. I began to cry, I felt the cold tear steamed up on my frustrated burning face. I was in the void defiantly a white hole surrounded by darkness. Falling into this hole while memories flash before your eyes. Then I woke up from the void on the side of the street covered in a pool of tears I walked away from the crime scene and went home and for once my brain wasn't happy but questioning my existence.