Annabeth's POV

Setting: New Rome, Percabeth's college years

I was becoming increasingly more bothered by Percy lately. That was really the only word I could use to describe it. A mix of worried, annoyed, maybe a little scared, and upset could be summed up in one little word: bothered.

It wasn't the nightmares that bothered me. He didn't bother me when he'd sit straight up in fear in the middle of the night. The flashbacks and moments of needing to sit down didn't bother me. His trembling hands and broken eyes didn't bother me. I was used to all of this. More than used to it, ready for it. I know he witnessed the same things from me. We were always there for each other when these things happened. But that's what bothers me: he's shutting me out.

I didn't think much of it when he woke up one night with a wild look in his eye, covered in sweat. I didn't think anything was out of the ordinary when he moved away from my touch and flinched at my voice. I didn't think anything of it when he got out of bed and went straight to sit at the kitchen table. I didn't think anything of it when he wouldn't meet my eyes or tell me what was troubling him. I even didn't think anything of it when he spent the rest of the night on the couch. I thought he needed some space for a little while, and I was fine to give it to him.

But when nothing was different in the morning, I was a little bothered.

"You okay?" I asked, sitting next to him on the couch, wrapping both of my arms around one of his.

"Fine," he answered with no emotion.

"You don't seem like it." I tried to brush a lock of hair out of his face, but he stood up abruptly.

"Annabeth, it's nothing," he snapped.

I'll admit, I was a bit shocked with his behavior. Most of me wanted to stand up and argue that it most definitely was not "nothing" and he wasn't supposed to act like this. But a part of me said that it was a rough night and he wasn't acting out of line. Anyway, if I wanted to be left alone for a little bit, I'd be angry if he kept pestering me.

"Okay," I responded evenly. He looked at me for a moment and a weird look crossed his face. Almost like he had realized what just happened. But he didn't say anything. Instead, he turned around and walked away. Soon we both went to class for the day and I didn't bring it up again. Even though I hadn't got my morning kiss goodbye.

That was a good month ago now, and we'd been living together in this apartment for about two. It wasn't anything fancy or big, but I liked it. Percy and I hadn't actually looked at before we moved in. Frank and Reyna picked it out for us and promised it would suit us. I was content, but for some reason Percy wasn't. He never said anything, but the first time we walked in, he looked around with a look I couldn't read on his face. But it had soon passed and he had smiled at me like everything was perfect. And I had believed him. Now I wasn't so sure.

******

The nightmares were getting more frequent, and every time I felt him push me farther away. I ignored the ache in my chest when he went to the bathroom with tears dripping down his face instead of curling up in my arms. I pretended it didn't hurt when I heard the door click. I told myself to go back to sleep instead of waiting up for him to be done. But I didn't. Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer when he came out and headed for the couch instead of the bed.

"Please come back," I pleaded, my voice hoarse. I hated how pathetic I sounded. But the pain in my chest was overriding my brain. Percy paused without looking at me. I held my breath for what seemed like forever. He slowly turned around and walked towards me. He climbed onto his side of the bed... and stayed there. His hand didn't brush mine, he didn't wrap his arm around me, he didn't even touch his feet against mine under the blankets.

I rolled over, away from him, heartbroken. I was determined not to cry, but didn't do a very good job. I hadn't confronted him about any of this so far, not since that first morning. I wasn't sure why. Maybe I hoped my Seaweed Brain would magically be fixed one day. Maybe I was trying to ignore it. Maybe I was scared of what he would say if I did.

The next morning I woke up with puffy eyes. Percy wasn't next to me. I wasn't surprised. I got dressed quickly and headed for the kitchen. He was sitting at the table, staring at one section of the counter. I could see dark bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept at all.

Percy finally came out of his trance when I walked right through the area he had been staring at.

"Hey," he started. "Wise Girl, I am so sorry-"

"For what?" It wasn't really a question. He didn't answer for a heartbeat, and by then I wasn't going to give him a chance to. I headed for the door and I was vaguely aware he was protesting. I didn't listen. I stepped outside into the warm California air.

******

It wasn't like I had lost him completely. For a while, it was only mornings after bad nights that he felt distant. By time we we returned from class, everything would be normal again. Or as normal as it could be. He kissed me goodnight and still told me he loved me. I did the same back. I was bothered, not angry.

The more I thought about it, the less it seemed like he was purposefully trying to push me away, but more like he was scared to be close to me. I couldn't understand why, though. Maybe it was my pride that made me not mention it to him. I wanted to figure it out myself.

I was slightly reassured, also, when I knew Percy wasn't only acting bizarre towards me. Frank asked me one day if he felt okay. Reyna commented that he seemed preoccupied. Hazel told me she thought he was angry with himself over something. Even Sally noticed he was off, just after one Iris Message.

"Do you think he seems to be acting a little strange?" she asked me after Percy had excused himself from the conversation to meet with Frank and Reyna over rerouting a waterway in the city.

I hesitated. I couldn't very well tell my boyfriend's mother that he has been treating me like crap lately and refuses to talk to me about his very obvious problem.

"I think he's just stressed." Not a total lie, even though he's been a lot more stressed than having a few papers to write and he's never acted like this before. "College isn't easy."

Luckily, Sally bought it. "Well okay honey, tell him that he'll be fine. I'll send some blue cookies in the mail for you two."

*****

Percy returned from his meeting, and I about jumped for joy when he pulled me into a warm hug.

"I think this new system is going to work out so great," he told me, sounding like how he should.

"Oh yeah? Why?" I smiled at him and he continued.

I was so happy that we were finally having one of our typical conversations that I didn't even notice that I didn't care a bit about the river that runs through New Rome. He twirled my hair between his fingers, which he hadn't done in so long. I never wanted him to stop.

"By the way," I said when he was finished talking, "Your mom is sending blue cookies all the way across the country for you."

Big mistake, Annabeth.

He stiffened when I said "blue cookies" and dropped my hair back down onto my shoulder. He looked back over at that spot on near the counter.

"That's nice of her," he said flatly. I tried to grab for his hand but he moved it away. "Going to go take a shower," he mumbled and was gone.

I was left sitting there, not knowing what the Hades just happened.

But he did snuggle close to me that night, and I smiled.

*****

I finally snapped one day. I had been so patient with him for so long. I missed my boyfriend, and the beginning of our freshman year was not going as planned.

I hugged him around the waist and he barely bothered to put his hands on my back. He didn't even tighten his grip a little bit.

"You know what?" I yelled at him, pulling away quickly. He seemed a little shocked. "I'm not going to let you just sulk around like this anymore." I was yelling louder now. "For three freaking months I've let you act ridiculous and push me away. I haven't pressured you to tell me what's going on or what's going through your head. I've sat by while you've barely touched me once a day the entire time we've lived here. I haven't called you out for leaving me alone at night to have my own nightmares, even though I've tried to be here for yours, despite you ignoring me." I looked at Percy's broken face and felt a lump swell up in my throat. It was hard to continue. "Right now, it's supposed to be you and me against the world, but so far I've been completely alone. You can't even seem to trust me anymore." A tear fell down my face. "Why can't you just talk to me?"

He opened his mouth but no sound came out. So I started again. 

"Do you have any idea how all of this has made me feel? Everything I thought? Every night when you don't even bother to give me a hug, I have to question if the boy who fell to Tartarus hand-in-hand with me still loves me -"

"I do love you Annabeth."  His voice cracked. "I love you more than anything."

"Then why can't you act like it?" I'm sure I was in hysterics by now, screaming at him with tears pouring down my face.

"I'm afraid!" He finally yelled, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Afraid?" I whispered, surprisingly and suddenly calm. "Your afraid to love me after three years? That doesn't even make sense."

He was crying now too, and choked out, "I don't want to hurt you."

That was so ridiculous, I laughed. "Don't want to hurt me? What do you call the last few months then? Do you really think I haven't been hurting? Do you really think that crying myself to sleep every night means I'm not hurting?"

"I'M AFRAID TO HURT YOU!" 

Silence

"What?" I finally asked. "I don't under... what?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he stared blankly at that same spot, whole body shaking. 

"I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you," he repeated. Then he collapsed into one of the chairs and put his head in his hands, sobbing.

"Why?" I managed. I might have been shaking too.

More silence.

"Smelly Gabe."

My blood turned cold. "You think... you think you're going to hurt me... because of Smelly Gabe?"

He nodded miserably. I didn't know what to say. Luckily he spoke first.

"I've always kind of thought about it. Ever since we first started dating." That surprised me, I had no idea. "I grew up with him. It was normal for him to lash out. He didn't really need a reason. He'd just hit me."

I choked a little. I knew about Percy's ex-stepfather, but he didn't really talk about. It was much more painful to hear coming out of his mouth.

"I knew that, accepted that. I accepted that Gabe was a monster. Always told myself that I would never, ever do that kind of stuff to my kids. And I don't worry about that because I could never put a little kid through everything that happened to me."

I took a deep breath. "So why do you think...?"

"Because I didn't realize for the first time that he ever hit my mom until I was twelve. Twelve. For seven years it never crossed my mind that maybe he was treating my mom the same way as me. And apparently twelve is still too young to realize or care about the other things he did to her, too." His voice was becomingly increasingly louder and angrier. Pretty soon he'd be yelling. I didn't know what to do besides sink into his lap. Relief washed over me when he relaxed into me a little, resting his hand on my shoulder and placing his arms around my waist. 

"For the next few years," he continued, "I didn't really think about Smelly Gabe. I was too caught up in demigod stuff. Mom had a new boyfriend that didn't beat us. She was finally happy, selling books and not working insane hours at a minimum wage job."

I stroked his hair soothingly when he took a shaky breath.

"But this last year has given me plenty of time to think about a lot of things, and one of them is how much crap I missed when I was younger. Thinking back, he did a lot worse things to my mom than just hit her."

My own tears were coming faster now but I only cared about Percy's, who was also starting to have trouble talking.

"You can't blame for not knowing. You were young," I assured him. 

"But what if that behavior has become ingrained in me? What if one day I just lash out. What if we're fighting and I do something I can't take back? What if-"

"Stop it. You won't."

"But I might."

We were quiet for a long time, besides sniffling and coughing. I needed to tell him I knew that he would never do that to me, but I couldn't figure out how to make him believe me.

"Annabeth, I'm so impossibly sorry for the last few months." I didn't respond. "I was trying so hard to... to... I don't even know, but somehow convince myself I couldn't hurt you."

"Well you did a pretty sucky job, huh?" I mumbled. He almost laughed.

"Yeah, yeah I did."

I knew I probably shouldn't push him, but my Percy was back and talking to me and holding me, and I just couldn't pass up the chance to get more out of him. "So... why is this worse all of the sudden?"

He sighed, "I don't know. I guess it's just we're older. And it's just the two of us all the time. And the - never mind."

"Oh no, you don't get to 'never mind' me."

"Fine... the apartment." He wouldn't look me in the eye.

"What... what about it?"

"It's extremely similar to the one we lived in."

I froze. Maybe even stopped breathing for a minute. That's why he looked at it funny when we walked in. That's why... oh gods.

"Is that why you look over there?" I gestured towards the spot near the counter weakly.

Percy nodded. "He liked to corner me in a spot just like that."

My stomach churned.

"I haven't been telling you about the nightmares because I couldn't bring myself to have this conversation. I'm so sorry it felt like I was shutting you out. Wise Girl, I'm so sorry for everything."

"So the nightmares have been about this then? Like... us? Or before?"

"Us... always us. That's why..." he inhaled deeply. "That's why I've been moving out of the bed."

"Because you dream about... hitting me?"

He didn't look at me when he said, "Not exactly."

I tried not to let my shock show in my body, because he would notice and feel worse. But I was shocked. I tensed. And he did notice.

"Oh, Annabeth," he sobbed. "I'm so sorry." He said that over and over again while I rubbed his back and whispered comforting words in his ear. I didn't know whether to tell him that it was okay or we'd get through it. So I said both.

"Percy," I lifted his chin up so he had to look at me. "Percy, listen to me. I mean every word of this." He nodded slowly with a pained expression. "You are not the same man as he was. Not by a single mean. You are loving and kind and gentle and compassionate. You're a hero. Your fatal flaw is loyalty, for Hades' sake, Perseus. I wouldn't believe in a million years that you could ever do something against me. I trust you wholeheartedly with every aspect of our lives... excluding calculating taxes." That got a small smile out of him. "You cannot destroy yourself over this. Please. Please, Percy. I love you." I repeated the last phrase over and over until he said it back.

We were a mess, sitting in the same wooden chair, mumbling the same three words over and over again, tears and snot everywhere. But for the first time in a long time I felt truly hopeful. Hopeful that Percy was okay and he was going to come back to me.

"Annabeth, I am so sorry," he said one last time.

"I know you are. I know you are, Seaweed Brain. I love you. And tomorrow we're looking for a new apartment."

He didn't protest. Instead, he hooked one arm under my knees and the other behind my back and stood up. He carried me over to the bed and laid me down gently before crawling beside me. We looped our arms around each other. I had missed this so much. Percy leaned in and gave me a soft, lingering kiss that I never wanted to end.

Just before we fell asleep, I told him, "You know I can kick your butt though, right Seaweed Brain?"

"I know, Wise Girl, I know."