I look at Anthony and Nick. I feel crowded even though its just us three. A horrible chill goes up my spine just thinking that I have to pick either Anthony or Nick. Why can't I just have them both in my life? Why do I have to decide?

Anthony looks sad, I cant leave him again. I love him. But then there's Nick, my best friend basically. The one who helped me, what do I do? I quickly run to the building. This is too much pressure for me. Once I'm in the apartment I lock myself in the room.

I hug myself because I feel so alone right now, it feels like my life is tearing apart. It feels like my whole life is collapsing. And I'm back in that place I never wanted to return to. I'm back to that horrific place that's dark, cold, and hurtful. I get up and stare at myself in the mirror and I feel a tremendous ache in my heart.

I thought returning here was going to change my life for good but oh it was the complete opposite. My life took a turn I didn't expect, it changed me but not for the good.. it was a bad change.

Stupid me thought I was going to be happy, Ignorant me thought my life was going to be perfect, foolish me thought everything was going to be alright. I was wrong. I'm always wrong.

Brittney came back along with her friends, memories that I want to forget haunt me in my dreams. Macy wants to tear me apart and Anthony ... Anthony and I used to be so close and lately it just feels like each and everyday we are growing so apart from each other. I miss us. I miss how we used to be.

I feel like I'm losing him and I can't do absolutely nothing about it. That's the worse part, I'm watching him slip away and all I can do is watch because I can't stop it. I don't' know how.

Its such a terrifying thought, knowing I can't stop this enormous wave of sadness. I stare at myself looking into my own eyes, I feel like crying. I feel like sobbing and screaming but all I do is just stand there not moving. I don't have the energy to cry, or scream, or sob. It won't help anything, it wont change anything. So why bother?

"Sydney, Sydney please open up. I-I didn't mean to make you pick between Anthony and I. I was just under pressure. But you know he won't want me close to you after the kiss." he's knocking on the door but I don't move.

"To be honest, I don't want him to be close to you either," I turn around and stare at the door like I could see Nick in front of me. "I don't know how it happened, I don't know why but it happened." I can tell he's leaning against the door. I step closer to the door and put my ear against it so I can hear better.

"All I know is that I developed feelings for you," I jump back from the door and I feel my mouth go dry. "You just somehow made your way into my heart. I wish I didn't feel this, I wish we could just go back our friendship. But-" I cover my ears because I don't want to hear anymore. I lay down on my bed squeezing my eyes tight. He likes me, he confessed he likes me.

I start to feel lightheaded from tensing my body so much. "Sydney?" he says so loud I can hear it even though I'm covering my ears. "I just want to sleep." I say back. I don't hear anything a few seconds later so I stop covering my ears. How did this happen?

"If you pick him I understand. I don't mind really, I just don't want you to stop being your friend." I look at the wall as I hear Nick say that. I can hear he is hurt. I'm hurtful, all I do is hurt people that are in my life.

~

In the morning I tiptoe out my room, I didn't get much sleep. Its not a surprise because these past few days I stay up just thinking and thinking and thinking. There's a knock on my door and my heart jumps. I'm hoping its Anthony but as I open the door all my hopes collapse.

I see two people I didn't think I'd saw again.

I see two people who hurt me.

I see my parents.

*Sorry I haven't updated, I've been busy lately. Sorry guys!