Fun Ghoul's struggling to stay standing

Ghoul wiped his sleeve across his face, the tears still streaming down his face in a never-ending way that was sure to leave him dehydrated after. Party had long fallen asleep, the emotional stress of the night finally getting to them. They had their head on Ghoul's shoulder, dried tears on their face. Their breath was coming out in short huffs, their eyebrows furrowing occasionally.

Sniffling, he tried to quell the tears, only succeeding in hiccuping in that wet way that only happens when you're trying to stop crying. He glanced at his soaked sleeve – no doubt ruined by now – and did his best to dry the damp fabric.

There's nothing quite like drowning in the desert, drowning in your own tears.

Finally managing to calm down enough to take deep breaths, Ghoul leaned his head back against the headrest. The tears were still leaking down his face, but he finally was able to think clearly.

"Party," he gently shook his partner's shoulder. "Love, wake up."

No response, not even a stir.

"Party?" Ghoul started to get worried, not even sure why. Party was just asleep... right?

Shaking Party a little harder, Ghoul could feel the tears drying rapidly on his face.

"Party fucking Poison, I swear to the Phoenix Witch, if you died from crying–" Ghoul left the threat open.

"First of all, fuck you," A hoarse voice came from Party. "I'm gonna die in a firefight, not from something as shitty as crying."

"And second of all?" Ghoul asked while reaching back. He fished a bottled water out of their rapidly dwindling supply and passed it to Party.

"Second of all..." Party trailed off. "Second of all why are you giving me water?"

Ghoul sighed. "You need it."

Party sat up, rubbing their face, before taking the bottle. "That wasn't a really fucked up dream, was it."

"I wish it was," Ghoul muttered, eyes searching the desert.

The silence was awkward, even more so as Ghoul took a sip of water. He knew that Party was watching but he tried to ignore it.

Putting the cap back on the bottle, Ghoul tossed it to the backseat. "Ready?"

Party cocked their head. "For what?"

"We're going to The Suitehearts." A short statement. Nothing more was needed.

Party paused for a moment before opening their mouth. Then closing it. A swallow. They opened it again. "Should we tell Jet?"

Ghoul's eyes widened. "Shit."

Hopping out of the car, Ghoul ran around to the back of the diner, and scrambled up the ladder. Peeking over the eave of the diner, he could see Jet Star hunched over, shoulders slumped, and The Girl awkwardly hugging him from the side. Clambering up onto the roof, Ghoul cautiously walked over, avoiding the edge– heights were scary.

"Jet? Girlie?" Ghoul called, standing a few steps away from the two of them. It was only a few steps but it felt like the entirety of Route Guano was between them.

The Girl twisted, looking at Ghoul before standing up, jostling Jet in the process. Jet had no reaction, he stayed hunched and virtually motionless.

"Heya Ghoulie," The Girl mumbled, eyes fixed on Jet, "Whatcha doin'?"

Following The Girl's gaze to Jet Star, Ghoul walked over and wrapped an arm around her. "We're – me and Party – we're going't The Suitehearts. Did one'a Jet's Beads break too?"

"Yeah," The Girl sighed, "That's why he's so... static-y."

Ghoul gave The Girl a squeeze before reaching out and gently pulling Jet up into a hug. Ghoul was pretty sure that if he could see over Jet's shoulder, he'd see Party either looking worried or jealous.

Taking a step back, Ghoul took the time to really look at Jet. Jet Star's eyes were wet with unshed tears, sure to follow the paths of the tears long gone. There was a vacant look in Jet's eyes, one that Ghoul was sure was in his as well.

"C'mon Jet," He said softly, "We're gonna go to The Suitehearts and check on them and Kobes."

Jet's eyes cleared a little, but they were quickly filled with worry. "Kobra," He muttered. "Shit, is he okay?"

"We dunno," Ghoul was starting to get antsy. "Party's already waiting in the car, c'mon." With that, Ghoul darted back to the Trans Am. Sliding down the latter, and sprinting over to the car, Ghoul could hear his heartbeat in his ears.

Ghoul jumped into the passenger seat of the car, startling Party, with Jet and The Girl jumping into the back not far behind him.

"Destroya–" Party exclaimed, fumbling for their ray gun before realizing who was in the car with them.

"Go!" Ghoul hissed before glancing back to check that the other two were in the car.

Looking mildly confused, Party started the car and sped off. The entire time Ghoul was shifting around. Knee bouncing and fingers tapping.

"Has Kobra been ghosted?" The Girl's small voice floated from the back. Ghoul could hear the worry in her tone, clear as day– or night, seeing as it was nighttime now.

Ghoul felt a tear roll down his face. In all honesty, he had no idea. He didn't remember who gave him the bracelet that broke. He could only pray to the Phoenix Witch that when they got to the Suitehearts, Kobra would be there to greet them.

Please.

"I– I don't know," Ghoul said, holding back the tears. For The Girl. It was all for The Girl. He needed to stay strong for her. But she already understood the harsh reality that they lived in.

There was no response from The Girl, only the whistle of the wind outside and the hum of the Trans Am. Ghoul could see Party next to him, their eyes on the road.

The trip to The Suitehearts seemed to drag on, but it also felt like Ghoul blinked and he was there. As Party pulled up, Ghoul could see the bodies strewn every which way. The bright whites of BL/ind soldiers, the Crows and Dracs, were a harsh contrast to the soothing darkness of the desert.

Ghoul jumped out of the car, Party hot on his heels with fresh tears trickling down their face. Meandering through the bodies, Ghoul looked for Kobra's distinctive red jacket, hoping with all his heart that it wasn't on one of the many lifeless corpses.

Reaching down, Ghoul tugged a drac mask off of one of the bodies, exposing a pale face with dark hair. Just another generic soul now. Their individuality stripped away and tossed out, as if it were worthless.

Ghoul tugged off another. And another. And another.

Underneath each, everyone looked the same. The lack of colour in BL/ind's black and white world.

Ghoul kept moving, grabbing drac masks, until he came across a curled body with a red jacket. Crouching down, Ghoul could see Kobra staring towards what seemed to be The Suitehearts, minus Dr. Benzedrine, with dried tear tracks on their face.

"Party!" Ghoul called, "I found Kobes."

At Ghoul's words, Party sprinted over. After brushing Kobra's hair away from their face, Party tackled them in a hug.

"I was so fucking worried 'bout you," They murmered in Kobra's ear, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Ghoul stood up, feeling like the moment was a little too personal for him to be overhearing. He stepped back and turned towards the pile of Suitehearts. Their shoulders were still shaking, heads tucked together.

Clapping to get everyone's attention, Ghoul walked over to The Suitehearts, gently pulling them up. Once they were all standing, he whirled around, surveying all the Killjoys around him. He wasn't doing a good job at hiding his anger.

"First off, you fuckers, you can't just hit the red line and ignore this by crying." The air turned cold, the tension palpable.

"Did you cry?" Kobra asked, suddenly very confrontational.

"Yes!" Ghoul exclaimed, glaring at Kobra. "But I calmed down and came to check on you No Show's. I mean, c'mon, yer supposed t' be the best Dust Angels in the Zones."

Donnie glared at Ghoul. "Did you even stop to consider that we just lost a friend?"

Biting his lip, Ghoul took a moment to consider his next sentence. Lowering his voice, he said, "I lost– we lost'a friend too, Donnie. But what I'm sayin' is that, while mourning is important, y'guys forgot about safety."

"Sa– Shit," Horseshoe's eyes widened, realizing why Ghoul was so mad. "Shit, we gotta move."

Party, who had been watching the exchange silently, suddenly spoke up. Retaking their leader role, they pointed at Kobra. "Kobes, get Sandman into the car. Jet, Girlie, see what you can scrounge up. And hurry. Donnie, Horseshoe, d'ya think you can get B–" They cut off suddenly, their emotions at the brink of overflowing.

Ghoul walked over to Party, waving Kobra off to get Sandman, and pulled Party into his arms.

"I'm sorry for shouting at them," He whispered, feeling Party's arms tighten around him.

Lifting their head from where it had been buried in Ghoul's shoulder, Party murmured, "It's not me you have'ta say sorry to."

"I know."

Party pulled away, their hands on Ghoul's shoulders. "I trust you with all my heart," They said, "But let me handle this, please."

"Party–" Ghoul started.

"Please."

Pulling Party into a quick kiss, Ghoul pulled away. Ghoul let his lips graze against his partner's. "Of course, love," He breathed.

Stepping back, Ghoul watched as Party slipped into the role of the revered Killjoy that led The Fabulous Four. Ghoul allowed himself a small smile that quickly slipped away as he turned to the bodies that littered the desert around him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ghoul saw Party standing by what seemed to be Donnie and Horseshoe, mere red and green blurs in his peripheral vision. He hurried to grab drac masks and Better Living-issued rayguns.

While stuffing the masks and guns into the back of the Trans Am, Ghoul caught a glimpse of colour among the black and white. The deceased 'Joy had been stuffed as gently as possible, given the rush to leave, but seeing the body up close made Ghoul want to vomit.

Squeezing into the Trans Am next to Party (there was just enough room for him), Ghoul pulled out his raygun, ready for a firefight on wheels.

"Where're we going?" Horseshoe asks from the back.

"Yeah, where are we going?" Jet emphasized, also in the back.

"Dr. D's," Party began, "We can't compromise the diner, and Dr. D moves every week or so."

"When are we gonna go to The Mailbox?" Sandman asked, speaking for the first time since the two crews had left.

Party glanced in the rearview mirror, making eye contact with Sandman. "After Dr. D's, we gotta get safe first before honouring the dead."

Sandman opened their mouth to protest before Kobra leaned over, whispering something into their ear. Abruptly slumping, Sandman leaned into Kobra, looking resigned.

The rest of the ride was silent. All of them had seen the body, even The Girl, no matter how hard they tried to hide it from her.

They all had chosen to live this life. They knew the risks. But it was infinitely better than the other choice. That doesn't mean they like it. In fact, Ghoul hated it. He hated to see the bodies pile up, more every day. He hated that he was behind some of them. He hated that it was harsh and devastating.

Tales were told of how the Helium Wars were the beginning of the end, and all they had to do now is wait. Wait until the Phoenix Witch came to collect them all. Destroya save us all.

That night was a slap to the face. The Phoenix Witch saying, "Get your shit together and remember your purpose."

But the sting didn't fade. The pain was still fresh.

Ghoul looked out the window, watching the desert pass by. He could hear Party, from back in the early days, when they were carefree.

"C'mon, Ghoul," They would yell, "We're gonna race down Route Guano!"

That was back before they understood the destruction that BL/ind wrought. Before they understood the danger that the desert held.

That was back when Ghoul would reply with "Get ready to eat dirt, streaker."

But they've grown up.

Jet Star drew Ghoul's attention away from his thoughts.

"What happened?" Jet whispered, "How did this go so wrong?"

No one answered him. No one could find the words to. The rest of the drive was spent in silence.

• • •

"Things don't look too milkshakes," Dr. Death Defying said as the ragtag group of 'Joys stepped into his current station. "It looks like you just went through your audition again."

Party slumped on a raggedy chair, their head in their hands.

"You could say that," Horseshoe sighed, eyes downcast.

"Well c'mon, tell good ol' Dr. D. What went Costa Rica?"

"Benzie's dead," The Girl said bluntly.

The shock was evident on Dr. D's face as he leaned back in his wheelchair. He was at a loss for words as he surveyed the colour-laden Killjoys.

Ghoul could see Dr. D's mind racing as his eyes flickered between them. Ghoul could see how his eyes returned again and again to the doorway, no doubt waiting for Show Pony to show up. But there was so much going on inside Dr. D's head that no one really knew what he was thinking. Show Pony probably knew him best. But do you ever truly know what someone's thinking?

Ghoul stepped closer to Party, laying a hand on their shoulder. He watched as Kobra whispered one last thing into Sandman's ear before dragging Jet and The Girl away from The Suitehearts. The Suitehearts gathered in a group hug, fresh tears obvious from their shaking shoulders.

Ghoul saw Kobra, Jet, and The Girl walking towards him and Party. The five of them met in their own group hug. The death seemed to make their bonds stronger.

As Ghoul held onto his closest friends, all he could think about was how one day they would be gone. One day, they wouldn't be there for him– or he wouldn't be there for them. Some of them will live long enough to see the others die, some of them will join the Phoenix Witch before their time.

No. Those are bad thoughts. Focus on the now, that's what Jet always said. Make the most of the time you have.

And Ghoul tried his best, he really did. But fighting against BL/ind for so long wears you down. Not just for Ghoul either. He could see how Party was struggling to be the leader that always knows what to do, he could see Kobra starting to get tired to running for so long, he could see Jet trying his best to be there for everyone.

And The Girl. Ghoul could see how worried she was. How she saw the same things. But she didn't know how to fix it. Destroya knows she tried. She tried as much as she could. But a broken vase is never the same.

But they had each other. The Fabulous Four against the world.

"I'm so sorry," Party whispered. "If only–"

"No," Jet Star cut them off. "What's done is done, and no matter how much we hate it, there's nothing we can do about what happened."

"We can avenge them," Ghoul said stonily. "We will avenge 'em."

"Even if we crash and burn," Kobra affirmed."

The Girl gave a half-smile. "Sing it for the world."

Party returned it, standing up. Gathering the rest of the Fabulous Four into a group hug not unlike The Suitehearts, he whispered, "Killjoys, make some noise."