I shouldn't say it...

I shouldn't admit or say it.

But I was absolutely smitten with Zak.

Over the past week of living with him on my staycation, I had never been so happy or relaxed. Living in harmony was a beautiful thing and I had decided to stay for an extra week, the decision had made Zak extremely happy too.

Every day was amazing, from enjoying the luxury life of a big home, gated community, private pool and Red Rock access to falling asleep beside him at night and waking up in the morning with him crumpled in the sheets looking as peaceful as ever.

God, he was addictive in so many ways...

As promised, he went to work but only stayed for a few hours before coming back home, with some excuse that's when I learned that he just wanted to be home whilst I was there. Not that I was doing anything untoward but because he wanted to spend time with me, and maybe baby me a little.

Usually, he'd come through the front door and I'd be on the couch in the living room, led out reading one of his books. He would kick off his shoes fall over the back of the couch on to me and lay with his head on my chest, listening to my heart or to me read.

One day, I had taken Gracie for a walk a little later than I had planned, finding myself familiar with his neighbour hood, I lost track of time and simply enjoyed nosing around. The tree-lined sidewalks offering shade from the heat, opportunities to imagine what it would be like to live in the mammoth sized homes I passed and the large sections of grass where you could let Gracie off to throw a ball or sniff. However she lost interest in her ball when she saw her dad turn up.. You are absolutely correct to think that he tracked me down using Gracie's collar.

It had a tracker in, if some weird obsessed fan ever decided to take her, he would be able to find her within minutes. When he told me that, my eyes remained firmly glued on to her for the entire walk, because over my dead body would anything happen to that little girl with me around.

On  Zak's day off (yes, he actually took one), we packed a bag and took a hike up through Red Rock, where he showed me all the best places and views.  My camera roll was full of photos, from Gracie, Red Rock, to us and even some single ones of Zak which I sent over to him. He planned on using them for his social media in the future and I hoped he did, because he looked incredible in all of them. I would claim it was my skill at photography, but he is a very photogenic man.

I was so glad he had talked me into staying with him, his home, his life, his everything was slowly becoming my favourite things. Going from being alone most of the time, to living with someone, having breakfast with them in the morning, lunch in the garden and dinner together before curling up and watching documentaries, or helping with research on where he wants to investigate next, was truly fulfilling.

According to Zak, I have a talent for finding information, to which I told him, it was all part of my job. To assist and find what he needed. He had a look on his face when I said it, but he never followed up with what he thought so I let it go.

My stress levels were non-existent and I hadn't had a hint of a seizure. I know most people don't, that they go through phases, but mine had happened more often which lead me to worry about the possibility of my condition worsening. However, Zak pointed out one day, whilst we were in his pool that it could be down to me being totally and entirely relaxed. I was inclined to believe him.

The only issues I had, was him thinking he was better at Call of Duty than me, and that wasn't going to do. I loved his determination though, even setting up the home theatre and using the screen to project it.   And when the crew came over, I had to face the idea of having a seizure in front of them, also losing my bladder control in front of them...

It was humiliating to think about, but each one of them, including Billy, asked if I was okay and said that they were concerned. Being a stranger to them, I was touched and explained that they happened, but not usually as bad.

Looking back on it now, I put it down to the stress of Mia, Sophie and Ed, ambushing me at the cafe. 

When Billy had approached, I didn't miss Zak stand a little closer to my side, almost in warning, or maybe he sensed the tension in my spine, worried about what he was going to say. That was until Billy apologised, but before he could go into a full scale apology, I gave him a hug and told him not to worry about. Yes it upset me, dragged up an insecurity but a single look at Zak after and seeing the relief and happiness on his face made it worth while.

The crew accepted me and that meant a lot. These guys were Zak's family, brothers and they had been through a lot together. They were supportive and understanding, a lot different from my friends it would seem. The crew didn't come armed with some case file on why I was the wrong woman Zak should be with. They accepted me for me, invited me to join in with their boys gaming night and then teased Zak when I outranked him.

After that, I made them food and made myself scarce. Just because I had been invited, didn't mean that I needed to stay and intrude the entire night.

Everything was perfect. Peaceful.
Amazingly wonderful.

***

When Zak wakes up, the first thing he does is look over his shoulder to check the weather. Usually we have sun but today it was raining and that brought him back down on the pillow.

"I'm not going to work today."

"Really? How come?"

"Because I want to stay here, all day, like this. With you." He sighs putting his head on my chest and letting me fluff up his hair.

We eventually get up after an hour of lazing about and make a start to the day, milling about the house, whilst keeping an eye on the weather, waiting for it to stop, so that we could walk Gracie.

Despite Vegas being built up out of the desert, when it rains... It really rains. For a comparison, I would put it to being like that scene from Holes, when the curse is finally lifted and it pours it down with rain.

The water comes down in sheets, and if you stand by Zak's front door, you can see the water running down the street as if it's a river.

"What do you do when it's like this?" He sighs, turning off the TV after flicking through it.

"Bake." I say looking up from another of his books. His collection is extensive and I love reading.

"Bake? Bake what?"

"Brownies, cookies, cupcakes, biscuits. Anything really."

"Right..."

I wait because I know he is thinking about it. Sure enough I get the questions. "So how do we make cookies again? I haven't made them in years."

Before I set the book down, I look at the page number, because dog tagging books is something I detest and I'm glad Zak shares the same distaste for it.

"So flour, baking powder, brown sugar, butter, eggs, chocolate chips-"

"Come with me." He says walking over to the couch and holding his hand out.

"Where we going?"

"Grocery store. I need to buy a few things. If I grab them, you can pick up all the things we need to keep us entertained, from this miserable afternoon." He says.

I coo "Don't be sad, the sun will come out tomorrow."

He grunts before pulling me out the room, snagging two coats from his wardrobe before we hustle out the front door and to his car.

On the ride over to the store, I ask him what he wants to make, but his reply of "Everything." Doesn't narrow down my list that I've been making on my phone.

By the time we get to the store and grab a cart, I have a large list and a serious need to shop.

The first thing we do, is grab fruit, not for baking but because we have been gnawing our way through it like little mice this week and I am glad to say, I feel healthier for it.

Every morning I have a small tupperware box full of fresh fruit, which Zak has been taking to the museum for his lunch. I only ever realise it is missing when I go looking for some strawberries... However he did leave me a note saying 'You're a cute-cumber.' The drawing of the cucumber looked very... phallic and made me laugh for a while.

The perk of shopping with Zak, is his ability to carry everything in his arms as he hurries around grabbing what he wants, as if the shelves will suddenly empty before him. I am mulling over which pineapple I want, when the release of Zak's arm span is dropped into the trolley.

"Wow." I comment.

"I think I got everythi- Oh pineapple, good idea. What one?"

I turn the two I've picked towards him. "Which one?"

He hums before getting the smallest. "I never finish pineapple, I always buy it, but never finish it."

So he doesn't like wasting food.. I appreciate that.

Our next stop is the water aisle where I get a lesson in what water has a better PH level. With a crate snagged, we head off again, this time to the snacks and chips.

"Really?" I ask when he puts in Green Pea crisps.

"You don't like?"

"I haven't tried, they just sound so... Weird."

"Weird is good, remember?"

I roll my eyes playfully. "Whatever, Pea man. Let's go."

This is yet another thing that I enjoy doing with him, grocery shopping. Not because I think he is going to pay for my stuff, I have been subtly moving things that I've picked up to one end of the trolley so that I pay for what I want. But because he makes it so easy to just... Enjoy the moment and relax.

When Zak is caught up with a fan, I signal that I will be down the store getting the rest of the list. His reply is to give me a pleading look, but I grin and shoot off.

Baking...

It's always been a hobby of mine and I can't wait to take advantage of the space in Zak's kitchen. I can imagine it now, treats and goodies lined up for him and the crew to sample. Feedback is a must in everything I make, so I will linger around until I hear something, even if it is bad.

Humming along to music in store, I pick up the things I need and knock them off the list.  From eggs, flour, sugar, choc chips, frosting, baking powder, to oats for some flapjack bars. I also happen to throw a few pots of fun-fetti in.. Because I am an addict when it comes to icing cupcakes. Plus I love the rainbow sprinkles...

Zak might prefer something a little darker. Which is why I am making some ghost cupcakes and gingerbread skeletons.

Looking up from the shopping cart pleased with the haul, I go to walk when my feet falters and I freeze on the spot.

"Elenor.."

There's a surge of adrenalin within me, as my fight or flight response rushes my body. However, flight wasn't an option, because my feet felt like they had been cemented to the ground. My chest was feeling tight, like a band going around it and my mind was racing.

"C-Cole." I force, trying my hardest not to let him see how his presence has shook me.

I fail as he smiles knowingly. "How are you doing? Long time no see."

Brilliant, now you are out of my life and it hasn't been long enough. "I'm okay. You?"

"I'm great. Still working at that store? I've been in a few times. Haven't seen you."

That is code for 'I've tried to find you, because I haven't finished toying with you just yet.'

"No, I work somewhere else now."

He nods. "Another store?"

"No, I- It's computer based." I tell him, refusing to give him anymore details.

My stomach, which has felt fine all morning, is now churning away painfully, making me question if I am going to throw up on the floor.  God I hope I don't...

His eyes leer over me before they fall onto the trolley, I know he is judging what I have picked up and I can feel the shame forming within me. I don't owe this man shit, but he has a way of affecting me and not in a positive way.

He nods to the fun-fetti. "You still eat that by the tub?"

"I never-" I stop myself, because why should I justify myself to him. I never ate it by the freakin' pot. I'd have liked too some times, especially when he made me feel bad. But I never did. I may have snuck half a teaspoon for a sugar hit every now and then.

But those days are behind me. I'm a woman of fruit now.

"Old habits die hard, huh?"

Now I can feel my face heating, my eyes stinging as I'm becoming seriously uncomfortable with standing here, in front of a man who belittled and controlled me for so long. It's like facing your worse fear and having it taunt you. I was the fly, having it's wings pulled off by Cole.

"You look different. You gained or lost?"

My heart stops. Dead.

But before I can abandon the shopping cart and flee the store, I spot a face over Cole's shoulder. Zak grins seeing me and heads for me, causing a smile to rise on my face.

My saviour is a man who is currently waving... Is that Carrot chips?

"There you are. I tried ringing you, I thought you left me." He says dumping another armful in the trolley. He leans down and gives me a kiss before giving me another one.

When he pulls away, his eyes narrow at mine slightly before he sets the carrot chips on top of his shopping with a pleased look. "Carrot."

I open my mouth to speak when Cole jumps in. "Hi, I'm sorry I was just speaking to Elenor here and you are?"

Zak frowns and looks between us. "Her name is Elle."

"It's Elenor." Cole answers. "Sorry, I didn't get your name.."

I don't know whether it was the look on my face or how Cole has spoke to him, but the sparkle in Zak's eye shifts and he steps in closer to me, protectively.

His hand places itself on the bottom of my spine, making me look up to him. He gives me a reassuring smile, which gives me strength, before looking at Cole again.

"Zak, meet Cole. The ex."

Cole smiles "Heard a lot about me then?"

"None of it good." Zak answers just as quick, wiping the smile off Coles face.

He is stood there, a little taken back, clearly not expecting that kind of comment. Hell, it's nice to see someone get their comeuppance. Even if it's not full justice for what he put me through, it's enough. Kind of.

I can feel my strength and confidence build, it's as though Zak is filling me with his powerful energy from a single touch.  I feel powerful, strong, protected and unstoppable. Which is what a relationship should be about, supporting each other, not tearing one down to make the other feel good.

"You've hardly came up actually. It was more of a passing acknowledgement.." I tell Cole making his eyes shift back to me. "Now, it wasn't nice to see you, Cole. I hope I don't bump into you again, have a some what good life." I answer grabbing the trolley and pushing it around him.

His hand reaches out and grabs my arm but before I can react, Zak is there. Like a hellhound, waiting for Coles next move.

I remove my arm from his hand. "No... You don't get to touch me now or ever again. I might have been weak in the past. But I'm stronger than ever right now." I tell him. "I do feel something for you though."

"And what's that?" He growls.

"Pity. Because you must have been unhappy somewhere in your life to be so cruel to me. I just hope you find peace with whatever that was."

"Fuck you." He bites.

I lift my hand up stopping Zak when he goes to step in between us. Glancing up, I don't miss the death stare Zak gives, but he turns it off instantly when he looks down at me.

"Oh..FYI." I say making Cole look back at me. "I've lost weight and it isn't, wasn't and will never be for your benefit. Have a nice day.."

When I am out of his view, I let out a breath and feel Zak rub my back. "Good girl, you did awesome."

"I did terrible. If it wasn't for you arriving when you did..."

"But I did and I will always be at your side ready to throw down with a jerkwad like that."

"We don't need a throw down of any kind."

"Because you think he can take me?" Zak asks slightly offended.

"No baby, because I don't want that perfect face being marked by douchebag."

"Baby..." He says making me laugh softly.

"Is that all you heard in that sentence?"

"Might have been."

I laugh again. "Come now sugar, we got cookies to make."