PROLOGUE
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG
WITH TOMMY

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guest starring
clayne crawford as tommy edgeley

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FIFTEEN YEARS AGO

              IT WAS TOMMY THAT DROVE HIM TO THE POLICE STATION.      Strange, how the mind remembers things. Of all the moments in his childhood, Nick couldn't recall ever feeling closer to his brother than he did in that moment. The psychologists had always blamed the age gap. They'd said that Tommy and Nick were simply at two very different stages in life — Tommy was already nearly an adult by the time his mother had married Nick's, and Nick was scarcely into double digits. They were at two completely separate points. It shouldn't have been a wonder to anyone that they had never meshed the way brothers should.

        Of course, that wasn't the only reason. It wasn't even the most prevalent. It seemed to Nick, when he cast his mind back that far, that he'd known instinctively, even then, that there was something not quite right about Tommy.

Perhaps he hadn't known the extent of it. He doubted anyone had. How could they? In their eyes, he was just a troubled kid — a product of his upbringing, already grown by the time anyone had put the effort in to save him. Of course his behaviour were somewhat questionable sometimes. Anyone's would be, if they'd grown up in the same story as him.

But Nick knew that wasn't the whole of it. There was something wrong with Tommy, something deeply wrong, and it seemed that only he was able to see it. They'd never grown close. They'd never allowed themselves. While Nick had tried his hardest to get along with his other step-siblings — he'd made an effort to be nice to Dominic, and had always looked out for Adrienne — with Tommy, he just couldn't find the courage.

There was something not quite right about Tommy, and a kid shouldn't be left to deal with that.

When Tommy had said he'd drive to the station, Nick could remember the feeling of confusion that had taken over him. The police had tried to fight against it. They'd wanted to drive him themselves. That was the only time Nick could remember Tommy losing his temper when he was around. He knew he had one — the holes in his bedroom wall were testament to that fact — but he always seemed to try his hardest to hide that side of him when Nick was there. Whenever any of his younger siblings were there, actually.

The officers had turned up shortly before the drive. Everyone had known they'd come to speak with Nick. They'd known the moment their car had pulled up in the drive. Looking back, Nick supposed he could have predicted the way their lives would turn out by the ways they responded to the arrival of those officers. Adrienne had tried to reason. Dominic had tried to turn the attention upon himself. Evangeline had scarcely spared them a glance, and Elizabeth had shrunk herself so far into her own body Nick remembered wondering whether she was part lemon, wilting away in the sun. Caroline had snuck out the backdoor, and hadn't returned for days.

It was Tommy that had actually helped. When those officers had said they were here to pick Nick up, that they needed to ask him some questions back at the station, it was Tommy that had actually done something useful. He hadn't shouted. Tommy knew better than that. Still, there was something about his manner — about his posture, about the expression, about the lack of emotion in his voice — that had made the officers stop for a moment. That made them relent. That made them allow Tommy to be the one to drive Nick.

        Nick sat in the passengers seat beside Tommy in silence, numb and cold. Tommy had always blasted out the radio whenever he drove, but that day, he had turned it off. Back then, Nick had assumed this was just another cruel torture the world was inflicting upon him that day — on top of everything else going on, now he had to listen to nought but his own thoughts?

He recognised it now for what it was. It was Tommy's way of telling him he was there for him. That Nick had his full and undivided attention.

It had taken several agonisingly long minutes for Tommy to speak. Not one single word had passed between the brothers since they'd sat down in the car, and Tommy had turned on the ignition and followed the police cruiser back down the silent streets of their neighbourhood. Nick could remember the clench of his jaw, the tension in his shoulders, the strain in his voice as he fought to keep himself appearing calm.

"It's going to be okay, Nicky."

Nick had spared him a sideways glance. He hadn't replied. He'd simply looked at the serious expression on Tommy's face — Tommy's face was rarely serious, even back then — and taken note of the utter conviction he'd uttered those words with, as though there was one singular truth in this life and that was it. Those words were it. It was going to be okay, and that was the truth of the universe. He'd spoken with such certitude that for a moment, Nick had felt his throat constrict and his eyes begin to water somewhat. Tommy hadn't looked at him — he'd kept his eyes fixed upon the road — and Nick had been grateful for that, but more than anything he'd been grateful for Tommy. Grateful for his words. Grateful for the fact there was someone beside him who believed him, who believed in him with such sincerity and certainty that he was willing to do anything to protect him. Willing to demand to be the one to drive him to the station, just for a few extra moments to provide reassurance. Willing, if nothing else, to simply be there.

       It's going to be okay, Nicky.

       Tommy had never been a man of many words. It was just another reason so many people had never taken the time to get to know him, Nick supposed. Why bother, if the effort is never reciprocated? Tommy was a boy that only spoke when it was absolutely necessary. He'd felt those words were necessary. Nick had taken note of that, as well.

       It's going to be okay, Nicky.

      He'd taken note of the nickname too, but he'd chosen not to dwell on that. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what that meant.

It's going to be okay, Nicky.

The words echoed in Nick's mind the entire drive. Up the winding roads, he heard them. Through the streets of his old town, he heard them. As they drove past the rickety old house that had started all of this, he heard them. Just past the cordoned off crime scene, blood-stained floors still just about visible from the street, through the car windows, he heard them. He heard them down the freeway, and all the way to the station.

       It's going to be okay, Nicky.

       Of course, it wouldn't. Nothing was okay, and nothing would ever be okay again, and sometimes, Nick wondered whether Tommy knew that, even then. Whether that was why he'd said it, because he knew that Nick wouldn't hear those words again for so many years. Whether he wanted to give him something to hold onto, some words to cling to despite everything else.

      What else could he offer him, truly? In a situation like this, what was there left to offer but hopeful words? That's all it ever was. Never a promise; just a wish. A prayer. A hostage to fortune, a tether to a future that may never come. A dream you just had to keep believing in, because what else was there?

       It's going to be okay, Nicky.

       If only Tommy had known just how wrong he was going to be proved.

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a/n: tommy edgeley you break my heart every day :(  a true tragedy of a man.

anyway this isn't my best work, but it is important for how the story progresses. the edgeley-dixons are a deeply messed up family and i love each of them individually but together they're just objectively awful lmao. i'm halfway through the first real chapter and i promise the writing is better — i didn't want to give away too much in this chapter, while still foreshadowing how this story is going to go and it was a CHALLENGE

i hope you enjoyed this chapter anyway. be sure to vote and comment, and i'll see you soon :)