Sean arched up off the mattress as Mark's hands moved from the sides of his face down along his sides. Mark pried his lips from his to drift them across his cheek to his neck. Sean inhaled deeply, feeling tears come to his eyes as he stared up at the ceiling. His body quivered from his desperate need to contain himself. He didn't want to ruin this moment. Lifting a leg, he hooked it around Mark's waist and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He needed Mark to stay close to him. He couldn't let him see him starting to lose his control. Burying his face in Mark's neck, he bite his lip so hard that his teeth broke the skin. The tears were blurring his eyes and he couldn't hold them back. He hated himself for still having tears to shed. Mark kissed his neck, purring out to him lovingly. "Sean... It's ok." Sean shifted under Mark to lean over the side, straining out in a forced jagged voice. "It's not what you think... I got something in my eye and can't get the fucking thing out..." Pinching the bridge of his nose, he wiped his eyes and tried to avoid looking at Mark.

How could his body do this to him? He needed to be strong and his body was betraying him. Mark snuggled up behind him, his hand sliding down his arm as he kissed his shoulder. Against his neck, Mark whispered to him lovingly. "Sean, look at me." Sean shook his head, his voice breaking as he said. "I can't... Just give me a minute. Please... I'm ok." Mark's hand curled around to his hold his chest, telling him in a strong loving voice. "Now who's lying." Sean covered his face with his hands and began to cry. He couldn't hold it back anymore. His whole body shook as he tried to keep himself quiet. He tried to pull away to run to the bathroom, but Mark's arm tightened to keep him from escaping. Holding him against him, Mark calmly told in a strong voice. "Don't hide from me. I know you think I can't handle it... but I can." Sean sniffled, mumbling in a broken voice. "I didn't want you to see me like this..." Mark kissed his temple, sweetly telling him in a deep buttery voice. "But seeing you like this just tells me how much your going to miss me."

Sean snatched a tissue from the box on the bedside table, grumbling out. "I don't want you to remember me like this... God damn it." Mark chuckled very lightly, purring over his shoulder. "You can't always be the strong one." Sean finally looked at Mark, his voice cracking when he said. "Why aren't you crying?" Mark brushed his fingers across his cheek, telling him with a warm smile. "I'm stronger when you aren't. So, promise me something." Sean nodded, listening to Mark tell him seriously. "Don't shut down when I leave. Live. Write it all down and when I come back. You can tell me all about it. The good and bad. I'll wanna hear it all." Sean wrapped his arms around Mark's neck, hugging him close. Giving his shoulder a brief kiss, Mark told him softly. "I'll video you as often as I can. I'll set everything up for you. Just don't pretend that you're ok. Go out. Have fun." Sean nodded, unable to say anything. He didn't see himself doing anything fun without him... but to make him feel better he just agreed.

Mark kissed his ear, chuckling out warmly. "I was actually really worried that you weren't crying... I kept thinking that you were hiding something far worse from me. So, I'm actually a little relieved that you're crying." Sean chuckled through his tears, hugging him tighter. His tears were running out, allowing his body to relax. There was something powerful about breaking in his arms. He could almost feel Mark's strength radiating around him. Protecting him from further pain. Wrapping himself up against Mark more, he coaxed Mark into making love to him. Of all the times they had made love. This was the one he cherished. Mark's arms kept him close. His endless kisses lingered on his skin with a passion that could only be savored. Mark didn't rush any moment despite the time ticking away. His fingers clawed over his back and thighs during every slow thrust, teasing moans from Sean's throat. It was the first time that Sean had reached an orgasm not from the speed, but from the pure raw passion he felt from having Mark caress every part of him.

After what felt like hours of heated passion, Sean laid on his stomach hugging his pillow tightly against his chest. Time had to be approaching for Mark to leave. He could hear doors closing and opening in the hallways and it was making him anxious. Over him, Mark continued to kiss a trail down his spine. Biting his ass playfully to make Sean jerk and yelp softly, Mark purred over his skin. "I thought I had worn you out. Why are you tensing?" Sean buried his face in the pillow, muffling out. "Aren't you leaving soon...?" Mark laid over him, nestling between his spread legs. Biting his shoulder playfully, he let out a deep lusty growl. Sean giggled, burying his face more. Mark's fingers crept up his sides to wedge under his arms, tickling him. Squealing into the pillow, Sean tried to ball himself up. When he couldn't, he just laughed uncontrollably until Mark suddenly stopped. Glancing over his shoulder, Mark looked him in the eyes as he told him with a tender smile. "I don't have to report back tonight." Mark kissed him, causing Sean's heart to beat wildly. The relief that flooded him was overwhelming. It was a little thing, but it meant the world to him.

Prying his lips off Mark's, he breathlessly asked him. "Why didn't you tell me that?" Mark smirked, kissing Sean's bleeding lip before answering softly. "Because you would have only worked harder to hide your pain from me. You think I don't notice... but I do." Sean curled his bleeding lip between his teeth shyly. He felt so guilty. Mark kissed his cheek, warming his ear with his cool voice as he whispered to him. "You're so adorable when you think I'm not looking." Sean blushed, burying his face in his pillow. Mark chuckled, sliding off him to trace designs on his back with his fingers. Peeking up from the pillow, Sean muffled out against his arm. "Mark? I love you." Mark propped his head up on his hand, still petting his back as he blissfully told him. "I love you too, Jack." Sean lifted his head more at the mention of his nickname. Mark hadn't called him that in years. It was silly but the way Mark called him that gave him goosebumps. It brought back so many fun memories and the way Mark always said it was like a whispered secret. So personal and powerful.

Mark brushed a stray tear off Sean's cheek, smiling warmly. Sean released the pillow, snuggling into Mark's chest. Mark wrapped his arm around him, his hand sliding through Sean's hair comfortingly. Listening to the sound of his pounding heart, Sean stroked Mark's chest trying to stay awake. Mark's warmth was making him drift off though. So, he wedged his leg between Mark's to pin one of his legs between his. If Mark moved, he wanted to know about it this time. He wasn't going to let him get away without saying goodbye. The dawn shined through the curtains, waking Sean reluctantly. For a brief second, his body panicked that Mark might have left. Until he felt Mark breathing beneath him. At some point, Mark had rolled onto his back and Sean had snuggled closer to sleep over his side. He stayed as still as possible, breathing very little as he savored this moment. The morning light looked beautiful on Mark's tan skin. Risking a light kiss to Mark's chest, his snuggled as close as possible to him. Mark didn't stir until his watch started to beep. Inhaling deeply, Mark lifted his arm to turn off his alarm. Sean couldn't bring himself to move. He didn't want to start this day. With the alarm off, Mark settled back down.

Sean hoped he'd fall back asleep, but Mark started stroking his back as he groggily told him. "I know you're awake, Sean." Sean shook his head innocently. Mark chuckled to himself, then softly told him. "I can always tell. Your breathing changes and you get more snuggly." Sean loosened his legs grip on Mark's thigh, mumbling out sleepily. "No, I don't..." Mark's hand messaged the back of Sean's neck, while he told him through a light chuckle. "I'm going to miss that about you." Sean's fingers clawed gently over Mark's chest and the words fell from his mouth before he could stop them. "I don't want you to go..." Mark played with Sean's bangs, nicely cooing to him sweetly. "I know. But I have to go... I'm part of the rescue team." Mark carefully sat up, forcing Sean to sit up. Mark slipped from the bed to shower, leaving Sean to dress on his own. He wanted to shower with Mark, but it was clear that Mark was on a tight schedule. Resorting to packing his bags, Sean's heart grew heavier. He didn't want to say goodbye. He wanted more time.

Sighing, he pulled out his black gauges to put in the ones he had bought yesterday. The gauges were a bright bluish-purple titanium with a colorful galaxy of stars on them. Once they were in place, he started to lower his hands and stopped at his collarbone. In the small mirror of the bathroom, his eyes lingered on the diamond star around his neck. Sliding his fingers along the chain, he reluctantly moved them toward the clasp. He'd have to give it to Mark. Just as his fingers found the clasp, Mark stepped out of the shower. Sean glanced at him, feeling him approach to move his hands away from the chain. Kissing his cheek over his shoulder, Mark whispered sweetly. "Don't take it off. Not yet." Dropping his hands, Sean leaned back into Mark's wet body and watched him through the mirror. Mark rubbed his shoulders, grinning as he looked at his ears. Kissing his neck, Mark mumbled against his skin. "Those look really good on you." Sean shrugged, saying under his breath. "They are heavier than my silicone ones." Mark hummed pleasantly, moving away from him as he told him happily. "They still bring out the blue in your eyes."

Sean moved to the door frame to lean on it as he watched Mark dress. Mark rushed to dress, informing him curtly. "You'll have to get a military ID and there is still paperwork that I wasn't able to get too. My mother can help you get that sorted out when I'm gone. She went through it with my dad. Some things will be different... but if you have any questions. I have numbers that are with the folder in the basket I brought. I did manage to set up regular payments to you. That should be enough to pay bills and take care of Chica while I'm gone." Sean moved past Mark to the Ice cream basket to search for the folder. Pulling it out, he pulled a small packet of papers from the folder. Mark pointed at them, telling him seriously. "Everything you need to know about me, and my military info should be in there. Keep that safe." Sean leaned back against the desk with a shaky expression. The first page he saw was a paper on what Mark wanted done to him if he died. Mark stopped dressing to ask him a little concerned. "Sean? What's wrong?" Sean showed him the paper, mumbling out in a torn-up voice. "You want to be cremated and scattered in space...?"

Mark quickly moved closer to take the packet from him, saying gently. "You shouldn't be reading this stuff now." Sean shuffled his feet, sniffling as he fought back tears. Mark set the packet down, moving in to hug him as he whispered into his ear lovingly. "Jack... If I die. I don't want you lingering around a lonely graveyard. My spirit won't be there. It will be where you are. You understand?" Sean nodded, trying to compose himself as he squeezed the edges of the desk. Mark stroked his face tenderly with his hand, then finished getting dressed. Together they made their way out of the hotel toward the barracks. There Mark gathered up the stuff he couldn't take with him and gave them to Sean. While putting them back in his hotel room, he noticed that the letters he had sent Mark were not among the stuff for him to take home. Mark was taking them with him. Mark had very little possessions that he was allowed to bring. Not that he had much with him anyway. Taking a duffel bag to the hangar at the far end of the base, Sean followed him feeling both proud and brokenhearted.

Within the hanger, the spouses were left in the main area while the soldiers were escorted up to a private meeting to brief them on the launch. The other spouses chatted among themselves. They talked about their kids or with the Spouses of their loved one's friends. He knew none of them and didn't care to know them. He only cared about Mark. Pacing around the hangar absently, he listened to more speeches by higher ranking officers. Everyone kept thanking them for supporting their loved ones through this. Kept saying how strong and appreciated he was. All their words fell on deaf ears. He didn't feel strong. He didn't want Mark to do this. He just loved him enough to stand by him. None of their words would sooth the aching of his heart. They could say whatever they wanted. It didn't change the fact that he was scared for Mark. The officer told them that as their spouses, they would be entitled to watch the launch from a special room in the command center. He told them about the time difference. So, video messages could take from a few hours to a month to get sent up to them and another month to get a video reply. If signals were strong. There were chances for live video feeds that they could stream from home computers, but everything would be monitored by NASA.

Sean huffed at the thought. A few young women pouted, joking out. "Aww, but what about... private video feeds?" The male Officer blushed before awkwardly chuckling out. "We can't stop you from those kinds of things... but just know that someone from NASA will see it." The women and men present giggled and chuckled, but Sean could only manage a small smile. He couldn't even bring himself to do that with Mark normally. It was embarrassing. Knowing someone would be watching only made him REALLY not want to do it. Sean blushed just thinking about the smut he wrote in those letters. People began to clap and whistle wildly, drawing Sean's attention to the railing of the upstairs. Their loved ones were starting down the steps dressed up in the deep blue suits that had realistic star patterns on the uniforms. The jumpsuits were dazzling to look at as the tiny stars reflected the light in the hangar. Sean could tell by just looking at them that they were designed to fight the cold temperature they'd face. While they lined up at attention, the officer went down the line to put velcro patches on their suit with their new ranks. They would be the first to reach these ranks to fill out the needed slots for this military branch.

The officer stopped by Mark and Sean lifted his phone to take pictures of him as he was giving the golden bar pin of a Lieutenant on his uniform collar. The Officer saluted Mark and Mark saluted back. The Officer turned to tell the crowd in a clear voice. "Graduating from Senior Enlisted Spaceman. It's an honor to present our rescue missions Chief Engineer. Lieutenant Mark Edward Fischbach." People cheered and photos were taken for the Space Force record. The officer then moved to the next person to repeat much of the same but a different rank to her. Sean didn't care. All he could do was smile seeing Mark so dressed up and standing proud. After more speeches and pictures, the soldiers were released to go to their loved ones. Sean hugged Mark tightly, before dragging his feet as they were forced to walk to the mission control building. In a locker room, Sean and other spouses watched their loved ones slip into Astronaut suits over their uniforms. NASA staff checked over the suits and when they gave the all clear, they started to walk out and into an open outside area with stairs that led up into the large space shuttle.

Sean had never seen a real space shuttle. It was far bigger than he had imagined it to be. Seeing it made him happy, but tears started running down his face as it sank in. Mark was leaving now. Turning to face Mark, he put his hands on his chest and started to frantically stammer out. "Mark... I... I... I don't know if I can do this alone. If something happens..." Mark held his arms, putting his forehead to his as he shushed him soothingly. Sean's whole body was shaking, and his heart was racing faster than ever. Mark tried to calm him by telling him confidently. "Nothing is going to happen. I'll be there and back before you know it." Sean grasped the arms of Mark's suit tightly, starting to cry as he told him. "You better come back... Mark, promise me you'll come back..." Mark kissed his forehead, his lips lingering on him before he whispered in a soft voice. "I promise you, Jack. I'm coming back and I'm going to bring you the brightest star I find." Sean reached up to unclasp the star around his neck. Looking at it one last time, he hugged it to his chest and strained out. "Mark... I take it all back... I can't watch you go... Please stay..."

Mark sank to his knees in front of him, holding his wrists as he told him lovingly. "Jack, I swear to you. I will come home to you. And when I return, we'll laugh about this moment." Sean leaned in to clasp the star around Mark's neck, sniffling as he mumbled out. "I'm going to miss you... so much." Mark yanked off his gloves to remove something off his wrist. Taking Sean's wrist, Mark fastened it around his wrist as he told him lovingly. "Here. I got this for you yesterday. Don't forget that my life revolves around you. I'll be with you wherever you are." Tears blurred Sean's eyes for a time, before they cleared to let him see the starry black cord with beads in the colors of the planets and a small dangling silver space shuttle. Sean cried more, letting Mark cup his face. Mark's thumbs uselessly brushed away his falling tears, upon telling him seriously. "I'm going to miss you too. I love you. I'll see you soon." A soldier by the shuttle called to them and Mark started to walk away. Something in Sean broke and he whirled around to call Mark's name. Mark stopped as his crew moved past him to the stairs. Running up to him, Sean slamming into him to hug him. Mark hugged him back tightly and when Sean lifted his head, he told Mark as clearly as he could. "I'll be here waiting when you get back! I love you, Mark!"

Cupping his face, Sean kissed him for as long as he could. Stepping back, Sean's heart smashed over the floor. Tears were now running down Mark's cheeks, but Mark smiled so warmly and held his hand until he had to let go. Sean watched him board the shuttle and backed up as the soldiers tried to escort the crying families to the Mission Control room, where they could watch the launch at a safe distance. In a room filled with rows of computer desks known as 'Ground Control', they were all escorted into a large glass room off to the side that was sound proof. They watched people rush about, while on the coms and large TV in the room, they could hear the crew going over last minute checklists. Sean moved to a corner and sat down on the floor. Hugging himself, he listened to Ground Control announce. "All systems are good to launch. Starting the count down now." Sean looked at the TV that showed both the inside and outside of the shuttle. Strapped down in one chair, he saw Mark raise a hand to wave as the other soldiers and astronauts all excitedly told their families their goodbyes. Sean found himself raising his hand and whispering out as the count down started. "I'll wait for you, Mark. I promise. Until then... My heart is already there with you." To Be Continued...