I ran my sweaty palm along the seam of my jeans, curling my fingertips once they brushed against my knee.

Landon was in the midst of a long conversation about finding another part time job so he could finally get us out of this hellhole. He was also making it clear that, despite the hundreds of applications he sent out, he kept coming up empty handed.

"I've still got the job at Chris'." Colton mentioned through a mouthful of pancakes. "I've been there a while, maybe I could ask for a raise."

Colton had picked up a job at the old mechanic shop a few blocks away late his sophomore year. He'd always been pretty friendly and had a decent rapport with the owner, Chris O' Dowd, but getting his license a couple months after his sixteenth birthday had finally given the middle aged man an opportunity to hire him.

"I'll start looking again." I shook myself from my thoughts. "You shouldn't have to be doing everything, Lan. You already have enough on your plate with school and the job you already have."

"Don't worry about it, Ave." Landon ruffled my hair as he set a plate of fresh pancakes and a bowl of fruit on the place mat in front of me. "And you'll be fine. You're beautiful and crazy intelligent, you'll get one without much of a problem."

I laughed passively, picking at the edges of my pancake.

As a child, it had been a chore to get me to eat anything for breakfast besides Landon's chocolate chip pancakes. Our grandmother had taught him the recipe before she died, and he'd been making them on his own ever since. Staring at them now, pieces flaking off in my hand, I wanted nothing more than to devour them as I had for years. But all I could do was stare blankly at them, vile rising in my throat at the thought of trying to force them down.

I jumped in my chair, slamming my knee against the hard wood when Landon's phone broke through the comfortable silence in the room. He shot me a worried look before excusing himself and making his way down the hall to talk.

I turned my head, refocusing my attention to my breakfast so I wouldn't have to face Colton.

Landon hurried back into the room and slipped into his jacket, kissing the top of my head. "I'm sorry guys, Devan couldn't make it in. Gotta go cover for him. I'll see you guys later."

He was gone before I got the chance to beg him to stay. I didn't want to be alone with Colton, not when I knew the elephant in the room was bound to be brought up at any second.

I broke the silence before Colton could. "I'm sorry for last night. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. I know you were only trying to look out for me. Thank you."

Colton nodded slowly, but didn't say a word.

Somehow, the fact that he wasn't saying anything was almost as antagonizing as the anticipation of knowing it was coming.

"How long?" He eventually questioned.

I sighed, burying my face in my hands.

"I can't do this, Colton. Please just leave it alone." I mumbled.

"How long, Avery?" He repeated.

I caved. "Beginning of summer."

His head whipped up in surprise, as if the response was far from what he'd been expecting.

"At the beach party then?"

I felt as every ounce of air had been sucked from my lungs. I couldn't move, my heart almost felt as if it had stopped beating for a fraction of a second.

Colton pushed roughly away from the table before clenching his fist and slamming it against the table, shouting "Fuck!"

I cowered into my chair, hugging my arms around myself as I watched him across the table. He noticed my fearful look and calmed himself, his cheeks flushing.

"I told Landon we shouldn't have left you alone. I fucking told him and he kept saying you'd be fine." He lifted his head, blue eyes guilt ridden. "My drunk ass listened to him. I'm sorry, Avery."

I dropped my head and ran the tip of my pinky finger along the red linen place mat.

"It's not your fault, Colton."

He pushed his chair back against the table and crossed the small space between us, crouching at my feet so he was staring up at me.

"You know it's not yours either, right?" I jerked back the second he outstretched his hand, tears stinging my eyes as they rushed to the surface.

"Jesus Christ, Colton." I stood, backing away from him. "Just leave me alone!"

He missed my wrist by a fraction of an inch. I ran up the stairs before he could recollect himself and slammed the door behind me, burying my hands in my hair and sliding down my bedroom door as silent sobs ravaged my body.

*

It took me over thirty minutes to realize Colton was on the other side of my bedroom door. With my room so silent a pin drop could be heard, I could hear his nails tracing the door on the other side of the door. I wiped at my wet cheeks, my sniffling a signal for Colton to finally break the excruciating silence.

"Drinking your demons away won't help, Avery. Not eating is going to kill you. You can't keep doing this to yourself." He said softly.

"You don't know anything." I choked.

"You're right. I don't know what you're going through." Colton snapped. "What I do know is that I watched my father beat my mother before the drug bust got the bastard thrown in prison. I know that my mother has fought this cancer shit kicking and screaming, and now she's given up. She's not strong enough anymore."

He paused for a moment, prompting me to speak, but no words would break passed my chapped lips.

"I know what it's like to feel as if the only way to escape yourself, your thoughts, is to drink away your demons. To inflict pain on yourself because of the monster of self-loathing you've created." He knocked on the door gently. "But I've learned it doesn't help anyone or anything. It only prolongs the suffering."

"You don't know." I breathed, pressing my warm cheek against the cold door.

"I'm not going to claim I do, Avery." He responded. "But I know my Avery is still in there somewhere. I know that she's a bad ass and she's going to get through this. Because that Avery is a fighter and won't let anyone or anything bring her down."

I shook my head, but couldn't bring myself to say anything. When he realized I wouldn't be able to force a response, he continued.

"I know your thoughts are playing Russian Roulette right now, Avery. That the wrong word or action can pull the trigger on the gun. But you're smart enough to know that deep down that starving yourself and drinking isn't going to do you any good. You know it's only a quick fix."

His words finally hit the hairline fracture in my fragile shell and I shattered entirely.

"What am I supposed to do?" I whispered.

There was silence on the other side of the door for so long I thought Colton might have gotten up and left. I heard the sound of the door click and moved away, my eyes darting from the bare wall ahead of me to Colton as he turned his head and glanced out my open bedroom window.

"I don't know, Avery." He said. "And I hate myself for being so fucking useless."

***AN***

*Unedited*

I'm so sorry for the late update guys! Hope you enjoyed nonetheless.

Let me know what you think/thought!