{Fourteen} I Can Make It On My Own
My fingertips brushed the corners of the slick material of the pamphlet before it slipped from my grip entirely.
My vision had blurred from tears over ten minutes ago as I stared blankly at that folded card stock in my trembling hands. The instant my eyes had fell on the bold word on the front, it'd become an impossibility to read on. I knew what I'd be reading and was in no hurry to have to face the reality of it.
Folding the pamphlet back into its original form, I set it down on the pink throw pillow at my side and grabbed my laptop from where it sat, closed, at the end of my bed. I glanced quickly at the support groups listed on the sheet, my unfurling my fingers in an allowance for them to dance across the keyboard.
My stomach churned as I grabbed a pen and started writing on the back of an old, unopened envelope. I nearly dropped my laptop at the sound of shattering echoing through the still house, my heart jumping in my chest. The thought of Kevin breaking in crossed my find for a split-second, put at ease only when Colton poked his head into my room with a sheepish smile.
He didn't say anything for a minute, glancing from my laptop to the pen and envelope, then back to me again. "Homework?"
I shut my laptop without turning it off and set it aside. Nodding slowly, I crept across my room and shoved the pamphlet deep in my sock and underwear drawer, positive neither of the boys would rummage through it.
"Mind if I use your broom? I accidentally knocked your mom's vase off the kitchen table." He asked, scratching at the back of his head; a nervous tell.
"Go ahead." I breathed softly.
He flashed a quick half-smile. "Thanks."
I watched him stride across the room, shifting anxiously on my feet. He nodded in gratitude once more as he passed, pausing just outside my door. He glanced over his shoulder, lips parted as if he were about to speak, then forced them shut again and continued on down the hall without another word exchanged between us.
*
Escapism; escaping the harsh realities of the world through fantastical thoughts and actions.
As I slowed to a stop outside the old country club, sweat soaking through the jacket hugged tightly around me, no amount of fantastical thoughts could help me escape the reality I would be facing in a couple minutes. I shot a quick look over my shoulder for the hundredth time to ensure I wasn't being followed, before crossing the line that divided the first step of the pathway up to the club and the sidewalk.
Entering the building, a short dark haired women who appeared to be in her mid-thirties waved me over enthusiastically. She had to repeat her question multiple times before I was finally able to hear her chirpy voice over the deafening roar of my own thoughts.
"How can I help you, darling?" she asked.
I shifted on my feet uncomfortably, not able to muster a coherent word. She smiled encouragingly, but it didn't help. Rather than stand there uneasy, I pulled the pamphlet from my jacket pocket and set it on the desk in front of her.
She eyed me pitifully. "The group meets in the last door on the left at the end of the first hall. I hope they can help you out, sweetheart."
"Thank you." I whispered. I turned on my heel and stalked away before I could get lost in small talk with the secretary as she tried to avoid the serious subject at hand.
I followed the directions and stopped in the doorway of the large room. My eyes followed the oblong-like arrangement of the chairs. Women of all ages were wandering around the room, many of them at a banquet table with a red tablecloth full of food in the far corner.
I was about to turn my back to the room and run when I felt a hand gently cuff my wrist. Lifting my head, I met the warm brown eyes of an elderly woman.
"Hello! I'm Millie! It's always great to see a new face around here! I love knowing that there are girls out there that are trying to help themselves." She added the last part as more of an afterthought, reading the confusion and horror in my expression.
"Hi." I murmured.
She leaned forward, her gray hair tickling my cheek, as she strained to her my inaudible whisper.
"Well, do take a seat, sweetheart! There's food in back as well, help yourself!" She squeezed my shoulder in a comforting mother-like gesture and fell into a seat in the middle of the group. Millie caught my eye again, smiling and nodding toward the vacant seat opposite of her. I threw a long glace back at the door behind me, before taking a deep breath and joining the group of women.
Most were in the midst of loud, pointless chatter about their lives. If I had met these women or seen them walking the streets, I would have never assumed they were a victim of assault.
But I guess it's easier for some to hide their battle wounds.
I shifted once in the uncomfortable hard chair, my eyes on the door as a few more people entered the room, one of them a young male that didn't look to be much older than me.
A girl dropped into the seat beside me before I could protest, outstretching her hand with a friendly smile. "Hi, I'm Bianca."
I took her hand in my own, fearful it might be sweaty.
"Nice to meet you." I responded. I knew I should have introduced myself, but it was likely I wouldn't be returning and what good would it do anybody knowing my name if they'd never see my face again.
Bianca waved over at Millie, grinning. I could feel my stomach settle a little at the normalcy of the scene. They looked like nothing more than two women catching up after years of being apart.
Bianca's hair, a dyed blonde with caramel highlights, cascaded her shoulders and fell into her mouth every time she leaned a little too far forward, resulting in her hand batting it out of the way and a quiet laugh escaping her every few minutes. Finally, after watching the interaction between the two for a couple minutes, I leaned back in my chair with my arms crossed, trying to devise an escape plan.
The process was cut short when Millie rose and walked across the room, gently pressing the door shut. I straightened, my stomach and chest clenching in unison.
I knew I could get out if I stood and bolted then and there, but my legs felt as if I'd attached ankle weights to both and couldn't move them an inch.
"Looks like we have a few new faces here tonight! Welcome!" Millie looked from me to a few other women within the circle.
Bianca snuck a look my way, her bright red lips curving into a reassuring smile when she saw my obvious discomfort.
"Hey, don't worry." she said, nudging me with her shoulder. "I know this is really freaking you out, all of us went through it. We felt just as trapped as you do. But I promise it gets easier sitting here with time. Relax a little."
I stared at her for a minute before rubbing my sweaty palms against my thighs, breathing out a heavy sigh. My eyes, squeezed shut, remained that way for a couple seconds as I tried to calm myself, before I forced them open again.
I leaned back into the chair and slumped down a little, arms wrapped around myself, and looked over my shoulder at the door once last time before redirecting my full attention back to the women, and boy, surrounding me.
***AN***
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