Why did you get them?

It must have been so hard for you to do that. I know I would never have done it.

Aren't you scared they might burn your house down or worse. They could endanger you and your real children.

I've heard that children from orphanages have mental problems so you better watch them closely!

Why would you adopt children from out of the country? There are plenty of children here that need good homes.

At least get children of your own race!

I gasp for air as I jerk straight up in bed. Panting, I swing my legs across the bed and hop down. Walking to my bathroom mirror, I turn the lights on to see my reflection in the mirror.

But all I see are cold lifeless eyes staring back at me.

Why is she so emotionless? She is so cold, why doesn't she smile like a normal person?

Why does she not like children? Five year olds should know how to take care of children at that age. Maybe she hates children.

Oh, I'm sorry dear, you and your sister look so much a like, I can't remember your name.

Your Japanese right? No? I know your one of them foreigners over there. Can't tell because you all look a like.

Why don't you go back to where you came from?

"Stop!" I screamed at the mirror as I covered my ears. But my hands cannot block the words that have already pierced my heart. They will forever follow me.

Tears fall down from my lifeless eyes. I try to smile at the mirror, but my smile faltered and then broke. What did I do to deserve this?

"Please, someone.....anyone! Make the voices go away!" I sob as the mirror I was intently staring at breaks and shatters the reflection of my face.

I guess that was my answer.

******

Blood. I hate it. No, I do not faint or scream when I see blood.

No.

I hate blood that ties certain people together. The bond that holds people and unites them together creating something called love. Blood ties are the most valued by those who do not have it and the thing most taken for granted by those who do have it.

Because what happens when you lack that special bond?

As you read this book, you will be able to see through my eyes the world that I live in. The terror and the shame I experience.  But through all that I've been through....I was able to find someone.

Someone who loved me.....

_____________________

Xi'Ai Meriem POV
_____________________

It's dusk and the sun was losing the battle between the night sky as I walked down the streets. Looking everywhere to make sure that no one was watching, I slip through an even darker alley-way where I climbed a metal staircase that was connected to the brick building.

Entering through the door, I make my way down the eerie looking hallway as the carpeted floor creaked underneath my weight. The darkness covered the imperfections of the building while the putrid smell of alcohol suffocated the always present scent of blood that stained the whole establishment. As I enter into a dimly lit room that was labeled Dressing Room, the toxic fumes clouded my thinking as I tried not to breathe too much of it in.

The thumping of heavy music and muffled voices echoed throughout the walls. Closing the door, I take off my civilian clothes and put on some leather jeans, and a black flowy blouse which was my mandatory outfit.

I stoop down to take a quick glance at my reflection through the only mirror in the room. Trying to see my face through the cracks and smudges on the antique mirror, I quickly apply heavy eyeshadow and mascara so that I looked five years older. When I was satisfied with how I looked, I clipped on some hair extensions to complete my disguise. I heave a heavy sigh as I realized how much I have fallen from grace. But the darkness is the perfect place to cover your sins........and your secrets.

Exiting the depressing room, I walk down the stairs and join the party. The loud music mixed with colorful lights make me dizzy as I make my way to the well lit bar that was located in the corner of the dance floor. Signaling to the previous bartender that I was taking over, he nods his head in understanding. Pulling off his collar, he extends it towards me to wear.

"Watch out for customer number 24. He's been difficult all day." The man whispers in my ear as he was about to leave.

"Thanks for the heads up." I noted as I clip the collar around my neck.

The collar signifies that you only work in the bar and can not be requested to do anything else, but serve drinks. It has no value for the men bartenders.....but for me....it's a bulletproof vest.

It protects me from the Hostess Region.

"Give me a ......" an already drunk man asked me as I was cleaning the table from the previous customers.

I roll my eyes and look harshly at customer number 24 who was a regular. Sliding him a glass of clear liquid, I watch as the drunkard gulped the substance down and then began to cough. "This is water!" He screamed in outrage.

"When you pay off your tab, you can have another drink. But as of now, I can only give you water. Unless you want to complain to the Headmaster."

The man stumbles away from the bar and towards the more quite section of the building to which I have deemed the "Hostess Territory." That's right, let the Hostess girls "take care of" you.

Like the name, the Hostess Territory is more posh and quiet compared to the party section that I was placed in. Rich men go there to lounge about and pay for certain girl's attentions. And for a ridiculous amount, you can go behind the silk curtains that hide your identities and your indiscretions.

Unfortunately, the flimsy curtain doesn't hide the actions that are performed in that room. That's why I steer clear of that area. The Hostess girls can be very territorial since that is their only income base.

Turning my back on the crowd, I surveyed my inventory. Glass bottles filled with sickening colors ranging from bloody red to a deep amber gold color. I sigh as I realized how entrenched I've become in this underground world that people from the light look down upon.

Why am I here?

"Can I have some strong coffee?"

Turning around, I grin down at my next customer. "What brings you up to the light, Rèn?" I joked at the man as he grins back up at me. Rèn and I spend a lot of our free time together.

When Rèn gives me a weird look, I bite my lower lip in realization.

"You're not suppose to say my real name in this establishment. When you step into this building, I become Lǐ and you become Xīn'ài. Keep that rule in that pretty little head of yours before the Headmaster decides to cut it off and place it on a silver platter for everyone to see." He warned as he placed his huge hand on the top of my head as if to emphasize his statement. His pleading eyes pierced into my cold ones causing me to break contact with them.

"Thanks" I grumbled as I shoved his hand off my head.

He heaves a heavy sigh as he looks at me with a sad look. "I'm only reprimanding you, because I want you to stay alive."

"I know." I whisper back as I hung my head in shame. "Anyway....what brings you up here? Is it because of my amazing good looks." I joked in order to relieve the tension.

"Yeah...I'd rather see you then another dead body." He groaned as he closed his eyes and leaned his head down to rest on the counter. When he bent his head down, a searing red tattoo could be seen on the back of his neck. Tendrils of his black hair covered his weird looking tattoo as I stared at his resting face. He looks so young when he sleeps..

There are many subdivisions inside this Establishment. Phantoms are tasked with the mission of deleting the existence of our corpses so that no trace is left for the sun to ravage upon. You can only be placed in the Phantom division if you are born in the mainland.

Flicking his forehead until he woke up, I asked him why he wanted coffee at a bar.

"I'm on graveyard duty."

My smile quickly died at his words. "Again?" On closer inspection, I could tell that he looked paler than usual. Shrugging his shoulders, he reaches for the drink I finished making and drank it in one gulp like it was a shot.

"I need something stronger...." he sighed as he was about to leave.

"You need sleep." I yelled at him as he turned to leave. Waving his hand as if to dismiss my comment, he quickly blends into the crowded dance floor and disappears. Stay safe, Rèn .

Hearing another customer, I turn around only to be surprised that my next customer was the exact opposite of my previous one. A young boy with dyed brown hair was sitting on one of the barstools offered by the establishment. Instead of looking guilty or nervous, he confidently leans his upper body onto the counter and looks me straight in the eye.

"I would like to have a Lacerta."

I waver when he doesn't even hesitate. "Shouldn't you be in school, kid?"

"Shouldn't you?" He slyly asks causing me to widen my eyes. Can he really tell my age underneath this disguise?

Shaking my head in disbelief, I place one hand on the side of my hip and look down at him menacing. "Are you sure you know what you are asking for?"

The only answer I get is a smile. Rolling my eyes I duck underneath the counter and unlock a small container. "They are getting younger and younger as the days grow old. And Rèn complains about me being here....." I thought to myself as I successfully unlock the box. Opening the clunky container, I take out a handgun and its cartridge. Standing up, I load the gun in front of the boy and lay it on the table. When the boy reaches up to grab the gun, I stall his hand causing him to look up at me in confusion.

"Whenever you get in a bind.....call this number. You're too young for this, but I guess you have your reasons...." I whispered urgently as I give him my private phone number.

Now I know how Rèn feels though...

Motioning him to follow me, I lead him towards the back of the club, past the Hostess Territory, and into the mouth of the Dragon where the head manger's office is located. When I take a peak behind me, I sadly look at the innocent boy surveying his surroundings with awe.

That pretty face isn't going to last long .....

The secrets that we keep in this underground establishment called Lacerta will remain hidden like the names we were given at birth. The names that the darkness gives us at birth are words that never leave our lips when we return to the world of light. And the birth-name that the light gave us are never whispered in the darkness. These two must never become one or else...shadows of our lost souls will appear.

When unidentifiable bodies are found above ground.....well, you know where they came from.

*********

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