Sorry for the long wait for this chapter! I don't really know where I want to go with this anymore!

Emma

The month was up. 

It was time to make a decision.

I don't know what I want and I feel like shit. I want to be free, but I want my mate. I don't want him to give up his life, but I don't want to give up my freedom. I need to find a middle ground, a compromise. But I don't know. I'm barely twenty-two years old and I'm having a middle life crisis already.

With the mate bond, everything feels natural with Alec. I could see myself by his side. But I have the Smith Organization, Mom trusted me with it. I don't want to let her down. But I cannot have both. Even if I take Alec up on his offer to leave the throne and join me, I would feel guilty for making him give up his birth-right and he would have problems adjusting, especially with the Smith Organization being rogues.

Why is making decisions so hard?

Alec knew that today was the day and had warned me that he planned to leave me alone to think. I'm grateful for that. He wanted me to make a decision without added pressure. Not a lot of mates are willing to do that when it's the mate bond that they are talking about. I still don't know what to do and I have no one to turn to it. 

I just need to think about this rationally: 

First off, I want my mate. The mate bond is too strong. It's been clear for a long time that I want him. When I first came to the castle, I had my own room in a different wing. That only lasted two days until I moved into the room next to Alec. That took another three days before I couldn't sleep anymore. We ended up sharing a bed most nights to able to see. Alec even admitted that ever since I was fighting him, he usually got around two hours of sleep a night until he asked doctors to sedate him.

Secondly, I can't have my mate and the Smith Organization. He's Royal Blood and therefore can't be my partner in charge of a ROGUE organization. I need to pick one and it seems that I want my mate more than I want to be in charge of my mother's legacy. So, it appears that I will be stepping down from a leadership.

Thirdly, Alec offered to give up the throne to be with me. Even if I don't particularly want to be Alpha Queen, I won't make my mate give up something that he loves. My past month here showed me that. He cared so much for every pack and worked so hard to make it safe. It might not seem that way to rogues, but there are so many packs in North and South America, he can't control every detail. By the time that he knows an injustice happened, he cannot locate the now rogue wolves to fix it. And I met all the other potential successors and they're all disasters. Therefore, I can't make him to do that. I won't be selfish.

So, where does that leave me?

I want my mate, so I can't be in charge of the Smith Organization. I can't be in the Smith Organization if I want my mate to keep the throne, that's a violation of interests if I want to keep my mate as well as him keeping his throne. I know that some rogues are violent and need to be killed, but if I am in both the Royal Pack and the rogue Organization, I will always feel torn. 

Fuck, this is why I don't like making decisions.

I'm all over the place, I just know that I want my mate. I want to be with him and most importantly sleep with him. I have been getting frustrated in more ways than one lately. It's not my fault that Alec is so damn attractive and I want to jump his bones every time I see him, but I can't. Not until I decide how I am going to be his mate, that leads into my current predicament.

Lying on my bed, not moving because I'm lazy, I am left with only my thoughts. I am not sure that it's a good thing though because my thoughts can go so pretty crazy places. I'm getting off topic. Choice, mates, decisions, that's what I'm supposed to be thinking about. 

Right, I want my mate. I cannot be in charge of the Smith Organization. I don't want my mate to lose his throne, so I can't be in the Smith Organization. It seems my choice is made. To help the Organization I helped keep afloat, I could always become an anonymous donor or something.

I know what I want, now I just need to find Alec and tell him that.

I roll off my bed and end up on the floor. It seems I misjudged how big the bed is. I get up looking like a troll and head to get dressed. Used to working on short time restraints, I'm showered and ready to go in 15 minutes. I stroll out of my room peacefully, no longer looking like a ghoul.

 I stop one of the many people who work at the castle (I still have issues calling them servants because I never wanted some before) to ask, "Could you tell me where my mate is please?"

It's common knowledge that I am Alec's mate, but have difficulties accepting the bond. Apparently, that's a common thing because our Alpha Kings have a tendency to make stupid decisions before meeting their mates. I know Alec did and he payed for it by surviving my endless pranks (spray painting his office bright pink. . .) and forbidding him to touch me for a week even if it's just a casual touch. 

The man who I stopped nodded, "Yes, the Alpha King has gone to the northern border to defend it from a large rogue attack."

"WHAT!?" I practically screeched. I wanted to fight! How dare he go without warning me! There practically is never any rogues except individual ones who even dare cross the territory. It better not be my people or I'm going to throw hands. It can only be the insane rogues who are attacking which usually ends to a lot of deaths.

He continued on, "The Alpha King also gave us strict instructions to keep you in the castle."

In a dangerously quiet voice, I comment, "Did he?"

The man paled slightly, "We cannot disobey him."

Without further words, I turn on my heel and head back into my room. To anyone watching, it seems like I gave up, but that's wrong. In fact, I am simply entering my room to get my guns and weapons before leaving out the window. We are on the third floor, so the guards most likely assumed that I wouldn't leave that way. But I love proving them wrong.

Strapping my various guns to my body, I prepare myself to climb down the wall. That's the problem with older castles, some stones come out a little to give me handholds and footholds. It takes little to no effort and I am once more free from the castle. I take off running in the direction I know is North.

Five minutes later and I arrive at a bloody battle scene. I take stock of the situation as no one has noticed my presence. I narrow my eyes as I recognize the body of one of the people on the floor. It isn't the Smith Organization but another group who I want dead. This is going to be fun is my only thought as I smile sadistically.

I dive right into the fight. I don't shift, but rather stay in my human form using guns. I shoot, I dodge, I roll, and it's all so fun. Alec hasn't noticed me, but most of the other Royal wolves have. But I won't stop, this is my home where I was raised. I love the adrenaline rush I get when fighting for my life. I might be strange, but I won't change this feeling for anything in the world. 

I find myself in front what appears to be the leader of the group. I know he is because after all, one doesn't forget the face of an obsessive ex. I can't wait to properly kill him again. Death doesn't have the tendency to stick to him and he comes back to bite me in the ass. I mean it's been 4 goddamn years.

I smirk at my opponent, "Amos, what a coincidence to see you here?"

He sneered, "So, it's true. You're now the Alpha King's new whore."

He didn't just call me a whore. Fuck being cautious, I'm going to kill this man.

Without another thought, I take out my last gun and shoot him in the chest. I don't have anymore silver bullets, so it won't be fatal. It will be piss him off and delay him which is what I need. 

The effect didn't last long before I found myself dodging a very furious shifter. After we broke up due to me not wanting to sleep with him, he tried to force me, so Mom killed him. At least, we thought she did. He showed up two years later and tried to take over the Smith Organization claiming he was my mate. I killed his people and he escaped. This time, I'll make sure to burn the body.

The fight continued and I soon realized that Alec must have seen me. I could practically feel the rage rolling off of him in waves. I don't think he likes the fact I am fighting the enemy's leader. Too bad, it's too fun to stop.

Amos gets even more frustrated as it becomes clear that I am simply toying with him. He was never that good of a fighter and he hasn't improved. Not to sound too self-important, but I was raised to fight and to survive, those instincts are muscle-deep. To survive, Amos needs to die and I'm willing to make that sacrifice.

Amos, getting even more mad, growled, "Little bitch, you refuse me as your mate only to go after someone richer. That's low even for you whore."

I snarl right back at him, "I'm not the bitch in this situation."

I was currently half-shifted which meant that I had my claws coming out of my hand like that human movie wolverine. It hurts like a bitch, but makes you look really cool. I lift my arm to slit his throat with said claws when suddenly Amos isn't in front of me anymore.

I find Alec in wolf form, tearing him to pieces after having knocked him unconscious. I put my hands on my hips and whine, "I wanted to kill him!"

It's clear that Alec's wolf is in control, but he still looks up at me to give me an annoyed look. I roll my eyes. Little shit, stealing my kill, I defeated him, I should get to watch the life drain from his eyes!

I start walking back peacefully to the castle, hoping to escape my eventual scolding from Alec. I feel a smile come to my face thinking of my mate. He's so hot when he's angry with me. It's not my fault that he was blessed with god-like genes that are accentuated when he's pissed. 

It doesn't take long for footsteps to come up behind me. I recognize the scent to be my mates. He catches me from behind by grabbing my waist and yanking my back against his front. He then proceeds to drop his head into the crook of my neck. It's something most wolf shifters do when their mate could have gotten killed to confirm that they are safe.

Alec talks into my neck, "That was so incredibly stupid of you."

I shrug, "It was my ex. He is a shit fighter, but really good at hiding. I've been trying to kill him for a while now, but you just did, so it's fine."

He lifts his head up and kisses my temple, "You're crazy."

I smirk, "All the best people are."

Suddenly, my mate stiffens and turns serious before turning me to face him, "Have you made your choice?"

I smile at him gently, I could see his nervousness, "Yes."

He looked even more on guard, "And?"

I kissed him, that should answer his question.

***

Word Count: 2122