In the books and according to everyone else, Jade and Alexia almost fought over several misunderstandings. But with the confidence with which Alexia speaks, I'm unsure if that's true.

The way Alexia tells it, she and Jade had several disagreements until everyone decided it was best to keep them apart, before one big blow up that sounds like assault on her part. Not wanting to miss a thing, I grab my equipment and press record as I sit down beside Alexia and ask, "You're saying you attacked Jade?"

"Yeah?" She holds a laugh and shrugs. "I'm not bragging. It's actually very embarrassing how violent I was back then, but it wasn't because I was jealous. To Lucca, I was the perfect woman. Everything he loved about them jammed into one person. Hana's eyes and her commitment to her values. Simone's magnetic presence and–"

Alexia looks down at her shapely frame. Exposing a toned thigh as she extends her long legs.

"Our similar bodies," She continues. "Jade's commanding personality and charming smile," She says flashing her pearly white teeth. "And Mila's curls and creativity."

Her hands stretched out as if moving things around, Alexia holds no punches as she says Lucca's previous lovers were all just Blueprints to his desires while she was the grand design. She debunks Simone's assertion that she didn't trust her from the moment they had met. Going further to say there was a time when she, Simone and Hana were shopping buddies.

"I introduced her to her label manager," Alexia scoffs. "She didn't tell you that. Just what would make her girlfriend feel better because, deep down, they all know Lucca settled for her."

"That is a big claim." I know Simone's fans will eat me alive if I don't push back. Sternly reminding Alexia, "Simone Ruiz is one of the biggest names in the industry."

"And?" Alexia smirks.

"And if what you say is true, that would mean not only did you make her. But she and Lucca are only together because, and correct me if I'm wrong. You feel like you allowed it."

"You're wrong," Alexia quickly replies. "I didn't make her. Simone was making music before we had ever met. She was a local artist and people loved her. And the Beverly's loved my dad. I was listening to her music while at some event and Theo had a thing for curating artists. Like me, he wanted a name outside his family, so yeah–and as for Lucca. Well, that's complicated."

"Then let's unpack it," I push, not wanting to let this scoop go.

Maybe this can be my thing. I know enough celebs now. I can switch from behind the book to behind the person? It's two birds with one stone.

"That's a lot to unpack," Alexia smiles down at her lap. "I'm not saying Lucca doesn't love Simone. She was his first real girlfriend. Next to Mila, I don't think there's anyone else in the world who has a connection with him like she does but they're not soulmates. She doesn't love him the way she loves Hana. He knew it. She knew it. It was fine until me."

In Alexia's opinion, Simone doesn't just like the admiration of the masses. She needs it from her lovers. She didn't mind sharing Hana with Lucca, because she knew they would never love each other more than they loved her. And while Lucca always claimed that he loved his girlfriends the same, there was a hierarchy with Simone at the top.

Alexia asserts that it wasn't about power. It was about where they all rested in Lucca's life. To the outside, looking in, Jade, who was the oldest and most experienced in the polycule, was in charge because Lucca submitted to her and the rest to him.

This, Alexia says, was okay for Simone because she was his only Queen. The only woman among them that Lucca worshiped without comparison. His equal was Hana. Mila is confident.

"And Jade was there because he hated himself," Alexia says with a smirk that makes me a little uncomfortable.

"Do you care to expand on that?" I question.

"No," Alexia replies. "That's Lucca's truth to tell. Mine is that they lied. I wasn't jealous of them. I wasn't trying to push them out. I didn't need to. Everything they offered, Lucca found in me and that bothered Simone. Because sharing isn't a problem for her. But realizing that Lucca and I are made for each other is."

I let the word hang for a moment, sure that Alexia will backtrack and, in a way, she does.

"Or was. I don't know who she is now. We were all young. We were all trying to figure life out. We all loved the same guy and at the time, I didn't believe love is something that can be shared."

"And now?"

Alexia hesitates. Her words are just at the tip of her tongue as she looks at me unsure.

"How much of this goes in there?" She questions.

All of it.

"What's needed."

My body buzzes with anticipation. I want to press harder, but Alexia looks like a scared deer in the headlights. Her eyes closed as she lay back on my bed.

"I love him," Alexia speaks softly. Whispering as if the walls could hear her secret. "I never stopped loving him. No matter what I did. No matter how hard I tried. I loved him because Lucca's my soulmate. I–I couldn't understand that at first. I told myself it was just lust. That Mila and I had a deeper connection because, in some ways, we did. Every conversation was effortless. I was in awe of her. I still am."

Alexia glances at me and informs me that though they haven't spoken in years, she has followed Mila's art career. Even owns several pieces. Her smile is genuine as she says she's proud of her.

Her smile softens as she tells me that she loved Justice too. He was what she needed in life and I can not for the life of me understand that, but I don't interrupt.

"When I was a girl," Alexia continues. "I liked to squeeze my eyes shut, hold my arms out, and spin until I was dizzy and couldn't breathe. It made me feel alive. That's what it felt like to kiss Lucca. Before that moment, I was seventy-five percent certain I was a lesbian. The twenty-five holding out was a mix of two things."

Alexia's giggle feels uncomfortable, her robe slipping up to her toned thighs as she sits up and pulls her bare feet onto the bed and hugs her legs.

"I guess three considering the fact I hadn't kissed a girl before Mila," She confesses as I wonder if I should let her keep going or redirect to the question. "I just admired them from afar, but I admired men too. People are beautiful. Not always in conventional ways, but I was raised to see the art of human form. There were men I found attractive. They didn't make my mind wander like women. But it happened once. For Justice. He was my first you know?"

Alexia glances at me as she rests her head on her knees. She's watching for a reaction and I can't stop myself from frowning at such an obvious lie.

Alexia's first boyfriend was a nice little boy from her private school when she was five. Their puppy love was broadcast on her family's reality show. The next was rumored to be her mentor, an classical musician she studied beneath in Paris at fifteen. But being that he was a decade older, I just hope it's not true.

According to her husband's brief comments about their relationship before the divorce, She and Justice Foster had met over the summer in Australia when she was fourteen. Even if she hadn't told me all about Lucca blowing her back out during a party, her husband happily told reporters that he had been waiting for her ever since the two shared a kiss before returning home by the end of the summer.

"In what sense?" I question.

Alexia says nothing. She just stares at me until a stomach turning thought crosses my mind.

"Are you saying...?"

"Pastor's son, meets conservative masking as a moderate reality star's daughter. He was the first boy I was allowed alone with. Not that it mattered, before Justice, I thought I was gay. Love him or hate him, no one can deny the fact that my husband is a beautiful man..."

There's something unsaid between Alexia's words. A look in her eyes telling me to read between the lines. She's right. As vile as he is, Justice Foster is objectively a good looking man. Pretty, even. Likely more-so before puberty fully set in.

"He looked like a girl," I declare.

"So does Lucca," Alexia smirks, the both of us knowing he's gonna love that. "Those long lashes. Those full lips. His eyes?" She gushes.

"Are you a lesbian, Alexia?"

"Are you?" She shoots back.

"Yes."

"No," She replies. Giggling as my eyes accidentally give away my exasperation. "Sexuality is a spectrum," Alexia chimes. "I like big pretty men with heart stopping smiles and dainty pretty girls with big brown eyes."

The way she looks at me while she says it, makes my breath hitch. Alexia's eyes gazing into my soul until I can't help but look away.

"With being so young..." I clear my throat as I swat away the butterflies. "That experience must have shaped a lot of things for both yourself and Senator Foster."

Alexia nods. Still hugging her knees as she says, "It was his idea." And as a fifteen year old boy I'm sure it was.

My heart sinks slightly as Alexia describes what could only be a child's idea of conversion therapy. Years before Lucca, Alexia had come out to her close friend she had met on the beach.

She told Justice she had liked him but joked it was probably because he looked like his mother. Something they thought was funny until the end of the summer when she had told him she couldn't be his girlfriend because she was gay.

In turn, the little prick had convinced her she couldn't be sure because she had never been with a man. Offering to help Alexia be straight even going as far to say that God wouldn't fault them because he was saving her soul.

"It was... okay?" Alexia shrugs as if she hadn't just said one of the most traumatic things I had heard during this journey. "I mean, I wasn't racing to do it again. We practiced. I got used to it. We didn't speak again."

She's laughing. I don't know how to describe what she had just said, but I'm thinking Justice did because Alexia is giggling as she says he was afraid she hadn't called him at the end of the summer because he had thought he did something wrong.

"I just lost my phone," Alexia grins. "I don't do social media. When you grow up in the spotlight you become obsessed or allergic. I was allergic, so we didn't speak again. After that I think I missed it. I don't know how to explain it. I didn't like sex. It wasn't very good but I felt like something was missing. But I convinced myself casual sex was just for sluts so I got a boyfriend."

"Bastien Moreau?" I say, my blood boiling as the pieces of the puzzle settle in.

"Mmm hmm," Alexia confirms. "And I know what you're thinking but the minimum age of consent in France is fifteen."

"He was going on thirty," I fire back.

"Twenty-eight," Alexia corrects as though there's a difference. "And I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying it was a phase. All men were phases until Lucca. Something to fill the space."

"Then..." I hesitate. Unsure if I should even continue with this line of questioning. "What happened between you two?"

A cheshire smile curls at Alexia's lips. Her eyes glowing with mischief as she says, "I'm fucked up Lilah."

My name no longer holds that Alexia charm. She says it as though she's frustrated I hadn't said it myself.

Her arms slowly stretch out as I scoot back to leave her room. My eyes on Alexia as she holds them over her head flexing side-to-side as she speaks.

"You read enough romances and you think you know how love should go," Alexia says as she jumps to her feet. "Love at first sight, the whirlwind, the fall, babies ever after. Hell, my parents did it. My mom could have been the Queen of fucking England, but the minute she laid eyes on my father, none of that mattered."

Alexia goes on to inform me there are twenty-three romances based on her parents' relationships. That her very existence was shaped around their love and any imperfection within her was a slight toward them. At least, it was how they raised her to feel.

"I know my parents love me, but it doesn't really feel like love. It feels like an obligation, and I've never felt obligated to Lucca. But I did feel obligated to my father and I knew he would never accept Mila. He's... causally homophobic. It's okay for everyone but his children."

Alexia laughs. A gleam in her eye I can only describe as pride as she recalls her last family dinner with Owen and her parents. Owen, questioning to her father what difference did it make if his children were 'into that sort of thing.' Before coming out as bisexual and explaining to Mr. Fairchild, that didn't change simply because he had a long time girlfriend.

"I knew he was calling me out," Alexia declares. "At the time it fucking pissed me off, but it was the truth. Being with Lucca didn't make me straight. But Owen coming out did make it easier to tell my parents I was with him. My dad wasn't happy. He actually said some cancelable shit before planting a seed in my head. He said, I won't find him in some ex-con. And it only made me love Lucca more. Until, I learned that Lucca had used the guide to get closer to me. At the time I didn't see it as him loving me so much and being so afraid to lose me that he was willing to change everything he was to be what I wanted. I saw it as a betrayal. I heard my dads words and I fucking ran for the hills. I ran back to what felt normal."

"Justice," his name feels like slime on my tongue.

"Yes. Thing is, I still loved Lucca. We broke each other's hearts a million times but, a broken heart beats with all its pieces. And it still wants the same person."

Alexia giggles as she flops back don't onto the bed. Her smile taking up her face as she says, "Fuck I'm high."

"Do you..." I hesitate. "Smoke often...?"

"Yes."

"Do you... not worry? Your family has a history of addiction. Your paternal grand–"

"It's my family," Alexia's smile fades as she turns her attention to me. "You don't have to remind me. Owen told you everything he knows because of me. But I never told him everything I know. And it's weed. It's not a gateway drug. Lucca might have smoked before Adrian and my brother turned him out to the harder shit, but Owen never touched the stuff. He's asthmatic. Anyway," Alexia sighs. "What was I saying?"

Alot.

"You uh..." I feel flustered. My hands reach to my recorder and turn it off feeling as if I'm taking advantage of Alexia's current mental state. "You're still in love with Lucca."

"Yes," Alexia smiles.

"And you want him to know?"

"I don't care," She says to my confusion. "When I was younger, love felt like something to covet. Just like Simone, I wanted Lucca to love me above everyone and everything. But it wasn't about control. It was about capacity. I was trying to convince myself that love is two people. A man and a woman and those were the rules anything else was wrong and by the time I realized how stupid and selfish it was, I had already made my bed."

Alexia leaps off the bed. Her robe floating up and revealing she's not wearing any underwear.

"Lilah," Alexia coo's and my heart pounds as I look away and wonder when it will stop being so silly.

"Hm?" I squeak my head lowered as I wring my fingers.

My breath hitches as Alexia tilts my chin. Her scent invades my senses; she smells better than I could have imagined. Strawberries, flowers, and something sweet I can not place.

"Are you okay?" Alexia seems concerned.

"Mm hmm," I whimper.

"Are you sure? You were pacing when I came in to ask if you would like to join me for dinner. It worried me, but I was unsure how to brooch the subject."

She was worried about me?

Alexia caresses my face as she tells me that I can talk to her. If I'm home sick. If there's something on my mind, she's a great listener.

I nod, unable to speak. Her hands are so soft. The concern in her eyes melts my heart and when she smiles, she looks relieved and it reaches her eyes.

"Great," Alexia rips away and heads for the door, speaking fast and walking faster. "The staff goes home on the weekends so I usually cook for myself. I was coming to ask you to join me for dinner. It won't be done until around ten. Justice was an old man at heart. He needed dinner between seven and eight. No exception," She says with a frustrated sigh before smiling over her shoulder as she stands at the door.

"Sporadic meals are my divorce present to myself. Feel free to wear whatever you want," Alexia says, closing the door behind her and leaving me flustered.

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Thank you for reading The Sluts Guide to Romance. Don't forget to like, share and comment to tell me what you thought about the chapter.

Looking for a new ONC read? Check out Flickering Creatures by A.B. Channing (@ SmokeAndOranges) (he/him). Might be what you're looking for: When Bryony goes missing, it's up to her loyal familiar Bella to solve the case... even if it means allying with a snooty cat she hates and a rival witch who may or may not be behind the disappearance.