Jordan

Parang pinagpira-piraso ang puso ko habang nakahiga si Chad sa mga braso ko. His breathing was getting weaker with each passing second, and I could feel the blood trickling down his skin. I could only press my lips on his forehead in a futile attempt to give him comfort, and stop myself from sobbing out loud.

After Masha was pulled out the window, Chad grabbed the rifle and shot at the emergency lights up the ceiling as a last ditch effort to save our lives. Amidst the ocean of darkness, he dragged me toward what felt like a parked vehicle and I found myself stumbling down the floorboard. I heard him struggling to close the car doors, and next thing I knew he was already grunting and gasping in so much pain next to me. Wala akong ibang magawa kundi yakapin siya nang mahigpit, umaasang hindi papasok sa sasakyan ang mga nietang sleepwalker.

Kung saan-saan napupunta ang isip ko. Anong nangyari sa kanila sa itaas? Okay lang ba si Masha? May kinalaman ba talaga ang pamilya ko sa nangyayari ngayon?

Si Masha... Wala akong ibang magawa kundi umasa sa kakayahan niyang protektahan ang sarili niya. She's the sweetest person I know, but I'm also well aware of how tough she can get when the situation needs her to be. She won't go down without a fight.

For Smoeki, he has the biggest reason to survive. He won't stop at nothing just to find Thea. I won't be surprised if he decides to leave us behind to save his own life. I'd even be very proud of him. 

Gil's survival instincts can be overshadowed by his empathy, but I know he will be able to hold down the fort if people like Bogart and Ezra will back him up.

I'd rather have faith in them than lose my mind, fearing for the worse.

"I'm sorry..." bulong ni Chad at naramdaman ko ang mahina niyang paghawak sa kamay ko.

I held his hand back as tightly as I could and looked up, trying to make out the shadows hovering over us. One wrong move and we'd be giving up our hiding place. 

"I'm sorry..." I couldn't count how many times I heard him apologize. However, no matter how sincere, it couldn't bring back the lives of those we lost. It couldn't wake us up from our darkest nightmare.

I will never understand why he did what he did. Why they took such drastic acts. How desperate and angry did they have to be to resort to this? 

"S-Sa pinanggalingan kong kwarto, may hagdan doon paakyat sa second floor. Jordan, kontrolado niya ang lahat. Kailangan mong mag-ingat. Huwag kang magtitiwala kahit kanino," nanghihinang sambit ni Chad sa pagitan ng kanyang kinakapos na hininga.

"Wait what..." Sa puntong iyon ay nagsitayuan ang mga balahibo ko't binalot ng hindi maipaliwanag na takot ang puso ko. "S-Sino?"

"Hindi ko rin alam pero binabago niya ang lahat. S-sorry, God I'm so sorry," Chad mumbled as he cried inconsolably. He sounded just as terrified as I was, and it scared me even more.

"Shh!" My trembling hands quickly covered his mouth, scared to attract the sleepwalkers with our noise. Yet in the end, both of us were left with muffled cries. 

I felt Chad's cold hand on mine. He slowly slid it down, away from his mouth. Even if it was dark, I could tell his head turned to my direction. He was crying as he whispered, "I'll distract them. Run for the stairs. Ito na lang ang magagawa ko para sa 'yo."

I hugged him tighter and cried even harder. 

"I'm sorry..." It was my turn to apologize because there was no way I would refuse his offer. That was how desperate I was to survive. "Chad, sorry..."

I heard him cough a little, followed by a dripping sound. "Dr. Rosauro said he can cure my aunt... he told us he can change the island for the good. He promised them a kind of justice far better than your dad could give... I'm sorry we chose his side in the end."

I bit my lips as I sobbed uncontrollably. My worst fears were slowly being confirmed. "Ch-Chad, does my brother know about this too?"

"Use the light on your rifle. I'll use mine too. I'll start screaming to get their attention. Wait for my signal, okay?" he whispered back, clearly trying to spare my from the heartbreaking truth.

"Chad, kasabwat mo ba si PJ?" But no matter how heartbreaking the truth was, I had to confirm it myself otherwise it would haunt me for the rest of my life.

***

"Nandito ako! Ako ang harapin n'yo! Jordan, takbo na!" 

I crawled out of the car and sprinted as swiftly as I could. If only my legs could float, I would've made them just so I wouldn't make my presence known. However, no matter how silent I tried to be, in my mind I was screaming how sorry I was to Chad, one of my best friends in the world.

It was wrong to leave him behind. To let him sacrifice his life for mine. Kung si Papa ang nasa posisyon ko, siguradong mas pipiliin niyang akayin si Chad hanggang sa kamatayan kaysa iwan ito. Kahit si Masha, sigurado akong hindi ito gagawin. None of them were as selfish as me. But what else could I do? I wanted to survive and get out of the island alive.

I could hear gunshots as Chad screamed words I couldn't make out. My heart and mind was too muddled that I just kept on running until I reached a small spiral staircase. 

As I reached the second floor living room, I was bombarded with purple neon lights dancing across the walls and carpeted floors. The electropop music was full of life—a sharp contrast to the lifeless, mangled bodies strewn all over the place. And to make it all worse, I could see some sleepwalkers just standing as if basking on the lights and music. It was as weird as it could get.

I didn't waste a second and continued running, unfazed by the attention I was getting. I almost faltered when I saw Father Ruben's bloodied body on the ground, but in the end, I kept going. There was no way I would let Chad's sacrifice go in vain.

Everything happened so fast that I couldn't even believe it myself. I managed to reach the third floor using the same stairs we took.

As soon as I closed the door shut, I stopped hearing loud music behind me. Ni hindi ko alam kung may nakasunod din ba sa akin. I was torn on whether to lock the door, worried that someone else will try to enter. What if it's a sleepwalker? What if it's a friend?

In the end, I chose to lock the door. 

Awtomatiko akong nagtungo sa kusina ngunit wala akong nadatnang ni isa sa kanila. Unlike the second floor, the electricity all over the third floor was out. Ang tanging ilaw lang na mayroon ako ay ang mga kulay pulang emergency lights sa kisame, pati na ang maliit na ilaw sa dulo ng rifle na hawak ko.

Kasunod kong sinuyod ang bawat kwarto at tuluyang bumaliktad ang sikmura ko nang makita ang dalawang bata at buntis na nakahandusay sa sahig, pare-parehong wala nang buhay. Ang buntis at isa sa mga bata, pareho silang may mga tama ng bala sa ulo. Ang isa namang bata ay yuping-yupi ang ulo at kaliwang braso.

Lumabas ako mula sa silid at isa-isa kong sinuyod ulit ang bawat kwarto. Pati ang mga CR, pinagbubuksan ko pa. 

As I found myself standing in the empty living room, that was only when I noticed the utter silence around me. It suddenly felt like all of my senses became numb altogether. It felt as if the walls suddenly caved in on me. 

I felt suffocated as soon as the truth dawned on me. 

I was all alone.

I did everything to survive but at the cost of being alone. Was it worth it in the end?

My knees buckled and soon I found myself sitting on floor, sobbing my heart out. I remembered my father's bloody body, my mother's crying face, Kuya Vito's dying smile as he laid on my lap, Chad's sacrifice, and the painful truth I have to bear.

I cried and cried, begging the heavens for an adult to come and carry the weight off my shoulders. I couldn't take it anymore. 

I badly needed my mother's nagging, my father's guidance, Kuya Vito's instructions, and PJ telling me everything will be alright because he will handle everything for me.

"Ano nang gagawin ko ngayon?" I cried out loud, unconsciously punching my chest.

Time felt nonexistent. Next thing I knew, I was just sitting there, tired and empty. I only came to when I noticed the doorknob turning profusely.

I closed my eyes shut and held the golden whistle hanging on my neck. The last thing my parents got for me. I held on to it for dear life and grabbed the rifle next to me.

I felt too weak and tired to stand that I just crawled toward one of the rooms and hid inside a closet. I hugged the rifle tightly on my chest and prayed for dear life.

After what felt like forever, I began to hear it. Gunshots, followed by screaming and footsteps.

"May tao ba rito?"

"Gago! Baka mamaya infected na naman!"

"May infected bang nagla-lock ng doorknob?!"

"Meron! May nagbubukas pa nga 'di ba?!"

"Teka, bakas ng dugo o!"

"Sige! Lakasan mo pa boses mo, gago!"

"Gago ka rin! Pakyu!"

I recognized their voices, but instead of relief, I felt more terrified. 

I held the rifle firmer, this time ready to shoot. My lips were trembling as tears continued to stream down my face again. My mind and heart were in a total wreck. My finger, ready to pull the trigger.

They followed the trail of blood I unknowingly left. Soon enough, I began to see their faces through the closet's wooden cracks.

It was Bogart, Arnold, and Langaw. All three of them looked bloodied and disheveled. Langaw's shirt was even so torn that the left side of his shirt was only hanging my his shoulder. 

My heart became more erratic at the sight of the rifle on their hands. 

"Sinong nandiyan sa loob ng aparador?" Arnold asked, making me tremble even more.

"Gago! Shut up ka nga lang!" sigaw ni Langaw.

"Shhh..." Bogart raised his rifle and started walking toward my hiding place. All I could do was bite my lips and hold on my rifle tighter.

The closer Bogart got, the heavier my breathing became. I was so scared, I felt like I was losing grip of myself.

Tensioned filled the entire room with each second. The three of them kept exchanging glances, and there I was, alone to fend for myself.

Bogart suddenly reached for the door, opening it as fast as he quickly took a step back.

The three of them let out loud gasps. Meanwhile, I quickly raised my rifle higher, panicked over who I should shoot first if they turn out to be traitors.

"Tangina! Ikaw lang pala! Muntik atakihin puso ko sa 'yo, Vigoria!" Arnold laughed in relief as he held his chest, throwing his rifle to the ground. I quickly set my eyes on the two biggest threat left in the room—Bogart and Langaw.

"Kinabahan din ako don, a?" Langaw laughed shakily, also putting down his rifle. "Okay ka lang, Jords? Kanina ka pa namin hinahanap. Saan ka ba nagsusuot?"

I shifted my entire attention to Bogart. This time, my finger already resting on the trigger. 

Bogart also quickly moved his rifle down, but he looked at me like he was analyzing every fiber of my being. 

"Teka, Vigoria. Ibaba mo na kaya ang baril mo? Nanginginig ka, o? 'Di ba sabi mo 'wag ilalagay ang daliri sa gatilyo kung hindi sigura..." Hindi na tinapos ni Arnold ang sinasabi. Dali-dali niyang pinulot ulit ang rifle niya kaya sa kanya ko ulit itinutok ang sa akin.

"Hala, gago! Tulog ba siya?!" Pati si langaw ay muli ring nagtaas ng kanyang armas. Nakatutok na rin sa akin.

Taranta, papalit-palit kong tinutok sa kanilang dalawa ang muzzle ng rifle ko. Hindi nakatulong ang kamay kong labis ang panginginig, pati na ng mga mata kong nag-uumapaw na naman sa luha.

"Hindi siya tulog! Langaw, Arnold, ibaba n'yo ang mga armas n'yo!" dumagundong ang boses ni Bogart, bagay na bahagya kong ikinakislot sa takot. 

"Jordan, hindi ko alam anong nangyayari, pero wala kang dapat ikatakot." Bumaling sa akin si Bogart, malumanay na ang pananalita. 

I wasn't taking any chances. I kept my rifle raised at Arnold and Langaw. I only pointed the muzzle at Bogart again when I noticed that he was walking toward me.

"Teka, galit ba siya kasi hindi tayo nakinig sa kanya kanina?" si Langaw.

"Kayo lang! Kampi ako sa kanya all the way!" si Arnold.

Tuluyang ibinaba ni Bogart ang rifle niya sa sahig. Nagtaas siya ng mga kamay at maingat na lumapit, hindi inaalis ang tingin sa akin. "Jordan, sorry. Alam kong binigo ka namin—"

"Sandali bro, hindi ka mukhang gentle! Hindi ka bagay sa hostage negotiation! Lalo lang masisira turnilyo ni Jordan sa 'yo! Si Arnold na lang kaya?" putol ni Langaw sa sinasabi ni Bogart.

"Tangina, itikom mo na nga lang ang bibig mo!" sigaw ni Arnold.

If their words were their way to distract me, it was completely working. Hindi ko na alam kung kanino ko itututok ang rifle.

"Jordan, sa akin ka makinig, okay? Mga wala silang kwentang kausap." Marahang lumuhod si Bogart sa harapan ko at tinitigan ako sa mga mata, nakataas pa rin ang mga kamay. "Sorry kasi alam kong binigo kita kanina. Nangako ako pero binigo kita. Tama ka. Dapat nakinig kami sa 'yo. Infected ang buntis at ang bata, nagkagulo rito kanina. Nagkagulo rin sa baba. Kasalanan namin 'to. Kasalanan ko 'to. Dapat nakinig ako sa 'yo."

I couldn't believe my eyes and ears. Bogart was right in front of me, talking with the most gentle voice, looking at me with the softest eyes. The strong and scary Bogart, leader of the Boguards.

All of a sudden, Langaw started giggling. "Naks! Marunong pala gumanon ang bossing namin—"

Biglang pumikit si Bogart nang mariin, gigil na gigil na. "Langaw, isa ka na lang at babaliin ko ang leeg mo."

"Bogart, gentle!" paalala naman ni Arnold.

Kusang bumagsak ang mga balikat ko. Para akong tuluyang naubusan ng lakas at nag-unahan na ulit sa pagbagsak ang mga luha ko.

Huminga nang malalim si Bogart at muli akong tiningnan sa mga mata. Unti-unti niyang inabot ang rifle na hawak ko. "Jordan, nag-aalala ka ba kay Masha? Nakita ko sila kanina na tumatakbo palabas ng mansiyon. Hindi ko alam sinu-sino ang mga kasama niya, pero parang nakita ko rin si Smoeki."

"Th-they got out?" Para na akong tuluyang nawalan ng kontrol sa sarili kong emosyon. Iyak ako nang iyak.

Ngumiti si Bogart at tumango, bagay na unang beses niya pa lang yata ginawa habang kausap ako. Hindi ko namalayan na tuluyan na niyang nakuha ang rifle mula sa kamay ko at ipinasa ito kay Langaw.

Sa sobrang dismaya sa sarili, nagsimula akong humikbi. "S-suko na ako..."

I never thought I would ever get to say those words, but in that moment, I was too frustrated with everything. One moment I was ready to sacrifice everyone to survive, the next I just wanted to surrender and leave everything to the heavens. 

"Pagod ka lang. Hindi ka susuko. Umalis na tayo rito nang makahabol tayo sa kanila." Nakangiting paniniguro ni Bogart at inabot ang nanginiginig kong mga kamay. 

In that moment, he seemed like just what I needed—a comforting adult that I could follow and count on to make everything alright. 

Tuluyan akong humagulgol at yumakap sa kanya nang mahigpit. "Hindi k-ko na alam... Ayoko... Bakit ganito..."

Binalot ng katahimikan ang buong kwarto. Ilang sandali ring puro hagulgol ko lang ang rinig ko, hanggang sa naramdaman ko ang marahang pagtapik ni Bogart sa likod ko.

"Tahan na, magiging okay ang lahat. Tahan na, kami ang bahala. Tutupad ako sa pangako," aniya at naramdaman ko ang pagyakap niya sa akin pabalik. 

Hindi ko alam anong pangako ang ibig niyang sabihin pero sa sobrang hagulgol, wala na akong lakas pang magtanong.

***

"Okay ka na?" tanong ni Bogart nang makarating kami sa rooftop. Unti-unti nang humihina ang buhos ng ulan pero ubod nang lakas pa rin ang hangin.

Tumango na lang ako, hiyang-hiya sa inasta ko. Nangyakap pa ako kahit hindi naman kami close. Looking back, I should've handled my emotions better. Fight now, cry later.

"Ikaw, boss? Okay na okay?" Bumungisngis si Langaw.

"Super okay!" Kahit si Arnold ay patawa-tawa rin.

Nakunot ang noo ko sa pinagsasabi nila. Napasulyap na lamang ako sa relo ko at napatitig sa langit. "One hour left and the sun will rise. Should we just wait it out?"

Hindi ko pa rin sigurado kung may traydor ba sa kanilang tatlo, pero sa totoo lang ay mas komportable ako na hindi ako mag-isa. Hindi ako takot. Malas ko lang talaga kung sa huli ay sila pala talagang tatlo ang traydor.

"Teka, first sunrise 'to mula nang magsimula ang lahat 'di ba? Marami kaya sa kanila ang magigising?" tanong naman ni Arnold.

"Mga bro at Jordan, susugal ba talaga tayo?" Bumuntonghininga si Langaw. "Kayo na mismo ang nagsabi na iba-iba ang epekto ng virus. Baka mas ligtas kung ngayong madilim pa tayo aalis? Kitang-kita tayo sa liwanag, e. At saka, baka lalo nating hindi maabutan ang iba?"

"Umamin ka nga, Langaw. Trip mo si Masha, no?" Ngumiwi agad si Arnold.

Ngumiti si Langaw sabay sapo ng kanyang batok. "Kanina kasi, tinulungan ko si Rai na makatakbo palayo. Binaril-baril ko ang humahabol sa kanya mula bintana. Baka nag-iisa lang 'yon ngayon. Kawawa naman."

I felt relieved knowing Rai got out safe. Growing up, we never really saw eye to eye. But just like everyone else, I'd be devastated if anything bad happens to her.

Napa-thumbs up ako nang wala sa oras kay Langaw. "Good taste."

Nag-thumbs up din si Arnold kay Bogart. "Good taste, Bossing!"

"Wait, si Rai pala ang crush mo! May pa-otso otso ka pa, mabubulgar din pala!" I quickly turned to Bogart, beaming at the realization. Nag-thumbs up din ako sa kanya.

As expected, sumimangot agad si Bogart sa pang-aasar namin. "Baka nakakalimutan ninyong nasa bingit tayo ng kapahamakan?"

"Lalim no'n, a?" Arnold mouthed at me.

Natawa na lamang ako't umiling-iling. I needed a little laugh. After all, I knew deep down what comes next might completely destroy me and everything I've ever believed in.

"What's the decision?" tanong ko sa kanila. For once it felt good that I was just following their lead.

"We run like hell!" Pumalakpak si Langaw, halatang excited makita ulit si Rai.

"Okay ka na talaga?" Bigla akong siniko ni Bogart.

Ngumiti ako at tumango. I will never be okay after the decision I've made.

//