Habang tutok na tutok si Kuya Vito sa pagmamaneho sa gitna ng malakas na ulan, ako naman ay paulit-ulit na tumatawag kay Tina na nasa karatig lungsod, malayo sa gulo ng isla.

"Jordan, kumikidlat na. Mamaya na mo na tawagan si Justin," mahinang sambit ni Kuya Vito at saka nagpaandar na ng kanyang high beams upang maliwanagan ang tinatahak naming daan.

"Then you should pull over too. It's dangerous to keep driving during a thunderstorm," giit ko naman at saka pinagmasdan ang signal bar sa cell phone ni Kuya Vito, umaasang magkakaroon ito ng kahit isang guhit man lang.

"Mas delikado kung mananatili tayo rito. Umaapaw na ang baha. Lagot tayo kung titirik 'tong sasakyan," giit naman ni Kuya Vito kaya hindi na ako nakipagtalo pa. After all, tama siya. It's better to risk getting hit by lightning than to stay and drown in floodwaters.

Mula sa rearview mirror, sinulyapan ko ang batang si Fatima na mahimbing na natutulog kasama ng sanggol sa backseat, ginagawang kumot ang mga maruming damit ni Kuya Vito. I wanted to carry the baby, or at least, sit with them, but I was soaking wet and my body was feeling so cold. 

"Jordan, cell phone," Kuya Vito reminded, this time firmly.

Tumango na lamang ako at itinago ang cell phone niya sa lalagyang nasa likuran ng kambyo.

"Siguradong tatawag si Justin at magbibigay ng update sa papa mo, tiwala lang," he assured me.

Tumango ako at sumandal na lamang sa kinauupuan. Pumikit ako upang makapagpahinga nang kaunti, pero bigla na lamang bumalik sa isip ko ang nakakapanlumong hitsura ng kuwartong iyon sa orphanage.

"Justin . . . " Dumilat ako at bumulalas.

"Ha?" Bahagyang sumulyap sa akin si Kuya Vito.

"You know what? Ever since I returned, I've never heard you refer to her as Tina. Not even once." It was the first thing that crossed my mind, so I spoke my thoughts aloud, just to prevent my mind from coming back to that awful room again.

"Puro ka Justin kahit na alam mong si Tina na siya ngayon. Hanggang ngayon ba, hindi mo pa rin tanggap ang buhay na gusto niya para sa sarili niya?" dagdag ko pa.

Nagsalubong ang kilay ni Kuya Vito nang sumulyap siyang muli sa akin. "Ano bang mali kung tawagin kong Justin ang kapatid ko? Hindi pa siya lumalabas sa tiyan ng Mama namin, 'yon na ang pangalan niya. Pagbali-baliktarin ang mundo, siya si Justin."

"Hindi mo pa rin ba siya tanggap?" pag-uulit ko.

"Ano bang pinagsasabi mo?" Suminghal si Kuya at bahagyang tumawa. "Kung hindi ko pa siya tanggap, dapat ginugulpi ko pa rin siya. Dapat tinatago kong may kapatid akong—"

"Look, I know this is none of my business, but Tina loves the hell out of you. You're her role model. Believe it or not, she even wanted to be a cop to follow your footsteps. The only reason why she didn't become one, was because she was scared that she'd be a burden for you, considering how f*cked up some of your people can be to people like her," paliwanag ko. "Tina. Just call her the name she wants to be called. It may just be a name, but coming from you, I'm sure it would mean the world to her."

Kuya Vito let out a sigh—an annoyed one.

"Kung makapagsalita . . . Ikaw nga, hindi pa nakikipag-ayos kay PJ," I heard him say under his breath.

"You're right . . . " I smiled and nodded. "If I get out of this island alive, I'll find him and fix the bridge I burned."

I leaned my head against the window and stared at the windshield wipers swaying side by side, clearing up our path.

I let myself get lost in the wiper's motion as I dug deep into my thoughts. I tried to put myself in my father's shoes—what he'd do, what he'd think, and what would be his priorities.

"Police station . . . " wala sa sarili kong sambit nang unti-unting maaninag ang building sa dulo ng madilim na daang tinatahak namin. Sa isang iglap, bigla akong may naalala. "Diyos ko! Nakalimutan ko si Gil!"

Sa lakas ng sigaw ko, bahagyang napalundag si Kuya Vito. Nagising naman si Fatima, pati na ang sanggol na kaagad pumalahaw.

"Jordan! May mga bata kang kasama!" bulyaw ni Kuya kasabay ang lalo pang pag-iyak ng sanggol.

"I'm sorry! Si Gil! Nakalimutan ko si Gil!" bulalas ko sa sobrang taranta at agad na napalingon sa mga bata. "Baby, sorry! Fatima, sorry!"

"Okay lang siya doon! Kung may naging agresibo man sa station, ligtas si Gil kasi nag-iisa lang siya sa selda niya!" he assured me, but I was still racked with guilt and worry.

Pagkahintong-pagkahinto ng sasakyan sa labas ng police station, agad kong binuksan ang pinto. Bago pa man ako makababa, mabilis na hinawakan ni Kuya ang braso ko. "Huwag kang padalos-dalos! Hindi pa natin alam ang sitwasyon sa loob!"

"That's why you'll stay here with the kids!" giit ko naman. "You can protect them better than I could! Keep the doors locked, and if I'm not out by 15 minutes—"

"Hindi kita iiwan dito!" buong lakas niyang giit.

Agad nakunot ang noo ko. "Huwag mo talaga akong iwan, uy! If I'm not out by 15 minutes, get inside and start looking for me! Hide the kids in either this car or one of the cells—just make sure nothing gets to them!"

Akmang lalabas na ulit ako ng sasakyan, pero muli na namang hinila ni Kuya ang kamay ko. Bago pa man ako makapagtanong, bigla niyang binuksan ang glove compartment at inilabas mula rito ang isang baril.

"N-No way . . ." I shook my head profusely. I know I was being a total baby about it, but the thought of ending someone's life terrified me to the core.

"Hindi ka ba marunong gumamit ng baril?" Kumunot muli ang kanyang noo.

"No, I can shoot better than my brother!" I knew it wasn't the right time to gloat, but it was the only thing that I was better at against PJ. And to top it all off, I was never even trained. Natuto lang ako dahil sa sikreto kong panonood sa training ni Papa sa kanya.

"Tutal magaling ka naman pala, dalhin mo na 'yan! Gamitin mo lang kung kailangan mong isalba ang sarili mo!" Kuya Vito's glare and tone was so intense, I could tell that he was fuming mad at me. The kids were crying even louder too, so in the end, all I could do was sigh with gritted teeth.

***

I burst through the door, soaking wet and nervous as hell. The electricity was out, so I had to move my flashlight around, trying to get a feel of the surroundings. Basa man ang sahig dahil sa pumapasok na baha, wala naman akong naamoy na dugo o nakikitang sirang kagamitan.

I took a deep breath and started calling every officer's name that I could remember—the last thing I wanted was to come off as an intruder and get shot at. However, minutes passed and no one came to the lobby. I took another deep breath and ran to the basement that housed some of the detainees.

"Shit!" wala sa sarili kong napamura nang makitang halos nagmukha nang swimming pool ang basement dahil sa baha. Mabuti na lang at walang laman ang mga selda. 

I checked the second floor, and when I found out that the cells were also empty, I headed straight for the stairs. The flashlight's limited glow began to hurt my eyes, so I held on to the railings, careful not to pull a 'bogart.' 

As I reached the third floor, I quickly opened the nearest door. Tumambad kaagad sa akin ang mga desk ng bawat officer. Before I could look around, I noticed a flashlight sitting on top of one of the desks. Sinundan ko kung saan nakatutok ang liwanag at nagulat ako nang makita si Gil sa loob ng isang selda . . . kasama si Mang Roberto na nakaharap sa kanya.

Gil was standing at the corner of the cell, body squeezed against the wall. He had nowhere else run and hide. He looked terrified while looking at Mang Roberto, so terrified that he didn't even notice me open the door and enter.

"Mabuti ka pa, may Kuya kang nagtatanggol palagi sa 'yo."

"Bakit? Wala bang nagtatanggol sa 'yo?"

"Wala, e . . . Si Mama sana kaso takot din siya kay Papa."

"Edi ako na lang ang ate mo rito."

"Ha? Paano 'yon? Mas matanda ako sa 'yo?"

"Basta, basta! Ako ang bahala sa 'yo!"

"Pangako mo 'yan, Audrey, ha? Ikaw ang magtatanggol sa akin?"

"Oo naman! Pangako, poprotektahan kita! Magtiwala ka sa akin, anak kaya ako ng pulis!"

Buong pagmamalaki ako habang nakikipag-kamay sa isang batang lalakeng hanggang sa balikat ko lang ang tangkad. Napakagulo ng kanyang buhok at damit, samantalang ang ang mukha niya naman ay may mumunting pasa at mga latay. Sa kabila nito, napakaliwanag pa rin ng kanyang ngiti.

"Papa! Sorry po! Hindi ko na po uulitin! Papa!"

"Wala ka talagang silbi! Puro lang sakit ng ulo ang binibigay mo!"

"Papa! Ang sakit na po! Tama na!"

Natagpuan ko ang sarili kong nakaupo sa isang sanga. Mula sa bintana, malinaw kong nakikita ang isang lalake na walang habas na pinapalo ang bata gamit ang isang sinturon.

Ang batang lalake . . . takot na takot siya habang nakasandal sa dingding at nakataas ang mga kamay, nagmamakaawa. Nangako ako sa kanyang ipagtatanggol ko siya kaya naman itinaas ko ang hawak na tirador at nagpikit ng isang mata upang umasinta.

Pigil ang hininga at nanginginig ang mga kamay, hinila ko ang goma kasama ng balang bato. 

All I had to do was release the rubber and let the stone fly. That was it. It was so easy when I planned it in my mind, but when I found myself in that exact moment, I was more than terrified. 

Breathless and in tears, the possible consequences of my actions was all that I could think about. At that exact moment, all I could think about was myself. My fear clouded the promise I made . . . and it made me forget about the kid.

Before I could make another move, the man started dragging the kid into a room, away from my sight completely. And by the time they were nowhere to be found, all I had were regrets.

As memories flashed before my eyes, I came to realize one thing . . . that all of my regrets were caused by my coward actions. 

I was a coward through and through, and for that, lives were ruined. Including mine.

With trembling hands, I raised the gun and pulled down the safety.

As I placed my finger on the trigger, I remembered the moment I had the slingshot in my hand. With one eye closed and my target locked, I took a deep breath . . . and finally released the rubber I was holding back.

My body jolted backward as bullet flew out of the smoking gun. My ears were deafened by a loud ringing, but eyes were fixed on Mang Roberto who was left unfazed by the bullet that hit his back. 

He took another step closer to Gil. His hands were raised for another bloodshed.

For the second time, I placed my finger on the trigger. I knew exactly what to do and why I had to do it, but it still left me in pieces.

A bullet to the head. That was all it took and Mang Roberto's body finally fell down.

Gil looked at me with nothing but fear in his eyes. 

I saved his life, but instead of feeling like a hero, I felt as vile as the one who tried to hurt him.

Lowering the gun, I moved my finger as far as it could from the trigger.

I felt numb as I walked to the nearest table and grabbed a set of keys hidden inside a vase. I used the keys to open the cell, trying hard not to set my eyes on Mang Roberto, the person I just killed.

Jesus . . . I just killed my best friend's father . . .

"Audrey . . . " I heard Gil utter my name under his breath but I couldn't dare to look at him too.

As Gil walked out of the cell I just opened, I handed him the keys and the padlock. 

"Lock this, just in case he's still alive and attacks again," my voice quaked, but I was still able to get my words through.

"O-Okay ka lang ba?" he asked after doing so.

I swallowed hard and took a deep breath before speaking again, "I . . . uhm . . . Kuya Vito is in a car outside. Go tell him that I'm okay, and the place is free from freaks. The gunshots must've scared him and the kids."

I handed him the flashlight I was holding, almost dropping it.

"Audrey . . . " he spoke my name again, this time, louder.

With my mind in haywire, I looked up at him and smiled. "O-Okay lang . . . Tinupad ko lang ang pangako ko sa 'yo noon."

"N-Naaalala mo?" he sounded so confused, but his eyes looked more surprised.

I chose to shrug and joke, "Kuya Vito will have a heart attack. Sige na, puntahan mo na siya doon."

Gil went silent for a few seconds, until he begrudgingly head for the door. He turned to look at me for the last time until he finally walked down the stairs.

As soon as I was all alone, tears began to fall from my eyes until I found myself crying out loud.

Sorry. I almost said the word as I sobbed, but before I could even do so, I realized how f*cked up it was. I ended someone's life, but all I could do was say sorry? 

"I'll prove to everyone that you weren't a monster . . . " I found myself crying harder. "I'll find who turned us into monsters."

The truth wasn't enough to pay for the life I took, but to me, it was the better than the word 'sorry.'

//