It's my very first kiss and it feel like sunlight, warm and golden, passing from his lips to mine.

Roan tastes like everything.

He tastes like the sky.

He tastes like forever and infinity and all the impossible reaches of the universe.

In this moment, we're made of the same air, the same breath, and my heart is full of exploding stars and blazing colours and beating wings.

Roan's hand slides into my hair, and he holds me like I'm something precious, and kisses me like I'm everything he's ever needed in his life.

When we pull apart, the world is spinning and I'm flooded with the feel of him.

My heart is full of Roan.

"Wow," I whisper, touching my lips.

"Wait, was that your first kiss?" Roan asks, his eyebrows shooting up.

I nod, and he smiles, a little uncertainly.

"Was it okay?"

In reply, I kiss him again. This time my hands are in his hair, pulling him against me, hard and hungry.

I feel like we've floated away to another world, drifted up to the sky, and nothing else exists.

"Roan," I whisper, rolling his name on my tongue.

He leans his forehead against mine, breathing heavily, and I know this moment can't last. I know that soon enough I'll have to go back to the CC, back to the dreary reality of my small world, but just for now, we have made our own world and it belongs entirely to us.

I'm going to stay as long as I can.

The next day I feel completely different. It was only a kiss, but it's changed everything, and even though I brushed my teeth last night, I swear I can still taste Roan, and it's like sunshine and beauty and rainbows rolling around on my tongue, better even than chocolate.

"Are you alright?" Taffy asks, peering over the edge of her bed at me.

"What do you mean?"

"You're lying in bed, grinning at the ceiling."

That only makes me grin more. "So?"

"Why so happy?"

"Why not?"

Taffy accepts that with a shrug.

We get up and head to the showers, and I feel like I'm walking on clouds the whole way.

Roan thinks I'm beautiful.

Roan kissed me.

And he's going to do it again.

And again.

And again and again and again.

Not even Cole could bring down my mood, but she's strangely quiet in the shower, head down, not looking at anyone.

I don't care why.

Nothing is going to sour today, not even the fact that I'll have to enact a potentially risky plan to get into Records.

I am determined.

There is fire beneath my skin.

"You seem weirdly happy today," Sonny remarks at breakfast.

Maybe I should rein it in a bit, but I can't seem to help it. I've never felt so bright, like I've swallowed the sun.

"It just feels like a good day, that's all," I say.

"What's so good about it?"

I can't blame my friends' scepticism. Nothing ever changes in this place; every day is the same, so they can't understand why today feels so special to me. I feel a pang of regret that I can't tell them the truth, but it's too dangerous – for Roan as much as me. I won't risk him.

So I just shrug and don't answer.

The morning flies past, and I rush through lunch, eager to hurry down to the fence to see Roan, but first I have to smuggle some food up to Boots. I didn't manage to get him anything at breakfast, so the poor cat hasn't been fed yet. Much as I'm dying to see Roan, I won't neglect my cat.

I rush upstairs and feed him from my hand while he purrs in my lap, his small paws kneading my legs, and when he's finished I plant a kiss on his nose. In return, he gives me a little lick.

"Hopefully I'll see you tonight," I tell him.

I don't think that I'll have to stay in the infirmary overnight, but it is a possibility.

I'm heading out again, my heart singing, when I hear a soft sob, coming from the end of the corridor.

Coming from the shower-room.

Tentatively, I approach and peek inside.

Cole is sitting in the corner, knees pulled up under her chin, her face blotched with tears. She doesn't see me at first, so I softly say her name, unsure what else to do.

Her head flies up, and her eyes harden.

"What are you doing here?"

"I heard you crying," I say.

She scoffs. "I wasn't crying."

"Okay, but you clearly were."

Cole glares at me, but there's no weight behind it. "Go away, you ugly freak."

I surprise myself by laughing.

Usually her words pierce me like knives, but today I can't feel them. It's like I'm wearing armour, and nothing she says can penetrate that.

It's not the physical strength that the CC values so much, but I've still never felt so strong.

"I'm not ugly," I say.

Cole sneers. "Yeah, you are."

I smile back at her, and I can tell it just makes her angrier. "I actually think I'm quite pretty, and I honestly don't give a damn if anyone agrees or not."

She just stares at me, and I know in that moment she's lost any power she ever had over me.

There's sunlight in my veins and steel in my bones and the bird in my heart is fierce, an eagle, and no one is ever going to make me feel bad about myself again.

"I came to see if you were alright, but I've just realised that I don't care. Have fun crying by yourself," I say, then I turn on my heel and leave.

Cole doesn't say a single word after me.

I spend the rest of my rec time with Roan.

He brings me more chocolate, and this time it's filled with soft caramel, and the sticky sweetness explodes across my tongue and clings to my lips until he kisses it away.

We kiss until I'm sure I have melted into him, sunk into the fabric of his very being, so deep that we'll never be able to fully unravel ourselves.

Roan has the sky in his eyes and stars in his heart, and I want to gather each one and hold it close.

Gravity is gone and I am falling into him.

There's something growing in my heart, a flower, unfurling its petals to the sunlight that is Roan.

My Roan.

Unlike the flower that withered and died under my bed, this one is getting stronger, growing taller, blooming brighter. I want to curve my whole body around it to protect it, but it's already strong enough to stand on its own.

When I'm with Roan, I can forget that I'm a Second, that I'm property, that I am trapped here, that the world outside holds so much hatred for people like me. I can forget just about everything.

But I cannot forget what I am planning today.

Roan doesn't mention it once, but when it's time to go our separate ways for the day, clouds creep back into his eyes.

"Please," he says, holding tight to my hand, "just be careful. If it starts to go wrong in any way, just stop whatever you're doing. We'll find another way."

"I'll be careful," I promise, and give him a final kiss.

I've planned my relapse to occur during training. I could have done it earlier, but that would mean sacrificing my time with Roan, and we get little enough as it is. I don't want to lose any more unless it's absolutely necessary.

I had considered faking some sort of sickness, either as soon as I woke up this morning or some time after breakfast, but that wouldn't guarantee a trip to the infirmary. The Handlers might just make me stay in bed, in my room. Five floors away from Records.

No, if I want them to really take me seriously, I have to make it dramatic. I have to make use of the black eye that Gavin gave me. There's still no sign of him, and I feel a stab of satisfaction. I hope it's a long time before he's allowed out of Isolation.

Ripley starts our session with a series of jogging exercises, and I apply myself to them just as I normally would, feeling my muscles stretch and come alive. I can't pretend I'm not nervous, and I try to focus all that energy into what I'm doing so I don't have to think too much about what's coming up.

I know that my plan can work, but I'm not stupid – I also know there are many, many ways it could also go horribly wrong. Roan's words echo in my head. However confident I am in myself, he's right. If this goes wrong, I'll have to abandon my plan and come up with another way of getting into Records. I can't risk getting caught, no matter what.

But as my heart-rate rises, and my blood charges through my veins, I focus on the fact that this can work.

After our jogging exercises, we move onto star-jumps – one of Priya's least favourites. I don't normally like them much either, but today I don't mind because every jump seems to bring me close to that ever-blue, everywhere sky. The clouds make shapes above me, and I smile, thinking of lying in the grass with Roan, pointing them out.

There's another heart, formed of two clouds drifting together, and it's huge, but my own heart feels bigger.

Maybe one day I can lie with him and decipher the sky somewhere far away from the CC. The sky itself will be the same, but my world will not.

I jump, and jump, and jump, until I'm panting for breath and I feel that the timing is right, and then I dramatically crumple to the ground and lie still.

My friends cry out with shock, and I'm cut with guilt at the worry I'm putting them through, but I have no choice.

Someone starts shaking my shoulder, and Taffy says my name over and over again, her voice cracked with worry. I let this go on for a few moments, before opening my eyes and slowly blinking.

"Caia?" That's Ripley, standing over me, with her hands on her hips. There's no sign of concern on her face,

I blink some more and lift a hand to my head. "What . . . what happened?" I mumble.

"You collapsed," she says.

I keep blinking, trying to look confused. I don't have to remind her what happened yesterday – it's literally black and blue on my face.

"I just . . . felt really faint and dizzy suddenly," I say, remembering what Nurse Barrett asked me yesterday. I'm not going to try and persuade the nurse than I have a concussion, but I'll say whatever it takes to get Ripley to send me to the infirmary.

She studies a moment longer. "Do you still feel dizzy?" she asks.

I nod, then pretend to groan and hold my head. Taffy makes a little noise and grabs my hand, and the blade of guilt cuts a little deeper.

Ripley scrutinises me, her face impassive, and I feel a small flutter of panic. If she doesn't fall for this, my whole plan is dead in the water before it's even begun, and while I know that it could still go wrong, and I still might have to abandon it, I at least thought I'd get further along than this.

Maybe just collapsing wasn't enough. Maybe I should pretend to faint, or –

"You'd better go to the infirmary," Ripley says at last.

I nod, and let Taffy help me to my feet, making a show of moving slowly and carefully, as if the world might be spinning around me.

But inside I'm dancing.