sike u thought it'd take another year for me to update this huh

well actually you would have been almost right

next chapter already written, so I'll see u guys tomorrow :)

happy halloween

Chapter Thirty-seven

Months of hiding from the public has affected me more than I thought it would. Sitting at a table with a thirteen year old girl who struggles with English grammar, and is significantly failing her English class, I realize just how out of touch with normalcy I have been.

"I'm grounded until I get my grade up." She says, and I can see the resentment for her parents in her eyes. She doesn't find their punishment justified, and somehow I'm supposed to fix it.

"Well, what do you struggle with?"

She sighs, clearly upset, "I don't know, all of it."

"Okay, well, do you have the test that you failed?"

She pulls it out and hands it to me. There was a red circle written on it, and a boldened number of 33%, right beside a large 'F'.

"Oh, so it's diagraming sentences. That makes sense."

"What makes sense?" 

"You got an F, because of diagraming, one of the hardest things in English grammar in my opinion. It's not easy. But once you understand the patterns it becomes almost fun."

"It's stupid." She complains, "There's no point to it."

"There's a point to it," I try not to agree with her, "But it's also not easy for a lot of people."

I knew from the moment she began speaking to me that this was going to be a waste of both of our time. No matter how much I tutor her, she's not going to listen, or retain any information I say.

It doesn't matter to me whether or not she gets her grade up. Her parents are paying me by the hour and that's all I need to keep positive.

We spend the next two hours going over the same things over and over again. I've repeated myself numerous times, and after an hour, she was zoning out, and practically ignoring me. 

I knew she wasn't listening, as I continued to lecture her until our time was up. Her parents came and spoke to me about how the lesson went, and I lie and say she seems to be having trouble, but I have full confidence that I can help her get her grade up.

I don't have confidence, I don't think even the best tutor in the world could work such a miracle, but regardless, I need their money.

We make a date for her next lesson, and I get to go home with $200 more than I woke up with.

The walk home felt like hours. All day I had the lingering concern in the back of my mind, all dedicated to Cousin. This is the first time he's been alone this long since I met him. Is he okay? Surely he wouldn't have tried to hurt himself now?

My heart picks up as I think about what I might return to, so I try to calm my breathing, and walk normally, but, with a slight quicker pace.

The money I earned today feels heavy in my pocket. I'm not even sure if it was worth it. I know Cousin eventually needs to learn to be on his own, but is it too soon? Am I expecting too much from him so early?

My leg still hurts from my injuries, my body aches when I walk or move too much. I don't like to think about that moment too often, the thought of Cousin killing an animal mercilessly. Still, sometimes, I can't stop the thoughts, and they appear in my mind in visual pictures. Cousin has a lot of anger and hatred in his body. He is a very, very angry man. Perhaps if I were normal, I might even find it as disturbing. but I care for him so deeply, I have delusional hope that we can fix it. He can be fixed, he just need help.

I see the apartment in view, and I notice Jace's car in front of the building, and I feel a short sense of relief. I don't know how long Jace has been there, but at least Cousin isn't alone.

I walk into the building, and up to our apartment. The door is already unlocked, and I go in. Immediately Katie is on me like a wild animal. "Bexley! Finally!" She ushers me into the living room, "We have bad news."

I don't even want to hear what she has to say, as I look around, "Where's Cousin?" Jace is in the kitchen, and walks out when he sees I'm here, "He's in the bedroom, he's fine."

"I want to see him."

"I think you should let me explain what's going on." Katie says, and there's a concerned look in her gaze.

"In a minute, I just want to see him."

She huffs as if she gives up, and I enter the bedroom, where Cousin is sitting on the floor, his back tightly pressed against the wall. His knees are to his chest, but as soon as I walk his eyes are on me.

Despite how traumatized he looks, which, he always looks like that, he seems fine. Perfectly safe. I sigh a breath of relief, and walk over to him. "Hey, I'm back."

He doesn't even move. His body is tense and extremely still. I tell myself that this is normal, but I can't shake the concern out of my voice when I say, "How was it alone?"

Of course, I don't expect a verbal answer, but perhaps he'd at least move his body in any sort of way. He didn't. His eyes was locked on mine, but he didn't move.

Katie and Jace walked in, as Katie began to grow impatient with me. "I seriously think we need to talk about this now."

I sit beside Cousin, and look up at my sister who sits on my bed. Jace stands at the end of the bed, and I realize just how concerned the both of them look. "It's about that circus you joined."

With that, both me and Cousin's eyes met hers. "What about it?" My heart is pounding.

"The owner, what's his name? Father or something?"

"Mr. Father." Stupid fucking name for a stupid man. How he themed his whole circus as if it were a family. There was nothing familial about the abuse he conducted. Or, maybe it was all too familial. Maybe it was exactly as he depicted it.

"Yeah well he knocked on mom's this morning."

It feels as if the air has been trapped in my lungs, "What?"

"They told her everything."

"I knew it. I knew this would happen." I turned to Cousin, "We need to leave the city."

"I think they're getting the police involved because you're a minor." She beckoned to Cousin, "You're boyfriend is an adult, right?"

I frown, "I don't know his age." I knew he had to be at least eighteen, but I haven't looked into it. He was so small, short because of years of being stifled and bent over. Thin and practically weightless because of malnourishment and abuse. He looks like an adult and a child simultaneously.

"If they find you guys, they will arrest him because legally he is an adult with a minor."

"That's not true, if anything, I forced him to come with me!"

"I'm sure we can work it out, I mean, it's obvious he experienced severe abuse, but I'm concerned because regardless, he will be put in jail for several days, weeks, maybe even months until the court understands the situation."

Me and Katie stared at each other, an understanding in both of our faces. Cousin can't handle jail. We both know it.

"What do we do?"

Jace spoke up, "Exactly what you've been doing. You look enough like Katie to pass as her during your work as a tutor. Save as much money as you can, and if we have to, you can come live with us until you turn eighteen."

I have no plans, and no direction, but I know one thing for certain. I can not live with them. Cousin can not live with them. They, I'm sure, don't want us to live with them. Cousin and I will have to go on the run again, that, really, is the only plan that makes sense.

But I lie and say, "Okay."

We talk for a bit longer, and finally, both Katie and Jace leave.

I have a lot to think about so I start to hatch different routes we can take in different situations. I still can't come up with what to do if I get caught. I know Jace and Katie can take Cousin, but will he be able to handle living with them without me for however long it takes?

I lock the door after they leave, and return to the bedroom, expecting to see Cousin still sitting on the floor but instead he is standing by the window, staring out.

I don't say anything at first, and stand next to him. He turns his head to look at me, and I look at him.

I racked my brain trying to figure out what to say next to make things better. If I could just ease his tension, my own tension, I know I can figure out a plan.

He beats me to it. I almost jump as he says, "You are hunted."

I slowly shake my head, "We are being hunted."

He also slowly shakes his head, as if copying my movements, "No, you are."

"What makes you think that it's me?"

He doesn't respond, but I'm curious. I can't decipher what he is thinking, "Mr. Father wants you back, I won't let him take you back."

"Let?"

"I won't allow him."

"Allow?" He stares at me, and I see it, the formations of anger slowly capturing his gaze, "You are wrong."

His audacity for assuming I'd just hand him over was astounding, almost offensive. "You think I'll just give you back?"

"Yes, give me back."

I feel my body grow cold. "What?"

He doesn't repeat himself.  We glare at each other, and I actually feel anger not towards Mr. Father. Not towards my mother. Not towards my own age, but towards him. "You want to go back?"

He is silent for a long moment, like he is thinking about his answer, and then he says, "Yes." and I wish, for once, he had just stayed silent.

Hot anger burns in my chest, "Well you can't. I won't let you."

"Let?"

I gawk at him, and finally, I understand what he's trying to say, "You think I'm like him? Are you comparing me to Mr. Father?"

He doesn't respond, he doesn't need to. After everything I've done to get him out. To give him a good life. He wants to throw away all my effort and go back? 

No. I won't let him. "You aren't thinking rationally, Cousin. No, you can not go back. You don't know what a good life is, I'm going to show you there is more out there for you to experience than the abuse of a cruel businessman. You can want to go back all you want, but I will do everything within my power to keep you away from that fucking circus, do you understand?"

He says nothing, and I grit my teeth to keep myself from saying anything too extreme. "I want to hear you say you understand."

He stares at me, his dark eyes glaring at me with such anger, but his lips curve into the smallest smile that was so vicious I, for only a split second, wondered if he'd attack me. He was angry, perhaps even the angriest I've ever seen him. "I understand."