KOOK POV:

I see the way (Y/N)'s cheeks warm when she spots her jeans, carefully folded over the back of a chair, when her eyes take in the now covered tin and her phone still lying where she'd left it. See the way her lips quirk when she pinches Jin hyung's hip and steps away, smiling wide and unrestrained at the yelp he lets out.

She doesn't see the way he looks betrayed, rubbing at his hip ruefully as she slots herself in the chaos to help out. Carrying trays outside to the garden where the barbecue was ready. Flames roaring and tables filled with dishes and crockery.

I slip in beside her, nudging her with my hip and laughing at the way she stares blinking slowly at the filled tables.

"Surprised?" I ask.

She gives a small nod. Mute and just watching.

"Don't worry. I guarantee at the end of this, the food will be all gone." I say with a smile.

She nudges her hip back against mine.

"Surprised you got so much done. When did you make all of this?" she asks.

Wonder colouring her voice.

"Maybe we've been planning a barbecue for when the weather got warmer. Maybe we've been waiting for an opportunity to spring this on you. Maybe~ just maybe we were waiting for you to come over so we could do this." I say.

She huffs but the press of lips against my cheek are warm and gentle.

"Thank you. For whatever reason it was." she murmurs.

I smile at her.

"You were always the reason baby." I whisper back.

And the radiance that shines out of her at that makes my heart warm, ache and soften all at once for her.

But then she's whirled away by Jiminie hyung who gives me a soft smile, beguiling and apologetic mixed together for how he tugs her away towards the barbecue, trapping her by his side as he loops an apron around her neck.

"Let's see exactly what it is that has Jin hyung worried so much." I hear him say as he hands the tongs to her.

There's an assured stance to her posture, confidence with the way she takes the tongs and reaches over for the seasoned meat.

"Stand there and look pretty then Minnie." Is her answering coo.

The others end up gravitating close to the two, to the way Jiminie hyung stands there watching as she mans the grill alone, flipping and cooking the meat, steadily making the platters full.

Gravitating because she'd started off as just feeding him morsels, carefully bringing it to his lips, hand hovering under the tongs to feed him the meat she'd carefully cooled down before letting his mouth close around it. Because everyone was diving in to be the next one to chase after her tongs, her eyes crinkled with tenderness and laughter.

Then her eyes meet mine, head cocking in invitation and silently asking me to draw close. I set down the vegetables and washed lettuce on the table, diving under Tae hyung's arm to open my mouth for her.

Smiling when the meat gets redirected to my lips instead, her fingers wiping my face afterwards as I chew.

Ignoring the way Tae pouts and complains.

"Gotta feed my baby too." Is the soft firm answer she gives.

And true to my words, the table is left empty afterwards, empty plates stacked, dishes empty, the heat of the barbecue a constant glow in the background, fairy lights so carefully strung up around the canopy that Tae hyung had spent last night decorating and lighting the tables we sat on.

(Y/N) leans against Tae hyung, smiling at something he murmurs into her ear, posture relaxed and at ease even as she turns to face me, smiling when I reach for her hand to hold, thumb brushing across the back of her knuckles.

Her other hand is curled around a glass, playing with the condensation that beads on it, drawing shapes into it and lifting it to take small sips.

Like Tae hyung she wasn't a drinker, but where Tae hyung indulged in certain wines and fruit flavoured drinks, she steered away from.

Something distinctly firm flashing in her eyes as she'd gently tugged her glass away from Yoongi hyung when he'd offered her a glass.

"I don't drink if I can help it. Alcohol and me don't go well together." She'd admitted with a self-depreciating grimace, voice light.

But even there it felt like that it went beyond just an inability to hold her alcohol. And though it had been Yoongi hyung who'd offered it, it was Hobi hyung's face who'd been tight, flashing with memory as he drew the hand towards his own glass. Cheeks flushed as he took sips.

"A few months back. At the club?" Jin hyung begins tentatively. Eyes silently searching (Y/N) for permission, for hesitance. But he finds none.

"That night we took Habaek home because he'd been slipped a date rape drug in his drink. And it was a drink (Y/N) had had as well. I can understand why it would put anyone off." He says quietly.

Hands squeezing Joon where he jolts, face distressed and alarmed. Jerking forward as his own drink sloshes over the glass.

Almost absently dabbing at the mess on the table. Her hand around my own squeezes, soothing and when I dart a glance at her there's nothing fearful in them, nothing but a steely glint of anger that vanishes as it's said.

"Mhm well...just a bit apprehensive." She admits.

Tae hyung's arm snakes around her waist and tugs her back protectively.

Pushing his own drink away with disdain and a flash of anger as if it had been that particular glass to do the crime.

"Next time I'll guard your drink." He says fiercely.

She laughs, tilting back to press a kiss to the side of his jaw.

"Next time...that means you want to go to a club with me." she teases.

It's not just one voice that loudly voices their enthusiastic assent. Eyes flashing.

It wasn't just me that remembered that night, remembered the way she'd looked, shining under bright lights, a beacon drawing others close. It wasn't just me who'd gotten to see that side.

"What sort of club?" I ask, the conversation somehow steered towards planning a future outing.

This time when (Y/N) went with us.

"There's more than just your typical nightclub scene. There's exclusive clubs too. Mi-sun unnie and Habaek oppa have taken me." (Y/N) muses, her hand now tracing circles onto the side of Tae's leg.

But her eyes are mischievous.

Teasing and flaring with a hidden ember of heat.

Straightening up slightly and startling everyone when the conversation ends, when she swings her legs out and twists away with an empty stack of plates in her hands.

Turns to shoot a look when Hobi hyung leans forward, face propped up by his hand as he peers at her.

"What sort of clubs have you been to darling?" he asks.

She gives a coy tilt of her head.

"You know the odd sort, the same old type...ones with private booths. Pole dancing clubs." She says casually.

But her effort is ruined when she laughs at the shellshocked expressions that come to settle.

Dancing out Jiminie hyung's reach when his hands dart out for her.

"You can't just say that and leave. Come back minx!" he yells, rushing to chase her retreating giggling figure as she hurries back to the house.

"Catch me first!" she calls without turning, ducking through the door and Jiminie hyung vanishes through it too. Trails of laughter through the still open door.

And the rest of us clamber out of the benches, beginning to take dishes back in. My mind still processing the words she'd left us with.

What sort of private booths had she been in? And what exactly did she mean by pole dancing clubs?

When the rest of us catch up with them, Jiminie hyung has (Y/N) cornered against a counter. Her eyes bright with laughter as she giggles and tries to squirm away, laughing as he leans into her space, ducking her head away and wriggling when he whispers in her ear. Also laughing at the way she purposely evades the question. And the yelp when he nips at her neck, mouthing teasingly at her skin has her writhing, eyes flashing as she shoots a look for help.

I don't know whether to spin her away and trap her within my own arms, holding her as we get about cleaning or do I stand there and watch. Eyes admiring the way Jiminie hyung is assured as he pins her there, hands diving under the jumper to scoop and press against skin.

But Joon hyung does it for us. Laughing, dimpled grin wide when she presses a thankful kiss to his lips and sways in his arms, not letting him step away as she helps clean, eyes checking the pre-heated oven. Humming with Joon hyung curled around her, latched on as the two waddle around the kitchen together.

And I know with more and more certainty that she belongs. Know it and see it with the way she so easily fits. So easily slots herself in and remains there as if she was filling a space that was always waiting for her, a space our hearts created for her and remained for her.

Know it with the way Jin hyung steps in and snatches the gloves away before she can reach for the oven, something so familiar about the way she steps aside, fondness in the curve of her lips as she wriggles away. Allowing him to take it out for her and pecking his lips in thanks.

"Hot brownies and ice cream?" 

And I know. Time and time again I know. Forever isn't enough for this.

Forever isn't enough with her. With all eight of us.

(Y/N) POV:

A lazy calm settles as we all finish eating. Perfect languid silence, basking in the warmth of leaning against one another.

It makes me feel guilty for shattering it.

"Namjoonie what if I didn't want to keep the letter?" I ask from where he's sitting beside me. Stuck by me ever since he'd rescued me from Minnie.

His smile pauses, contemplative.

"What did you want to do with it?" he asks.

I didn't want to keep it. Didn't want the weight of the words sealed inside an envelope to remain with me. Didn't want them to remain at all.

My eyes drift to the glowing embers of coal.

"I want to burn it." I say softly.

I wanted those words to be consumed by flames, to turn to ashes, to turn into grey particles of dust. I wanted them to decay and wanted the fire to engulf all those feelings. Didn't want them to stay.

And he nods. Simply.

The words in his eyes are clear.

It's your choice. Always yours.

So when I head back in to search for it, the envelope weighs heavily in my hands. it drags it down, centuries of pain inscribed in them, burning through the envelope to try and leave its imprint behind.

And when I step close to the barbecue, one of them have already lifted the grill away, Yoongi stands by the edge holding a lighter as he watches me set it down, moving aside the larger pieces of coal to set it in the middle, surrounded by glowing red.

The hand that passes the lighter to me, grazes mine in understanding.

And when I flick the lighter, I stand there watching the flames for a bit, entranced by the warm glow of it before I slowly lower my hand towards the corner of the envelope. Watch as it slowly catches onto the edge of it, flames curling the paper, blackness spreading out where it begins to mark a trail through the words.

I see papers curl and begin to turn scorched, see flames of vibrant yellows and oranges and red dart across, hungry to tug the rest of it within its hold. Feel the heat of the fire brush against my face as it wells up, the smell of paper burning heavy in my nose.

And when only burned scraps remain, words hidden away by the black that's spread over the white of the paper, the hand returns. Gently taking the lighter from me.

"How'd you feel now?" Yoongi asks softly.

I consider his words.

How did I feel?

There was a lightness even as the scorch of paper lingered in my nose. There was a lightness in my lungs, lightness where there was this constant weight boring me down.

And as I'd watched every word being consumed by flames I'd felt elation, relieved as if burning those very words had allowed me to be free of them.

I thought my life wasn't my own. I've lived for so long believing myself to be cursed. But finally I'm starting to see something else, feel something else.

"I feel better. Good. Lighter." I confess.

There's a weight that settles on my shoulder and arms that wound around me.

"I'm glad." Hobi whispers into my ear, lips grazing the shell of it.

I stare at the paper surrounded by coals and embers and ash.

Feel as if a part of me has slipped away and hidden within those pages, snuck away and tried to escape from me.

I've murdered hundreds...countless people. I'm a monster stuck in a human body. But maybe...just maybe I was forced to be one. Forced by a worser monster to be this way. Maybe death would've been better.

"Any time it gets too much. Any time it feels like memories or the pain is too much. Write a letter. And burn it." Yoongi says.

When I glance at him, his eyes like mine are still watching the coals glow.

"Won't that be a waste of paper?" I ask.

There's a small shake at my shoulder.

"Not at all. Not if it's helping you." he replies.

It wasn't a bad idea. There was something appealing about letting go of every bit of poison that coursed away inside my veins, about all that hate and resentment being inscribed onto paper and swallowed whole mercilessly afterwards.

Taken away from me.

I've given centuries of my existence but the thirty years feel like more. Feel like at some point I'll lose and this moment will end. Curtains fall. Screen going blank. Film out. And only memories to remain. To haunt me the final lifetime I'll live.

"Maybe it's worth it then. Maybe I'll write more." I muse aloud.

Watching the tendrils of grey smoke curl and melt into the night air. Watching as Yoongi carefully draws the lid down to the barbecue, hiding away the scraps.

Out of sight, out of mind.

"Let's go inside." He says quietly, hand at my elbow.

And I allow him to draw me away, away from the letter that's turned to burnt scraps and ash.

Away from where nothing remains.

I've broken and battered my soul beyond repair. I've lived lifetimes and taken many more. I've torn apart homes. I've taken mothers, daughters, fathers and sons. I've taken children, I've taken the elderly. But I never wanted to. I'd give my life over and over for the ones I stole.

And though inside brings warmth, brings the others, it also brings a small lighter change. As if a burden I hadn't known I'd carried out is lifted off my shoulders.

And when I sit down, Tae bullies his way onto my lap, nudging aside Yoongi and Hobi to splay across the couch, head curving against my stomach before he grins up at me.

My hand settles in his hair, carding through windswept curls. Lightly untangling the strands, fingers trailing across his scalp, nails slightly scratching as I go. He tilts into the touch, leaning into it as I continue to play with his curls, marvelling at the way silky curls slip out from between my fingers, sliding out of touch.

"Your hair is lovely Tae." I say, winding my fingers to sink through the dark curls, brushing it away from his forehead so I can lean over to press a kiss there.

His hand snakes around the back of my head to keep my head bent over his as he tilts up, rising slightly to wriggle back and kiss me, head raised towards mine.

"All of you is lovely." He whispers.

Smiling when it makes me blink in surprise, head ducking away briefly from his, eyes drifting around the room even as he settles back, head on my lap and reaching for my hand to draw it back to his hair.

I watch as everyone's unconsciously curved close to someone. Watch as there's not only this bubble, this gravity beyond the split off curled up figures but also that settles over the living room in large.

As if whatever fizzes in the air between us all is trapped and kept safe.

After a while, my hand stills and I relish in the feeling of Tae twisting to hide against my stomach, face smushed against it, cheek against the fabric.

"I like you in hyung's clothes." He murmurs.

I look down at him, watch as he plays with the hem of the jumper, toying and playing with it before he suddenly tugs it up, exposing my stomach and diving under.

Laughing against skin as he peppers kisses there even as I twist and try tug the jumper out of his reach, to tug it back on my skin.

But that ticklish fluttery feeling doesn't last for long. Heat curling around my spine, blistering agony exploding from deep inside me, flaring out to every limb and every nerve cell curling up with the pain that radiates out.

My whole body feels engulfed in an inferno of poison, of prickling venomous waves that crash into my body and floods veins, brain tight and skin hot and feeling as if it'll melt from my body.

Distantly I hear my voice crying out, hear a sound tearing out my throat and leaving raw pain in its wake. I feel Tae's head jerk up and body away as my body instinctively tries to curl up against the pain thrumming in my body.

Feel a blur of voices, feel Tae sit up and rush to slip a careful hand around me, see blurs of faces when I blink my eyes open, forcing shut eyelids apart to see them, breath ragged.

"I'm fine...I'm...fine." I gasp out, body slumping and face tilting into the careful hand that cups my cheek.

"You're not. What's wrong?" Jin asks, body hovering over my own.

But each inhale feels like glass razoring at skin, feels difficult.

And how do I find words? How will I ever find words.

I live with an affliction, a disease. I live with the pain of being the bringer of pain and grief. And I wonder whether you'd stay if you knew. Or whether you'd see me for who I truly am. A nightmare.

I shake my head, hand curling against the arm of the couch to stagger upright, to draw myself up, ignoring the panicked harried cries of alarm to get me to sit, to lower myself back down.

My eyes drift over them, searching, searching.

Phone. Where is it?

I needed to get back. Needed to get home. Needed to get away.

I had to leave.

And against the side table right beside the sofa there's a string of buzzing.

Screen lighting up from a phone call.

My hand trembles as I reach for it, body twisting and back to them as I stagger for it, fingers trembling and shaking, pain welling up like the crest of a wave, spilling over and washing over skin.

But a fierce vicious yank at my soul has my vision turning white, stumbling where I'd been tilting forward to reach for my phone.

My body feels shaky and jolts with every pulse of pain burning through my bloodstream and just as my fingers curl around my phone, splintering pain crackles across my spine and my legs buckle, falling towards the ground.

My vision goes black, spots of darkness floating in front of me and taking over my sight, washing everything away. I feel a pair of arms dart out to catch me, feel a body against mine as it keeps me upright, lowering itself with mine.

Weightless and cut off.

Energy sapped.

Body shaking and moving. Trying to escape the pain but never being able to.

"(Y/N).... (Y/N) can you open your eyes?" voice soft and imploring.

No matter how much I want to. I can't bring myself to.

Can't get my body to cooperate and peel my eyelids open.

Breath laboured and sharp.

Home. I needed to get home.

"Habaek oppa...I need to...need to get home." I try to get out.

But the way my mouth slurs the sounds together, incomprehensible to even my own ears makes me know it's a failed attempt.

And when hot tears seep out from eyes clenched tightly shut as I shudder, I wonder whether all the trees in the world would be enough for the letter I have to write. For the letters to write to get rid of centuries worth of feelings off.

And wonder whether if I'll ever be able to say to them that I'm a siren.

Wonder whether they'd ever see me the same way again after that.

And maybe the pain hurts more because I deserve it. Because I deserve it time and time again. 

(THERE. WE. GO. HONESTLY WRITING SS THESE DAYS MAKES ME WONDER WHETHER I'M JUST WRITING SHORTER CHAPTERS BUT THEN I REMEMBER THAT CLAWS IS JUST MASSIVE CHUNKS OF WRITING...THREE EQUIVALENT CHAPTERS IN ONE WHICH IS WHY I HAVE TO STOP AND WONDER...DOUBT IF I WROTE IT PROPERLY OR NOT! BUT ANYWAYS! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU MADE OF THIS! SHE HAD SUCH A CLEANSING HEALING MOMENT AND IT *VANISHED*! AND YES! IT WAS TOO QUIET WITHOUT THE OCEAN AND WHAT AN UGLY RETURN DID SHE MAKE! HORRID OCEAN...I'VE NEVER FELT SO MUCH HATE FOR A NON-PERSON FIGURE! AND I'M LIKE?? I MADE THE OCEAN THAT WAY!! BUT! ANYHOO~ WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN NEXT? WILL THE BOYS FINALLY KNOW?? TIME WILL TELL I SUPPOSE~ THEORIES AND IDEAS?? CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU ALL MAKE OF IT!! TAKE CARE AND STAY SAFE LOVES!)

QUESTION...A regret from the past year you have? And what you want to do to get rid of it?

Mine is....I used to have these HORRID chunks of gaps between my lessons. Like a three, four-hour gap between TWO lessons and my uni is in CENTRAL London but for some STUPID reason I didn't think...let me EXPLORE London in those hours, I just stayed in the common room and spent time with my friends and ranted. Like. Why. Didn't. I. Spend. Time. Outside?! GAH!! Next year I'm ROAMING. Take advantage of that LITERAL hive of being at the centre.

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3