JIMIN POV:

Seeing her after six days is like finally truly breathing. That . Like the knot that had wound itself around my chest, had constricted my lungs and cut off the air is now untangled. And with every moment that I see her, the breathing gets easier. And every moment that I see her a bit of the pain, a bit of the agony and the hell I'd been living in eases- the sight of her safe and alive a balm to the torment I'd gone through.

And though she's alive, she's not whole and hearty- a part of her looks stronger than I'd last seen her, a strength to her posture, to this sort of innate 

And though she's alive, there's bruises and scratches on her face, I see some on her arms when she pushes the fabric of the jumper away, see hints of purpling from under the wide circle of fabric at her throat. And it makes rage bubble and simmer under my skin, an itch that begs to be relieved- niggling at me. Makes concern and worry and rage build up- because she'd fallen into the sea, there had been no rocks at the beach nor in those choppy waters so just how did her body end up bearing physical, visible proof of being battered. 

It makes me wonder just what it is she seems so afraid of, so terrified of. Who is it that holds so much control over her, who leaves their claim of ownership on her?

It's an ugly feeling that rears its head, alongside the determination that I couldn't sit by and watch it happen.

But it's also not just me who seems to think the same, it's not only my eyes that linger on her skin with worry bubbling higher and higher.

I see it in the way Yoongi hyung's jaw tightens as they rove over her face, see it how Jin hyung's eyes tighten and simmer with a boiling bubbling need to protect, trying to physically hold himself back. I see how Jungkookie has a tick in his jaw and Tae's fingers fist tightly into the fabric of his clothes as if he's holding himself back from jerking over and tugging her into his arms. Joon hyung and Hobi hyung look devastated- eyes flickering with pain and horrific thoughts, looking as if their hearts have shattered in the moment our eyes land on her.

And despite having spent six days wondering how she's feeling, whether she's recovering, healing- in that instant of when we walk in and see her, it's as if suddenly I'm weakened, drained. As if six days have taken its toll on me, as if I've been suffering.

And after the last time we'd been near her, seen her, after hearing her voice in the most agonising, excruciating way possible I'd spent six days wondering whether we'd ruined something. Something that went beyond just our fondness for each other, for that silent and powerful magnetic tug towards each other, I'd been terrified that we'd ruined her opening up, her ability to let herself connect to others, to the world.

But then she'd spoken.

She'd spoken again.

And this time it wasn't raw and painful and yanking at my heartstrings, this time it was a breathy soft gasp- as if she exhaled out, gently, as if it was something new.

And the sound of Kookie's name spilling off her lips was a painfully sweet torment. Something I didn't know I'd craved to hear until I'd heard it, until the sound of her soft wavery voice had sent his head jerking up and for tears to spill over her cheeks and share in his- the two of them wet-cheeked as they lean into each other, support each other.

To see them wrapped into each other's arms, limbs intertwined in an embrace was a devastatingly sweet sight- to see them tuck in close, to share that space, to see her tucked into him with his arms wrapped tightly around her, caging her in, protecting her. And yet its her hands that brush tenderly through his hair, that gently cradle him close and hold him through each shake of his shoulder and every shudder that runs through him.

And when he presses a kiss to her palm, when he looks at her as if he's seeing her and only her in that moment- I find that in the small amount of time we've been here, her presence becomes a balm that gently soothes. That eases away the pain and pressure on my heart.

When Hobi hyung asks her how she's doing, I still didn't envision that she'd speak again. That from her lips would come the sweetest softest voice- that it was far better than I had ever dreamed of, could ever imagine. That she'd sound so ethereal and gentle and it was as if her voice embodied her soul- the kind tenderness of it.

And it felt like I was falling.

Not like the slow gradual seeping of everything that was her into my heart- settled there comfortably long before I'd realised. No...it's like everything accumulating and the force of it all combined pushed me over the edge of a cliff, eyes streaming with the way the wind cut into me, falling and falling not knowing how my landing was going to be. Suddenly engulfed in her presence, in just her that it was overwhelming to my system.

Didn't know that her voice alone had my lips curving up in a smile, until my cheeks ached from the force, until I saw that the others were similarly affected.

"(Y/N) I should've stopped you from falling. I should've held onto you tighter." Yoongi hyung confesses, voice wrought with guilt, shaking slightly. His eyes are wide consuming pools of sorrow and hurt and remorse and he looks at (Y/N) as if he doesn't truly see her. As if he believes his eyes to be deceiving him.

She shakes her head at that. Insistently and a frown on her face.

"You did your best to protect me, to shield me. You didn't expect me to go barrelling right towards the same thing you were keeping me safe from." She says.

But hyung looks devastated, shattered by what had happened.

Just in the way that he'd been unable to unclench from around her shoe, as if holding onto it would return the person who'd been wearing them.

And she sees it too.

She gently pats at the space beside her and reaches out for him with an imploring face, drawing him to sit beside her before she turns to look at him.

"I mean it Yoongi, when I pulled Namjoon out of the way I knew exactly what it could lead to, I knew exactly what it meant. I knew that there was a chance I could fall in and I did it. I did it alone. So neither you, nor Namjoon nor any one of you need to be burdened by it." She says softly, eyes flickering to Namjoon hyung, having read his worried nervous posture instantly, but there's also a firmness, a solidness to her voice.

As if she is pushing to see if we do feel burdened, whether we're going to be appeased by her words or whether that ball of guilt will be allowed to remain and fester and grow.

She softens slightly as she sees slow tears trickle down not just Yoongi hyung's cheeks but Namjoon hyung's too. And I knew that from all of us, whatever hell we'd endured, it was worse for them. Because they'd been closest to her at the time, because they'd seen every flicker of expression, every single shift. It had been excruciating and numbing and crushing to see from the small distance, as if the ground had been ripped away from under me. But to be even closer?

To see it with that much more horrific clarity would shatter me, make me crumble and disintegrate into an even bigger mess.

"Namjoon...please." She asks, voice slightly thick as she holds one hand out towards him and the other reaches down to squeeze where Yoongi hyung's gripping his hands together.

The soft wobble to her voice, the gentle imploring of it has Joon hyung listening, moving even as he lets out a choked sound.

And when they're both on either side of her, when they're flanking her she grips tightly at them- as if she needs them in that moment just as much as they need her.

"I can't erase the memory, I can't wipe away the trauma or pain but you can see me and I'm here, I'm not gone. I'll be fine." She reassures, fingers rubbing soft soothing circles onto their skin.

And for a bizarre moment I think this is why. This is why she hadn't spoken before. Because there was something so intrinsically comforting about the way each word, each sound rolls off her tongue, something so grounding and reassuring, walm and welcoming that I feel it lap at my skin, at my heart, at my soul- sweeping in with deep waves and filling me with a sense of calm. With the feeling as if a part of her reaches out across the slight distance and tugs at me, reels me in.

They seem to melt and relax under her touch, her touch, her words, her presence all of it combined soothing and easing away a near week worth of pain and suffering with the balm that she became, that she was for them. Helping in ways more than our words and whispered reassurances could to each other. Because she was what we'd been missing, who'd we been missing.

And her presence, her there is more than enough. Because she slots back into the place she was always meant to occupy, that had been carved out in the shape of her.

And I feel guilty and selfish for longing to be close, to slot myself close and hold her, to give her the comfort I knew she needed, that I needed.

But the hyungs needed her more. She needed and saw their comfort as what the priority was at the moment.

And it works.

It works because Joon hyung's guilty choked sobs, as if he's trying to stifle the sound, come out and then grow to fade away. Because Yoongi hyung leans into her, allows her to wipe away his tears and gently kisses the tips of her fingers for it, gripping her hand lightly.

And when she stands up, gently disentangling herself from them to get to the others, to the rest of us, her footing wobbles, a small, pained sound slipping past her lips as her hand goes to clutch at her head. And hands stretch out, cries of alarm rushing out.

But I manage to dart close, hand going to grip her arm, the other going to wrap around her waist as desperation pushes me to keep her safe, to stop her from tumbling. Her unbalanced form presses into me, gripping tightly at my arms, looking at me with wide eyes, blinking rapidly.

And then she gives a small smile, thankful and hopeful and relived.

"Thank you Jiminie." She says softly.

I shake my head, mutely, as if hearing her voice, hearing my name on her lips has stolen my ability to speak, the air I need to breathe. Feeling her warmth seep out slightly from where she grips me, holds herself to me.

My mind flashes to another time, of her body pressed tightly into mine and flush, cheeks warming. But I can't tear my eyes away. Find myself unable to.

As if I find myself trapped in the same magnetic pull to her, the same need to grow closer, to hold her close.

And I can see that despite her smile, despite the softness in her eyes- there's something else that flickers, remnants of pain because she'd been surrounded by the very thing she had feared.

And I didn't want her to bottle it up, to keep it hidden inside her.

I didn't want her to live suffering alone with that pain, with the trauma it resurfaced, put her through.

And yet she manages to try and throw every rational thought out of the window when she leans in to kiss the corner of my mouth.

"For always being there to catch me." she whispers before moving back, seeming content to be in my arms despite the soft shyness that remains, lingers under her open act- flushing because she can feel the weight of the others' gazes on her.

And I wish that I could keep her here like this. Keep her encased in my arms.

Keep her safe.

Keep her in front of me. So I could be there when she stumbled, when she fell and be there to catch her, to right her, to hold her.

To be like my sweet snow angel who'd helped me.

TAE POV:

Despite it all. Despite going through everything we had for the past six days, I knew it didn't come close to a fraction of what (Y/N) herself had endured, had suffered, was still suffering with.

That for all that her sweet gentle voice put to rest worries, the soft allure of it still ringing in my ears, I could see she was just being brave, strong for us. That she was doing it for us.

But there had been no mistaking that when she'd entered, she hadn't been reclined against Habaek merely as if she was cuddling him, as if they were lying together- she was leaning against him as if she needed that physical support to remain seated, to remain upright. As if he was her crutch.

And the thought that she was so weak, so vulnerable left a sour taste in my mouth because that had happened as a consequence of a date we decided to surprise her with.

A day that had in the bitterest ways had become memorable as we'd promised, a date she'd never forget.

It was a date I wouldn't forget either.

But each day that had passed I'd tried desperately not to wallow in guilt, in sorrow.

Because I remembered how when our misunderstanding had been cleared, she'd been quick to ease away any remnant guilt. Knew that if she saw us all like this, she wouldn't like it. Wouldn't want us to be drowning in the nausea of what had happened.

So I tried to help the others by being a pair of arms to hold them when sleep evaded them, to be that ear that listened to their guilts and hurts and sobbing and tried to keep my own tears silent or at bay.

I'd lost myself in pouring over every photo she'd taken of me, desperately trying to see myself through her eyes, feeling her emotions jump out from each photo, desperately trying to see her from behind the lens- as if looking over them carefully enough would help me see her, help me feel a closeness.

Trying to feel her presence near me when it had been torn away.

Trying desperately to hold on like I wish I had that day, wishing I had clung onto her, wrapped her up and cradled her close.

And I could feel it still.

Could feel that there was something bubbling under the surface, something stewing away inside. And that if she left it there, if she tried to ignore it then it would explode and spill over in a way that would just hurt her more.

And I never wanted that.

Didn't want her to be in any more pain.

When Habaek and Mi-sun enter the living room, from which they'd retreated to give us privacy, it wasn't to kick us out but asking if we'd join them to eat, eyes flickering with hope towards (Y/N)- a silent meaning shared between the three before Jin hyung spoke.

"We really shouldn't impose..." he begins, even if I can see how bright and hopeful he looks at the prospect of spending more time near (Y/N), to let all that frazzled mess of emotions to sort out slightly.

Because it kept feeling like (Y/N) was an illusion that was going to slip away any second. And as if we left now, we didn't know if we'd see her again.

But seeing her eat...or try to had a bubble of unease grow inside my stomach, hunger abating when I saw how listlessly she picked at hers, only taking small mouthfuls when one of us nudged or pushed her to eat, Habaek and Mi-sun silently watching with hopeful expressions. 

My hand that had been sitting idly, gently came to rest on her knee squeezing reassuringly everytime she seemed to zone out- lost in thought, seeming to come back slowly with the touch; a private thankful smile when we got up. 

So when we do all eventually wind up leaving, after everyone is far more settled, having indulged to those anxious longing needs to just hold her, to spend time with her- we don't realise time has flown by, that when we leave it's at some point late in the day.

She reciprocates each hug tightly, murmuring her thanks into each shoulder. Thanks for visiting her, thanks for being there for her.

Never once hesitating to brush away the uncertainty and guilt with a sweet soft smile.

And when she finally stepped forwards towards me, my hands tug her close, wrapping her up into my arms and tucking her in. I tighten my arms around her, taking long moments to feel her fist her hands into the back of my shirt, from under my jacket before her hands smoothen out, rubbing small circles.

"Thank you Tae. And I am so sorry." She mumbles, the volume of her voice so low that I think I've conjured the words up- that she's not actually sorry, because she has no reason to be. Because why would she be sorry? What had she done? The fault had been all ours.

And she clings on tighter for a few moments, a small, hitched gasp before her hands slide away, before I force my hands to unclench and arms to fall away.

My eyes rove over her, lips twisting as I see the shadow, that flicker of raw agony that pass through her eyes, even as her lips twist up- a ghost of her real smile that seeps out warmth and joy.

But before I let her go, before I step back and watch as her pain hides itself from us, I tug her back, squeezing tightly as I bend my head down.

"When you need to talk, find me. When you need to scream and cry, find me. I'll be here." I say softly.

But she doesn't respond.

She doesn't answer.

She fiddles nervously with her sleeves and gives a small uncertain nod, eyes filled with a thick cloud of emotion before they slide away.

I feel my gut twist at the sight. Slightly reassured, slightly worried.

And then Kookie nudges me aside with a dig to the elbow, an easy grin before he smothers    (Y/N), swaying with her from side to side and speaking in a low volume.

Whatever he says though has a smile tug at her lips, her arms winding around his to hug back, to hold him there.

But leaving her makes panic surge up in me.

Because the last time we'd seen her she'd fallen into the choppy waters and vanished from sight.

Six days before she'd appeared to our eyes. A vision, an apparition. 

And I feared that as the door shut behind us, she'd disappear, vanish and curl away like a wisp of smoke.

And if that happened I'd have nothing to cling onto, nothing to hold onto.

I just hoped that she'd open up, that she'd share the grievances of her heart with someone else- even if it wasn't me.

Before the gentle sweet breeze she was, vanished, and left no trace behind.

Just the ghost of her brushing tenderly against our hearts and souls in parting.

(THERE YOU GO! I'M SUPER SUPER SORRY IT SEEMS THAT MY WRITING SCHEDULE GOT THROWN OUT OF WHACK THIS WEEK- COS I UPDATED FOUR DIFFERENT BOOKS SO IT SEEMS LIKE AGES SINCE I WROTE SS! BUT I HOPE THE WAIT WASN'T TOO LONG, THAT IT DIDN'T DISAPPOINT AND THAT YOU'RE ALL HAPPY AND SOFT WITH THE WAY THE BOYS SEE ALL THESE CHANGES, SEE THAT SHE'LL NEED TIME BUT ALSO THAT THE WAY FORWARD ISN'T BY DISTANCING THEMSELVES BUT BY BEING TOGETHER, HEALING TOGETHER! LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND REACTIONS MY LOVES! AND WHY DID SHE APOLOGISE TO TAE~ AND I WONDER WHAT'S TO COME!! I DO HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT THIS FIC- ABOUT WHETHER THE PLOT IS GOOD, WHETHER IT'S EXTREMELY SLOW PACED OR WHAT?? IF THERE IS ANYTHING LIKE THAT LET ME KNOW PLEASE! AND THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE LOVELIES, TAKE CARE AND STAY SAFE. I MAY NOT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE COS OF A CERTAIN SOMEONE- SO BETTER HIDE!)

QUESTION...SOMETHING WHICH YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO AND SCARED OF??

MINE IS...I'm looking forward to the end of this semester at uni, time really flew by, and yet I'm not ready for the exams and assessments approaching!! Ahhh!

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3