(Y/N) POV:

Our bodies push through the surface, sparkling with the way droplets of water cling to our frames, how what I'd been wearing is ripped away by the power of Her waves to adorn me in tight-fitted scraps, exposing me once more to the world.

There's a haze that surrounds the boat, a glamour that prevents them from sensing the alienness of the water, the foreign screaming feeling that something is wrong, the waters are bitterly cold, digging into my skin.

Her command fills us, seeps into our veins, overcoming our entire sense of being until it's all we know, all we exist for.

My veins burn with the liquid ice that takes over it, the words of the siren song bubbling up in my throat and as mouths open the hauntingly enticing call to death begins. 

The air thickens and crackles, filling with the unnatural pheromonal high of sirens, commanding the air they breathe, commanding their attention as it carries combined voices over to the people on the boat, luring them out, sweetly calling them to sink into the waters, to their deaths.

My throat seals up as I see the boat come to a still, see figures begin to approach the deck in the beginnings of a trance, tugged towards the water, unable to resist the call.

I tear my eyes away from the sight, unable to face them as they approach, seeing the guilt and torn feelings that flicker in Habaek oppa and Mi-sun unnie's faces, see how it bothers them even as they sing.

But I can't bring myself to allow the words bubble past my lips even as spikes of agony begin to drive themselves into me, even as Her command surges in stronger.

Sing. Do not defy me. Do not push away what is right.  Her voice cuts through me, cold and icy and demanding.

Her command comes into me as a tidal wave, crashing into me, head spinning and jaw being forced open, kept like that as the poisonous melody pours out of me, luring them in. My eyes clench shut as I sob, unable to bear the sight of seeing them being ripped away from me, at my own hands, at my own doing.

Don't fight what is in you. Accept it. Sing and this will all be over, She croons- with all the maliciousness of a predator luring their prey in, under the guise of innocence, of posing as a non-threatening figure. But I know the lethalness that lies under it.

I shake my head, the cry escaping me silently when Her waves constrict my movements, forcing me to remain there, holding me captive.

Sing. You have never dared defy, you have always obeyed and you break the trust of a centuries long bond for them, She demands voice disgusted and hurt.

As if any bond beyond one of servitude ties me to Her.

I hear a splash into the water, hear the sound of a body hitting the waves and dazed splashes as they swim closer.

I beg for it not to be them and yet when my eyes fearfully open my heart stops at the sight of Tae, song-drunk as he swims closer, eyes vacant and blank and entranced, body and mind betraying him as he tries to get close.

The sight of it, of someone I trusted, someone I cared for in the waters, approaching death, approaching me because of the song, because of me has the song trailing off- the shock so sudden and immense it silences and quietens Her command, loosens the noose She holds around my throat.

Not him. Not them.

And the unearthly, inhumane scream that tears out my throat has the song faltering, the melody stilting and the others hesitating- another two voices falling silent.

I watch as he sleepily blinks, too far in to be tugged out immediately but he stops trying to get close, floating in the water.

What on earth are you doing? You defy the very thing that keeps you alive. Continue! She demands, voice full of nothing but strict authority that commanders obedience.

"STOP IT! I CAN'T! NOT THEM." I scream, my voice unending grief as it ripples over the waters, as it cracks with the emotion, with the burden of what I was doing, of the lives I was being forced to take.

The same lives that made me feel as if I existed as a person. Made me happy that I existed. They were the only ones who made me feel glad for a lone moment that I was a siren because otherwise I wouldn't ever have met them.

And She was trying to take them away from me.

Her control over the boat, on each life is what has them still sunk into that trance, unable to tear away. Because She could easily do this Herself. But made us.

"I will not sing. I won't be the reason they die." I shriek, my vow rippling over the waves, sending the other three sirens to tail off with the song.

Because I feel it.

Feel the rolling, surging rage, lethally calm, feel Her anger well up with each crest of the waves, feel Her stiffen and become infinitely colder, as if suddenly I've been plunged into ice, have become frozen and permanently numbed by it.

You won't? She echoes.

Calm. Too calm.

"I won't. I'll do anything but I beg you, beseech you, not them. Never them." I weep, icy tears trickling down my cheeks, eyes falling to Tae's figure, worried that the longer he remains in the cold, the worse he'll fare.

There's long endless moments of waiting, of pausing. It feels like infinities pass in that time. Lifetimes that stretch and drag on, the weight of my words crushing my shoulders.

Her silence is something to be feared.

Something I recoil from.

Because with Her silence comes the foreboding wait, the heavy burdensome tension as the others drift in waters, hands rubbing at blue-tinged skin.

"Anything! I will do absolutely anything you want but please let them go!" I say, sobbing pathetically in front of Her, grovelling to Her but if saving them means I have to beg the very existence that made me hate living, then I'd do it

Very well. The others will ensure they get back safely. You are coming with me, She says, voice cool and detached.

And I feel the slither of Her control slip away, desperately swimming immediately to Tae, to tap at his cheeks and thanking high heaven that his skin isn't chilled, isn't affected.

And a part of me crumbles with sheer gratitude when I see his eyes loll back into merciful unconsciousness, body sagging into me when I tug him close. I feel the others swim close as we guide him back to the boat, depositing him onto the deck.

I let myself linger for a few minutes as I brush his hair away from my face, sob as I feel his heartbeat strong and steady under the palm of my hand that rests on his sodden shirt.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." I sob, feeling the rise and fall of his chest- a blessing, and the others look close from slipping out of that trance.

"(Y/N) we have to go." Mi-sun unnie whispers, drawing me back and when we sink into the waters it's to immediately be parted, the others being drifted away, drawn back to the surface.

I find myself catching my breath when I get mercilessly tugged under the waters, tugged further and further into Her depths, Her presence silent and demanding as She takes me further, down where the water stops reflecting light, down where the sea life stops wandering, down where the water turns inky black, a dark blue stain that wraps around me, a shadow that encompasses me and swallows me whole.

I tremble when She begins to speak, but I have not a single ounce of regret for what I've done.

You defied me. In front of the others. Have you forgotten the vows you made? The gratitude you had for being alive? She asks, voice soft and confused, hurt by my defiance, hurt by my disobedience. She sounds so sorrowful, so dejected that it threatens to yank at my heartstrings, would've had I not known the circumstances that brought us to this.

"I'm sorry. But their lives mean too much. I can't let you take them. They became my only reason for happiness. True happiness that I found decades later." I confess, my hurt and genuineness pouring out.

I know She reads me and this time I hold nothing back, I let Her see for what I was willing to defy, for whom I was rejecting Her command.

I wanted Her to see and understand. Know that I couldn't ever let harm befall them.

Her touch softens, mellowing, becoming gentle and warm as She reads my mind, sees what lies in its depths.

They mean that much? You'd do anything to protect the ones who made you feel? She asks, shock and softness in Her words, in Her presence that gently intertwines around my mind.

I nod.

"They made me thankful to be a siren. Thankful that I served you for centuries so I could meet them." Feeling my heart ache.

Her presence brightens, the darkness of the waters receding slightly.

I'm glad. I'm glad because that means you enjoyed being mine, you're thankful for the connection. So in return for their life you'd gladly stay with me longer. You'd show your gratitude by being in my service longer. Her voice comes through, exuberant and excited, but Her words send me spiralling into a panic, drowning in a darkness far thicker and consuming than Her essence.

My heart feels like it's clenched in a vice, unable to beat and thud as Her words sink in.

What's wrong? You said you'd do anything to save them. Anything means anything, She replies voice tinged with humour.

As if She'd been toying and playing with me this entire time.

Unless you'd rather I tugged them right into the water, prolonged their deaths and made sure that in their final moments they knew it was down to you. She asks, taunting and malicious.

No sign of the false maternal pretence. Nothing but cold, cruel agenda.

And even as my soul sinks to despair, withers away and dims, I know She holds all the power, that there is no other way but this. That my rejection would lead to their downfall. To their demise.

And She knows it too.

I nod.

Fine. The word sharply echoes through me, Her touch almost stiffening and recoiling at the firm determination in it.

"I'll do it. How long is it?" I ask. A few months longer, a year maybe two. I can give up my time for them. I can give up that much more for the sake of their lives.

But when She next speaks, I know She's purposely withheld it until now.

Thirty years. The cost of saving them is thirty years. A small insignificant price to pay don't you think? Thirty years more of immortality. Aren't you lucky? She croons, vindictive and amused.

Ruthless as I sob, break down and writhe- trying to shake free from Her unrelenting grip, Her touch that remains steadfast on me, shackles that strengthen with the additional years of service.

And yet She also knows I won't say no.

That I wouldn't put their lives above my own.

Because all I'm doing is merely sacrificing myself.

To live longer.

To spend thirty more years singing and luring countless others to death in their stead.

And I have no-one to blame or hate than myself.

No-one to fault, because it was all my doing when I let them sneak past my defences.

It was all me. And nothing could change now.

Remember that the punishment of your defiance is an example. That you must remember I never take lightly to disobedience. Remember your fallen sirens, remember that this isn't all I can do. Her voice cuts in, scouring at my skin, knives that deeply embed themselves into me, leaving my wounds gaping and shrieking from the corrosiveness of Her salty essence.

And She's harsh and forceful as the waters bound around me, a watery prison I'm doomed to remain in until I'm broken enough, until Her words, Her lesson sinks in enough. Until She decides I'm bent and broken to her standards.

And when the waters form a tight ball of captivity around me, I sob and let my heart shatter and fall apart. I let the knowledge of my words, the consequence of my actions sink in.

And remain trapped with the knowledge that this was all my doing.

-----

Time loses meaning. Life becomes an endless cycle of never-ending darkness. Each second, minute, hour and day morphing and melding into one. Each moment endless and infinite.

And in the solitude of Her darkness do I begin to gather the broken pieces of myself, try to collect myself, try to remember that I had a reason for doing this. That this way I could have a few years of happiness before I had to fade away, before I had to tear myself from them.

And sometimes I sit lost in thought of whether they'd made it home safe. Whether they were reassured with the knowledge that I was fine or whether they remained in panic and desperation?

How would they react to having no recollection over some time, of Tae suddenly appearing drenched and lying against the deck?

I wondered what they'd think. Hoped that in our last final moments before I was torn away that no regret and guilt lingered in them. That they shouldn't feel guilty whatsoever. That that burden was mine alone to shoulder and permanently bear the brunt of.

I found that in that period of isolation, of entrapment I found my hopes and dreams become restricted- the joy and excitement I held for living life as human, as mortals with Habaek oppa and Mi-sun unnie couldn't happen anymore.

And I cried for my losses. For the family that would be torn from me.

Cried for what would happen when She finally let me go.

And cried for fooling myself in thinking happiness was something I dared to envision as a siren.

But I also cried to Her in the time She did ordain to me, cried and begged that I'd be an obedient siren if She vowed to never touch them, that no matter what the scenario or circumstance was, She would never be the cause of their death or demise. That Her protection would be on them. And Her agreement was the sole consolation I had in that time.

And in that time I felt my head spin with all these thoughts, find myself gnawed at from the inside, feel Her waves batter me in a constant cycle of inflicting pain, of bringing endless hurt to me.

And when I thought I'd die like this, when I truly began to despair and wonder whether She had any intention of letting me go, I find myself tugged upwards, through the darkness and into waters that catch the light, sparkling lights.

And I find myself flung from the waters, crashing and painfully colliding with a rocky beach, tossed out like a ragdoll, Her water dripping off me as I groan in pain, voice hoarse and rough from disuse, from crying.

I can't find the strength to drag myself upright, under the soft glow of the nightlights that cast dim shadows onto the rocky beach from overhead even as my body shivers with the harsh chilly wind the night brings with it, brushing against my exposed skin, against the tears in the bare clothes I wear.

And even as I hear the crunching of pebbles as someone grows closer, light flickering over me I can't bring myself to have the energy to cover myself, to shuffle away.

"(Y/N)? Oh gods....(Y/N)!" a voice cries out with alarm, rough and thick and low and the sound of rushing footsteps, stumbling over pebbles before they crash to their knees next to me, cursing viciously, at odds with the gentle large hands that turn me over, that draw me close onto a warm lap.

Familiar, safe.

I feel myself being shaken gently, taps to my face and cried sobs of my name.

I dredge the sheer will to peel apart my eyelids, to peer up at the person holding me.

And find myself greeted with the sight of a shattered, drained Habaek oppa.

Who sobs with relief as I peer at him, bending over me, another pair of warm hands rubbing at my chilled legs.

"We thought you were..." he gasps, breath warm as it fans over my chilled cheek.

He clutches tightly at me, drawing me up onto his lap and furiously holding me, a large coat draped over my freezing wet figure as Mi-sun unnie drapes herself over me, hands equally tight as they clutch me.

"What has she done to you?" Habaek oppa sobs as he cradles me close, uncaring as to how his clothes get soaked, drawing me in further against his chest to bundle me up as close as he can- the heat of his body seeping into mine, chipping away at the eternal frost inside me.

"We've got you my love." Mi-sun unnie sobs, clutching at me, hot tears trickling onto the back of my neck, arms gripping tight as if she can't bear to let go. As if her words don't ring true to herself and she needs the physical reassurance to remind her.

And when they finally draw me up, there's a numbness that just won't recede- despite the warmth of their touch, the heated air in the car as we drive back. And there's no strength in my body to take a step forward without crumpling, legs buckling and body falling towards the ground.

I focus on to the point of their hands helping me, of them drawing me up and taking me inside our house and yet there's only one place I want to be, one place I need to be.

"Bathroom....please." I whisper, voice scratchy and rough- hating the pain, the weakness, the sheer emptiness in the words.

And Habaek oppa draws me up into his arms, cradling me towards his chest as he takes me upstairs, grip tight and grounding. He sets me down onto the edge of the bathtub, kneeling in front of me with a grieving face.

"We'll wait outside." He chokes out, as if it hurts him to part, pressing a kiss to my forehead even as sorrow lays to rest on his face, even as his tears continue to trickle down. They both leave, the door closed but unlocked and settle down beside the door, hearing the sound of them leaning against the wood.

And when I'm alone I tear at my clothes, furiously scrabbling to get the skimpy clothes of me, sobbing when it seems to be plastered and painted onto my skin, fingers slipping and digging into skin instead.

And when I finally have them off, the fabric flung onto the floor I turn the water onto the highest temperature it can go, a scalding burning temperature that has steam rising in the bathroom, clouding the air as I step under it, vehemently scrubbing at myself, desperate to burn away the chill that threatens to linger, the cold that has begun to seep into my bones.

I let the burning heat of the water wash over me, let it scour away at the layer of salt that seems to settle on my skin, skin turning angry and raw as I scrub myself, sobbing with the need to feel clean of Her touch, needing to feel the heat that rises from my skin.

And as the water pounds over my body, beats at my skin relentlessly- I let the pained cries escape, the cry that it didn't matter how long I'd been in service, didn't matter how many lifetimes I had been alive. The message was clear.

Defying the Ocean wasn't an option.

And I was paying the price for it.

She made sure I knew too well that the costs would be great and knew just how much of a burden, a message it would convey to the other sirens.

She knew that it wasn't just a way of breaking me. It was a way of breaking my family. Breaking the ones who waited for me on the other side of the door.

(THERE YOU GO! A SAD BABY SIREN CHAPTER JUST FULL OF PAIN AND HURT AND ANGST AND SORROW. AND I AM SORRY! I FELT MY HEART TEAR AS I WROTE THIS CHAPTER, FELT THE GRIEF FOR HER AND MY HATE FOR THE OCEAN GROW SO MUCH MORE! I AM SUPER SORRY! BUT SHE SAVED THE BOYS, SHE DIDN'T LET THEM DROWN AND SHE ENDED UP PAYING THE PRICE. BUT!! THERE WILL BE SOME HAPPINESS, SOME HOPE COMING IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, BECAUSE THIS TIME, NOW THAT SHE'S FINALLY SPOKEN IN FRONT OF THEM, IN HER RAWEST MOMENT, SHE ISN'T SCARED TO DO IT ANYMORE. SO HERE'S TO SOME HEALING IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS, STOCK UP ON TISSUES AND THEORIES ARE WELCOME! STAY SAFE AND ENJOY!)

QUESTION...THOUGHTS ON BTS' PERFORMANCE AND FEELS FOR THEIR GRAMMY NOMINATION?

Mine is...it just makes me so so thankful and proud because it really is another reminder, another eye-opener of just how much hard work and effort the put in to performances and pre-recorded content since Yoongi is in recover. He pushed through so, so much and a full schedule so it wouldn't impact their comeback and honestly I'm so overwhelmed and grateful for their love and constant thought of us. Grammy's...I was so happy for them, their reactions showed just how much it meant to them, that it was that final push, that final reach for their path into American culture. But at the same time, the Grammy's don't deserve these beautiful, brilliant miracles. It reminds me of how they couldn't perform their own song because they weren't nominated last year and this year they can...I'm just so so proud. It's just amazing. I'm really happy for them.

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3