TAE POV:

It's nervousness, fear and the beginning of excited anticipation that doesn't let me sleep, that makes me constantly fidget, restless to lie beside Joon hyung and cuddle him when night comes.

My mind was still buzzing. With tentative wonder and disbelief. That (Y/N) wasn't romantically involved with Habaek and Mi-sun, that they weren't dating her, they weren't together. Because it meant that (Y/N) could be ours, if she returned our feelings that was. But it was more than enough to plant the seed of hope and optimism, enough to have the others in shock and wonder and joy- the house suddenly becoming even more animated and alive as everyone began brainstorming- drawing out ideas and ways to confess to her, to express our feelings to her.

Kookie, Yoongi hyung and Joon hyung seemed the most stunned- expressions slightly distracted and lost and it had taken Jin hyung to wheedle out the details about what exactly had happened at the gym. And not for the first time I regretted not joining Kookie at the gym; usually the regret came with not being able to see a sweaty, tousle-haired Kookie, t-shirt sticking to the defined ridges of his toned abdomen, this time it'd come because the three of them had ran into (Y/N), had been able to spend time with her. And there was a slightly dazed, far-off look in Kookie's eyes, as if despite it all there was something playing about in his mind.

But it had been the words Joon hyung had shared, that Mi-sun had followed them as they'd been leaving, fully believing that there was no hope, when she'd offhandedly mentioned that (Y/N) liked flowers and tended to favour soft shades before leaving. Not without having passed on a final message.

"She's got a tender bruised heart. Treat her with care. She deserves happiness, so don't ever be the reason she gets hurt."

Her words though not spoken directly to me floated through my mind, wrapped itself around my thoughts.

I think whether or not we verbally expressed it aloud, we all knew there was a tender fragility to her, there was something in her past that had caused her to be selectively mute, and we all knew that we felt too much for her to ever want to see anything but joy lighting up her features.

And it was with this that came the firm resolution to fix things, that no matter how much (Y/N) tried avoiding the matter, and stayed firmly and politely with a line between us- friends and nothing more. But I was determined to cross that line, to erase it. And I wanted to hold her close, to fulfil that longing and deeply-rooted ache of having her in my arms, of breathing in her scent and of remembering every singly moment of her being there, encased within an embrace.

I needed to make things right, the restless urge made me unable to sleep, even as the hours slipped by my eyes wouldn't shut, my body wouldn't sink into the mattress and relax.

And it was in the late hours of the night, that I pulled my phone up to check the time, eyes lingering on the photo that was my background, one that (Y/N) had taken of me.

And the sight of it propels me into movement, fingers typing away as I send her a message- about to lock it; having no expectation to get a reply so soon but eyes widening when a reply pops up.

One word.

But one word that makes my heart simultaneously plummet and soar.

And my fingers tremble as I type out a response, unconscious working quicker than my mind can process the words I've sent back.

An hour.

An hour to get ready. An hour to get my scrambled thoughts in place.

But also an hour until I see her.

An hour until I make things right.

An hour until I get the chance to rid that line once and for all.

----

I get out of the car from outside her house, bundled up in a coat and hesitantly eyeing the front door, at the porch light that's on- the only illumination in the early morning.

And I don't know how long I stare at the door, at the one thing that separates her from me when suddenly it opens and (Y/N) steps out, bundled up and sporting a matching pink beanie and scarf, hands bare before she tucks them into the pockets of her coat, walking down the stairs.

She doesn't make eye contact until she finally approaches and when I catch a glimpse of them, warm deep pools of colour that only meet mine for a flash of a moment before she tilts her head to the side, indicating to the car and stepping past to walk around. There's the gentle waft of whatever spray she's used that tickles my nose, pleasing and gentle and I'm hurrying to get into the car, turning to face her, her head bent as she does her seatbelt.

"I know I might be asking for a lot. But all I want is one chance. One chance to talk." I say, fingers gripping tightly at the wheel but head turned towards her.

Her fingers which had been playing with the belt, stop and her head straightens as she looks at me- wide expressive eyes silently contemplating.

Each passing second that she doesn't respond has my heart squeezing in a vice grip, and heartbeat stuttering and skipping. And then there it is. A small nod.

And despite how light my heart feels at the chance, it doesn't mean the drive doesn't send my nerves into a frazzled, panicked state, feeling her presence as intoxicatingly strong, demanding my attention even as she sat silently, head turned towards the window- peering at the city's nightlights fade away.

And it's only when we're getting closer and she seems to recognise the surroundings does she turn away. Surprise colouring her features when I dare a glance to her, her rosy lips parted slightly.

And once we get there, I step out with her- smiling wistfully towards the flower fields, remembering how exhilarating and different it had felt last time. Last time we'd come the label of friends hovered over us and yet what I'd felt hadn't been confining, but liberating, sweet unending joy at just being there in that moment with her.

It's too early for sunrise to begin changing the dark hues of the sky with light, too early for the soft colours to begin streaking across and replacing yesterday's end.

But maybe it's because it's dark, because it wraps around me in a warm comforting hold that I get spurred to walk around, to take her hand gently and carefully- begging internally for her not to snatch it back, and walk with her towards the same fields she'd taken photos of me in.

I stop in the middle, turning to face her once we're surrounded by them- feeling slight comfort at the petals that brush against my sides, that encompass us in their gentle embrace.

She looks at me silently, waiting.

"I thought of so many ways to try and make it upto you. Try to fix things, I wanted to do all sorts of things, grand gestures and whatnot. But for some reason I found my mind, I found my heart drifting here. Where a part of me stayed behind in the flower fields with you." I say, feeling my voice shake, panic making my heart thud loudly, skin feeling prickly and tingling.

"You asked me that day what vibe you gave off the night I came over, when I approached you in the club. And I...I said nothing had happened." I say, feeling a lump in my throat, swelling to block out air from my lungs when I see the way pain flickers across her face, at the way her expression shutters- eyes trying to turn blank and void, trying to push her feelings aside.

"Don't do that. Don't push those feelings away. The truth is I said nothing had happened because I didn't think it did. Thought that the moments between us I'd imagined were all an illusion, all something my intoxicated brain had made. Because it was such a beautiful dream, it was such a beautiful moment, that my mind told me it could've never happened in reality." I confess, voice wavering and thick with the emotions- every single emotion that I'd tried to keep at bay around her since that moment, since the moment she walked out of my studio when everything in me had screamed to hold her close.

"And I don't know how to make you believe me, how to make you know that ballroom dancing with you in the middle of a club was one of the most beautiful memories I have. That when I held you and dipped you and felt you close, I felt my heart curve and lean towards you too." I continue, feeling the words pour out of me, hand clutching at hers tighter- more frantically as if scared that if I did let go now, she would truly fade from sight like a mirage.

She looks at me, truly looks at me, eyes wide and flashing with soft vulnerability and face softening.

"Believe me (Y/N), if I had had any more drinks I don't know what that moment could've led to. And I don't know whether I regret that I didn't take the chance and see where it lead me, or regret that I can't hold my alcohol very well." I say, feeling the same longing rise up again.

Before I had thought that my dream had shattered at the most inopportune moment, before I'd gotten to gather the courage and kiss her, taste her, feel her presence on my lips afterwards. But to know that every single moment had been true was electrifying, remembering the way she'd felt in my arms, how soft and warm she'd been and how even without uttering a word, she'd entranced me, smiling- her face lighting up with it as she looked at me, swayed with me- lost in a world that only the two of us shared.

Her hand that had been clutched in mine, limp and unresponsive, squeezes back gently and my heart soars, eyes flying to her face and eagerly committing the sight of it to memory, at the way her fingers curl around my palm- reciprocating the touch.

Almost silent encouragement, spurring me on, pushing me past just what I'd intended to say.

"I didn't know how to say this. But it hurt when you just saw me as a friend. It hurt because I wanted, want to be more. And I just can't imagine my days going by without you." I say, heart feeling ripped open and raw, completely and thoroughly exposed to her. I feel my phone in my pocket buzz, feel the ground despite its solidness- seem rocky and unstable under my feet, feel the way her hand is warm and soft and everything I'd imagined and more. And see her.

See her even as the churning tidal wave of emotions finally slip over, down my cheeks as hot thick tears that thaw my frozen face, thaw my aching numb body. And then I feel my heart shatter, crumble as her hand slips out of my hold.

Her hand retreating, moving away.

This is it.

This is the end.

I've ruined everything and there's no way of coming back to that.

And selfishly I think in that instant, whether it's too late to beg her to stay by my side as a friend. Because the thought of parting from her is too much to bear.

And then startle when warm hands cup my face, gentle and soft, and the sight of her stretching upwards, face tilted towards mine. There's the sound of a shuddery wavery exhale before she silences it by pressing her lips to mine.

Warm, soft plushness against my own. A silent way of her saying don't cry, a silent way of her responding to my feelings.

And when my hands go to wrap around her waist, she doesn't pull away. Instead she seems to melt, leaning further into me, lips slightly shy and tentative against my own. Her lips meet mine in a sweet, gentle careful kiss, as if she's afraid of going further, of pushing boundaries, as if she's taking her time to gauge my reaction.

She separates her lips from mine, leaning back and eyes sparkling and wide as she looks at me. Her body is curved towards mine from the bottom half. Her lips stretch slightly into a small optimistic smile and yet her eyes have a delicate vulnerability- silently waiting for me to respond.

The darkness had at some point faded away to bring forth the soft rays of light as the sun begins to rise and it's those newly dawned rays of sunlight that casts a soft golden glow on her skin, on her bundled-up form, cheeks slightly rosy from cold, hair tumbling down around her shoulders and over her scarf. Beautiful.

My phone buzzes a few more times, my mind too busy taking in the sight of her.

And she smiles, hands that had been cupping my cheeks retreating and falling away, taking a step back.

My hands don't retreat from around her waist, instead they tug her closer, relishing in the silent look of surprise she gives.

"Now where do you think you're going?" I ask.

I've finally got her in my arms, finally filling the space with her.

I don't intend on letting go soon.

And she fiddles with the sleeves of my jackets, hands uncertainly flitting, they come to rest on my arms when I lean down to press a soft kiss to her lips. And then again. And again. Because suddenly her lips are too tempting to ignore, too tempting to resist. And as I take the time to learn the shape of them, to commit them to memory, I find that the rosy sight of them are intoxicating, enthralling. Especially when they begin to take on a darker hue, especially when they respond under my own.

And when we part, heads curved towards each other, the day has dawned.

It's always the darkest before dawn.

But I never knew such a beautiful blinding light awaited.

Would remain in my arms.

(Y/N) POV:

I never knew it would lead to this. And yet, couldn't be happier with anything else. Never knew Taehyung's arms could be a solace, an anchor and a comfort that I wanted to seep myself into and remain. I never knew his lips would be soft and gentle, pressing themselves over and over to mine, lingering longer and longer each time, the pressure of them becoming one I never wanted to forget.

I never knew giving him a chance would bring me this. That our talk would lead me to this. To feeling lost in him and yet found for the first time in decades. That he'd become the very waters I'd drown in and the very lighthouse that led me to safety, to protection.

And that I'd feel so incredibly content standing there with him, sun beginning to warm our chilled figures, heart aching and fit to burst. That he hadn't forgotten, that he remembered, and that it lingered on his mind just as it did to mine.

And when he fishes out his phone, that his soft smile would stretch into a large boxy one, transforming his face into an expression of joy, radiating love from every line and feature.

"It's hyung...asking if I'll be back for breakfast. I've just told him I'm with you." he says, eyes almost shyly meeting mine, the bashfulness making my cheeks warm, inciting a flurry of butterflies in my stomach as he peers at me.

He goes to fist the front of my open jacket, hands fisting the material as he tugs it shut, hands smoothing it out before he bends his head down, long fingers sliding the zip upwards, stopping just under the material of the scarf that sits at my neck.

"Can't have you going cold can I?" he says with a gentleness that melts me.

But his words bring confusion and conflict to come crashing back in.

That he has someone else who loves him. A certain dimpled someone. Who's smile plagued my mind more than I'd like to admit, and who's hugs had come from a strong, firm and yet comforting figure, arms cocooning and sharing with me his warmth.

And then his phone buzzes again, eyes intently scanning the message.

"Well (Y/N), how would you like to accompany me to the backseats of the car? Hopefully if all my planning and preparing has paid off, I want to begin this with something sweet." He says, fingers reaching forward to lace with mine and leading me back to the car, opening the door for me with a flourish that brings a smile to my face before he hurries to the other side.

He brings out a tall thermos and two new matching cups, hands carefully pouring out hot chocolate into them before screwing the lids securely and handing one to me. His own cup he places in the holder before delving back in to bring a box of doughnuts.

Nostalgic. Familiar. Sweet.

"I remember how you brought me hot chocolate and doughnuts that day. And it feels fitting to begin something new with something old." He says, body tilted so he can look at me.

I smile when his hand holds out a doughnut towards me, lifting it towards my lips.

He nudges it against my closed lips.

"Indulge me....please?" he adds on, slight nervousness betraying him, his waver and trembling hand giving away that this is foreign and new and uncharted waters for him too. And that's what leads me to part my lips to allow him to feed me, eyes unable to stray from his as I bite down, sugary goodness soft in my mouth.

He brings it back, almost unconsciously swiping at the sugary coating dusting my lips, thumb wiped clean by his tongue that darts out.

I feel my heart skip a beat, eyes narrowing onto his lips- almost as if that now I've gotten the slightest taste, I'm addicted and can't let go.

His eyes widen when he seems to register what he's done, an apology slipping off his lips.

And to silence him I guide the hand clutching the doughnut to his mouth instead, to silence him from apologising. He almost seems to bite on autopilot, without realising until he begins to chew- cheeks full and soft and eyes wide and shining.

As far as beginnings go. This one is pretty special.

And it marks the start of something I can't wait to see where it leads me.

But the reason I'd given him the doughnut wasn't only to silence him, it's because the unspoken reminder of the dynamics he shares with the others, romantically or not hover heavily over me-  a personal thundercloud that threatens to sweep out the morning light and the optimism it had brought with it.

Because my stomach churns with the thought.

Of how the others feel.

Of whether I can live without ever confessing to them.

And why it feels like I'm incredibly selfish for having Tae begin something sweet and new with me, and long for six others?

(AND THERE YOU GO!!  I HOPE THE APOLOGY SCENE WAS SOFT AND MADE YOU ALL INTO PUDDLES AND THAT IT CAME ACROSS AS GENUINE AND HEARTFELT AND SINCERE. I DEBATED FOR QUITE A BIT HOW TAE SHOULD MAKE THINGS RIGHT BUT DECIDED THAT HIS GENUINE FEELINGS WAS ALL HE NEEDED, SO HOPE THE RAWNESS OF THEIR EMOTIONS CAME OUT TOO. AND A KISS! WE FINALLY HAVE A KISS! IT'S NOT AS HEATED AS THE ONES WE USUALLY GET IN MY OTHER BOOKS BUT IT'S THERE TO SHOW THAT IT'S TENTATIVE AND NEW...AND THAT'S SAVED FOR ONCE THEY DO ALL CONFESS AND DEFINE THEIR RELATIONSHIP/DYNAMIC! I'VE GOT A PLAN FOR THE CONFESSION- JUST HOPE IT COMES OUT ENJOYABLE TO READ! I PERSONALLY ENJOYED AND LOVED WRITING THIS CHAPTER AND HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING IT TOO! LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND REACTIONS AND STAY SAFE!!)

QUESTION...SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT DYNAMICS OR RELATIONSHIPS YOU SEE?

Mine is...today was my parents' wedding anniversary and I was in my morning seminar when I heard my dad come home and rush to the kitchen to hug my mum, wishing her a happy anniversary and smiling and laughing together.  And all day she's been nagging at him to get her a proper gift, which he did but she said 26 years meant that the gestures should continue getting grander! And honestly just seeing them laugh and smile and chat away, lost in their own world means so much! I love seeing the magic and love between couples. All couples! It makes me long for that one day.

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3