JIMIN POV:

My blood freezes seems to turn to ice- cold, seeping through my body with a chilling numbness when I hear Tae burst, because for some odd reason it feels like I'm under the scope being examined and prodded at, asked why I'm not my usual self. But it's Tae. Tae who cracks first. Tae who'd harboured the same guilty feelings as me and hadn't let them remained bottled up. Tae who looks shattered and heartbroken as he speaks, movie forgotten.

"Because I don't want her to just be my friend. Because I think I like her more than that. No...I do. And I know just how wrong it is. Just how disgusting and horrible I am for feeling that way." He bursts out, impassioned- as if the dam holding back his emotions has burst and shattered and all his feelings have come cascading out in an unstoppable wave. I see the shine in his eyes and see the way he seems to shrivel up and curl into himself- a rough sob tearing out his throat.

And I feel my heart plummet and sink to the deepest depths of pain and despair for him, with him.

How long had Tae been feeling like that? How long had he had to hide those feelings from us because he thought he was the only one?

Wrong. Disgusting. Horrible.

He's not a single one of these things, not in the slightest. Not unless I too share that blame, that label with him. Perhaps deserve it way more given just how long I've harboured these feelings, how long I've let them take root, blossom, and flourish into sprigs of want and desire and longing.

I lean away from Jin hyung, curling around myself and avoid meeting his eyes- seeing the startled reaction it gets.

"Jimin-ah..." he says carefully.

I shake my head, peering at Tae who's refusing to let Kookie draw him out from the curved-up position he's in.

"Tae don't say that, don't ever say that." I say voice coming out slightly hoarse, pained that he's been silently punishing himself, struggling alone.

If he'd given the slightest indication, if he'd even shared one thought, one tormented feeling then perhaps he wouldn't be berating himself, beating him up so much.

"Why not? Why shouldn't I feel horrible?" he sobs, Kookie's arms tightly around him, his own face pale and pained.

The hyungs sit up, already moving- the light having cast its illuminating rays onto the situation. Pale shocked faces, tightly pressed lips, and plagued eyes.

"Because you're not alone. Because I've been struggling with those same feelings for so, so long and didn't tell anyone- thought I was being unfaithful." I say, voice cracking and feeling Jin hyung's arms coming around me- feeling unworthy of that comforting affection.

I feel my stomach twist itself into knots, feeling my head as both deadweight and cut off- reaching dizzying soaring heights as I wonder what the hyungs will say, whether they'll hate the two of us.

But I couldn't stand it.

Couldn't stand the way he'd felt so burdened when he wasn't alone.

When I suspected that I'd harboured feelings for longer.

When I began becoming flustered at the outfits she'd posed for me and Hobi hyung, when she'd let me tug her alongside as we ran in the rain, who knows? Who knew when my snow angel became someone more than just a saviour in that moment? When she crossed that fine line between friends and more, and more than that- when I'd been the one to see her as something more?

Had craved it?

Had wanted happiness in spending time together whether that be going out or even just content to sit or lie next to each other. Why it had began to make me feel jealous and wanting when Kookie easily whisked her away to spend time together, wishing that I could spend time with her without feeling guilt, without feeling longing.

"Maybe we should talk yeah?" Yoongi hyung says, voice wavering slightly and when I shoot a glance at him, my heart tears at the shaken look he sports and the even paler complexion, teeth biting into his lip harshly. Joon hyung and Hobi hyung are silent, legs jittering up and down, sleeves fiddled with and eye contact avoided.

I feel a lump in my throat.

Maybe we should talk.

And though it had been what I was dying to do. To talk to someone, one of them and let them know, now that the time has actually arrived, I'm not ready.

Not ready at all.

----

"Tae-ah  don't beat yourself up. Please." Namjoon hyung says, voice painstakingly soft and measured even as his eyes are clouded with pain, reaching out for him and expression falling when Tae makes a pained sob, ducking his eyes away as if he's too ashamed to meet his gaze.

"Taehyungie none of us are angry at you. No-one hates you, let's just talk this out baby. Like we always do, we always talk things out and don't let them build." Yoongi hyung says.

He's right. We always talk things out.

So why hadn't I this time?

Why had I kept it bottled up?

But when I see the contained mess we seem to be, barely holding on, I think...this is why. It was to avoid hurting the people I love most. 

And yet they ended up hurting anyways.

"Since when Taehyung-ah? Since when do you think you've liked (Y/N) as more than a friend?" Jin hyung says calmly, trying to be the one keeping the peace, keeping the room from turning hostile and unwelcoming.

But it feels like a deception.

Because why is everyone pretending to be calm when the tempests inside have burst out and caused devastation?

"I don't know...I don't know when hyung. I just realised that I can't do without her, that her keeping me at a distance hurt a lot, and that I couldn't bear it." He confesses, still miserable and drooped, head hanging low and voice slightly muffled.

"Hyung aren't you mad...? Aren't any of you mad? That Tae wants her, that I want her- that when I danced with her I felt the same way as I do when I dance with one of you." I say, turning to face Jin hyung, seeing the way his hand that had been reaching out for me falls, see the way his face twists with confusion and hurt.

"Jimin-ah, I'm not mad. I can't be mad for you opening your heart for her. I can't dismiss your feelings. Just how I can't dismiss mine for her, just the way I'm sure she's made a place in everyone's hearts- where what we feel isn't platonic, not anymore." He says, lips drooping but eyes full of empathy.

His words are gently posed, but I hear exactly what he's saying. That we're not guilty. Not when everyone seems to feel the same way.

And this time when everyone exchanges glances, its full of guilt of their own as well as a slight sheepishness.

Sheepishness that everyone had been hiding and harbouring the same feelings for (Y/N) and no-one had considered sharing them before.

Namjoon hyung ducks his head but not before I see the colouring on his cheeks, Hobi hyung's eyes widen before his lips dredge up in a smile; relief in his expression.

Yoongi hyung gives a small smile. Tight, but a smile, nonetheless. 

And Kookie.

Kookie looks torn. Confused. Bewildered.

And when silent tears roll down his cheeks, a small sniff escaping- Tae heads darts up and immediately he pushes away his guiltiness, his self-depreciation to give our youngest boyfriend his undivided attention, shaking his head as he wipes at the tears, his own eyes carrying remnants of glossiness.

"Don't cry baby. Hyungs are sorry. Do you not feel the same way?" he asks gently, cradling his face close and body angled and turned towards him, the silence descends like a thick impenetrable fog- slightly suffocating.

Because with bated breaths and unbeating hearts I know all of us are waiting.

Because there's no way we'd ever act on those feelings if it meant Kookie would feel hurt, wouldn't act in a way that would cause him distress.

Kookie shakes his head, scrubbing furiously at his cheeks and his back bows- defeat in his posture.

"It's nothing." He murmurs.

My heart seizes.

Don't shut us out Kookie, don't hide away baby. Tell us. Tell us anything and everything. Hyungs could never hate you.

And those words spill past my lips, move me off the sofa and kneeling in front of him, the hyungs all moving- unconsciously almost as we turn to our youngest.

"Kookie say whatever it is you're feeling sweetheart." Jin hyung murmurs, shifting to sit beside him, wrapping a protective supportive arm around him.

He lifts his head and with sparkling wet eyes, smiles, a wobbly curve of his lips that makes me release a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding.

"You have no idea how relieved I am. How much it played on my mind. How much I wanted to tell you but didn't want to be the reason of unhappiness and stress. I felt that I couldn't tell you, because it would break your hearts." He confesses shakily, face expressing sheer relief, eyes wide and disbelieving still.

And then he lets out a sob, clutching tightly at my hands which rest on his legs.

"Do you all really mean it? You all like (Y/N) too?" he asks, faint hope beginning to blossom on his face, fingers scrabbling to intertwine with mine.

"Yeah...I think that's exactly what we're all trying to say Jungkook-ah." Yoongi hyung says.

And finally it feels like my heart is at peace.

That my mind is at ease.

That whilst we're still going to need to talk and think things over, there's a new stirring hope and optimism.

That (Y/N) might accept us. That as we all share the same feelings of longing for her we won't need to hide any longer.

And I can't wait to finally tell (Y/N). Can't wait to let her know.

And hope that in her heart, there's a place for us just as she's made hers in ours.

HOBI POV:

It takes a lot of talking. As seven. Talking about our feelings, about where along the way our feelings matured and changed for (Y/N), of talking about wistful hopes and dreams we'd begun to associate with her before we'd even told her.

It takes time too. 

Time filled with impatient longing.

Because when I next see her with Jimin and Kookie when we're at dance, I get reminded that my feelings aren't hidden from the other two, note that the way their eyes flicker with emotion and remain equally entranced is in the same way that mine do.

That the way her body moves and becomes one with the music, captivates us and silently conveys emotion is more than just fascination and amazement as a dancer. It's about seeing someone I admire; someone I feel the urge to swoop into hugs and gush over her smallest moves.

And now I don't have to worry that my hugs are a beat too long, that my arms cling on just for a few seconds more and it doesn't matter if they see, that gushing over her makes my heart feel all warm. 

After a particularly tricky piece of contemporary choreography that she and Jimin were doing, Jimin slumps exhaustedly to the floor, huffing as he peers up at her- at the way she's composed and still evenly breathing, smiling softly at him.

She holds a hand out for him when he groans and whines- remaining slumped on the ground.

Kookie laughs going over to grab a bottle of water for his protesting whining hyung. He lobs it over his shoulder with startling accuracy, the bottle arching through the air towards the intended victim.

But just at that moment (Y/N) ducks her head close, bending towards Jimin and insistently shaking her hand for him to take it- face twisted with mild teasing annoyance, a smile playing at her lips as she tries and fails at seeming serious.

But the bottle is now soaring straight for the back of her head, and I know the force it'll hit her with is no laughing matter- Kookie has a strong arm. But before I can move my hand in place to obstruct it, Kookie turning and laughing face paling with alarm and shock- a startled cry tearing out his throat.

But Jiminie takes her hand, urgently grasping it and tugging her down, suddenly and with force as he moves her out of the line of fire- the bottle hitting the ground just pass Jimin's head.

Relief. Relief that makes me sigh out loud, clutching at my chest, eyes wide.

But clearly he'd tugged too hard because        (Y/N)'s feet slip out from under her and she falls forward, her hand still grasped by Jimin and goes careening towards him.

She falls onto him, body falling into the space between his widely splayed legs, other arm coming round to stabilise her, wrapping around her securely. There's a small grunt from Jiminie, who despite having accidentally initiated the incident was unprepared for her to lose balance. As accidental as it is, I still feel a flush of warmth at the sight, feeling my eyes linger on the way she slots easily into him, at how normal it looks.

The sudden force had caused (Y/N) to slip entirely onto him, body resting on his and her head knocks against Jimin's, a brief bash before she rears her head back alarmed, seconds later, alarm on her features as well as surprise.

She scrambles off his body, hands resting against the top of his chest as she pushes herself off, his hand which was splayed around her waist tightens fractionally before letting go- his own face coloured with shock and surprise. There's a small sound, a stifled sound of surprise from the back of her throat and she backpedals, back briefly colliding with my chest.

I move my hand to stabilise her but she moves away from me, ducking her head but not quick enough for me to miss the wide-eyed startled look she sports.

My ears are playing on a loop the surprised sound, a lower throaty sound of a stifled gasp, a muffled sound not escaping her mouth but heard regardless. I blink repeatedly trying to make sure she doesn't disappear from sight. 

Nope she's still there.

Still there even as her cheeks colour a light pink and her fingers twist together nervously, a sign that she's flustered.

I fight the urge to loudly coo over her and sweep her into a hug, figuring that she's still startled and slightly embarrassed. I don't want to do anything that makes her feel uncomfortable.

"Are you okay (Y/N)? I'm so sorry, I was aiming for Jimin-ssi." Jungkookie says, having bounded over and having no such qualms about gently tugging her to face him, sighing when she doesn't meet his eyes.

But rather than forcing her face up, he lowers down, legs bending and peering up at her with a soft worried expression that transforms into the cutest toothy smile when she ducks her head away and it rises- a small smile on her lips as she steps back.

"You brat! How could you aim for me?" Jiminie asks incredulously, his own startled expression melting away to give way to fond exasperation as he bounds to his feet, exhaustion vanishing as he rushes for our youngest, who rushes away giggling.

(Y/N) watches them, lips quirking up and eyes entranced on the sight that has grown long since normal for me but still makes me gush anyways.

"Sorry for the chaotic madness. They're always like that." I say wryly.

She grins at that, a wide curve of her generously full lips, parting to reveal a flash of pearly teeth.

She gives a thumbs up.

I like it.

And looking at her I agree. I like it too.

Just the way I like her sweet shy mannerisms.

And the urge to confess to her, to tell her grows stronger.

But not now. Not like this. It wouldn't be fair for the four that aren't here.

They'd have my head if I did that.

But waiting is such torture.

Sweet painful torture.

And that torture becomes sheer pain and agony when dance lesson ends and (Y/N) rushes out without a glance back, a hasty wave before she vanishes from sight. Before Kookie even got to ask her if she wanted to go with him, I note the small pout on his lips and the eyes that remain on the door she's vanished through.

Because when she leaves, Jiminie lets out a pained strangled groan.

"I think I accidentally kissed (Y/N)." he says with a hushed voice.

His words take a moment to sink in.

Brain processing them far too slowly.

But when they do a yelp slips out of my mouth.

"You did what?! Hyung how could you?!" an incredulous, shocked voice demands.

Yes Jimin...how could you?

(Y/N) POV:

I muffle my face into my pillow, wet damp hair sprawled across it, eyes shut as I try to merge and become one with the cushiony material.

My eyes are tightly screwed shut but that brings back the memory to mind.

No matter how furiously I'd scrubbed, meticulously taking care to lather up every inch of me as a distraction technique had failed, feeling the ghost of Jimin's lips against my own.

Soft warm thick plushness that had cushioned mine.

And my cheeks warm, burn at the way how right his lips had felt, how grounding and gentle it had felt. That brief moment of tumbling, falling, and having my body cradled by his, caged between his widely spread legs. The feeling of warmth seeping out through his thin dance shirt, feeling the thud of his heart and the way my palms had felt scorched when I was lifting myself up. I whimper into my pillow when my mind brings me back to the memory of feeling his thigh muscles tight and firm on either side of my legs, the way his hand had held me close and the other had remained tightly gripping mine, feeling painfully connected close to him but knowing that I couldn't.

Couldn't feel that closeness even if I longed for it, craved that feeling.

Softness, phantom softness lingering on my lips, a burning gentle pressure, the sharp inhale of breath as I'd fallen only to find my breath catching for another reason, finding my heart squeeze painfully as it thud loudly, lungs tight and constricted as they touched- zinging sparks at the small brief touch.

There's a gentle knock at the door contrasted with the bright exuberant voice that fills the room.

"Mi-sun ask! She could've been changing." Habaek oppa grouses out, words having little bite- it all goes over her head anyways.

And he knows that it's not a case of embarrassment.

Hasn't been for a century and a handful of decades.

"Shush you. We've seen every bit of each other. Darling why are you holed up here?" Mi-sun unnie asks, sprawling onto the bed beside me, arm thrown around my waist.

I duck further into the cage my arms make.

"Look at me baby, Habaek is an ugly old grump." She says, laughing when he yells indignantly.

I turn my head to protest.

"He's handsome. And young. And kind!" I mumble, realising too late it's a ploy because she seizes my face and holds it, unable to turn away from her inquisitive eyes.

"Don't you think I know that darling? Nice try but it wasn't good enough." She teases, chiding as she brushes her nose against mine, lips hovering close to mine.

My eyes fly shut, feeling the memory sweep in again.

"Hey what is it cherub?" Habaek oppa says, shifting close.

"Tell me baby." Mi-sun unnie whispers softly.

With my eyes still clenched shut, the truth spills out of me.

"I accidentally kissed Jimin and I liked it!"

And the spluttered shocked sound that comes from behind me as well as the bright sharp gasp of delight from in front of me fill my ears.

But they're not loud enough to quieten the sound of the grunt Jimin had let out as he'd held me, or the small soft sigh I wasn't able to recall if I'd uttered aloud or not.

What a mess.

My mind burns the image of a sweaty, heated body under mine.

What a hot sweaty mess.

I whimper.

Why do things never go to plan?

(OOF! THERE YOU GO! AND AHHHHHHHHHH! NEEDED TO GET THAT OUT OF MY SYSTEM. COS YEAH I GET IT, IT'S JUST A PECK BUT STILL?! SO MONUMENTAL, SO BIG! AHHHHHHH! I CAN'T STOP SCREAMING AND GUSHING!! THINGS WENT OFF TRACK SO QUICKLY AND OH GOD!! THEIR REACTIONS TO COME, JIMIN'S MEMORY OF IT! THE OTHERS WHEN THEY HEAR! EVERYTHING! I AM SO EXCITED YOU HAVE NO IDEA! AND OOF! I CAN SEE WHY SHE WAS FLUSTERED! I NEED TO CALM DOWN BUT IT'S SO HARD WHEN I'M SO INVESTED IN THIS AND THE UPCOMING CHAPTERS! I AM SO PUMPED THAT I WANT TO WRITE STRAIGHT AWAY! LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS, I AM SO EXCITED TO READ THEM ALL! AND THE DISCUSSION BTW ISN'T AN IMMEDIATE DECISION, THERE'LL BE MORE THOUGHTS TO COME TOO! STAY SAFE AND TAKE CARE!)

QUESTION...SOMETHING THAT'S SURPRISING AND KINDA DAUNTING TO THINK ABOUT?

Mine is...just yesterday I decided to cuddle with my mum as she was napping and she woke up and we were laughing and talking and she just went. One day you'll do this with your own children and tell them what you did with your mum. It makes me realise just how quick time is flying by, I felt like I've just started uni but I'll be graduating next academic year already. I always imagined myself settling down mid twenties and I'm almost in my twenties. Time flies!

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3