JIN POV:

Since that moment, since my ears have picked up on the blessedly jubilant sweet sound of her giggle, it makes me distracted. It makes me flustered, dazed and often losing focus.

And if there's one thing any of my dongsaengs can attest to is that Kim Seokjin never loses focus in the kitchen.

What on earth is happening?

The sweet audible sound of her happiness, her amusement keeps ringing in my ears, a soft chime of laughter before the air swallows it up, hungrily taking it. And when Joonie returns looking a cute fumbling mess of limbs holding out the towel out as a peace offering, she easily takes it- shaking away his apologies with a good-natured smile.

Instead she turns to the flour that's come to rest on the countertop and her finger traces a message through it for him.

Be my baking buddy?

And the question comes with an adorable side tilt of her head, wide eyes peering at him sweetly, as if she'll be the one to benefit from his assent rather than it being a way to keep his spirits up.

She handles him with a gentleness and ease that makes me wonder just how quickly she must've gotten a good read of all our personalities, answering his dimpled sweet grin with a gesture to have him measure out the dry ingredients.

I see his brows furrow as he measures out the flour for our joint sponge mix, about to tip the heaped measuring cup into the bowl when she captures his wrist.

She takes his wrist to the side to pare off the heaped flour and make it flat, the excess covering her original message.

"Why'd you do that?" he asks.

Her finger traces through the flour once more.

Baking is a science. You have to be exact.

I nod along, very wise advice sous chef- very very good advice I mentally cheer her on.

And as she continues to guide him, his clumsy nature seems to settle to give way to constant pinkening cheeks, rosy circles of colour as he aptly focuses on her impromptu tutoring, carefully sifting the flour, baking powder and cocoa powder. It's with careful balanced hands that she guides him to cream the butter and sugar and add it to the dry mixture, the rest of the ingredients all coming together to form a silky brown batter in no time, lumps disappearing under her watchful guidance.

I stand there open-mouthed, gaping at the way she's managed to tame his clumsy, destructive streak fluidly and seamlessly and above all...silently. Without beratement and without anything but sweet sunny smiles and gentle guiding hands that just move his.

And I can see her fondness whenever he turns to look at her expectantly, silently waiting for her stamp of approval, dimples deepening into the grooves at the curves of his lips, eyes sparkling and squirming happily under her encouraging nods, and the messages she constantly etches into the flour, silently making fists to bolster him on.

And what surprises me most is the way the sponges make into the tins without incident, the batter levelled out.

It's only then I step forward, (Y/N) shooting me a soft smile and amused expression when I don't immediately take the trays as I'd always do, not letting her neat the hot oven.

And this entire time I haven't felt left out for a single moment, there's something so welcoming and soothing and tender about watching the scene unfold in front of my eyes that makes me content. Something so inexplicably settling and calming about seeing the two of them get along, Joonie laughing and animatedly chatting about a book title she must've etched out at one point. And even thrown into their conversation is Joon's carefully enacted sign gestures, I hadn't realised how extensively he'd begun to pick up the language, faltering at times but still managing to get his words across, to decipher some of the responses she gives in return.

And just as I see her eyes crinkle, lost again. Once again hearing the sweet phantom giggle ring in my ears, enticing and soft and beautiful, a slither of sound that had managed to ensnare all my senses. I couldn't get the sight of that moment out of my head, couldn't stop hearing the giggle echo in my ears, I couldn't forget the warmth and softness of her cheek where I'd kissed her, mind still whirring and giddily dancing around with how she'd happily accepted it.

And Joonie tags onto my side as we begin assembling the miniature desserts in the glass jars, helping me decide the layering choice, trying to personalise each jar according to the tastes of our boyfriends, giggling as we try make the top layer bear a decoration intrinsic to each of them.

And when we turn I find that (Y/N) has beautifully assembled her own, layers clear and precise and distinct, a delicate finesse in the way the colours flow well together, how you can see the different textures and the careful names she's drizzled out on top, small smiley faces and hearts and stars smattering around.

"Beautiful as always." I say, seeing her turn and smile sweetly at me, making my heart soften and turn into a puddle.

And at that moment I don't think the words had slipped out for her impeccable baking but rather that breathlessness that comes when her delicate beauty hits with full force, when you become the recipient of the soft, deep doe-eyed stare and rosy lips generously curving to beam at you, radiance in the small gesture.

She carefully seals the small jars, setting them into the packaging box and looks at me silently.

I hurry over bringing with me the few jars I'd decorated with her in mind, knowing that we'd exchanged half as we habitually did. Some of the jars have a normal decoration, but there's two that I've personally made specifically for her.

One is with a little chef hat, and one has a flower on it.

And I know when her eyes glitter and sparkle, carrying stars and galaxies in their deep depths, that I'm lost. That in them I keep leaving a piece of me behind. That in them I find it so easy to find warmth and tenderness and gentleness all coming with open arms to draw me in.

----

It's as Joonie is carefully walking over to get himself situated into the passenger seat that I make my customary habit of walking (Y/N) to her car, this time waiting for her to sit in the driver seat and carefully situate the box on the passenger side, giving it a pat on the top as if it's a person she's treating. And then busies herself with her seatbelt before turning to face me, and it's just the giddiness from earlier still swirling around as well as the sweet exhilaration of her giggle and her happy smile that makes me lean in, lips brushing softly against her hairline in a quick peck before I lean back.

I ignore the burning of my ears, tips no doubt red, as I smile at her, just in time to see her face crease up in a sweet expression, eyes crinkled and cheeks bunched. And then she gives me a small wave when I shut her car door for her, only turning to leave when she starts the car, the sound of the ignition my goodbye signal as I move over to our own car, pecking Joonie on the lips before driving us back.

And this time it's a pile of huffy maknaes and Hobi that are unleashed onto me as I enter, Joon's arms carefully cradling the box towards his chest as he ambles in slowly behind me.

Yoongi shoots us a greeting smile as we enter, giving a rueful fond look to our dongsaengs whines and huffs that they got left behind and that they would've been a better baking buddy than our clumsy lovely Joonie.

And after dinner when he proudly draws the box out, there's a momentary struggle to get to (Y/N)'s desserts first and had I not been one of the ones struggling the hardest to get to them, then I'd have chided them or been affronted.

And in the end it's a negotiation to share them between two that allows us to all get a taste of the mastery that is (Y/N)'s baking.

And I'm beginning to truly question two things.

One- why does she even go to baking lessons when she doesn't seem to ever have any difficulty? When every one of her attempts are flawless and perfect. Silently absorbing the tips and information the teacher gives like a sponge and implementing them in her baking as well as helping me out.

And two- why does the thought of her pottering around the kitchen make me eager to get to this moment, to this lesson every week? And why does it make my heart burst with fondness whenever I see her?

But perhaps the biggest question lies in when exactly was it that she slipped into my heart and nestled comfortably there?

And how did I not realise just how much I valued her company?

And why did I my heart twist when I imagined how she must be enjoying dessert, tugged easily onto one of the two's laps, when my own was suddenly filled with rowdy maknaes giggling and squirming.

My thoughts and silent ramblings are cut off when Yoongi speaks.

"There's no way you made these Joonie." He deadpans, face straight and unimpressed it seems by Joonie's giddy exclamation of his help.

"It's true actually, he managed to make the cake mix under (Y/N)'s guidance without a single disaster during the time." I chip in watching as their faces morph into awed shock.

"Seems like she can tame the destructive side of Joon hyung." Jiminie remarks.

I grin.

"I mean...all of this started when he tipped flour all over her." I can't help but quip, teasing him.

And the giggles and laughter it induces is well worth it.

(Y/N) POV:

"Habaek hold her." Mi-sun unnie commands as we sit eating dessert.

And in a flurry of movement I find myself trapped between long limbs which snake around me and cage me in, tugging me into a warm cradle.

"What for?" I say, trying to extract myself free on seeing her knowing smile and the suspicious glint to her eyes.

Habaek oppa's arms tighten around me even as he brushes an apologetic kiss to the back of my head.

"Sorry...it's just you seem slightly off. Lost in thought." He murmurs into my ear, offering me a peace offering when he brings a spoonful of dessert to my mouth, feeding me.

I take the mouthful, taking it as an opportunity to remain silent, trying to avoid the pinning gaze of Mi-sun unnie. The two of them must have additional enhanced abilities as sirens, that's the only way that can explain the uncanny behaviour of how adept they are at picking up my thoughts and reading me so easily.

"Don't try stalling. And don't give me that look either. We didn't raise our baby for centuries to not know when something's up." Mi-sun unnie warns.

I sigh.

I fiddle with Habaek oppa's loose pyjama sleeves, fiddling with the soft fabric.

"Is it weird, is it bad if I...am I...?" I start, unable to grasp onto a single thought to verbalise, feeling all jumbled and confused.

"Take your time darling." Habaek oppa says when I cut myself off, feeling so confused and unsure as to how to even begin to explain the confusion that has only built day by day.

I run my fingers over the back of his hand, trailing over the veins and thinking and trying to sort my feelings out into one order.

"Is it bad that I'm beginning to feel close to the guys?" I ask, not meeting the penetrative gaze I can feel directed towards me.

Peering down instead at the dessert in my hands, at the cute flower that had decorated the top of the carefully assembled layers.

I smile down at it, feeling the phantom plushness of Jin's lips against my cheek, startlingly soft and warm and gentle.

I feel guilty that I had liked it.

That I had craved and so easily accepted and embraced his show of affection.

"Not at all." Habaek oppa says immediately, squeezing the side of my waist reassuringly.

"I think it's great...I think it's amazing, and I'm so proud of you. Why would you feel bad about it?" Mi-sun unnie says, voice soft and slightly knowing, reaching out to tilt my chin up.

"Because I feel like I'm being selfish. Selfish that I'm becoming eager for every day, that I want to see what the next day could bring me." I confess.

Habaek oppa sighs.

"If being selfish means you're this happy bright ball of sunshine and smiles and joy, then       (Y/N), baby please be selfish. Be as selfish as you want." He says, voice urging and gentle, earnestly speaking.

Mi-sun unnie nods.

"They're people you're seeing as close friends, and I think that it'll do you the world of good." She says.

Close friends. That term makes my gut twist.

And if I'm confessing, I might as well confess it all.

"About that...I feel so, so horrible but I think I'm beginning to fall for them." I say burrowing my face into my hands.

There's the sound of Mi-sun unnie cooing, the sound of her shifting close, the sound of glass hitting the table and the sofa dipping slightly as she shifts close and then the feeling of the sofa dipping as she sits in front of me.

"Hey no sweetheart...none of that." She says firmly, guiding my hands down away from my face.

"Why would it be so bad for you to feel something that isn't platonic? What's wrong in letting your heart fall for them?" she says, looking so soft and sympathetic and sad on my behalf.

I shrug.

"Do you feel like the boys don't feel the same way?" she carefully hedges.

"I don't know, sometimes I think that maybe they could feel something too and then sometimes I just feel so, so confused, feel like I'm wrong and horrible for wanting anything beyond friendliness."  I say, feeling my voice drop to a pained whisper, almost as if speaking aloud is wrong too. To try and hear my thoughts aloud. My feelings heard by people, being heard by other than my shameful heart which harbours them silently.

Habaek oppa moves, shifting me so I'm positioned sideways onto his lap, peering down at me.

"Why? Tell me all the reasons why you think it's wrong to feel affection." He says, voice pained and demanding, nonetheless.

"Because everytime I open my heart oppa I always get hurt, I get reminded that happiness for me will always be limited, that relationships have to be ended because I'm me, because I'm a siren." I say, feeling miserable and down.

Feeling that is there really a point in pursuing my happiness, in wanting to be happy with someone when the sadness and grief and loss for me is all inevitable. All definite.

"My darling you have got to try and stop thinking like that. Because isn't it better to have even some time losing yourself in those feelings than suffering with tormenting yourself, with holding back? How will you know if you don't try?" Mi-sun unnie says, frowning at me.

But she doesn't argue the point that as sirens we can't have those happily ever afters that everyone dreams of, chases after, and tries to grasp. We can't have those promises of forever, of promising to be together in sickness and in health- when we will stay immortally perfect in health and the others wither away.

It made me feel guilty entering relationships knowing that time would impact them and not me, it made me feel guilty because I longed for the safety and warmth of relationships- for craving that cherished intimacy rather than seeking pleasure in flings, in momentary moments of relief, of respite, of forgetting who I was.

"But I'm willing to forget that unnie, I'm willing to have even some happiness...but how can I when it's clear they have dynamics with each other that I don't know? How can I when they've all got one or the other?" I say, feeling my eyes prickle with the oncoming tears, with the hot wetness that pools in my eyes and spills over, feeling small, hurting alone.

How could I even think of Jungkook and his sweet safety when I'd seen him cradled close and kissed like the most precious thing by Hobi?

How could I find my heart skipping beats when I recalled my dance with Tae and the way I'd felt so cherished in his arms when he'd swirled me, dipped me, held me close when he'd also been confessing to me how he could get drunk off Namjoon's lips?

How could I think of any of them? What right did I have?

How could I...how dare I?

"Who is it (Y/N)...which one of them are you talking about? Who are the 'they'?" Habaek oppa asks, hands brushing my tears away, tender, and gentle.

"I don't know anymore...I just don't know." I say, the sight of the flower in my hands not bringing a smile to my face and instead just pushes me off the tip of that cliff, plummeting heart-first into the sea of emotions; of want, of hope, of need and of longing.

And it's the sight of the flower that blurs as my eyes fill up with tears and they cascade down over my cheeks, unstoppable, warm as they splash against my skin, dripping down my neck and soaked into the pyjama sleeves of Habaek oppa as he gently wipes them away, falling silent as he brings me close, tucking me against his chest.

I just don't know.

About where to go from here.

Do I push those feelings away or do I confront them?

Both options seem to promise sorrow.

And maybe the hesitance lies in whether I'm willing to let myself ache and be vulnerable again, whether I can open my heart again.

If I can especially after the last time.

And when I think of a certain smile, of familiar hands that I longed to always hold me, of whispered promises against each other's skin, it makes me take a step back. It makes me falter.

Maybe I should tread lightly.

Tread lightly because I don't know how firm the ground under me is, don't know if the path I'll take will lead me into darkness or joy.

All I hope is that if any of the guys do find out, they don't think too badly of me.

And that as selfish as it seems, hope that they too felt what I did.

(SO WE HAVE THE CONCLUSION OF THEIR BAKING! AND OF COURSE IT'S OUR BABY WHO COULD MANAGE AND HELP OUR CLUMSY JOON! PERSONALLY, I THINK HE WAS JUST TOO FLUSTERED AND DETERMINED NOT TO MAKE ANOTHER MESS OR THAT HE WAS SO FOCUSED ON IMPRESSING HER, HIS CLUMSINESS SEEMED TO RETREAT! AND WHILST THE BOYS ARE HAVING A GOOD TIME, NOT YET SHARING THEIR FEELINGS, BABY SIREN WEARS HER HEART ON HER SLEEVE AND OF COURSE MI-SUN AND HABAEK WOULD NOTICE AND STAGE AN INTERVENTION. THEY'LL BE DAMNED IF THEY LET HER HURT ALONE! AND OH GOD!! BABY TAKE THE STEP; YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED!! YOU CAN DO IT!! AND I FEEL SO BAD BECAUSE SHE FEELS LIKE SHE'S INTRUDING ON NOT ONE BUT SEVERAL RELATIONSHIPS, IMAGINE HER SHOCK WHEN SHE MAKES THAT FINAL CONNECTION THAT THEY'RE ALL TOGETHER AND THEN WHAT?! AND NEXT CHAPTER WE'LL FINALLY GET TAE'S INSIGHT ABOUT THAT DANCE HE DID WITH (Y/N)!! AHHHHH! I'M SO NERVOUS AND SO EXCITED AND I WONDER JUST WHAT HER LAST RELATIONSHIP WAS?? STAY SAFE AND LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS MY LOVES!!)

QUESTION...A THING YOU DO WITH ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS? A SPECIAL THING? OR JUST SOMETHING YOU LIKE DOING TOGETHER?

Mine is...me and my friend plan gifts and stuff together, we both get excited and eager to begin shopping for each other early on before we do Secret Santa. We also buy each other snacks when we go shopping, think of each other when we see something the other likes- it's also that if we go touristy somewhere, we have to buy each other souvenirs. And because we seem to work extremely well in each other's company- because of lockdown and restrictions on meeting, we're setting up video dates where we can just sit together and work like we always did in Sixth Form. Just basically sensing each other's presence and working together encouraged by each other! She's my biggest cheerleader! I'd be lost without her!

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3