HABAEK POV:

There's something different in the atmosphere when I next meet with Namjoon. I don't know how to place it...something heavy almost weighing in the air. And there's a careful, calculated look in Namjoon's eyes as he waits for me to sit down, and the moment I open my mouth to talk about where I think we can begin the research he cuts me off, voice smooth and measured and sounding thoughtful.

"The research...who's the person you're doing it for?" he asks, fingers twiddling with a pen but his gaze is focused and unwavering as he meets my eyes, staring intently...almost in an observing manner.

I feel slightly defensive at the tone of his voice, why does he care who it's for? 

"Why do you need to know? And more importantly...why does it matter to you?" I ask, leaning forward and staring back just as intensely.

He leans back, the silent exchange of careful glances broken when he drops his head to the pen and when he looks up at me there's almost soft...understanding in them?

"I'm just curious I guess you could say. But it matters to me...it matters a lot. Especially if it's for who I think it is." He says carefully.

I tense.

"Who?" I ask.

He doesn't fiddle or beat around the bush this time.

"(Y/N)." he says simply.

I look at him, trying to gauge whether there's any maliciousness in his words, any hidden and well-disguised amusement, or hidden agenda.

"And if it is?" I ask.

"Then like I said I'm in this with you until the end. (Y/N) deserves to be liberated of whatever it is holding her back, she deserves to speak because she wants to." He says easily.

But there's deep emotion in those eyes, flickering transparently- worry, concern, softness.

"Why? Why do you feel that?" I ask. Not because I feel doubt, that's been dismissed when I see how open and transparent his emotions are. But because I want to know. Know what it is that makes him so eager, so willing and wanting to help. Why does he want to help (Y/N) speak?

Is it misplaced well-intentions? Sympathy? Concern?

"Because I care about her. Because when she told us she was selectively mute, it made me want to try harder and try every possible course of action to get her to speak, but because she wants to open herself up to the world again. Not because she was forced to." He says.

There's such a genuine rawness and softness to his words. But all I can focus on is the fact     (Y/N) told them she was selectively mute. That she felt comfortable, secure enough to tell them that. And that alone is a huge accomplishment. More huge and more special than he'll ever know.

"She told you?" I have to ask again, feeling disbelief.

He nods and then smiles a bit sheepishly.

"Well actually I accidentally blurted the question out first. But she answered." He says.

My mind is whirring but more than that my heart and soul are exulting, overcome with happiness and pride for her, for the step she has taken. 

"I won't ever push to ask what it is; what factors have caused her to stop talking but how long has it been?" he asks carefully, knowing full well that it's a sensitive matter, all the more heightened because the person this research revolves around is (Y/N).

"Since she's spoken?" I ask. He nods.

I sigh, how long has it been since I've heard her speak in public? Laugh in public? Tease and joke whilst we were out- exploring during the day and sometimes even when Mi-sun managed to pull the two of us to clubs at night? Or how long it's been since I've heard her speak without fear and caution, without pain tainting her soft voice, or without agony tearing my heart apart?

"Has it been that long? Have you...have you ever heard her speak?" he hedges, noting my period of silence that follows, the lack of response I give. He seems slightly confused and disheartened- almost as if he wished I had heard her speak, maybe because it would give him hope, that it hadn't been that long. That we didn't have that many years of hurt to unwind.

But how will he ever know that what I'm desperately trying to do is unwound centuries of hurt and pain. That it won't take a day, it won't be automatic, that we'll fail infinite times before we even gain a positive response. How could he ever know the burden on her heart, on her soul as a siren? As someone trapped to be immortal until the Ocean decides She's used her, used us enough?

"It feels like forever. It feels like I've spent my entire life waiting for her to speak again. Ears yearning to just hear one word." I reply.

Namjoon's face falls, in sorrow, in longing, disheartened...I don't know.

But it feels somewhat reassuring knowing     (Y/N) has someone who cares in her life, someone apart from us. That she's found a friend who wants her to be happy not for the world but for herself.

Though the look of softness (Y/N) has on her face as she talks, how her eyes drift or she unconsciously smiles when her phone chimes- I wonder whether she'll ever see them as more, whether she'll ever allow herself to feel happy and attached to someone.

And I wonder whether it's Namjoon. Namjoon for who she reads books even if it makes her cry and have nightmares, Namjoon who she cheers on by text. And Namjoon who cares for her in a way that's more than platonic, or is his concern just on a friendly level?

He seems to avert his eyes from my unintentional sharp gaze, as if somehow staring at him would get him to spill his secrets?

But by the end of our little work session together, I decide it can't be Namjoon.

Because Namjoon answers his phone with a sweet 'hey baby', because Namjoon's locked screen has a picture of what were their names, I wrack my head....Hoseok and Taehyung who are posing seductively for the camera when the phone gets set down and I get a glimpse before the screen  turns black. And it's Namjoon who suddenly gets an armful of Taehyung who hurries in and throws himself on top of him, lips pressed together in greeting.

I get up and leave thinking that it's most definitely not Namjoon who has more than platonic thoughts.

Not when he's so clearly smitten with the ones he loves.

JIMIN POV:

It's as I'm shopping with Hobi hyung, walking around hand in hand around a clothes shop- trying to see if anything catches my eye when I hear a bright female voice.

Seemingly holding a one-sided conversation.

"Oh just indulge me. You know I like playing dress-up with you. You're the only one who actually lets me make you into a doll." She sighs, lamenting and pleading- a mixture of techniques to get whoever she's talking to soften.

"Don't do this to me...is it such a crime to want to dress up my darling? You're gorgeous and I don't think it's a crime if we show the world that." The same voice continues, insistent and pleading- trying to break through the person's barrier.

A small silence, and it's as me and Hobi hyung start contemplating matching jumpers that the voice becomes slightly threatening.

"Listen my love. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. If you try these on and model for me sweetheart, then I won't force you to buy lingerie of my choice. If you don't then I'll drag you to the changing rooms, make you model these AND buy lingerie of my choice." The teasing yet slightly serious voice carries over.

I feel my cheeks warm, feeling flustered for accidentally overhearing a conversation that's very clearly intended to be private. And I feel the hand that was holding Hobi hyung's being squeezed and Hobi hyung's own face expressing shock and he busies himself in trying to pick a jumper.

"Maybe we should leave...it feels wrong to be accidentally overhearing this." Hobi hyung whispers, hand slipping free of the soft patterned jumpers. I nod and as the two of us are about to step away, straightening up when the person appears from around the corner, arms piled high with clothes, eyes widening as they fall onto us.

Because the eyes are familiar, so is the face and that's why I knew the voice was familiar too.

Because standing in front of us is Mi-sun and rounding the corner behind her, dejectedly and slowly with her head hanging low is (Y/N). Who abruptly collides with Mi-sun's back and almost sends the two of them tumbling, her hands wrapping around Mi-sun's waist to keep her upright. And when she raises her head looking quizzical and confused, wondering why Mi-sun's stopped in her tracks, her eyes widen as she takes in the two of us, cheeks flushing a deep pink and she ducks down behind Mi-sun, almost immediately. And had the situation not been embarrassing, I would've gushed over how cute (Y/N) was, or try not to coo when she peers over Mi-sun's shoulder to double-check, eyes widening once more before moving back out of sight.

Mi-sun who I've grown to learn during dance lessons is extremely confident and self-assured, but right now she looks flustered, head darting back to see (Y/N) before moving back to us.

"Hoseok, Jimin...a surprise meeting you here." She begins lightly, voice polite and careful.

But then she sighs, head drooping before she lifts it again, getting straight to the point.

"How much did you overhear?" she asks bluntly clearly having noted that we too are flustered and put on the spot.

I put my hands up to appease her, shaking them frantically.

"We didn't mean to overhear; it was really just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time." I say, frantic to assure her, and more than that...assure (Y/N) that we didn't mean to pry or snoop. That the last thing we wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable around us.

Hobi hyung nods vehemently.

"We're really sorry Mi-sun...but from the point where you were talking to (Y/N) about trying on clothes...?" he adds, almost questioningly, unsurely.

There's a look that crosses her face before it becomes wiped away, sure and understanding.

"It's okay. I guess the fault is mine...it would make anyone feel uncomfortable. Especially without context." She says.

(Y/N) still hasn't emerged from behind Mi-sun and whilst her shy mannerisms are cute, I really, really want to know whether she's forgiven us or if she's thinking we'd been snooping.

I didn't want her to think of me like that. Whatsoever.

"No, no. You have every right to discuss whatever it is you want with each other." Hobi hyung reassures, trying to ease the thick layer of awkwardness that threatens to settle.

And as I avert my eyes from Mi-sun, they drift down to the pile of clothes in her hands, some of them very revealing given the bold, daring dips and cuts in them.

And I briefly worry whether Mi-sun is pushing (Y/N) to step extremely out of her comfort zone, whether considering the overheard conversation- Mi-sun is trying to persuade    (Y/N) into a style of clothes she's not accustomed too.

And it makes protective worry surge up, the need to want to step in and stop it- but then the rational part of me whispers that I don't have the right to interject, that it's their business, their dynamic that I have not even an inkling about.

I mean...Tae and I always do this when we rope Kookie into dressing differently. When we dress him up and pull him into the living room, just to see hyungs' usually doting loving faces flicker and turn excited, hungry. We've done it when we go to clubs together too. Maybe it's just that.

But why does that idea sting?

That she dresses up for Mi-sun, that she allows herself to be. Why does it sting when we do the same with each other?

(Y/N)'s face appears, hovering uncertainly.

"It's okay (Y/N), we don't bite." Hobi hyung says softly, and when she steps out from behind Mi-sun, unlike me- he has no restrictions or hesitation as he goes to coo at her, pulling her briefly into a hug, fingers fluttering excitedly around her face, too giddy as he gushes.

"Aigoo so adorable. Are you always like this (Y/N)? Do you always make people want to tuck you into their pocket?" he asks, grinning sweetly at her.

His words make her flush deeper, lips parting.

And then Mi-sun turns conspiratorially onto Hobi hyung's side.

"Of course! I want to do it all the time, she could be wearing the most scandalous, revealing outfit and I think...I need to hide this precious baby." She says, somehow managing to keep the clothes weighted on her arms and smooshing her cheeks together happily.

The ease and loving act makes my heart squeeze painfully- at just adorable she looks, how willing and easily she accepts the doting and fussing and teasing.

And on the other hand something in me stutters at the thought of her wearing scandalous, revealing outfits- it makes my cheeks flame just as it makes (Y/N) meet my eyes and whack Mi-sun on the arm, silently chiding.

And I feel both shame and guilt for thinking that, for allowing that thought to linger when clearly the arms holding (Y/N) close are familiar and welcomed, the way the two rest into each other is too.

And my ears burn when I think about Mi-sun's earlier words...about making (Y/N) model.

I shake my head forcefully, trying to dispel the thoughts from mind.

Hobi hyung glances at me weirdly.

"I think we should let you get to it. We've taken up your time so much." I begin, feeling bad.

"Nonsense! Any friend of (Y/N)'s is always accepted with very wide arms." Mi-sun insists.

Hobi hyung gets a thoughtful look on his face, one I've grown to know well.

He turns his eyes back to (Y/N).

"Could you help me with something?" he asks.

She nods, almost immediately and with a soft smile that's encouraging.

"Can you help pick matching jumpers for me and Jiminie?" he asks.

She nods happily, lips parting in a smile that shows how happy she is that Hobi hyung's asked her for help, for advice.

And it's sweet to see the way Hobi hyung almost unconsciously seems to grab her hand in happiness, looking at her shocked and worried all of a sudden- as if he's crossed some barrier.

But when she squeezes his hand lightly, he laughs and tugs her along- happily chattering about colours and styles he's seen already.

And Mi-sun...she has a look that's both proud and happy and slightly contemplative, but her eyes are soft and tender as they follow (Y/N), as they watch her being tugged around by my excitable hyung.

----

Once Hobi hyung is happily clutching a pair of matching jumpers waving them happily to me, he turns to (Y/N).

"Thank you...Jiminie loves coupling." He confides loudly.

I flush when he shoots me a grin and (Y/N)'s eyes widen with understanding before nodding.

"(Y/N) darling you know what I've taught you. You can't only be nice! Since you helped Hoseok, why don't you get him to decide what's best from the pile I've chosen...I'm feeling soft enough to let you get away with only a few of the ones I've chosen." Mi-sun's voice comes through, equally exuberant and happy- tone playful and teasing.

But it makes Hobi hyung perk up and he nods happily, agreeing.

And that's how we find ourselves seated on a bench outside the fitting rooms, my eyes nervously flitting back and forth from the entrance of the changing rooms.

My leg keep restlessly moving up and down, foot tapping at the ground- the build-up and wait is getting to me, why is it getting to me?

Why am I being so affected by the idea when all Hobi hyung can do is chatter excitedly with  Mi-sun?

And when she appears in the entrance, fingers fidgeting and standing uncertainly- I look up to shoot her a reassuring smile and freeze, drawn in by the softness of her face, at the way she stands uncertainly and yet the clothes she effortlessly pulls off do the speaking for her.

"You look stunning sweetheart!" Mi-sun cheers her on, smiling when it coaxes a small shy smile from her, and thus begins the torture of her appearing again and again in different outfits- and though some of them are far sweeter and more delicate than what Mi-sun had been boasting off, I can't help but feel lured in, frozen and captured in the moment of gazing at her.

And a part of me wants to tear at my hair, at my eyes and force my sight away from her- whispering how wrong it is to be thinking of her like that, of someone taken and especially since I'm already in a committed relationship. I feel my stomach churn with guilt, shame, and gnawing hurt.

"(Y/N) you look beautiful!" and these words don't come from Mi-sun but from Hobi hyung, who's shooting her a soft look of nothing but sweet friendliness.

Why can't I say it with that ease?

Why does it feel like if I say it, it won't come out as friendly?

And why is it I feel so torn?

I bury my face into my hands, letting out a pained groan accidentally slip out.

An arm slides around me, familiar, loving...welcomed.

"Yah Jiminie! Don't make her feel bad, tell her the truth about it." Hobi hyung chides good-naturedly. 

I lift my head up seeing the uncertainty on her face, because of my reaction.

"Doesn't she look good? I thought it worked well with her complexion..." Mi-sun murmurs.

"Jiminie...don't make her feel insecure. Just tell her she looks pretty, it's not a lie." Hobi hyung whispers in my ear, having taken in the way (Y/N) seem to have wilted, the way Mi-sun stands up and wraps her arms around (Y/N) and tugs her close pressing a kiss to her cheek before murmuring into her ear, hand rubbing reassuringly across her back.

"(Y/N)....you look pretty. Really pretty." I parrot, just as hyung said.

Because he's right. He's not lying. And neither was I when she said she was pretty.

But the horrifying, dawning thought is that I thought of (Y/N) as pretty. And I wasn't entirely sure if I'd meant that simply as friends.

And the guilt makes me shrivel up inside even as (Y/N) smiles softly at my words, and I see that uncertainty recede slightly.

All I can think about is...what on earth has gotten into me?

(THERE YOU GO! THE FIRST SENSE OF CRUSHING WITH A SPLASH OF CONFUSED DESIRE THROWN IN! MI-SUN IS PLAYING SLY MATCHMAKER AND I'M HERE LIVING FOR IT...THOUGH WE'LL GET HER FULL IDEAS AND POV IN THE NEXT CHAPTER- TO SEE WHAT IT IS THAT MADE HER WANT TO! APART FROM THE OBVIOUS THAT SHE WANTS HER BABY TO BE HAPPY! I HOPED THE CONFUSION AND GUILT BEGAN TO SHOW...THAT PERHAPS THE REASON THE BOYS ARE BEING SO IGNORANT IS BECAUSE HOW COULD THEY IMAGINE FALLING FOR A GIRL- EVEN A DARLING LIKE (Y/N) WHEN THEY'RE COMMITTED WITH ONLY GUYS?! IT'S GONNA GET CONFUSING FOR THEM! BUT JUST TO CLARIFY- WHILST MINNIE MIGHT BE THE FIRST ONE CONFRONTING THOSE IDEAS AND REALISING THEM...HE'S NOT THE FIRST ONE TO HAVE CRUSHED! I FEEL LIKE MI-SUN SPEAKS BOTH SWEETLY BUT ALSO WITH MEANING WITH EACH SENTENCE AT TIMES- SEE IF YOU CAN PICK UP ON IT ALL! LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND ENJOY AND STAY SAFE LOVELIES!)

QUESTION...SOMETHING THAT'S SCARY AND DAUNTING TO THINK ABOUT?

Mine is...just how quickly time flies by. During lockdown it felt like time would never pass by and yet we spent like 6 months in a quarantine situation, my first year of uni flew by, we're heading to a second wave and I've realised I'll graduate next academic year. Scary stuff. 😫

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3