(Y/N) POV:

It's a few days before Habaek oppa and Mi-sun unnie even considering letting up on the house imprisonment they'd forced on me, refusing each plea and request to leave the house with stern looks and one or the other tugging me back onto the sofa, hugging me from behind as they played nurse and doctor. They'd tried to make it seem less confining by keeping me engaged one task or the other, even dressing up in their anointed roles to check up on me- drawing weak tired giggles when I saw Dr. Mi-sun ask Nurse Habaek to bring in my medicine which I had no option but to take, softening the nuisance of having to take fever-reducers and painkillers by bringing in cupcakes and hot chocolate afterwards.

And honestly I think they were thriving in their role as being my caretakers, despite there only being a few years gap between us, easily stepping into the role of giving me comfort and cuddles and looking after me in ways they really wanted to- giving in to those doting instincts and giving them full reign.

And it was nice being looked after, of seeing them fuss and try to out-do each other, squabbling good-naturedly for my attention. And it was in those few days when I was restricted to the sofa and living room as my large space that I drew out my scrapbook again to begin my hobby once more, smiling when I opened it and got reminded of the first time I met Taehyung, the first few pages filled with our handwriting and our games. I don't even consider ripping them out to start my scrapbook afresh- rather wanting to keep the proof of the first instances I'd interacted with someone, proof of the friend I'd made. And I leave it there, adding only a small tag to reference the date and place of the first encounter, feeling my heart squeeze happily as I move on to begin making the first page, slowly sketching out a circle of flowers, name in the centre- faint calligraphy to be done later with pens.

And somehow that helps the time pass, makes me feel less caged and more spending some time for me to start creating pages dedicated to the memories I've begun to make.

It's only when I'm making my way around the house searching for my laptop, wrapped up in a blanket that I suddenly freeze in shock- when the second search brings me nothing. I had it with me the other day at the park and with a sinking feeling of despair and of ice trudging through my veins I realise that Jimin still has it.

I shiver with the horrified feeling that if he or any of the guys were to look at it, not believing they'd do so out of malicious intents, but in curiosity even then they'd come face to face with the web pages I still had opened up regarding the cruise ship. They'd either fear for me and whatever I must be thinking to research it so deeply or wonder whether I had some sort of personal attachment to it.

Both were true, but I didn't want them to see that twisted part of myself, that shattered broken piece of me and I felt pure unadulterated panic flood me at the thought.

The blanket threatens to slip off my shoulders, the weight of the mental burden weighing down on me as I rush back downstairs, almost fumbling and tripping the last five steps and had it not been for Habaek oppa entering at the same moment, I would've gone crashing into the floor painfully. His arm shoots out to steady me, bridging that gap as he stabilises me with wide eyes.

"What on earth are you doing rushing around when you're sick?" he exclaims.

"Sorry oppa, I need to find my phone. It's an emergency." And rather than complain like he often does about 'kids these days' when that sentient truly doesn't apply to me, he nods and watches me rush past him to get to the living room, scooping it up from the sofa with shaking fingers.

I hurriedly send a text to Jimin, eyes catching onto the happy text he'd sent back- spammed with cute emojis and a recent one he'd sent yesterday saying he was fully recovered and couldn't wait to hopefully see me at the dance practice in a few days.

It takes mere minutes for Jimin to reply with an affirmative, that he does indeed still have my bag safely tucked away at home, put to the side and out of harm's way.

I breathe a sigh of relief, because it means he hasn't gone through it, that none of them have seen what's on it. Then belatedly I realise that it's likely to be drained of charge now and locked, but the idea of having such a vulnerable raw part of me out there had driven me immediately to a panic.

And now that I know he's kept it safe; I sink onto the couch- feeling the panic seep away.

Then my phone chimes again.

Do you need it urgently? I think hyung might still remember your address.

I type out a reply, that it can wait- that I'll take it from him the next time I see him and only after sending it do I realise that inadvertently I'd confirmed that I'd be making it to the next dance lesson.

The thought fills me with a mixture of embarrassment, fear, and nervousness- not knowing how the other two will react when I find myself in the familiar walls again; unsure whether I'd be able to face them, even if the part of me that wants to heal and find myself comfort urges me to let dance be my safety net again.

----

"I'm fine!" I insist to both Habaek oppa and Mi-sun unnie as they silently appraise me, arms crossed and eyes narrowed as they look at me, trying to assess whether my words match with my physical appearance.

"You've still got some dark-circles." Mi-sun unnie points out before her voice softens.

"Still having nightmares?" she asks.

I shift under their understanding and knowing gazes.

"Just a few." I murmur. They weren't as often as the days right after doing service but somehow I felt as if they were growing worse, because now I no longer woke up screaming but now I would wake up mouth parted in a silent scream, voice failing me and tears coursing down my cheeks. Now I woke up to the feeling as if the people who'd died had ended up grabbing hold of me and dragged me down with them, pulling me to the waters which no longer guaranteed that safety for me, but suffocated me and filled my lungs with Her salty unforgiving depths.

"You're still looking a little peaky. You've been missing breakfast since you've gotten ill." Habaek oppa shrewdly remarks, eyes penetrating, trying to bore into the very depths of my soul and unfold the truths hidden in them.

How could I tell him having breakfast after waking up from a nightmare felt like adding to the suffocating feeling in my chest? That if I'd eat I was scared I'd vomit it all out. But then again the first few times I'd tried I'd been able to pass it off as a symptom of being sick, hiding behind that barrier.

"And you're shivering still." He adds, pointing out the slight tremors wracking my body despite the large oversized jumper I'd stolen from his wardrobe.

I shift defensively before I let the fight drain out of me.

"The truth is I want to dance because I'm still having nightmares and I'll only be able to distract myself if I keep moving, keep dancing." I confess.

"But no dancing to the point of exhaustion. It's a dance practice right?" Mi-sun unnie looks at me carefully, eyes filled with worry.

I nod, showing her the text Jimin had sent regarding it.

Their postures sag slightly, as if the fight drains out of them too.

"We only fret because we care. I don't want to see you hurting cherub. Neither of us do. But please don't shut us out- whenever you're hurting let us know." He says, stepping forward to wrap me into a hug, the two of us swaying slightly before he leans back, looking as if it pains him to release me from his embrace.

"I will. Promise." and with that he nods, looking far more at ease.

Mi-sun unnie is still staring silently at me.

"I'll drop you off and pick you up too. There's no need for you to have to get around when you're still recovering." She says but her tone is so firm and unbudging that I don't bother putting up an argument, nodding.

She smiles then, a grin that makes her all soft and cuddly and approachable again and she captures my hand as she tugs me to the hallway, Habaek oppa hovering.

But before I can leave, he stops me- giving me a jacket to pull on before sending me off on my way.

And on the drive there Mi-sun unnie keeps me engaged and laughing as she sings along to the songs playing on the radio, asking me several times whether I want to stop to grab a snack and yet even before we reach she stops anyway. Disappearing inside a convenience store and emerging with bottles of electrolyte drinks.

I laugh at the number of bottles.

"I doubt I'll need that many unnie." I say.

She rolls her eyes.

"I know that! But you need to keep hydrated and the others you can give to the other dancers." She says.

I smile at her thoughtfulness.

And she smacks her lips against my cheek as I'm getting out to leave, an exaggerated sound and she's smiling and waving as I get out, bags in hand.

"I'll pick you up so no wandering off." She calls as she reverses.

I nod and wave at her before turning to face the entrance of the dance studio, taking a deep breath in.

Gathering all my courage to not bolt but to step inside, feet slowly leading me down the now familiar path to the studio situated near the back, positioned away from the others for privacy I figure.

Though I second guess what sort of privacy that means when I tentatively walk in and come face to face with the sight of Hoseok pressing kisses to Jungkook's lips over and over again, head cradled on his lap.

My cheeks flame and I avert my eyes- wishing for the first time that I spoke and had announced my arrival.

KOOK POV:

"Hyung you really think she'll come today?" I ask, fidgeting next to Jiminie hyung who's trying to make a start on breakfast, spoon dipping into his cereal. He turns to me with a fond exasperated look.

"Yes Kookie, I asked her again last night and she said she would." He confirms.

"What's that?" Hobi hyung asks as he enters but before Jiminie hyung can open his mouth I'm already spinning in my seat to clutch at hyung and draw him close.

"(Y/N)'s coming today!" I say watching as a smile spreads across hyung's face before it drops.

"Are you sure she doesn't need more time? That she's coming out of pressure or obligation?" hyung asks, directing the question to Jiminie hyung.

"I did think that but she reassured me it wasn't." hyung replies and that appeases Hobi hyung who nods and presses a kiss to my forehead before walking off to greet Jin hyung with a kiss pressed to the back of his neck, arms sliding around hyung's waist as he greets him, hugging him from behind.

And it's with the eager anticipation to finally see her, finally assert to myself that she's fine that has me scarfing down breakfast quicker than usual, even if Jin hyung scolds me for it and Yoongi hyung warns me I'll choke.

Tae hyung seems to share in my enthusiasm and when Joon hyung asks him what's the hurry he states he's tagging along for practice- refusing to have another missed opportunity on seeing (Y/N).

And when we reach the studio I'm leading the three as I rush there, entering in eager haste only to be greeted with an empty studio room, smile falling off my face.

"It's fine Kook-ah, she'll get here, practice doesn't start for the next fifteen minutes." Hobi hyung reassures me as he enters.

"Hey Jimin-ah, what's this doing here?" Tae hyung asks and I turn to see him nudging at an ice pack bag and tin sitting on the edge of the room.

Jimin hyung frowns, looking both saddened and worried by the sight and he sinks into a crouch to pick up the two, shaking the ice pack bag slightly.

"Ahh she didn't use it then." He murmurs quietly.

I note the tin is of a salve we use for bruises and pulled muscles after dancing and realise that this is probably why he'd darted away that day, to leave these out for her to use.

And she hadn't- likely hadn't noticed the small kind gesture he'd left behind. 

"Jimin-ah don't be sad. I don't like seeing my soulmate sad! Let's put these away." He says, tugging Jiminie hyung to stand back up, insistent on kissing away the sadness of his face before tugging him out of the studio- heading off to the kitchen.

But the sight of the abandoned and unused items make me fret. Had she been injured? I recall that she'd been dancing bare foot- pushing herself through a ballet and contemporary style of choreo.

"Kook-ah stop worrying. I can see it on your face- I don't think she wants to walk into a room and be surrounded by people worrying, I think she needs this to be her safe space, somewhere for her to let go of emotions; not suffocate in them." Hyung remarks, stepping up close and tugging me behind him to the centre.

He drops to the ground and tugs me down with him, patting his thigh for me to rest my head on.

I lie down, looking up at him.

"Tell me what you got upto when you kept vanishing from the house." Hyung prompts, fingers gently running through my hair.

I sigh and huff- recalling where I'd gone at those times.

"Arcade." I mumble, seeing the smile on his face grow.

"To see if (Y/N) was there?" Hobi hyung asks.

"No..." I mumble, eyes sliding away from his.

"Sure Kook-ah. So what did you do as you clearly weren't waiting for her to turn up?" Hobi hyung asks, eyes twinkling.

"Tried to beat the DDR record S set." I mumble feeling my cheeks heat when hyung presses tiny kisses to them, leaning back and laughing.

"Still?" he asks incredulous and I nod pouting when I think of how hard it is to beat their record, how infuriating that someone's come and knocked me off top spot- ruining my competitive chances with (Y/N). I had to beat S so I could tease her and challenge her- couldn't do it when I was second place on the leaderboard could I? 

"Aigoo Kookie...you'll get there! I'm rooting for my favourite maknae!" he says, pumping his fist in the air.

"You're only maknae!" I retort.

And hyung goes about defending himself by pressing several kisses to my lips, smiling against them as he mutters between each kiss that Tae and Jiminie would be fuming to hear that- insisting I should just take his love and kisses.

And then there's a bright voice that distracts me.

"(Y/N)! You're here!" Jiminie hyung chirps.

Hobi hyung's head rises and mine darts to the side to confirm that yes (Y/N) is here and she's steadfastly looking towards the side, a soft blush on her cheeks- and I wonder whether she walked in to see us kissing.

I feel my cheeks burn as I scramble upright, embarrassment quickly melting away to give way to a mixture of concern and excitement as I hurry towards where the other two have reached her.

"(Y/N)! I've missed you!" Tae hyung says brightly, looking completely unrepentant.

But then he frowns as he observes her intently, I note the way she seems to almost shrivel under the intensity of his gaze but when I too turn to look at her, I find myself frozen and unable to turn away.

From the sight of her considerably weakened face which seems shadowed with fatigue and tiredness given the dark circles rimming her always expressive eyes and the way when she smiles up at us, her cheeks don't bunch with the same fullness- I'm sure she's not been taking care of herself properly, nor does the smile truly reach her eyes.

"You don't look well. Are you sure you're fine to dance?" Tae hyung presses.

Her eyes fly to his and she nods determinedly, a stiffness to her jaw- I'm sure I'm not mistaking it but then almost as quickly it vanishes.

"Well if you say you're fine then let's go for it. But if you feel you need to take a breather, you take it. No questions asked." Hobi hyung says, voice soft as he speaks to her but there's no missing that protective worried glint in his eyes; the one we all recognise as him shifting into caring hyung mode.

And as we warm up (Y/N) steps into her usual spot, smiling when I step in front of her- silently teasing her and pushing her into that competitive frame so easily when we both mirror each other, each trying to prove that the other warms up better.

And even Tae hyung doesn't stay plastered to the side, flitting in and out with bright eyes as he makes teasing remarks about Jiminie hyung not being flexible when he's not reaching to easily grasp onto his toes, even if he's in a split as he does so. Or about Hobi hyung slipping into dancer hyung mode.

But it seems like the teasing and the normal ease we work with seems to be helping (Y/N) unstiffen and quickly settle into the flow of things, smiling naturally as we get together to discuss which dance we should be working on, what style of dance it'll be and the choreography we'll be breaking down.

But as we get further into the lesson it feels horribly like (Y/N) is very much not fine; even if she executes the dance moves flawlessly, even as she seems to have a boundless source of energy and doesn't stop for breathers like hyung suggested. I don't know why but it seems to rub against me the wrong way, that her determined look of focus and the passion she's pushing out the choreography hides something underneath. As if she's pushing herself to perform even better than usual.

It feels like the flush on her cheeks and the sweat beading on her temples are more than just caused by exercise. That the heavy breathing is more than just all of us being exhausted from doing several runs of the choreography.

And even as we do one final performance of the choreography, facing the mirror with Tae vocally cheering us on in the background and trying to imitate the moves- my eyes keep darting to her reflection, intently looking for any sign of something other than what she's displaying.

And when we all stop and Tae starts clapping and loudly showering praise my eyes fall to the way (Y/N)'s eyes flutter slightly, who seems to sway on her feet. To the way she stumbles forward to go towards one end of the room, sliding against the wall and clutching one of the drinks she'd brought- the others shared out immediately, see the way she downs large gulps, fingers trembling.

And only then does it seem like Jimin hyung clicks.

When he crosses the distance and kneels in front of her.

"You were sick too weren't you? Aish...(Y/N)!" he scolds when she gives a weak nod.

Because it seems like whilst Jiminie hyung had recovered quickly, she hadn't. Not fully anyways. And I realise that her smaller frame must've taken a stronger battering from the rain than hyung had.

And as the three of us move to get to her, she seems to be nudging Jiminie hyung out of the way and rushing to leave the studio, face coated with a sheen of perspiration and hand fluttering to cover her mouth.

I exchange a nervous worried glance with Tae hyung.

It seems like she was pushing herself to dance even when she was ill. And the thought that I hadn't clicked, hadn't pushed to verify the niggling doubts make my stomach twist with guilt before I'm rushing after her, distantly hearing the sound of footsteps follow.

Right now I need to get to her, right now (Y/N) needs someone there for her.

(MY HEART...SHRED...RIP- REST IN PIECES. MY POOR BABY SIREN (Y/N) IS SUFFERING AND DANCING COS A) SHE WANTS SOME NORMALCY LIKE SHE SAID AND B) SHE'S STILL DRIVEN ON A REALLY UNHEALTHY MINDSET OF MAKING HERSELF SUFFER! AND YOU CAN BET THERE'LL BE MORE DOTING AND PROTECTIVE FLUFF COMING THROUGH- FROM THE BOYS AND FROM MI-SUN AND HABAEK TOO! AHH I CAN'T WAIT! COS WHENEVER I WRITE ANGSTY OR HURTY STUFF I AM MORE THAN EAGER TO GET TO THE FLUFFINESS AFTER IT! LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS! AND I INITIALLY WAS GOING TO INCLUDE TAE'S POV OR HOBI'S BUT THE CHAPTER WAS GETTING WRITTEN AS TOO LONG SO THAT'LL BE TOMORROW INSTEAD! STAY SAFE AND TAKE CARE AND ENJOY LOVELIES!)

QUESTION...ONE OF THE FILMS YOU'RE ANTICIPATING? OR WANT TO REWATCH?

Mine is...want to rewatch Crazy Rich Asians (10 10 recommend it- a beauty!) and anticipating its sequel!

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3