MI-SUN POV:

When the two return I had definitely noticed the moments of insecurity and worry seeping into the slightly calmed and relaxed state she was in, saw the confusion and hesitance on her face as she jumped to help me with the dishes- scrubbing mindlessly at them.

That was what indicated that something was going on in her mind- whenever she thought hard about something, she tended to busy herself so she could instil some activity that would give her time, that would allow her to think things through deeply.

So I didn't bother her but when I'd left the kitchen to join Habaek in the living room, bearing two cups of tea- he put aside his laptop to accept it, shooting me a grateful look.

"Where's (Y/N)?" he asks, eyes scanning around for her habitually.

It was a habit I shared with him, stemmed from our centuries together.

"Doing chores so she can think." I murmur by way of response. The words enough to describe her habit of busying herself up in chores to let her brain run its course, let her sort out her thoughts. The way she tended to be when she felt confused or puzzled about something.

He furrows his brows.

"But today went really well. She met two of her friends and she didn't freak out. It went a lot better than I'd imagined." He muses, tapping at the side of the mug distractedly.

"What?" I straighten up, listening intently as he talks about how they'd met two of the guys she'd recently met, how one of them was one he was working with.

I think over her behaviour, the way she's been busying herself after it clearly got to a point where her thoughts were becoming jumbled, where the happiness had slipped away to give way to confusion and an inner struggle.

And yet when she appears in the doorway, hands clasped around her own mug and yet as the night progresses into the early hours of the day, she seems to loosen up- join our conversation and even try to listen to Habaek ramble enthusiastically when she makes an offhand comment about how it looks slightly cool. Saw the way she shot me a hidden plea for help but I couldn't help but laugh and see how normal it was. How normal the atmosphere felt.

And yet all it seems to take is her phone to chime and she turns away, sending out a reply. As if that one chime has created a shift in her and she becomes happier as the night progresses and she makes no move to shut herself away in her room. Progress. Definite progress. Even if the progress seems new and fragile and hanging on a small string.

But it's precarious enough that when I catch sight of her returning after changing, lounging around in shorts and a camisole that I see the reds and purples on her arm, see her feet beginning to bruise and offer to clean them and apply ointment she recoils from the idea, shaking her head- a dull look in her eyes as she glances at them vacantly. Not yet willing to let it go entirely.

But it's progress. And I note that somehow meeting with them had been far better than she'd anticipated, and I realise that whether or not (Y/N) is aware of it, the friends she's making are having an impact on her- impact enough that she didn't shut herself away after meeting them, that she didn't rush away but dealt with the situation by letting it happen.

It stirs up fondness and pride in me.

But also worry when my eyes fall to her arms- just when will she stop putting herself through such pain?

JOON POV:

I dither over my phone debating whether or not to send the message when suddenly an arm appears over my shoulder and a finger easily clicks on send, my eyes balk in alarm and I turn to see a grinning Tae looking down at me.

"Life is too short to debate over sending texts hyung. Who was it anyways?" he asks, plopping himself down onto my lap and plucking the book away from me, even as my fingers tighten to retain my grip on it.

"It was (Y/N)." I mutter, watching as his eyes widen and his hand snatches the phone from my hand staring at the message with incredulity.

"Oh hyung~ how could you send such a punctuated text? It looks too formal! And no emoji either!" he laments, dropping his head with a groan onto my shoulder, before it bolts upright narrowly avoiding colliding with my jaw.

"How'd you get her number? Jiminie sold out didn't he? I told him I'd give him kisses and make it upto him with morning cuddles! The traitor!" he exclaims before I shake my head.

"Kookie then. Our baby is too soft for you, would do anything for his Joonie hyung but not his beloved favourite Tae hyung." He bemoans and when I shake my head, growing amused at his passionate words he sits upright.

"Hobi hyung! He was the most stubborn...that's it I'm not showering with him tonight." He exclaims.

I laugh at the cute dramatics he's displaying before wounding my arms around him and tugging him back.

"Actually Taehyungie, I got the number myself from (Y/N) tonight. Jin hyung and I met her at a restaurant." I explain.

I can hear the pout in his voice before he turns.

"Ahh hyung...I knew I should've accepted Jin hyung's offer to come with him." he sighs twisting to face me.

And at that moment Jin hyung and Hobi enter, stepping through to the living room- clearly having heard their names being spoken, leading the trail of the others stepping in too, dressed in pyjamas already as they fall onto couches and beanbags.

"You mean your very nice hyung got you her number! What do you say Joon-ah?" Jin hyung says teasingly, hand cocked around his ear, looking at me expectantly.

"Thank you hyung." I reply dutifully.

"And what's this I hear? Don't want to shower with me...fine. I'll just take Jiminie." He says with a mischievous glint but it works because Tae loudly voices his protests, throwing in a mixture of aegyo too to appease to him- and looking at the grin Hobi fails to hide, it's working.

And when Hobi has conceded, accepting defeat Tae turns his attention back to me.

"How did she seem? Was she better than what Hobi hyung and the others said?" he asks, eager to know- concern slipping into his tone, making itself known from the pinched look between his brows.

"She was surprised to see us but she didn't run away. To be honest I don't think I could've dealt with it if she had." I confess, recalling the sinking feeling of horror when it had happened- I was no way willing to go through that crushing feeling again.

"But she seems physically ill and hurting. Hoseok-ah why did you never tell us that?" Jin hyung asks turning to face him, Jiminie and Kookie turning to look in alarm.

"We never stayed for long. I didn't want to intrude on her space." Hobi mumbles.

But Kookie leans forward from Yoongi's lap.

"Physically ill how?" he pushes, eyes turning soft and sad.

"She seemed drained, she's lost some of that shine in her eyes and her cheeks aren't full as they used to be- I don't think she's been eating properly." Hyung adds, voice taking on that protective worrying tone it always does when it comes to someone he cares about. Somehow (Y/N) has roused those protective nurturing instincts in him, she'd somehow done the same for me too.

I had taken a look at her and had wanted to wrap her in blankets and hide her from the world- to shelter her from it and whatever it was that was hurting her.

It made me ache to see her so listless.

But in the middle of Kookie vocally fretting and Jiminie trying to soothe him, Yoongi hyung despite his reassuring voice as he calms him down has worry brewing in his eyes, worry he hides behind Kookie's back as he pulls him closer.

And then my phone chimes.

I enjoyed myself too Namjoon! 

And then another message- one that makes Tae's impulsive act of sending it through all so worth it.

Hard to find proper punctuation in texts these days- I approve! And a smiley face.

The nervousness that seeped through when he'd sent it dissipates and I find myself grinning at my phone- both at the fact that she'd noticed and yet had bolstered my mood, as if sensing I needed it.

"Tae-ah, she likes my punctuated, so called formal text." I say, cutting through the chatter.

And Tae's incredulous look only fades when he sees the confirmation by placing his head on my shoulder to peer at it.

And laments aloud.

"I wish I had her number. I'd text her way better than you!" he complains.

And that light-hearted comment eases the worry hovering in the room, breaks through it with a glimmer of happiness.

And with that my eyes rove to find where Tae has discarded the book on sign language.

(Y/N) POV:

I wake to two texts waiting for me.

One from Namjoon.

And one from Seokjin.

I click on them as I make my way out of bed, smiling at the sweet good morning message Namjoon has sent through- this time with a cute typed emoji and can't help but smile wider at the noticeably less formal tone in it.

I send a reply back, with a wish that his day goes well too before going back to click onto Seokjin's message which is noticeably much more laidback and casual- near identical to his way of speech, in fact I can practically hear the way it would be said and when I see the little pun he's added at the bottom, I let out a small laugh- touched by his mixture of humour and concern; a comment about making sure I eat well today.

I send him a message back to.

Somehow the small gesture of them wishing me a good morning has my spirits lifting, even as I limp slightly to the bathroom to wash up and get ready for the day- the pain a dull throbbing reminder of what they stood for, wiping my smile away under the hot shower spray.

And even though it's unhealthy, I follow up with Mi-sun unnie's and Habaek oppa's decision to head out to clear my head by grabbing my laptop and putting it into my bag as I leave- feeling a mixture of guilt and apprehension and fear as I head out, the weight of the laptop is heavy and burdensome, the feel of it threatening to burn a hot mark onto my side- reminding me of what it'll be used for. At first I debate whether I should go to the library but decide against it- the open air might help refresh me, keep me level-headed and so I head to a nearby park, settling under the shade of a large tree- back pressed against the bark.

I pull out my laptop, fingers easily switching onto the tabs I'd been researching the victims on, one tab dedicated to live news coverage as it got updated- more and more news coming through about the cruise ship, about the people, even speculations forming about why it was that it had suddenly vanished.

The speculations on myths about the waters being compared to the Bermuda triangle, drawing in connections of myths; some hitting far too close to the truth, tabloids using ideas of mermaids of fictional characters based on sirens. It makes a shudder run through my body- about how close to the truth they are, about how accurately they give the reason behind the devastating loss.

It makes revulsion bubble up in my stomach, acidic and corrosive as it burns through my chest- leaving a painful burning sensation behind.

And yet I push myself to continue because there's some victims that I don't know much about, people who only have names to go with the faces and nothing else- who are just another name remembered, engraved onto memorials. 

So I continue to push through, continue to research, and find my heart shattering bit by bit. When I learn more about the children, learn that for two of them it was their first journey, that for one couple it had been a honeymoon trip and that for some it had been elderly couples celebrating retirements, wedding anniversaries by embarking on a journey together. And I did that.

I took away those novel experiences, took away memories that were meant to be cherished and immortalised and captured to reminisce on and became the last experience for them.

My fingers shake as I keep on reading the news articles, read the piling up responses from the community, for the panic it's spreading and hurt it's causing their grieving families.

And I sob, eyes falling shut and unable to look at the words anymore, tears seeping out from under shut eyelids, trickling down my cheeks- hot and fiery, feeling myself shake slightly.

The knowledge I've just obtained makes my soul ache, makes me shiver with disgust and sorrow and pain.

I shift slightly, curling away from it all, laptop lying discarded on the ground as I hold myself, shaking and rocking myself- trying to get myself under control.

My head burrows into the warmth and darkness and respite my arms bring, hiding away from the world, hiding away from the knowledge of the disaster I've wrought.

I force in great gulps of air, trying to ease the tightness in my chest, the knot and pressure that squeezes my heart in a vice-like grip, making it feel tight and compressed.

I hold myself, scared that should my arms fall then there'll be nothing holding me from shattering, from falling apart with no hope of picking up the scrambled pieces.

I don't know how long passes but there's the sound of slight snuffling, a quiet barely audible sound of small tiny pants- breaking through the thick dull fog that clouds my mind.

And then an unmistakably familiar voice calling an unmistakably familiar name.

"Tannie stop. Tannie don't go approaching strangers- it's not polite." An exasperated fond voice calls, growing closer and closer to the source of the slight snuffling, the quick small pants.

And then clearly the person kneels because his voice comes closer.

"Tannie...are you okay?" the question is directed at me but I have no wish to raise my head and show him what a ruined mess I look like. No doubt red-rimmed eyes, tearstains, and a blotchy mess.

I nod, not raising my head from the safety of my shoulders.

"Are you sure? Can you raise your head please?" the voice asks again, gentle and soft.

A shake of my head.

"It looks like it'll rain, you really shouldn't be sitting out here. You'll get a cold." The voice comes back, kind and concerned.

I really don't want to look up, knowing the look on their face will make it that much harder to remain composed.

I still don't move.

Then there's a slight huff.

"Fine I guess I'll stay too, just until I'm sure you're fine." The voice says from my side, slight shifting as I guess he makes himself comfortable.

"Tannie leave her alone." The voice chides but the small paws scrabbling against my leg is a small comfort, the physical touch soft and reassuring- grounding in the same way a hug would be at the moment.

But the small enthusiastic bundle of fluff doesn't let up, somehow shifting, and worming his way under my bent legs, pawing at them. I peer down at him, seeing the way his head is cocked adorably, tongue out and a joyous bark as he recognises me but then the confused whine that slips through after it.

"Tannie! Get out from there! I'm so sorry." The voice says, tinged with shock and hastily apologetic.

And when the first few drops of rain filter through the shade of the tree, I barely note the cold droplets soaking through my clothes and hitting my skin.

"Ahh! You really shouldn't remain here, it's not good!" the voice insists, urging me to get up, to snap out of whatever icy grip I'm ensnared in and leave.

I hear him shift, assume that he's left or gotten up- giving up.

"Can you at least tell me you're fine?" he asks.

I nod.

"What was that?" he asks again.

Again I nod, even raising my fingers to form an okay signal, slightly shaky.

"I'm sorry, it seems like I can't quite hear you." he insists.

My head rises to convey to him quite clearly that I'm fine, eyes snapping up to meet his when he freezes, where he's been hovering to shield my laptop.

"(Y/N)?" he says softly, mouth parting in shock.

And I can only stare as Jimin stands half-bent over me, eyes wide. And at that moment Tannie lets out an affirming bark, happily darting out from under my legs to try and scamper onto my lap- confirming that the girl he'd been keeping an eye out for, trying to help had been me.

And I don't know whether to turn away from those soft understanding eyes or to simply lean into him- desperately yearning for an embrace, for a touch that would help make me feel normal; even in the slightest.

(THERE YOU GO! A SLIGHT REVERSAL BACK INTO ANGST- BUT YOU CAN'T JUST ASSUME SHE'S NATURALLY OVER IT, THERE'LL BE SETBACKS AND BOY IS SHE LUCKY TO HAVE JIMIN STUMBLE ONTO HER. TANNIE TO THE RESCUE- HE'LL RECOGNISE HER ANYWHERE! GO JIMIN! WHOO HOO! AND HONESTLY- IF I'D BEEN IN A PARK AND JIMIN HAD BEEN THERE- KILL ME NOW. DON'T LET ME SEE HIM LOOKING A MESS! AND ANYWAYS...THOUGHTS? FEELINGS? SUDDENLY TOO MUCH TO PUSH HER INTO SORROW AGAIN? I REALLY WANT TO PORTRAY AN ACCURATE AND REALISTIC WAY OF COPING- THERE'S UPS AND DOWNS, SO I HOPE THEY COME ACROSS TOO! STAY SAFE AND ENJOY LOVELIES! AND WHAT'LL HAPPEN NEXT? I'M CURIOUS~)

QUESTION...A DREAM YOU'VE WANTED TO FULFILL WITH SOMEONE ELSE?

Mine is...me and my friends going on a road trip around Europe some time in our 20s, being at each other's weddings and doing those things such as having playdates with our kids, organising stuff like baby showers for each other and all that! But we're all still young- we just dream way in advance!

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3